Nov 231999

How do I identify a woman who is open to anal sex? Are there groups or organizations whereby consenting adults meet who are of like mind?

–Mark T.

I am a heterosexual man who loves anal sex. It occurred to me that it would be a good thing to have a society of sorts in which people who enjoy anal sex could meet each other and not have to bring the matter up later only to be disappointed by the reaction. There ought to be a forum for people who enjoy it to meet each other under safe and embarrassment-free circumstances. So far as I know, no such organization exists. Have you come across such a thing in your work?


Guys, I feel your pain. Unfortunately, you cannot tell if a woman is into anal sex just by looking at her. And these days, at the dawn of a new century, you really can’t make assumptions about anyone loving or hating anything sexual. You just never know.

Your concerns bring up several valid points. First, you are both feeling the stigma associated with anal sex in our society — it’s not an easy topic to bring up with people, especially a new sexual partner. If you ask about it during sex, your partner might feel pressured or raising the topic might kill the erotic moment altogether.

Instead, I recommend approaching the subject in a non-sexual context, where you can take the pressure off. Ask an innocuous question like “Have you heard about this book on anal sex for women — what do you think?” to see where she’s coming from. Give her the space to voice her opinions before you then ask the more personal question like “Do you want to try it with me?”

I don’t know of any organizations a la “Anal Lovers Anonymous,” but if there are any, you’d find them on the Internet. Or, start your own and see what happens. Sex toy stores like Good Vibrations, Babeland, Stormy Leather, and Grand Opening and SM organizations like QSM, The Eulenspiegel Society, and others offer workshops on a range of topics including anal sex; get plugged into your local community and see what resources are available. Good luck, and remember that there are women out there who love anal sex and others who I know are willing to try it and be converted.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.