Apr 252004

I’m 29 years old, and I have been putting things up my ass for about ten years now. I’ve worked my way up to take equivalent of three cucumbers. The last time I put things up my ass, the most bizarre thing happened, and it’s happened once before about a year ago. I like watery vegetables because I feel like I need less lube and my ass gets a “wet silk” feeling from them. After I inserted a peeled cucumber, I had this allergy-like reaction all over my body. The same thing happened last year with a carrot. Nothing grave, just red, itchy, swollen eyes etc. which went away in about an hour. I know what it is since I’ve been allergic to lots of stuff since I was a child and still have serious hayfever. Is it the absorption of the vegetable juices by my rectum that causes the allergy or something else? Any knowledge of anybody experiencing this, or what it could be exactly? I mean, one does not want to go into anaphylactic shock with a set of cucumbers up one’s ass, right?

–Big E

If I have told you once, I’ve told you a million times: leave the vegetables in the kitchen and out of your ass! Of all food allergies, allergies to vegetables are not as common as others, however there is some research which shows that certain foods — including melon, banana, zucchini and cucumber — as well as the popular herb chamomile, can aggravate ragweed allergies. Symptoms include itching and tingling of the mouth, lips, throat, and ears, and in more serious cases, the swelling of tissue or anaphylactic shock. You said that you have allergies and hayfever, so my guess is that’s you’re allergic to ragweed, and some of the vegetables you’re sticking up your ass are exacerbating this allergy. One more example of why you should stick to silicone, rather than organic, phallic objects!

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