I love the idea of anal sex but my wife will not allow it. We have done it a few times, but she will no longer let this happen. On the last occasion we did, I was ever so gentle with plenty of lube, but this was the last time for her. Is there any hope in the future for me, or am I doomed in this particular act? It is not a topic she will discuss with me. Are there any ways I can convince her to try again?
–One Sided Affair
It sounds like your wife’s sphincter muscles aren’t the only thing that have clamped down in this situation. The lines of communication need some major lubrication before you can talk about lubing up her butthole. Knowledge is power, dude, and the only way to really know what is going on is to ask. Talking about sex can be difficult, uncomfortable, and, well, painful, for some couples, but you’ve got to do it — not only to get some answers on this subject, but to talk about other things that come up as well. Since you said you have fucked her in the ass before, did she enjoy it? You didn’t indicate what the past experiences were like for her. If she didn’t like it, ask her if there is something you could do differently so it would feel better. If she refuses to talk about it, then you should ask why? Does she think it’s perverted (not in a good way)? Does she have fears or anxieties about it that you could talk about with her? You need to find out where she stands and what she thinks before you proceed.