Feb 202013
 

It’s embarrassing for me to write this letter to you because this is the first time I will admit to anyone that my husband and I have anal sex. I actually am getting past the pain, and learning to enjoy it. A friend told me that you can eventually get colon cancer and other things from letting a man come inside your butt, is this true?

–A Little Scared

Please don’t be embarrassed by your admission and know that there are tons of other people having anal sex out there! Let’s talk about the risks of a man ejaculating inside your ass. The ass is made of delicate tissue that can have minute tears in it, allowing easy access to the bloodstream. If you are monogamous and he has tested negative for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), then he can come in your ass. If you are not monogamous or don’t know his STD status, then, by having unprotected anal sex and ejaculating in your ass, he can transmit gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, human papilloma virus (HPV) also called anal warts, HIV, or hepatitis.

There isn’t any definitive link between semen in your butt and colon cancer. However, according to the National Cancer Institute, contracting HPV in the ass (anal warts) can increase your chances of colon cancer. Some studies suggest that other STDs and trauma to the anal canal and rectum — the kind that would result from not using lube or warming the ass up properly — can also lead to rectal or colon cancer.

Jan 242013
 

My monogamous partner and I are just getting farther into anal exploration. We have done some toy excursions of the smaller persuasions and are working our way up. I am looking forward to some penis penetration when we are ready, which brings me to my question. I ran across a product called Innuendo Anal Conditioning Gel from New Zealand. I see it offered in several respectable online sex toy boutiques, but I cannot find a review from anyone, only a description from the company that makes it, which obviously is biased! It claims to heighten sensation, while relaxing the tissues of the anus for easier penetration. Have you heard of it or used it? Do you recommend it?

–Curious in Australia

The makers of Innuendo don’t list the actual ingredients of the product on their website; they only say it’s a blend of herbs and contains Lavender, Muira Puama, Damiana, Licorice, Vanilla, Frankincence, and Myrhh. It is supposed to help the tissue relax, heighten arousal, and increase sensation. It is very similar to a product that was recently released in the United States from Pjur (makers of silicone lubes like Eros) called Analyse Me! Anal Comfort Spray. Analyse Me! Anal Comfort Spray is supposed to “lightly desensitize to increase your anal pleasure,” and it contains Lauromacrogol, which acts as an anesthetic (lauromacrogol is an ingredient used in hemorrhoid creams to numb the area and reduce itching). I have not personally used either product, and the manufacturers claim that they are safe to use.

Neither of these products contain benzocaine, the main ingredient in ass-numbing lubes like Anal-Eze and similarly named products that I never recommend using. However, they are marketed for the same purpose and are operating on the same basic principle: that you need to numb your ass in order for penetration to be possible. I simply disagree. A water-based or silicone-based lube, along with patience and warm up, are what you need to increase your pleasure, not a product — natural or not — that lessens your sensitivity.

Jan 152013
 

I love anal sex, and my wife tries her best to enjoy it too. Here’s the problem: it seems I can never get enough lube up inside her to smooth out the ride, and the resulting friction causes her a lot of pain, thus severely limiting our anal encounters. How can I get more lube where it’s needed? Is there a type of lube that works better for anal intercourse? We’ve been using a water-based lube, but it just doesn’t seem to cut it. She has no problem with toys in there, but it seems that every time I get a shot, all the lube rubs off somehow, no matter how much I use. If I could only find an answer to this dilemma, she’d enjoy the experience a lot more and be more willing to try it more often (right now, it’s like a once-a-year thing). Any hints or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

–Lubeless

I am glad to hear you’re using lube, but it sounds like there is still room for improvement. First, you didn’t specify what brand of lube you’re using. I recommend a thick water-based lube that has a consistency similar to hair gel, and one of my favorites is Astroglide Gel. You may also want to experiment with a silicone lube, and the thickest one on the market is Eros Gel.

As for getting enough lube where it needs to be, there are two new products on the market that are designed to do that very job! Astroglide Gel Shooter is a soft plastic tube of lube with a long flexible neck. Tear off the top, slide the neck inside her ass and squeeze. Voila: lube right where you need it! The Lube Shooter  is a disposable plastic syringe with a flared base for safety. You remove the plunger, fill it with your favorite lube (which can be a little messy), and replace the plunger. Before you put it in her ass, push the plunger down a little to begin the flow of lube and let any air out. Lube the tip of the syringe and gently insert it into the ass. Push the plunger down gently to release the lube. You can refill it and repeat. When you’re done, throw it away.

If you like the look of metal, are into medical toys, or simply want to use something that looks a lot more menacing than a small plastic syringe, then I recommend a stainless steel syringe — often called an enema syringe or a lube syringe — which you can find on medical fetish and other specialty sex product websites. It holds a lot more lube than the plastic ones and has a decidedly more daring aesthetic. Made of polished metal, it comes with two interchangeable tips (pointy and rounded) and is available in several different sizes; the most common are 100 cubic centimeters (cc) and 200 cc (which are equivalent to 100 ml and 200 ml). The 200 cc syringe is the size of a large, thick dildo, so it should only be used on very experienced bottoms. To use it, pull back the plunger, then unscrew the top and fill the body with lube. Replace the top, then push the plunger down a little to begin the flow of lube and let any air out before you insert it. Then lube the tip, carefully insert it into the ass, and push the plunger down. To clean the syringe, take it apart, and wash it gently with warm water and anti-bacterial soap. Since this toy has a bunch of nooks and crevices, I like to go one step further and soak it for a few minutes in a diluted bleach solution (10 parts water, 1 part bleach). Make sure you dry all the parts completely, since if left damp, they can rust.

Dec 062012
 

My younger, much more experienced partner and I were discussing fantasies last night. I have this pair of 4″ pumps she is particularly fond of, and she mentioned she might like to be fucked in the ass with the heel. They are not stilettos, they are wooden heels, not completely rounded, albeit fairly slender. While I am not one to pooh-pooh anyone’s fantasy, I can’t quite bring myself to believe that this would be safe. Pain factor aside, this seems like it has the potential to be very damaging, especially in the hands (or feet) of someone who has no idea what they’re doing, like myself. Do you have any thoughts as to how I could incorporate her fantasy into our sex life without actually hurting her (and not “hurt” in the good sense)?

–Feeling Like a Heel

You mentioned that you’re inexperienced, so before you approach this shoe fantasy, you’ve got to get some experience with basic anal penetration and sex toys. Start out with dildos and plugs, experiment with different techniques and what your bottom likes until you get really comfortable with them. One of the earliest letters I received for this column was about shoe fucking. A woman wanted to fuck her submissive with the narrow toe of her shoe. You’re talking about the other end, so you’re wise to be cautious.

Whether stiletto or not, a high heel is usually pointed and inflexible enough to make it a less than ideal penetration tool, and since you’re a beginner, I am going to recommend a safe option: the bait and switch technique. Put on the shoes, taunt her, step on her, tease her, tell her how you’re going to fuck her in the ass with those terribly menacing shoes. Then blindfold her, tell her it’s because you want all her senses to be on alert and concentrating on this new and unique sensation. Hidden nearby should be a wooden dildo, selected because you said the heel was wooden. Wooden dildos can be hard to find, but they’re out there (my picks: NobEssence and Jildos). With the image of your shoe heel firmly planted in her mind, the dildo can be firmly planted in her behind! It will have a similar weight and texture, and if you’re good at it, she will never know the difference. When you’re done, drizzle some lube on the shoe heel, take her blindfold off, and everyone will be satisfied!

Nov 272012
 

My wife and I are new to anal sex, but we’ve run into something I hope you can help us with. I’ve noticed that the normal hair around her anus can be kind of rough, as pubic hair can be, and this hair might be causing her some irritation. But we’re not sure if it’s a good idea to shave it off as that might make things worse or cause even more irritation. Any advice for us newbies?

–New and Hairy

Most people who shave their assholes do so for aesthetic reasons: they like a clean shaven asshole better than a furry one. However, the anus is a delicate little bugger, and can be irritated easily by many things, including cheap toilet paper, over wiping, and soaps and lotions. I suppose that some coarse hair could rub that puckered skin the wrong way and lead to some itching and discomfort as well, although I’ll admit it’s not a complaint I hear often.

You’re wise to be concerned about exacerbating the problem, since shaving can also be irritating to the area. I recommend you give it a try, though. Use a fragrance-free and chemical-free shaving cream that’s made especially for sensitive skin. Shave with the grain of the hair and don’t go over the same area too many times. Run cool water over the area after you’re done. If it feels irritated after you’ve patted it dry, apply a little Vitamin A & D ointment. Give it a chance to breathe and relax before you start to play with it. After you play with it, make sure she showers, washes with a mild soap like Castille Soap and reapplies the Vitamin A & D ointment.

Nov 132012
 

I’m a woman who loves anything anal especially having my ass tongued. In the past, I had a boyfriend that also liked it. I liked licking his ass because it turned him on a lot. How do I find out if my current boyfriend might be into a rim job without him thinking that I am a freak? He is very open, but I guess I am just afraid to ask. Is this a common thing with men, for them to like having their ass tongued?

–Aiming to Please

In the past five years, there has been a lot more dialogue on straight men receiving (and enjoying) anal pleasure. It’s what I like to refer to as the “Bend Over Boyfriend” movement, named for the great how-to video of the same name. So know that more men than ever are embracing this kind of stimulation and being more ‘out’ about it.

How you bring it up with your boyfriend depends a lot on your personal style and how you communicate about sex as a couple. If you’re direct, by all means ask him about it; make sure you talk about how much it would turn you on. If you’re feeling unsure and want to test the waters, you could raise the issue indirectly, with a conversation starter like: “I read about women rimming men in a magazine, what do you think of that?” Find a hot erotic story that involves a woman rimming a man and read it to him as a bedtime tale. See what his reaction is to it. Or maybe you want to drop some hints during your next sex session. Try gently stimulating his asshole with your finger, and see what kind of reaction it elicits. Pay attention to his body language and the non-verbal cues he gives you. If he seems comfortable and turned on by it, the next time you’re down there licking his balls, venture farther down. Make sure after you do it to talk about it later to see how it felt for him and get feedback about what else he might like.

Oct 302012
 

Is ginger or toothpaste generally safe on, in, around the anus, clitoris, vagina? I haven’t yet summoned the courage to try figging or a paste made with ginger powder; however, I did try a dab of toothpaste on my clitoris and the perimeter of my anus. I read about it on some discussion board. I’m not sure what ingredient in the toothpaste caused it, but it produced QUITE the tingle in both places. If toothpaste does that, now I’m really afraid of the ginger! I know we put toothpaste in our mouths, but we aren’t supposed to swallow it. So, what’s the scoop?

–Ms. Toasted Buns

People who enjoy more extreme sensation play around the genitals (or even genitorture) use various substances — including sports creams, vapor rubs, Tiger Balm, fresh ginger, and, yes, toothpaste — to produce a tingle or even a burning sensation between their legs. Of course, the manufacturers of these products do not recommend their use on our private parts, and some even put warnings on the label to avoid mucous membranes.

The ingredient in the toothpaste which made you all a-quiver was most likely menthol or mint flavoring. You’re not supposed to ingest a whole tube of toothpaste since it could lead to a toxic level of fluoride in your bloodstream; if you’re worried about even a little fluoride, try a natural toothpaste that is fluoride-free. In general, natural toothpastes contain fewer if any other chemicals or potentially toxic substances than traditional brands.

There are some important safety issues to keep in mind with toothpaste and the other products I mentioned. You’re dealing with the delicate, sensitive genital tissue, so what feels tingly on your tongue will feel several times more intense on your labia, anus, or clit; be careful and use common sense. Begin with a tiny amount to see how your body reacts. External application is much safer than putting any of these substances inside your pussy or ass. One of the safest, albeit tamer, options to create a similar sensation is to try a warming lubricant or stimulating gel — these contain menthol (but in this case, they have been designed specifically for your naughty bits) which provides a warm feeling and helps stimulate genital engorgement and arousal by increasing blood flow to the area.

Oct 242012
 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years, and he loves anal sex. Before him, I had never experienced anal anything. I really enjoy it, too. However there are times that no matter how bad I want to have anal sex and no matter how excited and ready for it I am, as soon as he enters me, the pain is so great, I can’t handle it. Other times, after the initial entry the pain subsides with pure pleasure and I can’t get enough.

I really would like to know why those times I can’t handle it are so painful and what I can do to lessen the pain. How can it hurt when I am so turned on and begging for it? I end up disappointing my boyfriend because I can’t handle the pain. This only happens about once out of every five times, but it is very aggravating for both of us. We don’t have anal sex all the time, usually about three to four times a month. We have tried using lots of lube. We have also tried Anal Ease — all that does is make his cock numb and he can’t keep an erection. Muscle relaxers don’t even seem to work. I am desperate for answers and help.

–Seeking Peace in Pennsylvania

Forget Anal Ease, it will make your ass and his cock numb, and that’s no fun for anyone. I also think muscle relaxants are not a good idea. There seems to be a mind/body disconnect going on for you, since it sounds like you feel extremely turned on, but your ass is not on the same page. Are you working your way up to it? Since you say that initial penetration hurts (even during those times when it eventually subsides), it seems like you’re not doing any warm up. If he just sticks his dick in your ass, no matter how well-lubed his cock is, it’s most likely going to hurt. Because our asses just don’t work that way. Your ass needs to be coaxed and seduced before a penis barges in.

Your boyfriend should start with his mouth, tongue, or one finger. When you’re ready, add another finger or move on to a small dildo or butt plug. He should not progress to the next step until whatever he’s doing feels really good and the penetration is comfortable. My hunch is that if you take things at a slower pace, you will give your ass a chance to catch up with the rest of you.

Oct 162012
 

My paramour seems to be preoccupied (to say the least) with the idea of anal sex. We’ve tried before a couple times, none of which ended well. I blame it on my own trust issues and the lack of lube. But it’s been a while and I’m feeling better (and braver) about it all. I recently read something about the possibility of semen finding its way from your anus to your vagina and impregnating you. I need to know if I’m gonna have to consider a contraceptive before allowing my beloved to go-a-spelunking in my magic cave without a raincoat! I’d hate to have to explain to my kid someday that he or she was conceived by mommy and daddy getting freaky in the butt!

–So Not Trying To Have A Butt Baby

First let me say that I am pleased that you’re willing to give anal another try — I promise you that lube will go a long way to making it a lot better! If I only received a question like yours once a year, I’d chalk it up to an ill-informed young person or an Internet jokester. But, believe it or not, I get at least one question about becoming pregnant from anal sex nearly every day. So let me reassure you that you’re not the only one who’s heard this rumor or is concerned about it.

Technically, the scenario you pose is possible, but it’s very, very unlikely and improbable. Semen would have to drip out of your ass and into your pussy and survive the transfer outside the body (sperm cannot live very long when exposed to air). Then, a cock or finger or toy would have to push the semen inside, so it had a shot at getting close to the cervix, through the cervix, into the uterus and fallopian tubes. It’s a long journey and beginning in another place doesn’t help matters for those poor sperm.

If you are seriously concerned but want to go condom-free, I recommend taking a few precautions. Have your partner ejaculate in your butt in a position where gravity is working in your favor, like missionary or spooning. As soon as he pulls out, make sure to have a baby wipe handy to catch any dribble and prevent it from migrating toward your puss. Use another baby wipe and give yourself a full swipe from front to back. That ought to cover you!

Oct 102012
 

I know the ass is sensitive, but how many nerve endings are there in the ass? Is it the same in guys and girls? And are the “good feeling nerves” located in the sphincter or the rectum?

–Curious About Anatomy

The anus (the anal opening), the anal canal (the first few inches inside), and the rectum are all sensitive in different ways, which is why anal stimulation and penetration can be so pleasurable. The external and internal sphincter muscles surround the anal opening. These muscles can work together or independently of each other, and these are the muscles we must learn to relax in order to achieve comfortable anal penetration. When we talk about the sphincter and pelvic muscles and how they play a role in anal pleasure, we discuss them less in terms of sensitivity and more in terms of how tone and “in shape” they are and how tense or relaxed they are. The anus and the outer part of the anal canal are made of the same sensitive soft tissue and this tissue contains the most concentration of nerve endings of all our anal anatomy. In general, this tissue tends to be more sensitive to touch and vibration. The inner part of the anal canal and the rectum are mucous membrane and have a lot less nerve endings; however this tissue is much more sensitive to pressure (like from penetration).

Men and women have nearly identical anorectal anatomy except for one important difference: men have a prostate gland, which can be stimulated directly via anal penetration. The prostate gland surrounds part of a man’s urethra; it’s behind the pubic bone, below the bladder and above the base of the penis. A mass of muscle, glands, and connective tissue, the prostate is about the size and shape of a walnut; it produces ejaculatory fluid that combines with sperm and fluid from the seminal vesicles to create male ejaculate. Men can experience direct prostate stimulation when they are anally penetrated. It can be found by sliding a finger (or toy) about one to two inches inside a man’s ass and aiming toward the front of his body.

While women don’t have a prostate, but we do have a G-spot and can experience indirect G-spot stimulation through anal penetration. The G-spot is the urethral sponge which sits around the urethra; to find it, slip a finger inside her vagina an inch to an inch and a half and toward the front of her body. The G-spot can be stimulated through the front wall of the vagina or indirectly though anal sex.