Oct 022012
 

I have been told a million times by my mother (who’s a nurse) that no amount of wiping will clean the penis enough to make it safe to go straight from the ass to the pussy. She says a shower is all that’ll do. I have never had anal sex for this reason, but for years, I have been dying to get fucked in the ass. But even more than that, I want to have a bacteria and infection-free pussy. A shower, no matter how warm, seems like it would be a mood destroyer. Is what my mother says true? Is a handy wipe enough? I really want my ass fucked!

–Horny Virgin Ass

Your mother has the right idea: you should never, ever put a dick — or anything else — that’s been in your ass directly into your pussy. Bacteria that lives in your rectum will be transferred to your pussy and very likely give you an infection. You can swipe the cock with a baby wipe, but, technically, no wipe is going to kill bacteria, so some could still be hanging around. (By the way, you should always use baby wipes, which are designed for the delicate genitals. You should never use anti-bacterial wipes that are meant to clean your hands or household surfaces.) A shower with some anti-bacterial soap is the best way to assure yourself that the dick is bacteria-free. And actually, I think a shower can be sensual and fun if you do it together. Your other option is to use condoms, and simply change the condom when you change the orifice.

What puzzles me about your letter is that you have been avoiding anal penetration because of the ass-to-pussy restriction. Who says that anal sex must always include that particular kind of action? It’s safe to go from pussy to ass, or to have anal intercourse all on its own.

Sep 252012
 

Are anal suppositories effective in getting unwanted waste out of the ass? Or is a Fleet enema a much better way of cleaning out the ass? I’m trying to decide what would be the better choice if I want to clean my butt before anal sex.

–Clean Freak

Anal suppositories are small plugs designed to be inserted anally that contain a liquid compound. You stick a suppository in your ass and the liquid, usually a medication, is absorbed through the tissue of the rectum. Anal suppositories may contain different kinds of medications to relieve a variety of conditions, including constipation and hemorrhoid pain and irritation. I assume you are asking about glycerin anal suppositories, which are used as a laxative. A store bought enema (like the Fleet brand) is a bottle of liquid that contains a laxative; the bottle is equipped with an anal douching tip. You don’t need either. Laxatives are made for people who are constipated, and since you did not say anything about being constipated, I’m going to assume you’re not.

The best way to clean your ass in preparation for anal play is not to use a laxative, but just to rinse your ass with plain warm water. So, I do recommend buying a bottled enema, but you should always dump out the contents, rinse the bottle well, and refill it with water. Fill your ass with water, go to the bathroom, and repeat until all that comes out of your ass is clear water. Remember to wait several hours between the conclusion of your enema and anal sex, in order to make sure you’re fully cleaned out and to give your body a chance to recover.

Sep 182012
 

I love the idea of anal sex but my wife will not allow it. We have done it a few times, but she will no longer let this happen. On the last occasion we did, I was ever so gentle with plenty of lube, but this was the last time for her. Is there any hope in the future for me, or am I doomed in this particular act? It is not a topic she will discuss with me. Are there any ways I can convince her to try again?

–One Sided Affair

It sounds like your wife’s sphincter muscles aren’t the only thing that have clamped down in this situation. The lines of communication need some major lubrication before you can talk about lubing up her butthole. Knowledge is power, dude, and the only way to really know what is going on is to ask. Talking about sex can be difficult, uncomfortable, and, well, painful, for some couples, but you’ve got to do it — not only to get some answers on this subject, but to talk about other things that come up as well. Since you said you have fucked her in the ass before, did she enjoy it? You didn’t indicate what the past experiences were like for her. If she didn’t like it, ask her if there is something you could do differently so it would feel better. If she refuses to talk about it, then you should ask why? Does she think it’s perverted (not in a good way)? Does she have fears or anxieties about it that you could talk about with her? You need to find out where she stands and what she thinks before you proceed.

Sep 112012
 

Thanks to your book, I got my girlfriend to try anal sex and we both love it. We’ve been having a great time for several months now. But the last time we had anal sex, my girlfriend lost control of her bowels, and things got messy. Very messy. She was horrified and embarrassed and I got kind of freaked out. Now, whenever I even think of putting my cock in her ass, I have a flashback to that night, and I am totally grossed out and turned off. I just can’t the image out of my head. We both really like anal and want to go back to it, but don’t know where to begin. How do I make her feel okay about it again? How can I move past that one experience?

–Desperate in Daytona

We can take certain steps to prevent anal penetration from being messy, like bathing, having a bowel movement before sex, and giving yourself an enema; however, when it comes right down to it, you’re playing with someone’s ass, so running into some shit is always a possibility. That said, what happened to you and your girlfriend is not typical (anal sex does not cause you to lose control of your bowels) — it was more of a freak occurrence. It sounds like the experience was pretty traumatic for you, since you are clearly having trouble letting go of the embarrassment and your temporary disgust.

I think you need to have an honest conversation about what happened: acknowledge it, chalk it up to bad luck, laugh about it, and move on. Reassure each other it’s not likely to happen again. Make sure you let your girlfriend know that it was okay so she can tackle her own shame and embarrassment. You can suggest that before your next anal sex date she have an enema to make sure she’s clean and decrease any anxiety she might feel. You both need to get right back in the saddle to overcome your fear and move ahead!

Aug 282012
 

I have a shower-shot system hooked up in my shower to give myself enemas, and I like it a lot. I have even bought some different nozzles for it, which are cool. My question is this: have you ever seen any vibrating butt-plug nozzles or attachments for the shower shot? I think it might be fun to add some vibration to the experience but I am having trouble finding something.

–Wanna Make My Shower Shake

I’m a toy whore and love to find all the latest cool, kinky gadgets out there. I’ve seen (and I own) several different butt plug attachments designed especially for the Shur Shot shower enema, but never one that vibrates. In the past few years, there have been advancements in sex toy technology and today there is a wide selection of waterproof vibrators on the market. None of those vibrators, however, have water traveling through them like an enema nozzle does. I’m not saying it can’t be done, just that it hasn’t yet been invented (to my knowledge).

Until that day comes, my suggestion for now is to get an enema nozzle made of aluminum (or, even better, silicone) and a waterproof vibrator. Hold the vibrator against the base of the nozzle while it is in your ass. Since aluminum and silicone conduct vibration throughout the toy, it should feel great. Another option is to forgo the shower system and invest in what’s called a “Feel The Flow” spray nozzle for an enema bag system. It’s a hard-to-find nozzle made of resin (hard plastic) that has three water jets that spray backwards at a 45 degree angle making a unique tingling sensation that probably feels a lot like vibration.

Aug 212012
 

I am an experienced anal player. I have had fun with my ass for over ten years now and still enjoy it like the first time I did it. My former Master and I used to do lots of play with anal dilators and my ass got quite stretchable. Recently I started to venture a bit into deeper anal probing and I really enjoy that as well. I seem to be able to find lots of information on anal stretching, but there is little about exploring the depths of the ass. So my question is what techniques and approaches are there for depth play? Where are the risks, where are the limits, where do I have to take special care? Are there any special health risks when one goes deeper, besides the obvious injury risk?

–Deep in the Deep South

The anal canal and rectum are 10-11″ long, and so you’ve got quite a bit of room to play with long toys. As long as you use plenty of lube, work your way up to bigger and longer toys, and listen to your body, going deep into the rectum is safe. Once you venture beyond the rectum, you get to the sigmoid colon, and the risks of penetration increase greatly. In the sigmoid colon, you have a greater chance of tearing or rupturing a part of the colon. The best information about what you call “depth play” beyond the rectum can be found in writing and videos on anal fisting, which are mostly produced by gay men. I suggest the book Trust: The Handbook, A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing by Bert Herrman and the website Red Right.

Jul 312012
 

I have only recently discovered the joys of anal sex and have been having fun with a set of butt plugs. I have heard of vaginal Ben Wa balls, and that you can wear them for a prolonged amount of time. I understand that they are somehow weighted and movement increases the sensations. I like the idea of an anal equivalent to the Ben Wa balls, balls that can be left in place while going about one’s normal life. Is there an anal toy like this or can a vaginal toy be used in this way?

–Bouncing Balls

As a general rule, you should never put a toy in your ass that doesn’t have a flared base or some kind of handle for easy retrieval. Toys without this kind of base can get lost in your ass if you’re not careful, especially if you are playing by yourself. I don’t recommend that people put any sort of balls in their ass besides anal beads or anal bead toys, which are either on a string or have a ring on one end or a flared base — so I’d say “no” to putting Ben Wa balls in your butt. I have seen very heavy metal balls marketed for anal play, and one retailer told me that because they are so weighty, they can’t get lost. That may be true for some folks, but I still hesitate to recommend them. However, if what you want is simply something to put in your butt for an extended period of time that will stimulate you as you move around, try a butt plug.

May 042012
 

My girlfriend and I really like anal sex. We do not use condoms out of personal preference and we use KY Jelly for lube. I usually come in her ass, and it always used to be fine. She would get “the runs” for a day, maybe two, but would be fine after that. It worked perfectly for two years, but recently it’s taking longer before she’s back to normal again. Plus, the outer part of her ass becomes sore afterwards. Is there anything we can do?

–Runny in Reseda

When it comes to your ass, what goes in must come out. When you introduce lubrication (which is a must) into her butt, only some of it will be absorbed by the tissue of the rectum. The rest of the lube is likely to mix with her stool; add your ejaculate to the mix, and the next bowel movement she has will be loose or runny. KY Jelly, like many water-based lubes, contains glycerin, which may be exacerbating the situation. Glycerin can draw water into the stool to stimulate evacuation (that’s why some constipation suppositories contain glycerin).

So, you may want to experiment with a glycerin-free lube like Maximus Lube, which is water-based, or any silicone-based lube. If her anus is irritated after anal sex, I suspect it’s because of the diarrhea she’s having; I recommend witch hazel wipes, which you can buy at any drugstore (they are marketed as Hemorrhoidal Wipes, but they’re not just for hemorrhoids), and some Vitamin A & D ointment — both soothe a sore ass.

Oct 302011
 

I have a very free relationship with my girlfriend. She will let me fuck her ass about once every two months, and that is enough for me. She will let me eat her ass whenever I want to. I love to do it, and she loves to have it done even more — she starts to drip because she gets so wet. I love it when she shoves a finger or two into my asshole. She would never consider eating my ass, as I have asked her many times, but I am okay with that. Lately, I have enjoyed eating her ass more and more; it is all I think about.

Yesterday, she came over to my apartment and we laid in bed and had dinner. We got naked and she rolled over to turn off the TV. I saw her ass and pushed her over completely and I got my face to her ass, which was clean, but had an odor, not a bad one, but faint. It turned me on so much that I told her to stay like that and I licked her slightly smelly ass for thirty minutes, while she fingered herself. It was such a turn-on. I told her how much it turned me on and how I wanted to do it again and she said, “No, you are really fucked up.” All I know is that I have never been more turned on in my life. What should I do?

–Want My Nose Buried in Her Ass Forever

Some people like the smell of asses (and other body parts or body odors) — they like reveling in the scent, fetishizing it, and/or talking about it — and it seems like you are one of those people. Scent is an incredibly powerful sense and one that can be closely linked with our desires and turn-ons. It sounds like while you were rimming her ass, she was enjoying herself, since it went on for some time and you wrote that she was pleasuring herself.

I assume that once you revealed that her ass smelled a little, it freaked her out, which caused her abrupt response. One of the most common hang-ups people have about their butts is cleanliness and hygiene, so it’s not surprising that she reacted to your comment. My guess is that she felt self-conscious and instead of admitting that, she lashed out at you. Now that you are past the heat of the moment, it’s time to talk about this openly. You need to stress to your girlfriend that, as you said, her ass didn’t smell awful; explain to her why you liked the smell and how much it turned you on. See if she can get past her own issues and “go there” with you, so you can be open about your desire, and you can both enjoy yourselves.

Oct 302011
 

The first time I tried anal sex was almost six years ago but it was EXTREMELY PAINFUL. I want to try anal again with my current partner. It gets me hot thinking about it with him, but when it comes to doing the actual deed, my butthole it closes up and nothing will get through. Seriously, it locks up tight — not even a finger will fit. I’m at a loss because I don’t know what to do to loosen up.

–Want to Get Loose

You and your ass were traumatized during that first negative experience, and you need to realize that it takes time to heal from any trauma. It sounds like you have a partner you trust and you’re enthusiastic and open about giving anal sex another shot, but your body hasn’t quite caught up to your mind.

I recommend that you very slowly begin to introduce anal play into your solo masturbation routine. Start with external rubbing or a vibrator on the outside only. When you are ready, really take it slowly. Try one finger or the slimmest toy you can find. Give yourself the time and space to explore anal play on your own, so it will take the pressure off doing it with your partner. When you feel comfortable, you can try it with your partner, but you need to take it just as slowly as you did on your own. Make an agreement with your partner that you’ll be the one to call the shots (or call it off if need be). Focus on your desire and trust to help you move past the fear and anxiety and toward pleasure.