Feb 042014
 

Tristan and Emily Morse

This week on Sex Out Loud, Tristan Taormino finally meets Emily Morse, host of Sex with Emily and Bravo’s Miss Advised, and they talk about going public about your sex life, monogamy, and Dr. Drew. CalExotics CEO Susan Colvin reflects on how sexual attitudes have changed and Emilie Rosen talks about how Fun Factory‘s newest invention rocked the sex toy world. Then, Cheri from Sportsheets demonstrates why equestrians make great lovers and sex blogger The Redhead Bedhead weighs in on toy company/consumer synergy. This is the final part of a series of interviews recorded at the PleasureWorks booth at the 2014 Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo in Burbank, CA.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

emily morseDr. Emily Morse is a sex expert and host of the top downloaded sex and relationship advice podcast Sex with Emily. She has helped millions of people have the sex and relationships they want but could not figure out how to get. Emily has been voted the #1 dating and sex expert by DatingAdvice.com and the #1 dating and sex expert to follow on Twitter. Emily launched the Sex with Emily radio show and podcast in 2005 before becoming a Bravo television personality on Miss Advised. She is dedicated to educating men and women about Kegel Exercises (check out her iPhone App: Kegel Camp) and is the author of the popular book, Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. She is a weekly guest co-host on the nationally syndicated radio show Loveline with Dr. Drew Pinsky. Emily earned her Doctor of Human Sexuality from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco and received her BA in Psychology from University of Michigan. Prior to becoming a sex expert, Emily worked in politics as a campaign aide for California Senator Barbara Boxer and former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown. She also directed and produced the award-winning documentary, See How They Run, which follows a notorious San Francisco mayoral race.

SusanHeadShotFinalSmallSusan Colvin founded, and is the President and CEO, of California Exotic Novelties, the world’s largest and most respected pleasure product manufacturer, and of JOPEN, the premiere luxury toy company. She has three college degrees: Bachelor of Arts with a major in Speech Communication and minor in Political Science, Master of Public Administration with an emphasis in Energy Administration, both from the University of New Mexico, and a Master of Business Administration from Central Michigan University. During Susan’s early career she taught GED courses on military bases and served as an Associate Professor and Director of Student Affairs at Hawaii Pacific College. She was also an associate professor at Honolulu Community College, Golden Gate University and Rhode Island College. Upon entering the private sector, Susan was the Director of Operations for one of the original one-hour photo franchises. When the company was sold she started a business management company that specialized in computerizing small business and establishing operating procedures. In her next adventure she assumed the role of General Manager for CPLC and Video Team. With a strong work ethic and a passion for empowering women and couples’, Susan revolutionized the pleasure product industry. She developed the first toys in pink and purple colors and packaged them to appeal to women. She intuitively understood pleasure products and developed a long list of innovations including the first: waterproof, rechargeable, wireless, and more. As an innovator and pioneer, Susan and her companies have been honored with many awards, including: Business Woman of the Year—2012 from EAN, Manufacturer of the Year—2013 from StorErotica, and Best Pleasure Product Manufacturer—2013 from AVN.

Who would have thought that in the mid-1990s two students from Bremen would make the important topic of female passion respectable? Dirk Bauer and Michael Pahl were fresh out of university when they founded their company FUN FACTORY in 1996. Their business idea? They wanted to produce aesthetic and trendy erotic toys that really speak to women and build a name for quality and class. “In a conversation with the founders of the erotic shop ‘For Ladies’ in Bremen, we learned that there was practically nothing of the kind,” Bauer said. “We recognized a gap in the market and made the decision to do something. Our products should unite aesthetics, quality and functionality. They should be fun and no one should be ashamed of them.” In the beginning, Bauer and Pahl sat at the kitchen table and made the form for the first FUN FACTORY dildo, “Paddy Pinguin” from clay. All dildos were first created as unique pieces, but as fans grew in number, so did requests continually climb and climb. Fifteen years later the two-man team at the kitchen table company has grown to Europe’s largest manufacturer of silicone erotic toys – with countless employees and customers from around the world.

Cheri Curry-Poe is the Sales Manager at Sportsheets International. She has been helping the sales team fine tune their customer service practices and increase sales along with customer satisfaction since December 2011. Prior to coming to Sportsheets she worked as an aircraft sales and acquisitions representative. She later moved into a project manager position for a critical contractor for US department of defense. She has been in sales, marketing, and customer contact for over 20 years and during that time was co-owner of a cutting edge multimedia and marketing firm. On her time off she enjoys sailing with her husband, riding horses, paddle boarding and spending time with her two teenage sons.

redhead beheadThe Redhead Bedhead came to life when JoEllen decided she wanted to talk about sex on the internet (“Do people even do that?!”) Now she writes for multiple outlets including Good Vibrations, Life on the Swingset and Kinkly.com as well as the now award-winning RedheadBedhead.com and tours the country on the Superhero Sex Shop Tour. A writer, educator and adult-retail consultant (she’ll make your shop a Superhero!), the Bedhead is on a mission to prove that through constant learning, perpetual experimentation, fearless collaboration, non-stop dialogue and frequent wise-assery we can save the world from mediocre sex – and have a damn good time doing it. JoEllen resides in Portland, OR, where she spends her days writing, working internet magic, geeking out about sex, and tasting all the beer.

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Jan 272014
 

tristan and coco

This Friday on Sex Out Loud I can’t wait for you to hear my chat with Coco, entrepreneur and star of Ice Loves Coco, about building sexual self confidence, keeping long term relationships hot, and what she thinks about anal sex. Plus, three industry veterans — Shay Martin from Vibratex, Tantus CEO Metis Black, and Good Vibrations’ Coyote Days — talk sex toy trends and reveal what they see for the future of sex. This show is part 2 of a series of interviews recorded at the PleasureWorks booth at the 2014 Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo in Burbank, CA. You can listen to part 1 here.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

shay vibratexVibratex is a 30 yr old family company run by Dan and Shay Martin. We are known for creating unique, fun, quality vibrators and toys. Our Rabbit Pearl was the one and only vibe featured on “Sex and the City” which spawned a whole industry of vibrators. The ergonomics and quality of our materials are of the upmost importance to us and have always set us apart from other products on the market. Our dual backgrounds in engineering and biology have allowed us to steer clear of poor designs and inferior materials. Relationships with our manufacturers in Japan have also allowed us to develop a lasting relationship with the Hitachi corporation. Vibratex is the sole import agent for Hitachi to bring in the Magic Wand. We work closely with them to bring in the most reliable, most loved electric vibrator available in the world market. We are small but very dedicated company that has always designed our own and never copied trends or designs. And we have fun making people happy.

Good Vibrations is a diverse, woman-focused retailer providing high-quality, sex-positive products and non-judgmental, accurate sex information through our clean and comfortable stores, catalog, web site, wholesale division, product and movie production lines in order to enhance our customers’ sex lives and promote healthy attitudes about sex. We recognize that sexuality touches on every aspect of our lives and that many people face challenges around positive sexual expression. Our goal is to help everyone we come into contact with to discover ways to experience sexual pleasure, health, and well-being. Since sexual diversity is a core component of the human experience and each person’s sexuality will change over the lifespan, we welcome all forms of consensual sexual expression, desire, and fantasy. Good Vibrations strives to be an agent for social change, through the lenses of sexuality, diversity and ethical business practices. Both within our organization, and throughout the communities we serve, we are committed to fostering respect, promoting supportive communication, providing access to educational resources and strongly advocating for women in leadership roles. Coyote Days is a queer femme making a living buying & developing sex toys for Good Vibrations.

Metis_Headshot_4-08_webMetis Black founded and built Tantus, Inc., a sex toy manufacturing company that has helped change the profile of sexuality products. She has used Tantus to mainstream silicone products and educate the industry on material safety and sexuality. Metis’ success has brought her accolades inside and outside of her industry. Her articles on material safety standards in sexual products and the chemistry of personal products such as lubricants have been widely published. Some of her publishing credits include Good Vibrations Online Magazine, On Our Backs, Adult Novelty Business, XBiz, and The Free Speech Coalition. Plus she has been the “go to” industry person about sex toy material safety, quoted in hundreds of articles online and in print. Over the last decade, Metis has proven to be a champion for sex educators and a mentor to other small business owners.

Born as Nicole Austin (March 17, 1979), commonly known as Coco, is a television personality, glamour/fitness model, actress, dancer, author, fashion designer, entrepreneur, internet sensation and dog mom to supermodel Spartacus and Maximus. Coco was born in Tarzana, California and brought up in Palos Verdes, California. In April 2011, Coco, along with husband Ice T opened up their life to the world as they appeared on E! hit reality TV show “Ice Loves Coco” which focuses on her business ventures and dedication to her marriage, family, friends with humorous moments and the lessons learned, the real modern day “I LOVE LUCY”. Coco has also entered the world of writing as she released her new fictional novel entitled “Angel” with Forge a division of McMillan publishing which was released in September 2011. Coco is today’s modern woman, continuing to elevate, creating new opportunities, teaching woman of all ages how to be fit, sexy and confident, living with old fashion marriage values that work and always climbing the never ending ladder of success.

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Jan 152014
 

PolyamoristsNextDoor4Eli_4416sm LinkedIn Anita Wagner Illig TT

This Friday, January 17th on Sex Out Loud radio I’m live talking about polyamory, non-monogamy, the current reality of relationships and how we can change future ideas about what is a healthy and sustainable norm. Dr. Eli Sheff returns to the show having just released her book “The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple Partner Relationships and Families“, a culmination of her 15 years of research on the topic. We also have Anita Wagner Illig, founder of Practical Polyamory, a leader and educator whose work has provided many resources to people.

This week’s show is LIVE, which means we’ll be giving away a Sportsheets prize to a lucky fan. Find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air – you could be chosen to win!

Anita Wagner Illig is a thought leader, coach, writer, spokesperson and educator on polyamory, relationship choice and families of the heart. She serves on the Advisory Council of The Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance, is a past organizer of the Polyamory Leadership Summit, is an active member of the Polyamory Leadership Network, and also serves as polyamory community advisor to CARAS – the Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities. She is a faculty member at KinkAcademy.com and PassionateU.com. She has served as a member of the Board of Directors of Loving More® and Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness, and is co-founder and former member of the Board of Directors of the Institute for 21st Century Relationships/the Foundation of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. She is also a past board member of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Anita has presented educational programs on polyamory and family/relationship choice at Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, Momentum con, Poly Living, Loving More Retreats, Atlanta Poly Retreat (Keynote), Transcending Boundaries, Washington Area Secular Humanists, Good Vibrations, The Floating World, Sex 2.0, Dark Odyssey, Black Rose, Fetfest, Southeast Leather Fest, Building Bridges, Free Spirit Beltane Gathering, Florida Poly Retreat, and to a variety of alternative sexual and relationship organizations. She has keynoted and been a featured speaker at polyamory conferences and pride celebrations and has authored articles on polyamory and bisexuality. Anita has appeared on television in interviews on polyamory in Washington, DC and Baltimore and in news articles in The New York Times, Newsweek, the Baltimore Sun, Washington Post, BBC and Salon.com, amongst many others.

With a Ph.D. in Sociology,[1] 15 years of teaching[2] and research experience,[3] and certifications as a Guardian Ad Litem/Court Appointed Special Advocate[4] and a sexuality educator,[5] Dr. Elisabeth Sheff has the education, experience, and credentials to provide flawless legal and educational consultation. Dr. Sheff is the foremost academic and legal expert on polyamory in the United States, and the worldwide expert on polyamorous families. Her academic research has focused on sexual minorities and their families. Dr. Sheff’s Polyamorous Families study followed poly families with children for 15 years, tracing the evolution of the families and the progress of the children. This unparalleled study has resulted in numerous professional and academic publications. In her Overlapping Identities and Are You Kinky? studies, Dr. Sheff examined the intersections between and among unconventional sexual identities, including swingers, kinksters (people who practice BDSM or sadomasochism), and polyamorists.

Dr. Sheff is widely recognized by her peers and the media as an international expert in polyamory and BDSM. She served as the chair of the Sexual, Behavior, Politics, and Communities Division for the Society for the Study of Social Problems (SSSP) from In addition to serving as the polyamory expert and IRB compliance specialist for the Community Academic Alliance for Research on Alternative Sexualities (CARAS), Dr. Sheff founded the online research community PolyResearchers that has grown to include 327 members in 17 different countries and 16 different fields.

Her extensive media interviews include national outlets like Newsweek, The Boston Globe, and National Public Radio, and international sources such as Semana magazine in Columbia, Mente e Cervello (the Italian edition of Scientific American), Elle magazine in Quebec, and the Sunday London Times. In addition to appearing in the National Geographic television series Taboo episode entitled “Odd Couples” and the documentary BDSM: Education and Experience, Dr. Sheff has provided background information for several television shows including the Discovery Channel’s I’m Pregnant And…, and the Canadian National Television series The Bigger Picture as well as numerous interviews with online magazines like Momlogic.com and Seattle Met, and podcasts like Polyamory Weekly and How Stuff Works.

Dr. Sheff has the expertise, training, experience, credentials and education to provide effective testimony regarding gender, families, sexuality, communities, and especially on the families of sexual minorities and unconventional relationships. She also possesses rare knowledge useful to counselors, therapists, nurses, and lawyers, as well as the teaching experience necessary to present the information in an interesting and accessible format.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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[1] Ph.D. in Sociology from the University of Colorado, Boulder, 2005

[2] Teaching at the University of Colorado, Boulder; University of Montana, Missoula; and Georgia State University, Atlanta

[3] The Polyamorous Families Study (1997 – 2012); The Overlapping Sexual Identities Study (2005 – 2006); The Are you Kinky? Study (2006 – 2011)

[4] State of Georgia, Bar Association

Jan 072014
 

annie and beth

This week’s Sex Out Loud is bringing you one of our most requested guests! Annie Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens are two ecosexual artists-in-love who have been collaborating with each other and various international communities for 11 years. They created a new field of research, “Sexecology,” exploring the places where sexology and ecology intersect in our culture– in art, theory, practice and activism. They’ll talk about the origin of sexecology, ecosex performance art weddings, Sexecological Walking Tours, visual art installations, and their latest project, a film about mountain top removal coal mining destruction in Appalachia. Tune in Friday at 8 pm ET / 5p PT to hear my interview with them on Sex Out Loud.

Elizabeth M. Stephens is interdisciplinary artist, activist and educator who has explored themes of sexuality, gender, queerness, and feminism through art for over 20 years. Her current passion is SexEcology: the art of exploring the Earth as a lover. This work is designed to create the desire in others to love, cherish and honor the earth as they would their own lover, instead of expecting the earth to take care of them as one might expect from one’s mother. SexEcology combines Stephens’ interest in sexuality and ecology in order to help stop environmental degradation and bring about environmental healing and pleasure. Some of her other works include the bronze sculptural installation, The Academic/Porn Star Panty Collection; the road trip performance piece Wish You Were Here; the video installation, Kiss, as well as her ongoing collaboration with Annie Sprinkle in the Love Art Laboratory. She has exhibited and performed in museums, galleries and festivals around the world.

Annie M. Sprinkle is an internationally known multi-media artist whose work is often studied in History of Performance Art classes, gender studies and film studies at major Universities/Colleges. Sprinkle has continuously toured one-woman theater performances about her life since 1989, such as Post Porn Modernist and Hestory of Porn. One of the pivotal players in the 80’s “sex positive feminist movement,” Ms. Sprinkle’s art work has long championed sex education and equal rights. The film she produced and directed, The Sluts and Goddesses Video Workshop has played in well over 100 film festivals, at museums and galleries, including at the Guggenheim in NYC. She became the first sex film star to successfully bridge into the world of art, and to earn a Ph.D., which she was awarded from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, in 2002. She is a popular visiting artist at many Universities. Annie Sprinkle’s autobiographical book, Post Porn Modernist broke new ground in art books that include sexually oriented imagery. Her book, Hard Core From the Heart; The Pleasures, Profits and Politics of Sex in Performance was published by Continuum Press for the academic market and won the Firecracker Alternative Book Award (2002).

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Jan 022014
 

saint croix

This Friday, January 3rd at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET, Sex Out Loud welcomes to the show one of the most prolific male stars in the adult industry, Steven St. Croix, who will pull back the curtain on his 20+ years in the business as both a performer and a director. We’ll hear how he got his start as a entertainer, stories from his favorite and most outrageous scenes, and what inspired him to write them all down for his new book “Porn Star.” Plus, we’re live and we’ll be taking calls and questions.
steven st croixThis week’s show is LIVE, which means we’ll be giving away a Sportsheets prize to a lucky fan. Find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air – you could be chosen to win!

Steven St. Croix has performed in over 1200 full length feature movies with over 1600 woman on camera. He received 55 nominations for AVN, XRCO and XBIZ Awards (and 19 wins), won 2 Nightmoves Awards, and is a member of both the AVN and XRCO Halls of Fame. He’s the triple crown winner for Best Actor 2013 for XBIZ, AVN and XRCO for his role in “Torn”. St. Croix is the first male star to be signed to an exclusive contract with a video company, the first male contract star for Vivid Video, and had his penis insured for $1 million dollars through Lloyd’s of London. In addition to starring in films for Vivid, Adam & Eve, Penthouse, Wicked, Cinemax, and Hustler, he’s also written and directed 20 adult films. He’s widely known for comedic and dramatic roles, including parts in Baywatch, Babylon 5, Diagnosis Murder, Six Feet Under, The Client List and Castle. His latest book is “Porn Star: Everything You Want to Know and Are Embarrassed to Ask.”

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Dec 262013
 

dr. cheryl cohen greene

This week’s episode of Sex Out Loud is once again live on Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET, with Cheryl Cohen Greene, a Certified Sexologist, with a doctorate in Human Sexuality, a 20 year member of the San Francisco Sex Information Training Staff, and a surrogate partner for over 30 years. Her work with writer Mark O’Brien was portrayed in the movie The Sessions and she’ll talk about the experience of seeing her work depicted in a Hollywood film. Cohen Greene will share parts of her memoir, An Intimate Life, Sex, Love, and My Journey As A Surrogate Partner, as well as answer questions from listeners.

This week’s show is LIVE, which means we’ll be giving away a Sportsheets prize to a lucky fan. Find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air – you could be chosen to win!

Cheryl Cohen Greene has been in private clinical practice as a Surrogate Partner and Consultant in Human Sexuality in Berkeley, CA since 1973. She was trained in the Masters and Johnson modality. She was on the training staff of San Francisco Sex Information for 19 years. She is a Certified Clinical Sexologist / Sex Educator and in 2004 she earned her DHS (Doctor of Human Sexuality) from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. Currently Cohen Greene serves as the Vice President of IPSA (the International Professional Surrogates Association). She is a frequent media guest, who has been interviewed on Larry King Live, the National Geographic Channel, the WE Channel, Joy Behar’s Show, Say Anything, and CNN among others. Her work with poet and journalist Mark O’Brien was adapted into a major motion picture titled THE SESSIONS starring Helen Hunt as Cheryl Cohen Greene. Cohen Greene’s memoir AN INTIMATE LIFE, Sex, Love, and My Journey As A Surrogate Partner, was released in January 2013.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Dec 182013
 

Matthew Stillman

alison tyler

thomas-roche-2009-on-couch

This week’s Sex Out Loud, premiering on December 20th at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET, is an erotica show with a twist – first we have Matthew Stillman, author of Genesis Deflowered, a new book in the genre of Biblical Erotica in Elizabethan English. He’ll discuss what inspired the idea and will share a passage to make you rethink some of those Christian traditions. Then we welcome back erotica writer Alison Tyler who will share from the holiday-themed collections she has compiled and edited. She brings along writer Thomas Roche who will share some steamy Yuletide cheer as well.

This week’s show is LIVE, which means we’ll be giving away a Sportsheets prize to a lucky fan. Find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air – you could be chosen to win!

Matthew Stillman, born & bred New Yorker, ran program development at Food Network for many years. He conceived of & produced the film “The End of Poverty?” that premiered at the Cannes Film Festival & went to 40 film festivals. He spoke at the UN four times about the film. A lifetime with literature, inner spiritual work from different traditions, creativity & play, he has written “Genesis Deflowered” in a genre that he may have just made up – Biblical Erotica written in Elizabethan English.

Called a “Trollop with a Laptop” by East Bay Express, a “Literary Siren” by Good Vibrations, and “over caffeinated” by her favorite local barista, Alison Tyler has made being naughty a full-time job. Her sultry short stories have appeared in more than 100 anthologies including Sex for America, Liaisons, and Bedding Down. In all things important, she remains faithful to her partner of 17 years, but she still can’t choose just one perfume. Find her 24/7 at alisontyler.blogspot.com.

Thomas S. Roche has been writing professionally since the 1980s. He’s written more than 400 published short stories in many genres, including science fiction, fantasy, horror and crime-noir, but is best known for his work in short erotic fiction. His most recent book is The Panama Laugh, a paramilitary science fiction zombie apocalypse about viral media, for which he was a finalist for the Bram Stoker Award from the Horror Writers Association. Roche served as the Marketing Manager at Good Vibrations, and has worked for Alt.com, The Eros Guide and Eros Zine, TinyNibbles.com, Gothic.net, GettingIt.com. Now, he’s publisher and editor in chief of the e-book erotica publisher Deception Press. He recently celebrated the twentieth year of with the nonprofit San Francisco Sex Information, for which he is currently an instructor on the organization’s Training Staff that trains new volunteers and other community health professionals, advocates and activists.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Dec 112013
 

midori

This Friday the 13th is very lucky for us: Midori comes to Sex Out Loud to discuss rope bondage, sci-fi kink, dominance training, creative sex education, and fulfilling personal growth. She’ll discuss what makes protocols sexy and how you can increase your own confidence and transform your sex life. Tune in to find out why Midori was named the 2013 winner of Best Sex Educator, Best of San Francisco, by SF Weekly Magazine…and how you can plan your own visit to Planet Midori.

Sexuality educator, author and artist based in San Francisco, Midori has made an improbable career out of being the traveling coach on the art of creative and sensual living. Dubbed “the super nova of kink” by Dan Savage, Midori is known for her hilarious and practical classes on enhancing sexual fulfillment, boosting confidence and expanding personal growth. Native of Tokyo, Japan, she brings a unique perspective pleasure and authentic living. She wrote the first English language book on Shibari with “Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage“, the hot essays in “Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink“, and twisted dark science fiction in “Master Han’s Daughter“. In 2001 she founded Rope Bondage Dojo®. She has trained many cadres and leads many Dojos each year. She also created ForteFemme, a unique women’s dominance weekend training and empowerment intensive.

Recently she’s joined forces with Laura Antoniou in Passionate Bonds, a weekend intensive on creating effective and meaningful D/s M/s protocol and etiquette. 2013 Winner, Best Sex Educator in Best of San Francisco by SF Weekly Magazine. Awarded Pantheon Leather Woman of the Year 2003. Sainted by Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence 2007. She creates provocative and haunting art installations and performances, seen in venues as far flung as Yerba Buena Center for the Arts (San Francisco) and Tanzquartier Wien (Vienna) She’s been long active in HIV fundraising through AIDS LifeCycle

Website: www.FHP-inc.com
Also find her at: Facebook / Twitter / Instagram / Vine: @PlanetMidori
AIDS/LifeCycle Fundraising: http://www.tofighthiv.org/

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Dec 032013
 

sinnamon love

This Friday on Sex Out Loud at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET, I present the final episode of our CatalystCon West 2013 series of interviews and we go out with a bang, bringing you the marvelous Sinnamon Love! Love appeared in over 250 hardcore movies, numerous men’s magazines and countless appearances on Playboy TV & Radio, and along with her educational background, she has turned her experience into a career as a writer, sex educator, lecturer, and radio host. I talk with her about feminist porn, improving sex education, sex work and parenting, as well as her popular radio show, Sex, Love, and Hip Hop.

Sinnamon Love is a retired adult film star & fetish model. She works as a staff writer & relationship columnist for TheWellVersed.com, as well as a freelance, contributing writer for hip hop, parenting and feminist websites and academic books. In 2011, Sinnamon Love launched an internet radio show called Sex, Love & Hip Hop on DTFRadio.com. Love’s 17 year on camera career and educational background has made her an expert in the field related to pornography, sex work, human sexuality and other related subjects. Currently, Love lives in Brooklyn, New York raising a teenage daughter and Autistic teenage son. She has an adult daughter attending a university in Los Angeles, California. She is an outspoken Autism/ Asperger’s parent advocate and has recently taken on improving sex education in Inner City schools.

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Nov 252013
 

Ask Tristan logoLast month I interviewed Sandra Pertot for an episode of Sex Out Loud. It was an amazing show filled with great audience questions…and we didn’t even get to them all! Pertot was generous enough to take the time to provide answers to everyone who wrote in to us. Enjoy this guest edition of Ask Tristan, courtesy of expert psychologist, Sandra Pertot.

When I met my wife, (in our late 30′s) we would have sex all the time. We used to joke that our sex life needed a HMO.  She had to get a Hysterectomy a couple of years later due to (fucking) cancer. She refused hormone treatments and her libido “Fell off a cliff.” as she says. We are now in our early 40′s, and have had sex once in the last year and a half.  She did not have an orgasm. I have tried to be understanding in all of this and have not cheated on her, but because I know she doesn’t want to, I have resigned myself to not having sex, so on the rare occasion that she says she might want to do it, I’m either not prepared, or worried that she’s not enjoying it and just “throwing me a bone,” so to speak.

Cancer changes many aspects of a person’s life, and the couple’s sexual relationship is often hit hard. In your wife’s case, her hysterectomy has added to the complex recovery from a life-threatening illness. It is likely that your wife is grieving the loss of her sex drive and the wonderful sex life she had with you while at the same time being grateful to still be alive. It sounds like you have a very strong emotional relationship, and if you are going to rebuild your sex life, this is where to start. Firstly, I would encourage you to talk about your joint grief of the loss of something that was so special. Then talk about what you each miss most – is it the closeness, the sensuality, the arousal and orgasm? There’s a good chance that your wife misses the intimacy as much or more than the arousal and orgasm (not that this isn’t important!), and if so this is the basis for building a sex life. If your wife feels she can come to sex without the expectation that she will be as she was before, and explore the sensual and emotionally reassuring aspects of sex with someone she loves, you may find she has reasons to say yes to sex more often. At the same time, she may be willing to meet your needs even though she doesn’t feel the same way. This is far from “throwing you a bone”: individuals can be very different in their sexual wants and needs and still have a satisfying sex life, even if there is the sadness that it isn’t what you had before.

I have been in a relationship for over 20 years.  We have had times where mismatch in libido has switched back and forth (kids can do that), but generally it evens out (and who says masturbation is a problem?).  The one thing that has had the biggest impact is my partner using anti-depressants.  He doesn’t want to give up the benefits of the medication (I don’t want him to either), but the side effects are a challenge.  He experiences loss of libido and then quite often when he IS turned on, he ends up not being able to come.  The doctors just disregard the impact of the sexual problems. I am not saying our sex life is bad, but this is a challenge that I think is fairly common but not discussed a lot.

Unfortunately some anti-depressants do have these sexual side effects, and it is disappointing the prescribing doctor is not comfortable discussing this with you. There are some anti-depressants that are thought to have less impact on sexual functioning, so I would encourage you to seek out a medical practitioner who would explore this option.  However, it may be that the medication he is on is the best one for his depression, and that leaves you and your partner to come to terms with this ongoing change if your sexual relationship. It sounds like you have done quite well in adjusting to the new relationship, but it can still be disappointing for you both. Generally in this situation if the couple explore sensual pleasure together (cuddles, massage), then if one partner becomes aroused and not the other, it is okay for the turned on partner to enjoy those feelings and not feel guilty.

One thing I would suggest is that when your partner is able to arouse, does he notice if his thoughts are able to stay connected to good sexual feelings, or do they wander into worrying about coming? If he has trouble staying focused, he might benefit from developing mindfulness skills. He might also want to explore activities that will give him stronger stimulation, such as experimenting with sex toys. Unfortunately, though, sometimes nothing triggers orgasm so he needs to recognise when his feelings and thoughts have shifted from “this feels good” to “this feels like hard work”, and at that point it is best if he stops trying to come and allow his arousal to subside, as frustrating as that may be.

My partner and I just had the most stressful year of our lives – job changes, living temporarily with no privacy, moving to a new town – so the sex life got backburnered. Now we’re in a better place, but my physical desire hasn’t gotten the message. I’ve always been a regular masturbator, but even that has felt more utilitarian than sexy. I’m also the Top in the relationship and feel the pressure is on me to instigate, but I’d like to switch more often. Can you talk a bit about how dealing with changing libido and sexual dynamics with regards to desire, roleplay, domination?

 

What is great to hear is that even though your physical desire has gone down, you haven’t given up on sex! The more we learn about sex drive for men and women, the more we understand that there is much more to it than a physical urge, so if you are expecting that to be the trigger for sex, you may be missing some opportunities. However, it is important that you avoid masturbation and sex as a way of coping with negative feelings such as boredom, stress and fatigue. Instead, notice feelings of well-being – feeling close to your partner, life is good, and so on – then see if that is a good time for sex or masturbation. Don’t expect sex to be as it was before, at least not immediately; begin with sensual and gentle touch.  Stay connected to good feelings and you may find your arousal and desire kicks in.

The key to all good sexual relationships is communication, and good communication depends of self-confidence (I’m not stupid/inadequate/weird because I feel this way) while at the same time accepting that your partner may not want what you want or feel the same way about the things that give you pleasure. Some people don’t initiate sex because they just don’t think of it, others avoid initiating because they worry their partner will assume they are hot and ready to go, when they may be still quite unaroused. Check out with your partner what is happening – if they just don’t think about it, maybe suggesting a cue like being  the initiator once a week (or month . . .) might help, and if the worry is about what you will expect, let them know that you will enjoy any initiation and go from there!

If you want to change your usual position and to introduce roleplay and domination, talk to your partner about what you would like in a confident and respectful way, and be curious about what they think about this. Obviously it is difficult if your partner is definitely against any change, but if it doesn’t come across as a demand or a judgement if your ideas aren’t met with instant enthusiasm, your partner may be willing to try it out. At the same time, make sure you know what makes sex good for your partner, so that they know that this isn’t just about you getting what you want. In an ideal world, you would both want the same things and get the same satisfaction, but for many couples this isn’t how it is.  In my view, couples who willingly compromise in their sexual relationship so both partners get what they want some of the time develop a depth of understanding that perhaps couples for whom it all happens easily don’t experience.

Different sex drives? Changes in libido? Oh, we have those. Since my encounter with cancer a two years ago (I’ve been all better over a year), my sex drive has been nearly nil. My partner’s drive, however, is just as strong as it’s always been. We’ve always been poly, but neither of us has had other partners for a while. Fortunately, we also have a power dynamic. We’ve kept close and him happy by working the power exchange into it – chastity device, controlled masturbation, and the like. He still gets to have me involved in his sex life, and I don’t have to feel guilty for not wanting sex. I still do feel guilty frequently and miss my sex drive deeply, though. Got any other tips on how to cope with a nearly-absent libido?

Congratulations on your recovery from cancer and your determination to keep your sex life going even though your desire has lessened. I’m always curious about why people feel guilty about not feeling sexual, because guilt implies you have done something wrong, and to me you are doing everything right in such a difficult situation. Feelings of loss, disappointment and sadness, on the other hand, are completely natural and healthy when something you value has been lost. Sadly, I don’t have any tips for boosting your libido as I’m guessing you are already doing as much as possible. The best suggestion I can give is to shift your focus from what you used to feel that signalled sexual interest, and look for other cues such as a feeling of well-being, feeling physically well, emotionally content, and so on. Focus on what is present now rather than what is missing. I would encourage you to explore other ways for sex to be initiated, which might in the first instance be more about gentleness and soft touch, which can release oxytocin (sometimes known as the cuddle hormone or hormone of bonding), and this can sometimes be a springboard for sexual arousal – perhaps not as you felt it before, but still a lovely buzz and a soft but satisfying orgasm.

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Thank you so much to everyone who wrote in with these great questions! You can hear more advice from Sandra Pertot by listening to her episode of Sex Out Loud or visiting her website.