I’m excited that more reviews of The Ultimate Guide to Kink have been posted, check them out:

• Night Owl Reviews now includes Ultimate Guide on their site, saying it’s “the complete deal”.

• Oatmeal Girl of Submission and Metaphor has turned a review of Ultimate Guide into a multi-part series read-along and discussion – join in with an introduction to the book here.

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This post, New Review and Read-along of Ultimate Guide to Kink originally appeared on Pucker Up on May 16, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Cyndi's amazing classic car

We arrived at the Melbourne Airport and Cyndi Darnell, sex therapist, counselor, sex educator, and creator of Pleasure Salon Melbourne, picked us up at the airport. We’d met her in Sydney at Xplore and connected right away. Cyndi drove us in her classic car, which turns heads wherever it goes. She took us to where we’d be staying, the home of Fiona Patten, the CEO of the Eros Association, Inc. (Australia’s national adult retail and entertainment trade association) and the head of the Australian Sex Party, a progressive political party that supports free speech, the adult industry, sex workers’ rights, comprehensive sex education, gender equality, same sex marriage, decriminalization of drugs, and more. Fiona is a total bad ass: a smart, articulate, radical, multitasking whirlwind of sex-positive politics. It’s inspiring to be in her presence. She was super busy taking media calls and preparing for her presentation at The 2012 Atheist Convention, which took place at the same time we were in Melbourne. Fiona took us to a wonderful dinner out with two adult industry distributors and an American who was in town for AdultEx. We talked about legal issues surrounding selling and distributing porn in Australia, politics, and the Bong Task Force (the SNL skit writes itself).

The window display at Hares and Hyenas

The next day, Cyndi picked us up and we headed to Fitzroy, the artsy neighborhood of Melbourne. We went to Hares and Hyenas, an LGBT bookstore that’s been in busy for over 20 years. I was shocked to see that the entire window display was devoted to my books! It was beautiful, and I felt honored. It’s an amazing shop, and we scooped up lots of local books and magazines, including Dude Magazine, Dirty Queer Magazine, f2m: The Boy Within, and The Drag Queen Baby Name Book (a gift for friends who are expecting). We met the owners, Rowland and Crusader, who were wonderfully warm and charming. We went to another great bookstore, PolyEster Books (“world’s freakiest bookstore”), which carried tons of great sex books, including those from small and obscure presses, I was very impressed. I would later regret just how many books I bought as I dragged them back to the States (they weighed a ton!). Then, we went to some art galleries, which were closed for various unexpected reasons. Ah, artists. But it didn’t matter, really, because there was so much amazing street art throughout the neighborhood.

Just one example of the amazing street art in Melbourne

That night was my first presentation for Pleasure Salon Melbourne. It was simply an amazing night. There were about 150 people there.

A view from the audience at my Pleasure Salon Melbourne talk (photo courtesy of msnaughty.com)

I spoke for about 45 minutes, then we had intermission. Rowland from Hares and Hyenas was there with cartons of books, and by the end of intermission, he had sold out of several titles! It was totally overwhelming.

My books (photo courtesy of msnaughty.com)

At the end of the evening, I stayed as audience members waited almost an hour to have their books signed by me. Each person I met told me a little something about themselves, and they were all fantastic. Fiona Patten and friends were there. There was a pack of adorable queers, including Kit, Louise, and Lauren from D.VICE, a lesbian-owned sex-positive sex shop in New Zealand and Australia. Two of them had me autograph their boobs. It was my pleasure. I finally got to meet several women in person who I’ve corresponded with by email or Skype, including sex therapist Sandra Pertot, who wrote an amazing book called When Your Sex Drives Don’t Match. I met Lyndal Coon, whose new book Sexual Biversity: Loving My Bisexual Husband was just released and sex-positive coach Chantelle Austin, author of The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples…Who Want to Explore Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes. All the sex and porn people were there: Anna Brownfield (winner of a Feminist Porn Award for The Band), feminist pornographers Ms. Naughty from ForTheGirls.com (who blogged about my talk) and Gala Vanting, Blair from Adult Voyeur, a spunky, gorgeous performer named Angela White, and blogger Ultra Hedonist.

I was blown away by the audience at Pleasure Salon Melbourne. It was overwhelming, actually. Thanks to each and every person who came, asked questions, introduced themselves, and supported me and the local sex-positive community.

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This post, Australia Days 6 & 7: Melbourne originally appeared on Pucker Up on May 4, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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My girlfriend and I really like anal sex. We do not use condoms out of personal preference and we use KY Jelly for lube. I usually come in her ass, and it always used to be fine. She would get “the runs” for a day, maybe two, but would be fine after that. It worked perfectly for two years, but recently it’s taking longer before she’s back to normal again. Plus, the outer part of her ass becomes sore afterwards. Is there anything we can do?

–Runny in Reseda

When it comes to your ass, what goes in must come out. When you introduce lubrication (which is a must) into her butt, only some of it will be absorbed by the tissue of the rectum. The rest of the lube is likely to mix with her stool; add your ejaculate to the mix, and the next bowel movement she has will be loose or runny. KY Jelly, like many water-based lubes, contains glycerin, which may be exacerbating the situation. Glycerin can draw water into the stool to stimulate evacuation (that’s why some constipation suppositories contain glycerin).

So, you may want to experiment with a glycerin-free lube like Maximus Lube, which is water-based, or any silicone-based lube. If her anus is irritated after anal sex, I suspect it’s because of the diarrhea she’s having; I recommend witch hazel wipes, which you can buy at any drugstore (they are marketed as Hemorrhoidal Wipes, but they’re not just for hemorrhoids), and some Vitamin A & D ointment — both soothe a sore ass.

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This post, Anal Advisor: Runny in Reseda originally appeared on Pucker Up on May 4, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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The Transcending Boundaries Conference is happening in October and will feature Ignacio Rivera as the keynote speaker! They’re still accepting proposals for presentations, read below for more information on how to submit.

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2012 Transcending Boundaries Conference is accepting proposals for presentations! The theme this year is “Bringing Us All Together”. Raven Kaldera reiterated during the Closing Panel of 2011 that Transcending Boundaries is made up of many communities; this year we will focus on how to celebrate the different communities while finding our common ground. Beyond the social level, this years theme will also explore our individual gender, sexuality, and relationships and discover how these elements of our identity fit together, even though they may appear as contradictions. Come join us as we as individuals and communities, “Bringing Us All Together”.

Transcending Boundaries, Inc. was founded in 2001 to provide education, activism, and support for persons whose sexuality, gender, sex, or relationship style do not fit within conventional categories. The organization serves our ever-evolving communities, including bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer, transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, intersex, polyamorous, and kinky persons, as well as allies and those who prefer not to use labels.

This year’s conference will include a variety of programming formats ranging from traditional informational lectures to panels to workshops to discussion groups to performances and everything in between. Whether you’re an experienced presenter or interested in leading a group for the first time, we’d love to consider your proposal.

Time slots for presentations range from 50 to 75 minutes. The 2012 Transcending Boundaries Conference will take place October 26-28 at the MassMutual Center in Springfield, MA. The deadline for submission is July 25th, but please don’t wait till the last minute! Presentations will be accepted on a rolling basis, meaning if we see something we like, we’ll put it in the schedule and programming space MAY fill before the deadline!

We are especially interested in presentations that address one (or more) of the following themes:

• Activism
• Relationships, Families and Parenting
• Spirituality and Religion
• Interactions with Professionals and Health Care Issues
• Writing/Creative Arts
• Identity and Community
• Any presentation which has relevance to multiple sub-populations within our community

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This post, Transcending Boundaries Conference 2012 accepting proposals for presentations originally appeared on Pucker Up on May 3, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Photo by Ms Naughty

• Ms Naughty attended my presentation at Pleasure Salon in Melbourne last month and wrote a very warm and generous article on my talk over at her blog, MsNaughty.com.

• Dean Beck of Joy 94.9 was also on hand at the event and you can listen to the audio of my Melbourne presentation here.

• Kinky World just published a great review by Mistress Kay of my book The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation.

• Tune in TONIGHT (Wednesday, May 2) at 11 pm EST/8 pm PST for my appearance on Temptation Time w/Tiffany. Listen live at temptationtime.com and call in at 888-321-7234!

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This post, More from the Pleasure Salon, including audio of my talk originally appeared on Pucker Up on May 2, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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Sunrise out our back window, Maianbar, New South Wales

I recently traveled to Australia for the first time in April and will be blogging about my experiences there over the next few weeks. First up is Sydney. Our hosts were C & C, a lovely couple active in the poly communities in Sydney. They picked us up at the airport and drove us to their place; they live in Maianbar, a small town in the Royal National Park (the world’s second oldest national park) about 75 minutes outside the city. It’s a little piece of paradise. The house sits right on Fisherman’s Bay/ Port Hacking which leads to the Tasman Sea, and the first thing we did when we arrived was jump in the water and wade/swim to a small island. Amazing! There were a ton of birds, especially magpies and kookaburras who we could feed from the back patio. Our hosts were warm, generous, and lots of fun to hang out with; in fact, we became fast friends and cannot wait to visit them again! Pretty soon, it was clear that the time change was hitting me like a ton of bricks. I resisted taking an afternoon nap, but to no avail. We went to Symbio Wildlife Gardens, a zoo where we saw koala bears, dingos, monkeys, a red panda, a Tasmanian devil, and we got to hand feed kangaroos! That was pretty cool. That night, I did a phone interview with Dean Beck on his show “Hide and Seek” on JOY 94.9 to promote my Melbourne events the next week. Dean is sharp, witty, and smart!

Koala bear at the zoo

We woke up the next morning and headed to the first of many events. This one holds a special place in my heart: it’s a kink/sex/Tantra festival called Xplore Sydney. It based on Xplore Berlin, where I taught in 2004. I finally got to meet its co-creator Peter Banki, who I’d been corresponding with for months. My first impression was that there was a diverse group of attendees and really cool offerings like Tantric Dominance and Submission and Full Body Orgasm. I sat in on The Kissing Whip with delta®, then taught my class on Female Ejaculation. The crowd for my class was very big and really engaged with lots of questions and comments. Jacqueline Hellyer, a local well-known sex therapist and also a presenter, told an especially entertaining story about her pussy! Then came the hands-on portion of the workshop and people got right down to it. One participant told me later that she ejaculated at the hands of someone she met in the class, and it was only her second time squirting! That stuff makes me smile. I was insanely exhausted, so we left as the Bondage Competition was well under way.

The next morning, I went to Marina Kronkvist’s class “A Journey Into Breath.” Marina is a really good teacher with an interesting approach to breath work. We all laid on the floor of the dance studio where the festival was being held, and pretty quickly I got very cold (it was a cement floor with a thin covering). I started to do the breathing exercise with the group and I heard people around me begin to vocalize and really get into it. I was freezing, but tried hard to stay present and go with it, then all of a sudden, I got the hiccups. Classic. So I am lying there, shivering and hiccuping, and decided I should probably bow out of this one since I seemed to be fighting the tide. I went out to the social area and met some cool people chilling out on the couches. Lots of nice queer eye candy to admire there. It turns out that most of them weren’t actually from Sydney (!), but had traveled there for Xplore. I met a fantastic woman named Zahra Stardust; she’s a queer, feminist sex worker, a former NSW Senate candidate for the Australian Sex Party (yes, an actual political party), and a pole dance champion! Very smart. I also spoke briefly with Gala Vanting who has appeared on I Shot Myself and Beautiful Agony, among other places, and was featured in the article about feminist porn in The Age. We also met J, E, XI, Sam, and Ana. Next, C and I attended Feasting the Body with Annetta Luce. The thing that struck me about Xplore is that many of the classes are participatory, and most people are willing to jump right in and do it. I don’t know that I can say the same about Americans. The Xplore folks are ready to stand up, move their bodies, look silly, and just go with it. After a quick lunch at a pub down the street (it was Easter so many places were closed), I taught my Anal Play class. Again I had an awesome crowd, and some butt play—with givers and receivers of different genders and sexual orientations—was the climax of the class. I needed to wind down afterwards, so we swung by the famed Sydney Opera House, got a bite to eat at a cool restaurant, then made the long drive home to paradise.

The Sydney Opera House

On Sunday, we headed back to Xplore. My class was at the same time as one that I really wanted to go to on blood play with AnA Wojak. That always happens to presenters! Next time, I hope. I premiered a brand new presentation: The Feminist Porn Clip Show, where I screened about 70 minutes of clips of porn by Candida Royalle, Erika Lust, Petra Joy, Louise Lush, Buck Angel, Courtney Trouble, Jaiya, Nina Hartley, Joanna Angel, Maria Beatty, Madison Young, Shine Louise Houston, and me, while I narrated it live. There was a great discussion afterwards and people really responded to the different clips. (I am expanding this presentation and will do an even better version, The Feminist Porn Show, presented by She Bop The Shop in Portland, OR in June; details will be on my Tour page soon). After my presentation, I sat in on Hajime Kinoko’s class Using Shibari for Therapeutic Purposes. It was fascinating. He is from Japan and brought a translator with him, a young woman who also happened to be his demo bottom. They had a wonderful chemistry, with him tying her up while explaining his techniques and thoughts in Japanese and her translating into English as she got further into bondage. Talk about a power dynamic! In the last class slot, I taught Making Open Relationships Work. About ten minutes into the class, a dramatic rainstorm began. The roof of the building was tin, and the rain was pounding so hard that no one could hear what I was saying. In the next room, presenter Mistress Tokyo was having the same experience. I ended up moving to the other room, where it was much less noisy. Again, a great, engaged crowd with lots to share.

Our hosts, who had generously been driving our American asses all around town, were headed to a concert that night. C and I wanted to go to Xplore’s play party. So a few of the local dykes we met, E, XI, and A, said they’d drive us to their place, where we could eat dinner and change for the party. We picked up take out on the way. When we got to where they were staying (they, too, were just in town for the festival), my body just shut down. I went to lay down in the bedroom, and I nearly passed out. All the jet lag, a full teaching schedule, and long days caught up with me. Periodically, one or more of them would come into the bedroom to get something as they dressed in their finest uniform/genderfuck/high femme fetishwear. It was taking quite a long time, and the booze was flowing. I thought we’d never make it to the party (we were supposed to arrive before 11 when doors close). I was dead tired, not sure I could even wake up, but they carefully eased me into a vintage polka dotted dress with a crinoline underneath and pronounced me ready. When they finally called a cab and specifically asked for a van because there were five of us, a regular-sized cab showed up and refused to take all of us. So, we had to call another cab, and, well, you see how this is going to be one of those nights. The whole scene felt like I was back in college, trying to get friends to focus and leave the house with everything working against that happening. But it was also wonderful: we were in Australia, hanging with hot Australian queers, getting ready to go to a play party at some illegal Australian playspace. Alas, my brain could go there, but my body could not. It was after midnight, and I needed to go home. I was very bummed that we missed the party. I want to thank Peter Banki, delta®, and all the teachers, participants, and volunteers who made Xplore Sydney possible—it’s a really unique, important event. The people it attracts are bold, courageous, inquisitive, and charming. We need more spaces like the one Peter created in Sydney.

The mangroves in Fisherman's Bay

Monday morning, we planned to go hang gliding in Stanwell Park, which neither C nor I has ever done. Unfortunately, there was terrible wind and it got called off, which made us sad. Instead, we decided to go kayaking around Fisherman’s Bay. The water was beautiful and we glided around the mangroves. Then we did laundry and packed for Melbourne. That night, we went to Sydney for my female orgasms workshop at a store called Maxxx Black. Maxxx Black is beautiful and high-end, like the Good Vibrations of Sydney, with a glamorous aesthetic and an entire area dedicated to latex clothing. They sell top-quality, phthalate-free sex toys and accessories, including Australian-made floggers and canes that were gorgeous. When we arrived, they seriously rolled out the red carpet for me. There was champagne, sparkling cider, and cupcakes. A huge display of my books. Great promotion leading to fifty pre-sold tickets. A welcoming atmosphere with a smart, knowledgeable staff. In other words, the dream place to present! I know it all sounds so reasonable, but sometimes I arrive at a store and find the staff is blasé, they haven’t ordered any of my books (including the book on the topic I’m teaching), the room isn’t set up, etc., which makes me appreciate those shops that do it right even more! Heidi and her staff really know how to show a sex educator a good time and they have an absolutely beautiful store—a must-see for anyone traveling to Sydney!!

Next Up: Melbourne, which was so much fun it has to be split into multiple posts!

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This post, Australia Days 1-5: Sydney originally appeared on Pucker Up on April 26, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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• The Vine published a piece by a writer who attended my Pleasure Salon event in Melbourne

• Click to page 10 for an article on my visit in Cherrie magazine.

• This piece on feminist porn originated in The Age, Melbourne’s largest newspaper, and then was syndicated in Brisbane Times!

* Last week I also appeared on The Ecstasy Hour with Barbara Carrellas in an episode called “A Walk On the Kinky Side” – if you missed it, you can listen to the show here.

* IWAdult.com posted a great review of my DVD Expert Guide to Pegging.

* …..and The Advocate posted an excerpt of the Ultimate Guide to Kink -  check it out while you’re waiting for your whole copy to get delivered!

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This post, A Walk On The Australian Side originally appeared on Pucker Up on April 18, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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I’m headed to Toronto soon for the Feminist Porn Awards –  on Friday night is the 7th Annual Awards Gala, featuring clips from honorees plus live entertainment. On Saturday, I’m giving my workshop on open relationships at the University of Toronto. Scroll down for the full list of details on the weekend’s events.

Wednesday April 18th – Sexing The Transman with Buck Angel
Muzzo Family Alumni Hall (121 St. Joseph Street), 7-9pm
$15 advance or at the door (free for SDS and Cinema students)
Pioneering filmmaker Buck Angel gives an audio-visual tour of transman sexuality with his new documentary Sexing the Transman, including interviews with a variety of transmen and the people who love them. In the talk that follows Buck is your guide to re-defining gender and enjoying the fluidity of sexuality and individual expression of identity. Co-sponsored by Sexual Diversity Studies and Cinema Studies, UofT. All Genders Welcome.

Thursday April 19th – Public.Provocative.Porn: The Year’s Best in Feminist Film
The Bloor Hot Docs Cinema (506 Bloor Street West), 9:30pm
$15 advance or at the door
Join us for a screening of selected Films by Filmmakers Erika Lust, Buck Angel, Nenna and N Maxwell Lander. Directors will be in attendance for a moderated discussion and Q&A facilitated by CoCo La Crème.
This event is 18+ Only.

Friday April 20th – 7th Annual Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards Gala
Berkeley Church (315 Queen St East), VIP Party at 8pm / General Admission at 9pm
$20 Early Bird (limited) / $25 Advance / $30 at the door
Join us as we present the legendary Feminist Porn Awards with a fabulous celebration of your favourite porn makers, plus a night of mind-blowing entertainment, a mountain of eye candy and the best movie clips ever seen at an awards show. Featuring hot entertainment from Ill Na Na, Olive-or-Oliver & CoCo La Creme and hosted by Elvira Kurt with Ryan G. Hinds. ASL interpretation provided.
This event is 19+ Only.

Saturday April 21st – Making Open Relationships Work with Tristan Taormino
UofT Campus,  11:30am-1:30pm
$33
Do open relationships really work? How do people create nontraditional partnerships that are loving and lasting? Tristan Taormino, relationship expert and author of Opening Up, shares some key principles that can help your open relationship(s) succeed. Tristan will offer tips on communication, negotiation, and boundary setting, as well as how to cope with change. Whether you’re a newcomer or veteran to the world beyond monogamy, come discover strategies to help you nurture and grow your open relationship(s). Co-sponsored by Sexual Diversity Studies and the Sex Ed Centre, UofT. All Genders Welcome.

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The 7th Annual Feminist Porn awards are generously sponsored by Hot Movies for Her, LELO, The Everything to do with Sex Show, Aslan Leather, NOW magazine.

Still want more? Switch: Queer Porn Play Party produced by ASLAN Leather is for anyone & everyone comfortable playing in queer & trans positive spaces! Check it out on Saturday April 21st at Oasis Aqualounge. Tickets available at ASLANLeather.com

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This post, The Feminist Porn Awards are coming! originally appeared on Pucker Up on April 15, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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The Erotic Dominance Intensive for Men is a weekend workshop that focuses on dominating with confidence, competence, care, and style for Men with some experience in the Scene. Now in it’s 9th year, the next one is happening the first weekend of May.

Each Erotic Dominance Intensive, Player’s Course, is limited to 9 Dominant Men/Men who Switch. All men and male-identified folks welcome! Come on your own or bring your partner to this intimate workshop of hands-on exercises, lectures, demonstrations and real-time scenes at a private SOMA dungeon in San Francisco. Volunteer bottoms available and you go home with a comprehensive workbook.

Want to know what women need/want to trust & surrender?

Discover new ways to raise that delicious energy that adds such depth to our lives and our relationships. Topics Include:

• The power of conscious touch, breath, and energy awareness
• Male presence, integrity and archetypes
• Fine art of negotiation and making it sexy
• Cleo’s secrets of Topping
• Developing your scene and making it work for both of you
• Body and Spirit connection in BDSM

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This post, Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Men and Men who Switch originally appeared on Pucker Up on April 15, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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• I’m so happy to be inducted into the XRCO Hall of Fame - the ceremony happens tomorrow, though unfortunately I’m on tour in Australia and can’t be there in person. But IAFD.com wrote up a great tribute to two fellow inductees, Den and Luc Wylder. 

• Last week Buzzfeed Shift had me as a guest for their advice column. Check out 99 Problems: Sexpert Tristan Taormino Will Teach You How To Be A Porn Star

• The reviews for my Pegging DVD are starting to come in! Bianca James, erotic writer and self-proclaimed pegging enthusiast, posted a great response to the movie on her site.

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This post, XRCO Hall of Fame Inductees, Buzzfeed Shift Advice Column, and new Pegging review originally appeared on Pucker Up on April 11, 2012. Tweet This Post!

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