Yesterday, my lover and I settled down to watch your video (loved it!). We played during the video, and the idea was that I would take her strap on anally. But a strange thing happened. When she inserted a lubed, gloved finger into my butt, I felt an intense burning sensation. After a few minutes, I had to ask that we change the scene. (I wound up giving her a blow job, instead. [Happy dance!])

That’s never happened before, that burning sensation. I can still feel it a little bit now, twelve hours later. I’ve taken things before, like my own fingers, and a medium sized butt plug. Once, a guy even inserted a finger completely into me without lube, and that didn’t hurt. But for some reason, yesterday I got a really intense burning sensation.

The lube we used was Eros lube, and it was a latex glove. I know I don’t have a latex allergy, at least not a system wide one, because I work as an EMT and use latex gloves every day. I also used to cover one of my toys with a latex condom before inserting it (that goes back to when I was fourteen, though). I don’t know what happened. We were so in the mood, too!

Have you ever encountered a similar situation? If so, what was the problem, and how did it get fixed?

—Neptune

Hmmm. It sucks that you were so inspired by my video, but your anal play was a bust! I have a few theories about what might be going on. First, you probably do not have a latex allergy since, as you say, you’re an EMT and you’d know it by now. But have you considered that you may have had an allergic reaction to the lube? Different people have different sensitivities to lubricants; you may want to try a water based lubricant (since Eros, the one you tried, is silicone-based) to see if it makes a difference.

If it’s not the lube, it may be some kind of anal ailment. Hemorrhoids, anal fissures, even a minute tear in the delicate lining of the rectum can cause itching, irritation, burning, or pain. In that case, give your ass a vacation from butt play for about a week, then try it again. If your burning persists, you should see a doctor, because it may be a symptom which requires more extensive treatment (besides just giving your ass a break).

Now, there’s one other possible explanation: your ass just didn’t want to be fucked that night and the “burning” was a form of pain. In other words, sometimes we register pain in different ways: as soreness, as tightness, and, in some cases, as burning. Remember that our butts can be sort of finicky, and we need to respect them. I am glad that you stopped the scene and moved on to something else — listening to your body is so important! There are times when no matter how much you’ve prepared, no matter how much warm up, no matter how much you want it, your ass just won’t cooperate. Sometimes, there are issues or anxieties your haven’t resolved and those psychological issues are manifesting themselves on a physical level. Or you could have been particularly stressed out about something entirely different, but the stress affected your ass. Or, your ass just didn’t want to go there, for no explainable reason.

I hope I have given you some options to explore — good luck next time!

This is a comment about advice written in one of your columns. Kimberly of Spokane, Washington described unbearable pain in spite of her interest and best efforts. Your advice gave the impression that it was her attitude that caused her pain and lack of success. Nowhere was it suggested that she seek proper medical attention from a doctor of proctologist to examine her for organic problems such as an anal fissure or hemorrhoids. Either could render the best intentions, exercise, and lubrication useless in avoiding excruciating pain.

–Steven Wells, San Jose, CA

Thank you for your letter, and your point is well taken. Kimberly’s question about pain during anal sex is representative of so many letters I receive which is why I chose to answer it. When people experience pain during anal sex, it can be attributed to so many different sources: stress and tension of the sphincter muscles, anus, and rectum; a lack of sufficient lubrication and/or warm up; fear, anxiety, or other unresolved emotional or psychological issues around anal sex; or a lack of desire to be doing it in the first place. Those were the issues I focused on in my response to Kimberly.

Of course, the pain some people experience (including Kimberly) could be the result of untreated anal fissures or hemorrhoids which can be aggravated and irritated by anal penetration. Everyone should listen to their bodies, use common sense when it comes to their health, and see a doctor regularly.