Mar 162003

I am a newbie and have just begun to think about experimenting with anal sex. I read all your articles and I am very eager to give it a try. I started by doing a Fleet enema; I emptied it and filled it with water as you had suggested. The enema was okay, however, I did not get that full feeling that you described. I was looking forward to it. Is it possible that the type of enema I used is not enough? Or did it really do the trick? My husband and I didn’t get too far that first attempt, so I’m not sure how clean I was or wasn’t. I heard you describe the enema bag and wondered if that is something I should give a try.

–Enema Newbie

The Fleet enema (or a bulb syringe) is like an anal douche; it rinses the anal canal and the lower part of the rectum. It is the simplest, least expensive, and most widely available enema, which is why I recommend it for beginners, but it is not necessarily the most thorough. If your goal is to ensure cleanliness, then as long as you filled your ass up a few times, and the final time all that came out was clear water, you can feel confident you are clean. If your goal is to achieve a full feeling or experience the erotic potential of an enema, then the enema bag is probably a better bet for you, since you can fill up with a great quantity of water and experiment with different kinds of nozzles, including those that look and feel like butt plugs and inflatable nozzles, which enhance the feeling of fullness.

Jul 232001

Anal sex has been an unfulfilled curiosity of mine for many years; as a young twentysomething, I was forever intrigued by it. My boyfriend and I have talked about it, and being experienced, he has suggested we try it. I feel extremely comfortable with him, and, aside from anal sex, we have an incredibly open and experimental sex life. I told him I am curious but also hesitant. The thing is, I’m embarrassed to tell him the real reason why because it’s seems petty to me. I’m so scared about things getting messy as I’ve heard some very unappealing stories about bad smells or fecal matter being present. I know that as humans, our bodies have natural functions, but I would be mortified if that happened while we were having anal sex. As it is, I really want this to be something special as it’s taken me a long time to find anyone I could trust, and I don’t want to be totally turned off if things go haywire.

—Scared of the Mes

Take a deep breath! Your concern is the most common one I hear about anal sex. The first thing you need is a brief anatomy lesson. During anal penetration with fingers, toys, and penises, the area of your body that we’re dealing with is the rectum. The rectum is not a storage facility, so no feces are stored there; it’s merely a passageway. Feces move from the colon to the rectum, then out of the body when you defecate. So, if you have a bowel movement before you have anal sex, there should only be trace amounts of fecal matter in the rectum. Now, this is provided that you are a relatively healthy person with a good diet, normal bowel habits, and no gastrointestinal problems. So, if you feel like you have to go, by all means go, because if you don’t listen to your body, then you may, in fact, have a mess on your hands simply because you needed to have a bowel movement and you didn’t.

For those people who are squeamish about “being clean,” I recommend an enema. Go to the drug store, buy a Fleet enema, then empty the contents of the bottle and fill it with plain warm water. Fleet enemas contain a laxative which isn’t necessary; all you need is warm water. Follow the instructions on the box, and repeat until all that comes out of your ass is clear water. Make sure you have an enema several hours before you plan to have anal sex, since your body needs time to recover.

Now, after telling you all about cleaning yourself out, I must quote a fellow anal queen, adult film star Chloe, who says, “Get over your fear of shit!” I am not saying you need to love or even like shit, but you need to let go of your anxieties. The truth is that the more anal play you engage in, the more likely you are to run into it once and awhile, so you might as well just smile, grab a baby wipe, clean up, and move on.

May 192001

Help! Though the internet and your column have proved immeasurably helpful in providing the basic foundation of necessary information needed to explore my outrageously kinky side, I am having a difficult time with one specific area of interest. What are the health risks of pissing in someone’s ass? I have read wonderfully exciting accounts (fictional I’m sure) of this activity and cannot wait to explore it myself. But, I am also aware of the problems that can arise from not being well informed. Please, any help, advice, or referrals you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I promise to share the information with as many people as I can find to ensure that your words of wisdom have maximum benefit amongst the ass master population.

—Ass Master Who Likes Golden Showers

Thanks for sharing a common fantasy I hear about a lot. The first issue you’ve got to tackle is this: can you actually accomplish the act of peeing in someone’s ass? Lots of men find that when they have a rock-solid erection (which makes anal penetration much easier), they can’t piss. They need to soften up a bit so they can release their golden nectar. But depending on your cock, letting your hard-on go down a little may prevent you from penetrating your partner’s ass.

Once you’ve addressed that dilemma, now I can answer your questions about the potential risks. Contrary to popular belief, urine isn’t sterile, but it is very clean as far as bodily fluids go, even cleaner than spit. Peeing on someone or in someone’s ass is pretty low risk for the pisser, unless he has any cuts or open wounds on his cock. For the pissee, being peed on or in can be safe, with a few very big exceptions. Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), the genital herpes virus, chlamydia, and gonorrhea may be present in the urine of a person infected with any of these diseases and can be transmitted through the mucous membrane of the rectum or through any microscopic tears in the anal canal or rectum. There is no research (unfortunately) on HIV being transmitted through urine; however, it is possible for the virus to be present in urine, especially if there is blood in the urine.

Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so a diluted version may be your best bet. And even so, you may get an upset stomach.

If you aren’t sure about your partner’s sexual history or STD and HIV status or your partner isn’t comfortable with getting your urine in her ass, you may want to consider some alternatives. You could pull out and pee on the outside of her body; there are still risks, but they are relatively low if she has no unbroken skin in the area. Be safe and have fun!

Jan 172001

I am dating this awesome guy who is completely open to everything my dirty little mind has thought up but never had anyone to try it on before. Well, I am pretty keen on giving him my ass, but when it comes to receiving, I am a bit nervous. I am freaked out that when we are actually doing it, I will have an accident. The last thing I want in the middle of getting it on is for it all to come out in the end. Please explain to me the easiest, cleanest, and worry-free way I can go about this, so I can truly enjoy myself.

—Dirty Little Mind Wants A Clean Butt

Have no fear! If you are a generally healthy woman with a good diet, normal bowel movements, and no gastrointestinal problems, you can have relatively clean anal sex. Taking a hot, soapy shower and having a bowel movement before anal penetration will insure that there may only be trace amounts of fecal matter in your anal canal and rectum. If you want to take the extra step and have an enema, go right ahead. But know that you don’t have to have an enema to have a mess-free buttbanging.

If you do want to have an enema, there are several different kinds. You can buy a Fleet Enema or a plastic bulb syringe at the drug store. If you use a Fleet, first you should empty the plastic bottle — it contains a liquid laxative which you don’t need to use — and refill it with plain warm water. Always follow the instructions on the box. Or you may want to use an enema bag (a water bottle with a tube attached to it) which rinses farther up into the rectum. Fill the bag with plain warm water only. In addition to your enema bag and tubing, you need a hook of some kind and a place to hang the bag that will be within easy reach of your butt and about eighteen inches (check this) above your ass. Find a position that’s comfortable; you may want to try squatting, lying on your side with one leg pulled up to your chest, or kneeling with your ass up, head down. Use some water-based lubricant on the tip of the nozzle; this goes for the bulb syringe as well, and the Fleet enemas tip is pre-lubricated. Gently insert the tube into your ass.

With a Fleet or bulb syringe, simply squeeze the bottle or bulb and the water will flow into your rectum. With an enema bag, you need to release the gauge on the bag until water begins to flow at the desired pressure (very low pressure is best). Let yourself fill up until you feel like you’ve had enough. When you feel full, close the gauge, take the tube out. Wait a little while (the time varies depending on the person) until you feel like you need to have a bowel movement, then go to the toilet. Repeat the enema several times until only clear water comes out.

If you are going to use an enema, you should have one at least three hours before you have anal sex. An enema loosens everything in your bowels, and often after you feel like you are completely cleaned out, you’ll have an urge a little while later only to discover there was more in there. This is the second wave, and you don’t want it to happen while you’re in the throes of anal pleasure! Giving yourself an enema in the morning before a hot date that night is fine. If it’s not disposable (like a Fleet) then clean your enema equipment well, and do not share it with a partner. Do not overdo it on enemas. I don’t want to see any of you at an Enema Addicts Anonymous meeting!

Nov 292000

What are your thoughts on what has become a new trend in adult films: the ass to mouth act? Have you indulged in this act, and how would you suggest one prepare for such a nasty maneuver? I would appreciate any advice you can give me.


Taking your dick out of a woman’s ass and directly shoving it into her mouth may make for exciting porn, but, in real life, it can be problematic. Bacteria lives in the butt that may not peacefully exist in the mouth, and could lead to an infection. No matter how squeaky clean her rectum may be, chances are there are at least trace amounts of fecal matter which may end up on your dick — do you really want to make her suck that off? Would you put it in your own mouth?

I have a better idea. Fuck her in the ass til she’s right on the edge of orgasm, or you are. Order her to get on her knees and close her eyes. Talk to her, tell her she better open up her mouth for your cock. Have an anti-bacterial baby wipe stashed nearby, and quietly grab it, slide it over your cock, then toss it. Now proceed with sticking your rod in her mouth, keeping the fantasy intact, but keeping it clean for everyone involved.

May 162000

Have you ever known of anyone using laser hair removal on their butt? Would it be safe and effective? How else might one make the area hairless?

–Bryan, New York, NY

Every single person has some hair around their anus; it can be fine and downy or coarse and thick — it totally depends on the person. Likewise, some people are into a hairless hole, while others believe the hairier the better. If you want to get rid of the hair back there, use the same methods you would to remove hair from the pussy — shaving with razors or clippers and waxing are non-permanent ways, which need to be repeated because the hair does grow back. Skip creams like Nair that promise to “remove hair”; they shouldn’t be used in the genital area. The only permanent hair removal method is electrolysis, or laser hair removal, which you inquired about.

Guidelines for shaving the anal area are very similar to shaving a woman’s pussy or a man’s balls and pubic area. You should use a regular disposable razor — leave the wielding of straight razors to the professionals — and plenty of non-irritating shaving cream (I find Aveeno Shaving Gel with oatmeal to be ideal). Of course, when shaving yourself or another person, you should do it in a clean well-lit place, go slow, and be careful. If you’re shaving your own ass, you should use a hand-held mirror so you can see exactly what you’re doing. It’s probably a good idea not to shave the anal area right before you’re planning to have sex; since you have a greater chance of having nicks or cuts, be extra careful and definitely practice safer sex. Oh, and one more thing: when the hair grows back, it will itch, so use a soothing lotion.

Besides its practical use, many people find that the shaving of the genital area of their partners and/or themselves can be very erotic. I happen to love to shave my ass. I shave my ass in addition to shaving my pussy (don’t worry, making my first adult movie did not give me porno pussy or anything, I shaved long before that). I am proud to say that I can shave my ass with a brand new razor — without a mirror. I am so familiar with every millimeter of my ass that I can just feel my way around all the puckered flesh and tiny, sensitive folds. I love the way my ass (and my pussy for that matter) feels when it’s been freshly shaved — smooth and soft and new. I love the danger of doing it, and the results of a job well done. I love the thought of someone pulling down my panties, bending me over, and thinking, what a nicely shaved asshole she has. And since my lover is such a fag when it comes to grooming, I know she notices and appreciates it. Of course, I am an anal expert and wouldn’t dare recommend that you or any one else try it without a mirror!

Waxing your ass is a lot messier and definitely more painful. While I know some folks who do their own waxing at home, I say leave it to the professionals. Unless you’ve experienced another part of your body being waxed, I would not recommend that your first waxing experience be with your ass. All I can say is “Ouch!”

I tried to track down someone who’d actually had electrolysis on their asshole, and had no luck. I did speak with some folks at a local laser hair removal center. Electrolysis on the anal area is possible and can been done safely and effectively. There is a certain amount of pain with any electrolysis (some people describe it as a slight needle prick or a quick burning sensation), and I think that because your anal area is sensitive to begin with, there’s probably more pain than, say, your legs. Electrolysis is permanent, although only after several (about 4-5) treatments, and it is expensive. It’s an investment in time and money, and, if I were you, I would definitely do some research into a good dermatologist or cosmetologist to do the procedure.

Jan 101999

Do I have to have an enema in order to get fucked in the ass? I am worried that it will be messy, and I don’t want it to be. How do I make sure I’m clean and how do I give myself an enema? One more thing — is there such a thing as too many enemas? How often can you have one?

–A.J., New York, NY

This question reminds me of the first time I did a pretty heavy enema scene. A fetish photographer I know was shooting a film on girls and bodily fluids, and he wanted a girl who could shoot water out of her ass. So, he called me. He had photographed me before nude and in various compromising positions, and we were pretty comfortable with each other. But nothing could have prepared me for what he had in mind, and, after all, having someone give you an enema is a real bonding experience.

We were both in his tiny East Village bathroom when he filled the superhero red enema bag. I got down on my knees on the cold tile floor and put my ass in the air. He poured some lube in his hand, and I felt his finger stroke my asshole and slip its way inside. I immediately thought, Wow, he has big fingers. I started to loosen up around him, and told him I was ready. As I felt the tip right at my opening, my clit jumped and I could feel myself getting wet. I wanted to reach around to start jerking myself off, but we had a long way to go, so I postponed my need. He slipped the nozzle inside me, and asked me if I was ready. Oh, I was ready alright. He flipped the gauge and I felt warm water filling me. I like it when the water pressure isn’t too high, flowing at an almost sleepy pace; a really unhurried enema always feels more sensual, like slowly filling a tub for a bubble bath. As the water crept inside me, I started to get that full feeling, which was intensely pleasurable. I told him when I was ready, and he removed the tube, and gently shut the door behind him.

We repeated the enema once more, until the water was all clear. Then came the tricky part. He filled me up, and when I was ready to expel, we moved onto his makeshift set. He started shooting, and then so did I. The first time we did it, I shot a pretty steady stream of water out of my ass, and he yelled Yeah! from behind his camera. Then we repeated the ritual — he’d fill me up, start the camera rolling, and I’d shoot for him — we did it thirteen times! Needless to say, that was the most enemas I’d ever have, and after the experience, I felt much more intimate with my photographer friend. And I felt more squeaky clean than ever before!

Now for my advice:

First. let me say that an enema isn’t necessary in order to have safe, relatively clean anal sex. Many people find that a nice warm and soapy shower or bath and a bowel movement before anal sex gets them pretty clean. But other people find that an enema helps reassure them about the cleanliness of their asses and the emptiness of their bowels. And others like to give or receive enemas as part of an S/M scene, and in these cases, an enema does not necessarily go hand in hand with anal sex but becomes an erotic activity unto itself.

If you’ve never had an enema before, you may want to start with an anal douche; these are popularly called “enemas,” but are less complicated to administer. You can buy a Fleet Enema, which has a pre-lubricated nozzle and is easy to use. Make sure you empty out the chemical solution and refill the bottle with plain warm water that feels like around body temperature. Squeeze the bottle to release the water into your rectum. Wait a few minutes, go sit on the toilet and let nature take its course. You can repeat the anal douche (about 2-3 times) until your bowels are completely cleaned out.

Giving yourself an enema with an enema bag takes a little more skill (and maybe even a mistress to administer it or a slave to assist you, which can add to the fun). You need to have an enema bag, tubing, and a hook of some kind (either over the toilet or the tub to hang the bag on). Fill the bag with warm water. Hang the bag within easy reach of your butt. Find a position that’s comfortable; you may want to try lying on your left side with your right leg pulled up to your chest or kneeling with your ass up, head down and one side of your face against the floor. You definitely want to use some water-based lubricant on the tip of the nozzle. Gently insert the tube into your rectum, then release the gauge on the bag until water begins to flow at the desired pressure (very low pressure is best). You’ll know when you’ve had enough. When you feel full, close the gauge, take the tube out and go to the toilet. Repeat several times until only water comes out during a bowel movement.

If you’re having an enema in preparation for anal sex, you should do it at least 2-3 hours prior to the sex to give your body a chance to reabsorb water and recover. Contrary to my little story about the thirteen enemas, it’s not a good idea to have enemas too frequently. They tend to stress out your rectum and too much of this evacuation can really throw your rectum, bowels and gastrointestinal tract off balance.