Strap-on Slut

Feb 132003
 

I’m a lesbian in a relationship with a great girl. I’d visited your website before and the idea of anal sex interested both of us, but we’d never gone beyond a little hesitant touching. Your book was an eye-opening experience! I thought that my sex life was fun before, but you helped us to safely discover a whole new level of pleasure, and I really want to thank you for that. My girlfriend and I have different views on the subject: she likes it when I penetrate her with a strap-on dildo; I prefer when she puts a butt plug in my ass, and I wear it for a while — I like the “full feeling” better. We use condoms on our toys, we’re careful to take our time, and we use plenty of lubricant.

After an anal session, whether it’s with a butt plug or dildo, however, my girlfriend gets abdominal cramps. She has absolutely no pain during sex itself (quite the opposite), only afterwards! We have tried different positions, enemas, breathing techniques, and having several orgasms before anal penetration. The dildo I am using is only about 1.5″ in diameter, and she has no problem taking it. The only time she doesn’t suffer these symptoms is when we just do gentle fingering (one or two fingers). This would be fine except she is very into the strap-on. Can you help us?

–Strap-on Slut

When people write to me about pain and discomfort from anal penetration, it’s usually about burning and other painful feelings in their rectum. However, cramping after anal sex is not unusual. In fact, lots of people ask me, “After you did your final scene in The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women video, wasn’t your ass sore?” I tell them the truth: I had so much warm up with fingers and toys, and I was so turned on that my ass was relaxed and open. Even lots of anal penetration over several hours of taping didn’t make me sore, but I did feel some cramps in my abdomen afterwards. Of course, making my video was like the Anal Olympics for me, and I don’t want your girlfriend to have discomfort just from what is, comparatively, a run around the track.

I have a few suggestions. First, don’t fuck on a full stomach. If her body is trying to digest a big meal, then stimulation in the rectum could confuse the natural bowel processes. Similarly, just like you shouldn’t drink gallons of water before you work out your abdominal muscles at the gym, the same holds true for getting plowed. Second, consider using a shorter dildo. The longer the cock, the closer it gets to the lower colon, which for some people may disrupt colonic activity and cause cramps. Finally, as you thrust in and out of her with your cock, air can be pushed inside her rectum and travel upward in the body, giving her cramps, so no more doing her in wind tunnels. Seriously, if her cramping persists, I suggest she consult a physician to see if she is suffering from a gastrointestinal problem.

Waiting to Inflate

Feb 082003
 

First off, thank you for writing a great book and making a movie out of it. It was a great help in introducing anal sex to our marriage. Do those inflatable vibrating butt plugs really work? Are they safe and fun or are they just another novelty?

–Waiting to Inflate

Inflatable butt plugs look like bachelor-party gag gifts, but they are sex toys that actually work. Some of my best friends swear by inflatable plugs! One selling point is that you can gradually work your way up from slim to sizable without having to buy four different sized butt plugs. You can track your progress, and one toy can suit your different desires. Once the plug is inside you, you can give your ass time to relax, then one pump, and you feel more full. Like with all kinds of anal play, don’t try to rush things — take your time.

Also keep in mind that you should use common sense and never over-inflate one of these bad boys. Make sure you inflate it outside the body, and note how many squeezes of the inflating pump it can take, since you don’t want to find out its limit while it’s up your butt. According to all the letters I receive, and the people I meet at my anal sex workshops across the country, I know of only two people who’ve ever experienced an inflatable plug bursting. Both times, it was a manufacturing defect, and it broke into a few pieces which were easily removed. So go ahead and pump your way to pleasure!

Anally Concerned Couple

Jan 302003
 

My girlfriend and I have realized the joys of anal play and recently started playing with a latex vibrating butt plug. It’s been a great addition, but we experienced something bizarre when using it recently. When I pulled the plug out of her butt after a short play session, a large amount of mucous-like substance came out of her ass as well. It had no trace of fecal matter and definitely was not lube but neither of us knew what to make of this. Are we doing something wrong or should I be concerned with anything?

–Anally Concerned Couple

Congrats on coming over to the tushy team! When stuff comes out of our asses that we don’t recognize, it can be alarming, so I understand your concern completely. Rest assured, you are fine. The rectum is lined with a thin layer of mucous which helps to protect it. When we put toys inside our butts, some of that mucous can cling to the toy, and even mix with lubricant, which sounds like what happened to you. The rectum naturally regenerates the mucous, so your ass will return to normal. Then you can stick more things in it!

Do-Right Dom

Jan 142003
 

I have been an anal lover for years, and I recently met a new woman who has become my submissive. I would love to start her anal training as she has just begun to understand her submissive side, and it really comes out when I even mention doing her in the ass. Here’s the problem: she told me that she had surgery to remove hemorrhoids, so I am concerned. It has been a year and she has a clean bill of health from her doctor. Can we begin to have anal intercourse as well as other fun and games?

–Do-Right Dom

If your submissive had surgery to treat her hemorrhoids, then her problem was probably pretty serious. Many people with hemorrhoids are able to enjoy anal penetration as long as they pay close attention to their butts, and don’t engage in backdoor banging during a flare up. If she feels itching, burning or any discomfort, you should stop at once. But before you do anything, has she talked to her doctor about resuming anal play? I know it can be a difficult or embarrassing thing to bring up with a health care professional, but your submissive’s doctor knows her ass well by now, so he or she is the best person to ask about its health. If the doctor gives you the green light, then progress slowly, use plenty of lube, and err on the side of gentleness to begin. Instruct your submissive to give you post-scene reports about how her ass is feeling, which will give you information about how to proceed.

I Want A Pain-Free Poke

Nov 262002
 

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 years. My boyfriend wants to have anal sex, but he is very big and thick. He hurts me when we’re just having regular sex. I don’t know why, since I’m 100% wet when we have sex, and it still hurts. We tried anal once but I told him to take it out because it hurt even when he put the head in. I’m just afraid that if we have anal sex he’s gonna hurt me. He says he will go slow, but he never listens to himself. Just before he’s getting ready to cum he starts to do it harder, so I don’t know if I should do it with him or not.

–I Want A Pain-Free Poke

First, I recommend you really focus on extended foreplay before your boyfriend even attempts penetration with his dick. Have him go down on you, rub your clit, use a vibrator, and work your body before getting inside it. The more aroused you get, the better your circulation; blood rushes to the genitals, the body relaxes, the pussy lubricates, and penetration becomes much easier. You say you are 100% wet, but I still really recommend using lube. Lube makes everything nice and slick, and eases penetration whether he’s well endowed or not. You also need to warm up both your ass and pussy with something smaller than your husband’s dick, like his fingers or a smaller dildo or vibrator. Start small and slow, and work your way up. Add another finger or go farther in only when you feel completely relaxed and ready for more. Don’t rush it.

Once you start having intercourse, make sure you are in the driver’s seat. You call the shots about how hard, how deep, how fast. Talk to your boyfriend and make sure he knows when something feels really good and when it does not. Penetration, whether vaginal or anal, should never hurt you. Take the time to make sure your body is warmed up, you are ready, and make sure he’s connected to you so he knows when the time is right.

For some men, in order to orgasm they need to take some very quick hard thrusts, which sounds like it may be the case with your guy. If he simply can’t slow down or when he does slow down, he can’t come, then I suggest this: when he’s ready to shoot, have him pull out. Then you can give him a hand job, he can jerk himself off, or he can thrust against you but not inside you.

Ass Scratch

Nov 152002
 

I have had some discomfort since I allowed my girlfriend to insert her fingers inside my ass. I am afraid she might have scratched me. Is this situation dangerous? What treatment can I use to heal if I am scratched?

–Ass Scratch

Since you didn’t specify if the suspected scratch is external or internal, I will give you advice about both. If the scratch is on the outside, you should take extra care to make sure it stays clean in the next week; look at the local drugstore for personal hygeine cloths which contain soothing ingredients like witch hazel. If you believe there is a scratch or minor cut inside your rectum, your body should heal itself, and you should be free of all discomfort within about a week. If you continue to experience pain or if you are bleeding after a few days, then go see a physician.

Let me give you some tips for the future about how to protect yourself without sacrificing your sex life. Whether she has real or fake nails, no matter what the length, your girlfriend should definitely wear gloves when she fucks you in the ass. Latex or non-latex gloves alone are fine for short nails or even when you are just not so sure about rough edges, torn cuticles, or other things which could cause a tear. But for anything longer than very short nails, she can stuff half a cotton ball in each of the finger tips of the glove or wrap her nails in gauze before she slips into a glove. This will protect her nails and, very importantly, your ass from any future mishaps.

Female Fisting Fan

Nov 082002
 

My question is about anal fisting. My girlfriend started out with her fingers, and this weekend she wanted to put in as much as I could take. After all was said and done, she had her fist in me. I must say, it hurt a little, but I enjoyed it, and she did also. How often can a person do this to their ass? I do not want to find that when I hit the age of 40, I will have some long term problems.

–Female Fisting Fan

Like everything else we do, especially the more extreme activities, moderation is always best. Fisting is an activity that requires patience, practice, skill, and lots of lube. As long as you take your time and listen to your body, you can engage in anal fisting as often as your body can handle it. But it’s important that you and your girlfriend respect your body’s limits. Even those who exercise care and caution may be left the next day with a sore ass, so it’s best to give your ass a few days rest in between frenetic fisting sessions. Anal penetration and fisting shouldn’t hurt, and if you experience pain, you should slow down, back off, or stop altogether. If you don’t, and you push yourself too much, you are more likely to cause some kind of trauma to the delicate rectal tissue which can lead to discomfort, pain, and damage to your ass. To keep your ass happy and healthy, practice common sense, and don’t over do it. The better you treat it, the more you’ll be able to fist it!

Rough Anal Player

Oct 122002
 

Receiving anal penetration and being sexually submissive has always been the focus of my sexual fantasies. More specifically, I like the anal penetration to be painful. I always imagined it that way and was disappointed when my partner was too gentle at first. He knows me better now, and I have been able to fulfill my anal fantasies with him for the past six months. We usually start with fingers, dildos or plugs, but unlike everything else I’ve read, we use these to make me sore, not to warm me up, and we use as little lubrication as possible. I can only feel totally aroused when it begins to burn, sting, or ache and I feel I want my partner to stop. This particular pain, coupled with some light to medium flogging, is the one thing that makes me really orgasm. I also love the feeling of soreness the next day.

I always recover after a day or so of restraint, but I am now worried after reading more about the dos and don’t of anal sex that over time I could cause permanent damage to myself. I love it so much, and it is so sexually satisfying to me that it would be a problem for me to lessen this behavior. I would like to know if anyone else has enjoyed such rough anal penetration over a long period of time, and if they have or haven’t had any problems.

–Rough Anal Player

Thank you for writing to me. I think it is incredibly brave of you to be so honest about your sexual desires and practices, especially when many people might see them as sick, twisted, and politically incorrect, even fellow BDSM players. I appreciate your candor, and I think that yours is an important letter to print, because I am sure you are not the only one out there. As kinky people who practice all kinds of BDSM, we know that there is a fine line between pleasure and pain, and that line is different for everyone. People who enjoy flogging, spanking, piercing, and other forms of intense sensation play know the high from the rush of endorphins we get, the thrill of pushing the limits of our bodies, and the orgasmic potential of these activities which non-kinky people would see as cruel and painful.

As a community, BDSM players often reiterate ad nauseum that our activities are “safe, sane, and consensual” and we frown upon “unsafe” players. With most forms of sensation play, you can paddle, whip, beat, pierce and cut fleshy, well-padded areas of the body. You should never strike joints, boney areas, areas around internal organs, the neck, head, or face. I think the ass would fall into the latter category as an area we shouldn’t deliberately hurt simply because unlike fleshly parts of our body which may redden, bruise, or bleed but eventually recover completely, the ass is not so resilient. The rectum is quite delicate, which is why sex educators like myself encourage people to go slow, warm the body up, and use plenty of lube. It’s a matter of comfort — I assume that the majority of people do not want to experience pain through anal penetration. Anal sex has long been mythologized as violent and painful for women, and I am attempting to counteract that stereotype by teaching people to have pain-free anal penetration.

Your desire for pain puts you in the minority but that doesn’t mean it is not valid. However, you need to know the risks of your practices. Through repeated penetration with little warm up, no lube, or deliberate roughness, you can scrape or abrade the rectum, develop anal fissures and other ailments, and cause permanent damage to your ass. Permanent damage could mean no more anal play at all, which doesn’t sound like what you want. Yours is a difficult dilemma. I want you to do what turns you on and makes you come, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself or damage your body in the process.

I think you should explore other kinds of play which may produce similar sensations for you, but happen on a less fragile part of the body. But even as I write that recommendation, I realize that part of the turn on for you may be that you don’t want to feel pain in the “safe” places on your body, but in the very places we’re told are too delicate and off limits. You and your partner should explore new ways to approximate the pain sensations while still taking good care of your ass. Adding warm up and lube to the equation will protect your body and won’t prevent you from feeling the burn or the ache, especially with especially large toys. You need to find that unique line for yourself where the sensation is intense enough to satisfy you, but you are mindful of not hurting yourself.

Sympathetic Squirter

Sep 102002
 

When my wife and I have anal, she can feel the throb of my penis when I orgasm. But I’ve always heard there are women who can detect much more than that: they feel the semen splashing warm into their butts when their man comes. My wife cannot. We both wish she could, but if this just a myth we’d have less reason to feel disappointed. Can some women really feel the squirt itself?

–Sympathetic Squirter

The anal canal and rectum are full of nerve endings and therefore very sensitive, which is why the ass responds so well to stimulation, vibration, and penetration. This sensitivity also leads some women to feel other sensations besides the usual pleasure feelings from a good ass fucking, which accounts for the throbbing of your cock that your wife feels. While many women say they can feel a man’s cock spasm as he comes, I’ve only known a few women who say they can actually feel a rush of semen in their ass. I suppose it depends on a woman’s sensitivity and the speed, force, and amount of the guy’s ejaculation. Most men don’t ejaculate enough to produce a splashing effect like you describe.

That said, remember that our nerve endings connect back to our brains, which tell us what we’re feeling. So, if a woman can visualize the moment of ejaculation when semen squirts out of a cock and into her ass, then she can associate what she feels with that action. In other words, the power of suggestion can be more potent than concentrated semen. If you tell her when you come, and describe it for her, the two of you can share the experience on an intense, visceral level.

Ready for An Overnighter

Aug 202002
 

My wife and I both enjoy extended anal sex. One of our favorite things to do is to put an X-rated movie in the VCR, lube up, hook up, and watch the whole thing start to finish. I usually cum at least once, regularly more than once. A couple of times lately, one or the other of us has fallen asleep before the movie ends. Not wanting to wake the sleeping one, whoever’s awake just hits the power button on the remote and takes a nap. When the sleepyhead wakes up after an hour or so, we separate, shower, and go to bed.

We’ve been fantasizing about just staying “connected” until it’s time to get up the next morning. I don’t seem to have any problem with a priaprism (prolonged sustained erection), as her anus is fairly relaxed the whole time. My cock goes from nearly flaccid to nicely erect once every ten minutes or so while we’re connected, reportedly even when I’m the one asleep. We both like deep anal penetration, and keeping my cock in all the way to the base probably also has something to do with good blood flow out.

So, should we go ahead and spend the night locked in an anal embrace? We’ve tried this vaginally, but the lack of a sphincter muscle means that when I go limp I fall out. Her anal sphincter, and the vacuum effect of such a tight seal seems to be just enough to prevent that from happening during extended anal sex. Also, we’ve found a position (spooned, with both my legs wrapped around her bottom leg — impossible on anything but a waterbed), that keeps the penetration deep enough to help hold me in.

–Ready for An Overnighter

I must commend you on one of the most creative letters this Anal Advisor has ever received! It sounds like you’ve already experimented with staying inside her ass during short naps, and it’s worked pretty well. It sounds like you are blessed with the ability to go from soft to hard fairly easily, which definitely makes the situation easier. I am impressed that neither one of you moves during these naps, which would certainly break the connection.

As for trying this for an entire night of sleep, I am not so sure it’s a good idea. First, surely one or both of you will shift during the night, which could result in an awkward position or worse, you could hurt the other. Second, I can’t imagine that for several hours you’ll be able to maintain an erection (even for ten minutes at a time), which will make prolonged penetration very difficult. Third, if you did achieve the kind of “vacuum,” as you called it, the risk of cutting off or decreasing the circulation in your cock is too great. Hey, you’ve made these catnaps work, which is more than most people can do, so I say, keep having those short, fun encounters and don’t be greedy!

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