Jul 222014
 

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This week’s guest on Sex Out Loud is Lisa Vandever: a producer and consultant with over twenty years of experience in film and television. She seized the unique opportunity to combine two of her overriding fixations, film and sexuality. Founded in 2003, CineKink recognizes and encourages the positive depiction of sexuality and kink in film and television, most visibly through its annual film festival, CineKink NYC. We’ll discuss media representations of alternative sexuality, visual depictions of kink, and the intersections of film and sexuality.

This week’s show is LIVE. Find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air.

As co-founder and director of CineKink, an organization that recognizes and encourages the positive depiction of sexuality in film and television, Lisa Vandever curates and oversees an annual film festival and touring series, designed to promote and showcase such works. Billing itself as “the kinky film festival,” with offerings drawn from both the independent cinema world and the adult, works presented at CineKink, currently in its eleventh season, range from documentary to drama, comedy to experimental, slightly spicy to quite explicit–and everything in between. A producer and consultant with over twenty years of experience in film and television, Vandever was formerly the director of programming for a regional network of public television stations, worked as a development executive for two New York-based independent production companies and was associate producer of the Sundance award-winning feature film, “Songcatcher.”

Seizing the unique opportunity to combine two of her overriding fixations, film and sexuality, Vandever previously co-founded the New York S/M Film Festival, which ran 2000-2002. Over the years she has also consulted with media distributors on how to best reach sexuality communities, and has advised filmmakers on how to present their works to a wider market. In addition to serving on the board of directors of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, she also volunteered on its media committee, alerting community members to media presentations of alternative sexuality, and encouraging feedback. She has spoken several times on the intersection of film and sexuality at the prestigious SXSW conference, with additional appearances including the International Film Festival Summit, Film Festival Academy, DIY Convention, Sex 2.0, MomentumCon, CatyalystCon and Leather Leadership Conference. She is proud to have once stumped the panel as a guest during a round of “What’s My Fetish?” on the Radio Chick Show …and she probably watches a lot less porn than everyone seems to think she does.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Mar 262014
 

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This Friday, March 28th at 8 pm ET / 5 pm PT on Sex Out Loud radio, I’ll be live with artist, author, activist, educator and filmmaker Madison Young talking about the release of her new memoir, Daddy. Daddy explores Young’s interwoven relationships with the men in her life from the fraught relationship with her biological father to the BDSM “leather daddies” that lead her on a journey of sexual revelation, both on and off camera. When Young finally finds the Daddy that she has been searching for, her fairytale quest is shattered with the flawed realities of human nature that exists outside of this little girl’s fantasy. Find out why Michelle Tea said: “This lady has done more in the first quarter of her life than most people do in a generation.”

This week’s show is LIVE, which means we’ll be giving away a Sportsheets prize to a lucky fan. Find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air – you could be chosen to win!

MADISON YOUNG is an artist and activist dedicated to creating space for love. This sexpert grew up in the suburban landscape of Southern Ohio before moving to San Francisco, California in 2000. Since then this mid-western gal has dedicated her days to facilitating safe space to dialogue on the topic of fringe identities and cultures as well as documenting healthy expression of sexuality. Young’s breadth of work in the realm of sexuality spans from documenting our sexual culture in her feminist erotic films to serving as the Artistic Director of the forward thinking non-profit arts organization, Femina Potens Art Gallery. Young values sexual education in her work and has taught workshops, lectures, and acted as a panelist on the topics of sexuality, feminist porn studies, and the politics of BDSM around the world including at Yale University, Hampshire College, Northwestern University, University of Toronto, University of Minnesota, and UC Berkeley. Her writings have been published in books such as The Ultimate Guide to Kink, Baby Remember My Name, Rope, Bondage, and Power, Best Sex Writing of 2013, and John’s Marks, Tricks, and Chickenhawks. Madison Young lives in Berkeley, California with her partner James and child, Em. She is currently pursuing her doctorate in clinical sexology at the Institute of Advanced Studies for Human Sexuality.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Jan 302014
 

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Sex educator Tristan Taormino has teamed up with Sportsheets and Good Vibrations to make this a very special Valentine’s Day! Tristan hand picked some of her favorite Sportsheets and Sex & Mischief toys to create Tristan’s Kinky Essentials Gift Box, available at Good Vibrations.

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This special gift set is chock full of kinky tools for some fun bondage and roleplay. Celebrate this Valentine’s Day in style with quality toys including: the signature Door Jam Cuffs (as featured in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Bondage for Couples), Steele Balls (Kegel balls), the Doggie-Style Strap, Bondage Tape, Cuff Love (soft adjustable cuffs), Red Rubber Tickler, Soft Blindfold (as seen in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples) and a Riding Crop. All the tools you need to bring some kink into your life, packaged in a beautiful box, ready to give to that special someone. Instead of flowers and candy, give your sweetie what they really want: a hot night of sexual adventure with the promise of more to come!

And if you want some bedtime reading to go with it, why not check out Tristan’s e-book 50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM, perfect for beginners curious about the world of kink. If you’re a little more advanced, then The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge is a great read. If you’re looking for fantasy material, try Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica.

Dec 142013
 

I feel like my current relationship will cause my entire existence to revolve around my asshole! I’m no anal virgin, mind you. I’ve got plenty of experience with enemas, plugs, fucking and exploration. I rather enjoy it all! But how much is too much? I am in a Dominant/submissive relationship, and my Master has recently requested that I remain plugged 24/7/365, only removing it to relieve myself or during extreme illness or injury. When I wear a plug for a long time, I get sore and unpleasantly distracted very quickly. I know this isn’t always a bad thing, but it’s starting to interfere with my work and overall life. He also expects me to do complete enemas with a shower hose every day. Right now, I’ve only got the resources to do that once or twice a week, but it plays hell with my whole system for days afterwards!

Does it get better with time and a more stringent routine? So much of it already throws off my entire being! I’ve run the predictable course of diarrhea, constipation, nausea, loss of appetite, cramping, soreness, irritation and have lost a considerable amount of weight (20 pounds) in just over a month. I can’t say that all of it is related to the new ass attentions, but I’m certain that the majority is.

How do I continue to want to do what my Master expects of me and not flatly refuse what I think will ultimately cause damage? I just don’t want to be hurting and sick all the time. Everything seems to revolve around my ass. It’s frustrating and doesn’t make me feel anywhere nearly as good as I want it to. Instead of feeling clean and “free” afterwards, or pleasantly full and reminded, I feel more drained and exhausted. Sure, my ass might smell like daisies and be stretched to “convenient” proportions, but it’s no fun anymore and goes way beyond that.

I sometimes even feel like without my ass, what would He want with me? I don’t want to take the fun out of it for my Master, but I feel like if I can’t get over this one hurdle. So much of His passion is about anal, so our whole compatibility might be in jeopardy. He cares about me and I don’t think He wants to intentionally hurt me, but I’m barely keeping up! What can I do?

–In Anal Agony

You are missing two critical elements in your Dominant/submissive relationship: consent and mutual satisfaction. It sounds to me like you are blindly following orders that are physically harming you and that you don’t enjoy on any level. D/s relationships can help us test our own boundaries, but the relationship you describe is way out of bounds. No one should have an enema every day. No one can wear a butt plug 24/7. It sounds like your Master has been reading too much fantasy fiction and hasn’t had enough real-world experience, because what he is asking of you is impractical, unsafe, and bizarre. I support fantasizing about wild, out there things and I support Dominants who threaten submissives with various kinds of torture, but this crosses the line. You must speak up for yourself and he must be willing to negotiate more realistic expectations, otherwise this is a one-way relationship you shouldn’t be in.

Dec 112013
 

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This Friday the 13th is very lucky for us: Midori comes to Sex Out Loud to discuss rope bondage, sci-fi kink, dominance training, creative sex education, and fulfilling personal growth. She’ll discuss what makes protocols sexy and how you can increase your own confidence and transform your sex life. Tune in to find out why Midori was named the 2013 winner of Best Sex Educator, Best of San Francisco, by SF Weekly Magazine…and how you can plan your own visit to Planet Midori.

Sexuality educator, author and artist based in San Francisco, Midori has made an improbable career out of being the traveling coach on the art of creative and sensual living. Dubbed “the super nova of kink” by Dan Savage, Midori is known for her hilarious and practical classes on enhancing sexual fulfillment, boosting confidence and expanding personal growth. Native of Tokyo, Japan, she brings a unique perspective pleasure and authentic living. She wrote the first English language book on Shibari with “Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage“, the hot essays in “Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink“, and twisted dark science fiction in “Master Han’s Daughter“. In 2001 she founded Rope Bondage Dojo®. She has trained many cadres and leads many Dojos each year. She also created ForteFemme, a unique women’s dominance weekend training and empowerment intensive.

Recently she’s joined forces with Laura Antoniou in Passionate Bonds, a weekend intensive on creating effective and meaningful D/s M/s protocol and etiquette. 2013 Winner, Best Sex Educator in Best of San Francisco by SF Weekly Magazine. Awarded Pantheon Leather Woman of the Year 2003. Sainted by Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence 2007. She creates provocative and haunting art installations and performances, seen in venues as far flung as Yerba Buena Center for the Arts (San Francisco) and Tanzquartier Wien (Vienna) She’s been long active in HIV fundraising through AIDS LifeCycle

Website: www.FHP-inc.com
Also find her at: Facebook / Twitter / Instagram / Vine: @PlanetMidori
AIDS/LifeCycle Fundraising: http://www.tofighthiv.org/

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Nov 152013
 

The infamous sex toy reviewer and blogger Epiphora did a fantastic sex toy gift guide on the November 15 episode of Sex Out Loud, so we are sharing it here! –Tristan

Vibrators

LELO Mona 2 vibratorMy #1 pick is the Mona 2 vibrator from LELO. I’ve become so obsessed with this toy lately that I’m pretty sure everyone’s getting sick of hearing about it. But it covers all the bases: it’s rechargeable, strong, fully submersible in water, and the shape is just awesome. It has a bulbous end for great G-spot stimulation, but it’s also sort of tapered on one side, so it sits nicely between the labia when used clitorally. It also has incredible range in terms of vibration, so a person who doesn’t know how much power they need yet can find out.

As a bonus, it comes in a box that’s already perfect for gift-giving. You can literally just toss a bow around it and be done. Which is great because I’m already having flash-forwards to how much peppermint schnapps I’m going to have to drink while I wrap presents this year, just to make it bearable.

We-Vibe Touch vibratorLELO Mia 2 vibrator
If you’re looking for a solid clitoral vibe, my favorite rechargeables are the We-Vibe Touch and LELO Mia. The We-Vibe Touch is one of the most powerful rechargeable clit vibes I’ve ever tried, which, of course, I love, and the LELO Mia is USB rechargeable, so it’s basically the best travel vibe ever.

Pleasure Works Silver Bullet vibratorPleasure Works Diving Dolphin vibrator sleevePleasure Works Wild Hare vibrator sleeve
Pleasure Works makes a couple 100% silicone sleeves called the Diving Dolphin and Wild Hare, and those fit over any vibrator with a diameter of an inch or so. They fit perfectly over the Silver Bullet, which consequently is an excellent starter vibe, and they give it some extra grip, too, which is awesome.

Dildos

Vixen Creations VixSkin dildos

Some of my favorite dildos of all-time are the dildos made by Vixen Creations. They have a dual-density pure silicone called VixSkin that is highly detailed, delightfully squishy, and will last a lifetime. I’m addicted to it, to put it mildly.

Tantus Rocket dildoPleasure Works Siren dildoLELO Ella dildo
I’m also a big fan of G-spot dildos. If your gift recipient is new to G-spot stimulation, a really simple silicone dildo with a good G-spotting head will do the trick. I really like the Tantus Rocket, the Pleasure Works Siren, and the LELO Ella.

njoy Pure Wand dildoNobEssence Seduction dildoJopen Key Comet G Wand dildo
But if they’ve already found their G-spot and want to up the ante a bit — perhaps even learn to squirt — I absolutely adore the njoy Pure Wand, which is stainless steel, the NobEssence Seduction which is made of wood, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand, which is half-glass and half-silicone. All of them are basically G-spot homing missiles, so you can’t go wrong.

Fun Factory Stronic Eins pulsatorTantus Splash dildoCrystal Delights Crystal Twist
But what if the person you’re buying for already has a hefty sex toy collection? I’d suggest a toy that offers a truly unique sensation, and I would know which ones do because I have a very discerning vagina. I suggest you check out Fun Factory’s Stronic line. These toys do not have traditional motors; they actually contain weights that move back and forth. Yes, like a Shake Weight. Except for your vagina. And a lot more useful. The Stronics are not cheap, but I think they’re worth it. And I don’t say that a lot about $200 toys.

If $200 is a bit much, and I don’t blame you there, look up the Tantus Splash or Crystal Delights Crystal Twist. These two dildos are oddly shaped, yet feel so wonderful because of it.

Anal Toys

Fun Factory Bootie butt plugnjoy Pure Plug butt plugNobEssence Romp butt plug
If your gift recipient has never tried anal play, I would suggest the Fun Factory Bootie, a little silicone plug with a curved tip. It’s cute, small, and it has a great base.

If they’re more well-versed in anal, they’ll love the njoy Pure Plug, which is stainless steel, or the NobEssence Romp, which is wood. Both feel amazing and really have that “wow” factor when you open them because they’re so gorgeous.

Kegel Balls

LELO Luna Beads kegel balls

My favorite kegel balls — and I’ve tried quite a few — are the LELO Luna Beads. These are inserted vaginally and can be worn around, to make mundane tasks less excruciating. Oh, yeah, and they tone the PC muscles, too. But mostly the sensation of the inner balls rolling around is just really fun.

Sleeves

Fleshlight line-up

Fleshlights are awesome. My boyfriend is super picky about sleeves, but he loves the luscious material used to make Fleshlights… as do I (you can sometimes find me casually fingering one). There are about a million to choose from, from basic orifices to extremely detailed porn star vulvas. There’s even a build-your-own option.

Other Stuff

Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System

If you want to veer off the traditional sex toy path, there’s always the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System. This thing basically turns any bed into a bondage playground, complete with both wrist and ankle cuffs. And when you’re done, you can just toss the straps and cuffs under the mattress, effectively hiding them away from your kids… or in my case, my cats.

Sliquid lube is the best

And finally, I must mention lube! It’s the best. Everyone should use it. My favorite brand is Sliquid, because all of their lubes are glycerin- and paraben- free. I say get some lube samples and stuff them in a stocking. Plus then you can do a lube flight and find out what both of you like.

Can’t decide?

If you can’t decide, and if I’m overwhelming you with suggestions, see if your favorite sex shop does gift certificates (hint: Good Vibes, Babeland, SheVibe, Early to Bed, Come As You Are, and Tantus all do). One thing you can do is make a list of potential toys to show your partner — you could even put together a sex toy brochure or menu or something — but leave the final say up to them. This shows that you put some effort and research into it, but ultimately you’re giving them the reins. People love having the reins.

Sep 102013
 

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This Friday, September 13th at 5pm PT / 8 pm ET, I interview educator, ritualist, and founder of the Academy of S/M Arts, Cleo Dubois. Dubois enjoys guiding both newcomers and experts on sophisticated techniques related to kink and BDSM and she’ll discuss how consensual powerplay is a valid path to self-discovery, intimacy and healing. We’ll get a peak inside her popular intensive weekends for dominants taught at the San Francisco Citadel and hear highlights from her blog, In Kink With Heart, true stories of her 30 years in the scene.

This week’s show is live, so find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air!

Cleo Dubois is a BDSM Educator, ritualist, and creator of the Academy of S/M Arts. A versatile sadomasochist , she came out in the San Francisco Leather Scene in the early 80s. She made two popular docu-films, “The Pain Game” and “Tie Me Up,” & presents at local and national leather events. She offers, with Eve Minax, Erotic Dominance Intensives Weekends focused on connecting heat, heart and spirit in our consensual power play. Helping new comers embrace their kink and mentoring couple play in the privacy of her dungeon are her specialties.

 

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Aug 212013
 

We featured a bunch of fantastic bondage toys in my latest instructional movie Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Bondage for Couples, and I’ve compiled a guide to all the toys by scene, complete with links to the exact products as well as similar items and some of my favorites.

Scene 1: Samantha Ryan and Michael Vegas

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Sex & Mischief Grey Tie
Also fun: Experimental Kink Kit

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Bondage Tape

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The Original Magic Wand Vibrator

Scene 2: Adrianna Luna and James Deen

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Bondage cuffs from the Sportsheets Sexy Slave Kit

More options: Cuff Love, Tethers & Leopard Restraints
Bound to Please Leather Collar
Sex and Mischief Red Restraint Kit

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Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System

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Sex & Mischief Sex Sling

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Natural Contours Superbe Vibrator

Two of my favorite vibes: Laya Vibrator and We-Vibe Touch


Scene 3: Skin Diamond and Derrick Pierce

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Blindfold and bondage cuffs from the Sportsheets Sexy Slave Kit
More options: Our First Bondage Kit, Cuff Love, Tethers & Leopard Restraints

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Sweet Lips Candy Ball Gag
Actual one we used: Pipedream Candy Ball Gag

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Deluxe Fantasy Door Swing
And don’t forget Skin’s favorite vibe: The Original Magic Wand Vibrator

Scene 4: India Summer and Danny Wylde

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Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs

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Submit to Me Beginners Bondage Kit
purple silk scarves we used: Black Rose Silky Surrender

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Fetish Fantasy Spinning Swing
and don’t forget: The Original Magic Wand Vibrator

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Aug 052013
 

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The last time I shot India Summer was for The Expert Guide to Threesomes, although she also appears in the photos in my book The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation, shot by the wonderful photographer Holly Randall. I was looking forward to working with India again in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Bondage for Couples, since she has one of the best attitudes in porn; she truly loves sex and her job. She was paired with Danny Wylde, who was so stellar in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples with Lyla Storm.

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The scene begins in a doorway, where Danny has tied up India with door jam cuffs and has his head buried between her legs. After a hot orgasm, India turns the tables, and puts Danny in the very same bondage he put her in. She returns the favor with a sloppy blow job. That’s right folks, it’s a switch scene! Switch scenes, where the dominant/submissive roles are fluid and shift, are still too rare in porn movies, and I want to see more of them, so I am glad I included one in this movie. On the couch in the living room, they used purple silky scarves and took turns tying each other up.

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At one point, we took a break to replace a camera battery and India was on top grinding into Danny. Just before the cameras started rolling again, Danny turned to her and said, “Can you do more of that?” These are the moments I just love (and wish I could capture on camera, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, it’s the nature of porno). It was genuine and sexy as hell to see Danny turned on and asking for more.

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Their scene culminates in the Fetish Fantasy Spinning Swing which was suspended from a steel bondage frame (many thanks to Stockroom for a major hook up to get this in time at a reasonable price). This is a pretty elaborate swing that hangs from a single suspension point with a bungee cord that gives it lots of bounce. It took a little time for India and Danny to get the hang of it but they had a lot of fun having her suspended in mid air.

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Aug 042013
 

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It’s no secret that Derrick Pierce is one of my favorite performers, and he did a great scene with Asa Akira in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples. In Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Bondage for Couples, he’s paired with Skin Diamond and they two of them really go to town on each other. I’ve wanted to direct Skin Diamond from the moment I laid eyes on her. She is so stunning, plus she’s smart, funny, and actually showed up EARLY to the set. Unheard of in porno land, but definitely a way to score points with me! We had a last minute replacement for hair and makeup and this guy usually does mainstream work; you don’t have to do much with Skin, but he put her hair into this unbelievable updo twist thing that made her even more gorgeous. We goofed around a lot shooting stills.

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She and Derrick have done many scenes together before, so they have this dom/sub dynamic that they slipped quite easily into. He began the scene by blindfolding Skin and tying her to the bed. He immediately started lots of verbal domination, something he’s so good at, setting the tone for the role play. Then he slipped a ball gag made of candy into her mouth, which made her drool sticky saliva all over her face. She said it didn’t taste that bad when she first had it in, but after awhile I am sure she was dying to get rid of it! Then he started teasing her, where he put a vibrator on her pussy just out of reach of where she really wanted it.

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They also used a door swing that doesn’t require any special hardware, it just goes over the door. They really rocked the swing and had lots of fun. It was easy to set up, but I wanted to lock the door so it wouldn’t swing open by accident. We had to lock it from the inside since it was the door to the bathroom, but my lighting guy assured me he’d be able to pick the lock from the other side. Luckily, he did!

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