Jan 092016
 

SOL holiday flyer 3
Host Tristan Taormino recorded this two-part episode in front a of a live studio audience at the world-famous Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood. Her amazing line up of special guests includes: the reigning 2015 AVN BBW Performer of the Year April Flores; sex educator and host of the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast Sandra Daugherty; writer, teacher, and former porn performer Conner Habib; and current Southern California Leather Master titleholder Orpheus Black. In Part 2, guests talk about everything from fat girl fantasies and dominance to the myths of the Great Dick/Brain Divide. We take audience questions about Master/slave relationships, BDSM beginners, diversity in sex education, and more, then share our resolutions for the New Year.

About the Special Guests:

sandra smile FinalSandra Daugherty punches sexual shame in the face. Also known as Sex Nerd Sandra, she speaks, educates, hosts, podcasts and pundits. Her sex-positive teaching methods include heavy doses of physical comedy, playful insight and delightful factoids. Known the world over for her Nerdist Industries podcast, “Sex Nerd Sandra,” its loyal listenership (almost 13 million downloads) is vocal about Sandra’s impact, describing her as “inspiring” with “contagious enthusiasm” and an “awesome nerd-like ability that [she’s] not afraid to show.” Sandra can be seen on Fusion TV (The Search for Sexy), The Young Turks (Think Tank, Common Room, The Point) and weekly in your earholes. Born and raised in Los Angeles, she is an avid traveler and lover of big questions. Find her on Twitter @SexNerdSandra.

 

aprilfloresApril Flores is a muse, model, and erotic performer but that’s not even scratching the surface. A fearless voluptuous star with scarlet hair, proponent of the queer community, feminist, sex-positive activist, outspoken advocate of body diversity, glamorous art model, avid kink fan, sub and dom both, and all around powerful woman. April is the first ever BBW to win two consecutive AVN Awards for her groundbreaking work. She has also graced the covers of Bizarre and AVN Magazines, among others, modeled for dozens of fine art photographers, appeared in countless adult films in every genre of the adult industry (from mainstream to queer to kinky to artsy), and spoken out about body image and sexuality at countless venues. She is @TheAprilFlores on Twitter.

OrpheusCurrentOrpheus Black, Southern California’s Leather Master/slave titleholder, is also a published author and erotic educator that specializes in hierarchical dynamics, non-monogamous relationships, and erotic meditation. This two-time Bawdy Storytelling champion has been traveling the country teaching his fun and light-hearted educational events for more than a decade. During this time, Orpheus has become one of California’s most respected educators as well as a favorite interviewee and contributor, lending his expertise to shows such as “Chocolate Radio,” “Night Calls,” “Love, Sex, and Hip Hop,” “The Sex Nerd Sandra Show,” “The Dr. Susan Block Show,” and “The Inner Circle with Neil Strauss.” Orpheus is also a regular presenter at DomConLA and is the founder of Cirque de Sade—a high profile Dominants group whose mission is to advance the art of BDSM through a commitment to innovation, excellence, and active leadership in the D/s, Ms and fetish communities. When not teaching, counseling or performing, Orpheus can be found enjoying his 20-year polyfidelitous, polyamorous relationship with his life partner Indigo Black. He can also be found teaching Urban Survival classes and self defense/MMA classes in his local park.

Conner Habib is an author, a lecturer, and the barwithoutwatermarkVice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee. He’s probably the only person alive who’s won awards for writing, teaching, and porn. He lives in Los Angeles, and his twitter is @connerhabib.

 

 

 

Jan 022016
 

SOL holiday flyer 3
Host Tristan Taormino recorded this two-part episode in front a of a live studio audience at the world-famous Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood. Her amazing line up of special guests includes: the reigning 2015 AVN BBW Performer of the Year April Flores; sex educator and host of the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast Sandra Daugherty; writer, teacher, and former porn performer Conner Habib; and current Southern California Leather Master titleholder Orpheus Black. In Part 1, they discuss the power of humor in sex ed, mainstream representations of kinky sex, what a plus-size activist can teach us about sexual confidence, and the importance of curiosity in sex. Guests are put to the test when Tristan asks them about their most important sex advice, plus they talk about their favorite sexy gifts to give and receive. We take thought-provoking questions from the audience about consent, anal sex, erotic boundaries, and more.

About the Special Guests:

sandra smile FinalSandra Daugherty punches sexual shame in the face. Also known as Sex Nerd Sandra, she speaks, educates, hosts, podcasts and pundits. Her sex-positive teaching methods include heavy doses of physical comedy, playful insight and delightful factoids. Known the world over for her Nerdist Industries podcast, “Sex Nerd Sandra,” its loyal listenership (almost 13 million downloads) is vocal about Sandra’s impact, describing her as “inspiring” with “contagious enthusiasm” and an “awesome nerd-like ability that [she’s] not afraid to show.” Sandra can be seen on Fusion TV (The Search for Sexy), The Young Turks (Think Tank, Common Room, The Point) and weekly in your earholes. Born and raised in Los Angeles, she is an avid traveler and lover of big questions. Find her on Twitter @SexNerdSandra.

 

aprilfloresApril Flores is a muse, model, and erotic performer but that’s not even scratching the surface. A fearless voluptuous star with scarlet hair, proponent of the queer community, feminist, sex-positive activist, outspoken advocate of body diversity, glamorous art model, avid kink fan, sub and dom both, and all around powerful woman. April is the first ever BBW to win two consecutive AVN Awards for her groundbreaking work. She has also graced the covers of Bizarre and AVN Magazines, among others, modeled for dozens of fine art photographers, appeared in countless adult films in every genre of the adult industry (from mainstream to queer to kinky to artsy), and spoken out about body image and sexuality at countless venues. She is @TheAprilFlores on Twitter.

OrpheusCurrentOrpheus Black, Southern California’s Leather Master/slave titleholder, is also a published author and erotic educator that specializes in hierarchical dynamics, non-monogamous relationships, and erotic meditation. This two-time Bawdy Storytelling champion has been traveling the country teaching his fun and light-hearted educational events for more than a decade. During this time, Orpheus has become one of California’s most respected educators as well as a favorite interviewee and contributor, lending his expertise to shows such as “Chocolate Radio,” “Night Calls,” “Love, Sex, and Hip Hop,” “The Sex Nerd Sandra Show,” “The Dr. Susan Block Show,” and “The Inner Circle with Neil Strauss.” Orpheus is also a regular presenter at DomConLA and is the founder of Cirque de Sade—a high profile Dominants group whose mission is to advance the art of BDSM through a commitment to innovation, excellence, and active leadership in the D/s, Ms and fetish communities. When not teaching, counseling or performing, Orpheus can be found enjoying his 20-year polyfidelitous, polyamorous relationship with his life partner Indigo Black. He can also be found teaching Urban Survival classes and self defense/MMA classes in his local park.

Conner Habib is an author, a lecturer, and the barwithoutwatermarkVice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee. He’s probably the only person alive who’s won awards for writing, teaching, and porn. He lives in Los Angeles, and his twitter is @connerhabib.

 

 

 

Dec 052015
 

SOL holiday flyer 2
Here’s your chance to be part of a live studio audience! Join host Tristan Taormino as she records a special holiday-themed episode of Sex Out Loud at the world-famous Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood. Joining her will be an amazing line up of special guests including: the reigning 2015 AVN BBW Performer of the Year April Flores; sex educator and host of the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast Sandra Daugherty; writer, teacher, and former porn performer Conner Habib; and current Southern California Leather Master titleholder Orpheus Black. The guests will give you their naughty and nice sex tips, top holiday gift picks, and answers to all your questions. There will be refreshments and amazing prize giveaways to get you in the holiday spirit. You do not want to miss this!

All the Details:

December 16, 2015, 8:00-10:00 pm
The Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046
Free and open to all on a first come, first served basis so arrive early to reserve your spot!

About the Special Guests:

sandra smile FinalSandra Daugherty punches sexual shame in the face. Also known as Sex Nerd Sandra, she speaks, educates, hosts, podcasts and pundits. Her sex-positive teaching methods include heavy doses of physical comedy, playful insight and delightful factoids. Known the world over for her Nerdist Industries podcast, “Sex Nerd Sandra,” its loyal listenership (almost 13 million downloads) is vocal about Sandra’s impact, describing her as “inspiring” with “contagious enthusiasm” and an “awesome nerd-like ability that [she’s] not afraid to show.”  Sandra can be seen on Fusion TV (The Search for Sexy), The Young Turks (Think Tank, Common Room, The Point) and weekly in your earholes. Born and raised in Los Angeles, she is an avid traveler and lover of big questions. Find her on Twitter @SexNerdSandra.

 

aprilfloresApril Flores is a muse, model, and erotic performer but that’s not even scratching the surface. A fearless voluptuous star with scarlet hair, proponent of the queer community, feminist, sex-positive activist, outspoken advocate of body diversity, glamorous art model, avid kink fan, sub and dom both, and all around powerful woman.  April is the first ever BBW to win two consecutive AVN Awards for her groundbreaking work. She has also graced the covers of Bizarre and AVN Magazines, among others, modeled for dozens of fine art photographers, appeared in countless adult films in every genre of the adult industry (from mainstream to queer to kinky to artsy), and spoken out about body image and sexuality at countless venues. She is @TheAprilFlores on Twitter.

OrpheusCurrentOrpheus Black, Southern California’s Leather Master/slave titleholder, is also a published author and erotic educator that specializes in hierarchical dynamics, non-monogamous relationships, and erotic meditation. This two-time Bawdy Storytelling champion has been traveling the country teaching his fun and light-hearted educational events for more than a decade. During this time, Orpheus has become one of California’s most respected educators as well as a favorite interviewee and contributor, lending his expertise to shows such as “Chocolate Radio,” “Night Calls,” “Love, Sex, and Hip Hop,” “The Sex Nerd Sandra Show,” “The Dr. Susan Block Show,” and “The Inner Circle with Neil Strauss.” Orpheus is also a regular presenter at DomConLA and is the founder of Cirque de Sade—a high profile Dominants group whose mission is to advance the art of BDSM through a commitment to innovation, excellence, and active leadership in the D/s, Ms and fetish communities. When not teaching, counseling or performing, Orpheus can be found enjoying his 20-year polyfidelitous, polyamorous relationship with his life partner Indigo Black. He can also be found teaching Urban Survival classes and self defense/MMA classes in his local park.

Conner Habib is an author, a lecturer, and the barwithoutwatermarkVice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee. He’s probably the only person alive who’s won awards for writing, teaching, and porn. He lives in Los Angeles, and his twitter is @connerhabib.

 

 

 

Sep 152015
 

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Call for Entries – CineKink 2016

CineKink –“the kinky film festival”–is seeking films, videos and, for the first time, original digital series, of any length and genre, that explore and celebrate a wide diversity of sexuality. Dedicated to the recognition and encouragement of sex-positive and kink-friendly depictions in film and television, we’re looking to blur some boundaries and will be considering offerings drawn from both Hollywood and beyond, with works ranging from documentary to drama, camp comedy to artsy experimental, mildly spicy to quite explicit–and everything in between.

Cutting across orientations, topics covered at CineKink have included–but are by no means limited to–BDSM, leather and fetish, swinging, non-monogamy and polyamory, roleplay and gender bending, sex work and sex geekery. Basically, as long as it involves consenting adults, just about anything celebrating sex as a right of self expression is fair game. (Far be it from us to define “kink” – if you think your work might make sense in this context, please send it along!)

Scheduled for its 13th annual appearance in February/March 2016, the specially-curated CineKink NYC will also feature a short film competition, audience choice awards, a special adult entertainment showcase/contest, a gala kick-off event and a sexy closing-night party. A national tour will follow, showcasing favorites from the NYC festival selections.

Discounted, early-bird entries have a post-marked deadline of October 9th, while the regular deadline is November 13th and the final deadline is December 4th. Entry fees are waived for CineKink-alumni directors submitting by the “regular” deadline.

For more information, please visit http://cinekink.com/programs-and-events/call-for-entries.

Jun 152015
 

AMOROUS REVOLT

AR new logo
Amorous Revolt
is a brand new Queer Camping event happening from July 31-August 2, 2015. This event is designed by queer people for queer people to build and foster intentional communities for support, education and play. Amorous Revolt features skillshares and workshops including kink, crafts, health, life skills and spirituality, as well as networking events, dance parties, and performances.

In an effort to make the event as accessible as possible, we have an organized rideshare system, ASL interpreters, 24/7 medical staff, and an emotional support space. We also have community organized cabin, play and workshop spaces for People of Color, Transgender/Gender Nonconforming People, Sober folks, and Neurodiverse folks.

Please join us at the first ever Amorous Revolt July 31-August 2, 2015 at Ramblewood in Darlington, Maryland. For more information visit our site or join us on Fetlife, Facebook, and Twitter.

ALSO in JULY….

hearts
In Dallas, Texas on July 24 2015, PolyDallas2015 is hosting the Affirming Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous Relationship Symposium. It is being held at the office of Vantage Point Counseling Services. This is the first symposium, with a primary focus on polyamorous relationship and family structure, to be held in the Dallas/Fort Worth [DFW] area. Co-Presenters Ruby B Johnson and Shawn Chrisman hope to contribute to the knowledge base of mental health practitioners and other community providers. For those attendees who are not in the DFW area, this symposium is offered as a live webinar stream.

Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous relationships have become more visible over the last decade. The way individuals, in their 20s to early 30s (Millennials), are relating, connecting, attracting, and permitting themselves to have non-traditional relationships is creating a more sex positive and dynamic relationship structure. However, Generation X proves to have a different experience and expectation of relationships and their structure.

Hence the exposure, experience, and knowledge base of these different relationships is mysterious to many mental health and substance abuse providers within the community. Demystifying and educating providers is key to providing a conducive non-shaming therapeutic environment. Providing knowledge is a practice of cultural competence; infusing cultural humility into practice creates authenticity and positive regard within the clinician.

To support these principles of the helping relationship, the content richly addresses definitions of polyamory and non-monogamy, coupled with a graph which offers a visual aid for attendees. Heteronormative and monogamous privilege is exposed as well as how those forms of privilege create challenges to provider’s beliefs, values, and norms of relationships. To assist with unpacking privilege, myths and misconceptions of these relationships are debunked. Next, the focus shifts to the therapist and other helping professionals.

With each one of the tenets of cultural humility, solutions, techniques, and suggestions for change are offered that include (not limited to) unconscious bias, racial bias, counter transference, professional boundaries, dual relationships, microaggressions,, social, political, economic bias, sex positivity versus sex addiction, and intellectual privilege (Dunning-Kruger Effect).

Certain theories have been shown to assist with effective practice such as systems, constructivism, Bowenian, feminist, and gender queer. Techniques such as the genogram, gender/relationship inclusive assessments, narrative versus structured assessment, collaborative (with client) treatment planning and interventions, including considerations for cultural, social, community, and services barriers. Additionally, one must be aware of community resources and support.

Please follow us on Twitter @polydallas2015.

Presenters:

Ruby B Johnson (LMSW, LCDC, SAP, CSAT Candidate) received her Bachelors of Social Work in 2003 from Texas Women’s University and her Masters of Social Work in 2005 from the University of Texas at Arlington. Since 2003, Ruby’s roles have included clinical practitioner, community and professional development educator, and graduate and under graduate adjunct professor. In private practice, her areas of expertise are substance use disorders, sex addiction, intimacy and love addiction, multi-cultural families and couples, SOGIE, polyamorous/non monogamous partnerships/families, and Kink/BDSM. Ruby Johnson provides therapeutic support, care, and intervention with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, gender variant/non-binary, queer, and same gender loving communities. Currently, Ruby is in private practice at Vantage Point Counseling Services and Inamorata LLC.

She has presented at several national, state, and local conferences including Society of Social Work Research Conference, Council of Social Work Education Conference, DFW Behavioral Health Symposium, and, most recently, her proposals were accepted at The State Texas Association of Addiction Professionals Conference and Black Families, Black Relationships, and Black Sexuality Conference in Philadelphia. Ruby is a member of various professional organizations including Texas Association of Addiction Professionals [TAAP], Association of Addiction Professionals [NAADAC], International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals [IITAP], American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists [AASECT], Society for Advancement of Sexual Health [SASH] and most recently, Association of Black Sexologists and Clinicians [ABSC].

Shawn Chrisman (MS, LPC, PhD Candidate) is currently a practicing Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Texas.  He received his clinical training with a Master’s in Counseling from Southern Methodist University, and is currently working towards his doctorate degree in Human Sexuality from Widener University.

Shawn works with individuals and couples on sexuality-related issues, including addressing intimacy, sexual identity, gender dysphoria, sexual dysfunctions and other concerns.  Shawn also identifies as a kink-aware therapist and works with couples enjoying diverse relationship structures, such as open or polyamorous relationships.  Shawn is an active member of American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS).  He has also presented workshops for professionals and community members at local universities and organizations. Shawn has been published in Qualitative Health Research.

May 062015
 

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This week’s episode is a necessary conversation on a complex topic. Angel, Brecklyn, and Mollena Williams discuss race, racism, and various issues that Black Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC) face in BDSM communities. They tackle the controversy surrounding International Ms. Leather 2015, inclusivity in the kink world, how social media has changed the way we talk about race, the concept of colorblindness, practical advice for white allies, and “the luxury of discomfort.” Recorded live at International Ms. Leather 2015 in San Jose.

Tune in Friday, May 8 at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET. Join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter. Tune in to Sex Out Loud every Friday, you can listen along on your computer, tablet, or phone, find all the ways at SexOutLoudRadio.com.

Angel is a trans gender defiant queer, whose passion lies in educating, advocating and coaching folks to sexual and intimate fulfillment. Angel is committed to social justice and a fully realized and intersectional sex positivity.

Brecklyn is an East Coast-raised stone butch dyke and boy. He’s been active in the leather and kink community over the past 5 years and outside that has facilitated workshops on topics including anti-oppression, trauma, and organic farming. He especially likes to connect with other queer and trans people of color and can be reached on FetLife at theory_nowpractice.

Mollena-Rope

photo by Don Sir Photography

Owned by “Herr Meister,” (her beloved Maestro, an internationally acclaimed composer) Mollena Williams currently serves as Muse and slave in his heart and home. For her part, she’s an award-winning, critically acclaimed writer, actress, BDSM Educator, and storyteller. She is author of The Toybag Guide: Taboo Play and co-author of Playing Well With Others: Your Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities. Her perspectives on BDSM are frequently sought after by news sources such as The New York Times, The Huffington Post, Newsweek, Essence, and Ebony, and is a frequent guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast.

Her essays appear in Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Kinky Sex and a bunch of the Best Sex Writing books. She’s a featured educator with KinkAcademy.com. Her award-winning experimental short BDSM film “IMPACT” debuted at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts and has screened in the USA, Canada, Europe and Australia in Cinekink 2013, as well as indie film festivals across North America, Europe and Australia.

She is International Ms. Leather 2010 and Ms. SF Leather 2009, was honored with the 2012 Jack McGeorge Award for Excellence in Education in BDSM, and is thrilled to have won the National Leather Association’s 2011 and 2012 Cynthia Slater Non-Fiction Article Award and shared the 2013 Geoff Mains Non-Fiction book award for Playing Well with Others.

Jul 222014
 

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This week’s guest on Sex Out Loud is Lisa Vandever: a producer and consultant with over twenty years of experience in film and television. She seized the unique opportunity to combine two of her overriding fixations, film and sexuality. Founded in 2003, CineKink recognizes and encourages the positive depiction of sexuality and kink in film and television, most visibly through its annual film festival, CineKink NYC. We’ll discuss media representations of alternative sexuality, visual depictions of kink, and the intersections of film and sexuality.

This week’s show is LIVE. Find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air.

As co-founder and director of CineKink, an organization that recognizes and encourages the positive depiction of sexuality in film and television, Lisa Vandever curates and oversees an annual film festival and touring series, designed to promote and showcase such works. Billing itself as “the kinky film festival,” with offerings drawn from both the independent cinema world and the adult, works presented at CineKink, currently in its eleventh season, range from documentary to drama, comedy to experimental, slightly spicy to quite explicit–and everything in between. A producer and consultant with over twenty years of experience in film and television, Vandever was formerly the director of programming for a regional network of public television stations, worked as a development executive for two New York-based independent production companies and was associate producer of the Sundance award-winning feature film, “Songcatcher.”

Seizing the unique opportunity to combine two of her overriding fixations, film and sexuality, Vandever previously co-founded the New York S/M Film Festival, which ran 2000-2002. Over the years she has also consulted with media distributors on how to best reach sexuality communities, and has advised filmmakers on how to present their works to a wider market. In addition to serving on the board of directors of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, she also volunteered on its media committee, alerting community members to media presentations of alternative sexuality, and encouraging feedback. She has spoken several times on the intersection of film and sexuality at the prestigious SXSW conference, with additional appearances including the International Film Festival Summit, Film Festival Academy, DIY Convention, Sex 2.0, MomentumCon, CatyalystCon and Leather Leadership Conference. She is proud to have once stumped the panel as a guest during a round of “What’s My Fetish?” on the Radio Chick Show …and she probably watches a lot less porn than everyone seems to think she does.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Mar 262014
 

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This Friday, March 28th at 8 pm ET / 5 pm PT on Sex Out Loud radio, I’ll be live with artist, author, activist, educator and filmmaker Madison Young talking about the release of her new memoir, Daddy. Daddy explores Young’s interwoven relationships with the men in her life from the fraught relationship with her biological father to the BDSM “leather daddies” that lead her on a journey of sexual revelation, both on and off camera. When Young finally finds the Daddy that she has been searching for, her fairytale quest is shattered with the flawed realities of human nature that exists outside of this little girl’s fantasy. Find out why Michelle Tea said: “This lady has done more in the first quarter of her life than most people do in a generation.”

This week’s show is LIVE, which means we’ll be giving away a Sportsheets prize to a lucky fan. Find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air – you could be chosen to win!

MADISON YOUNG is an artist and activist dedicated to creating space for love. This sexpert grew up in the suburban landscape of Southern Ohio before moving to San Francisco, California in 2000. Since then this mid-western gal has dedicated her days to facilitating safe space to dialogue on the topic of fringe identities and cultures as well as documenting healthy expression of sexuality. Young’s breadth of work in the realm of sexuality spans from documenting our sexual culture in her feminist erotic films to serving as the Artistic Director of the forward thinking non-profit arts organization, Femina Potens Art Gallery. Young values sexual education in her work and has taught workshops, lectures, and acted as a panelist on the topics of sexuality, feminist porn studies, and the politics of BDSM around the world including at Yale University, Hampshire College, Northwestern University, University of Toronto, University of Minnesota, and UC Berkeley. Her writings have been published in books such as The Ultimate Guide to Kink, Baby Remember My Name, Rope, Bondage, and Power, Best Sex Writing of 2013, and John’s Marks, Tricks, and Chickenhawks. Madison Young lives in Berkeley, California with her partner James and child, Em. She is currently pursuing her doctorate in clinical sexology at the Institute of Advanced Studies for Human Sexuality.

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

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Jan 302014
 

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Sex educator Tristan Taormino has teamed up with Sportsheets and Good Vibrations to make this a very special Valentine’s Day! Tristan hand picked some of her favorite Sportsheets and Sex & Mischief toys to create Tristan’s Kinky Essentials Gift Box, available at Good Vibrations.

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This special gift set is chock full of kinky tools for some fun bondage and roleplay. Celebrate this Valentine’s Day in style with quality toys including: the signature Door Jam Cuffs (as featured in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Bondage for Couples), Steele Balls (Kegel balls), the Doggie-Style Strap, Bondage Tape, Cuff Love (soft adjustable cuffs), Red Rubber Tickler, Soft Blindfold (as seen in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples) and a Riding Crop. All the tools you need to bring some kink into your life, packaged in a beautiful box, ready to give to that special someone. Instead of flowers and candy, give your sweetie what they really want: a hot night of sexual adventure with the promise of more to come!

And if you want some bedtime reading to go with it, why not check out Tristan’s e-book 50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM, perfect for beginners curious about the world of kink. If you’re a little more advanced, then The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge is a great read. If you’re looking for fantasy material, try Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica.

Dec 142013
 

I feel like my current relationship will cause my entire existence to revolve around my asshole! I’m no anal virgin, mind you. I’ve got plenty of experience with enemas, plugs, fucking and exploration. I rather enjoy it all! But how much is too much? I am in a Dominant/submissive relationship, and my Master has recently requested that I remain plugged 24/7/365, only removing it to relieve myself or during extreme illness or injury. When I wear a plug for a long time, I get sore and unpleasantly distracted very quickly. I know this isn’t always a bad thing, but it’s starting to interfere with my work and overall life. He also expects me to do complete enemas with a shower hose every day. Right now, I’ve only got the resources to do that once or twice a week, but it plays hell with my whole system for days afterwards!

Does it get better with time and a more stringent routine? So much of it already throws off my entire being! I’ve run the predictable course of diarrhea, constipation, nausea, loss of appetite, cramping, soreness, irritation and have lost a considerable amount of weight (20 pounds) in just over a month. I can’t say that all of it is related to the new ass attentions, but I’m certain that the majority is.

How do I continue to want to do what my Master expects of me and not flatly refuse what I think will ultimately cause damage? I just don’t want to be hurting and sick all the time. Everything seems to revolve around my ass. It’s frustrating and doesn’t make me feel anywhere nearly as good as I want it to. Instead of feeling clean and “free” afterwards, or pleasantly full and reminded, I feel more drained and exhausted. Sure, my ass might smell like daisies and be stretched to “convenient” proportions, but it’s no fun anymore and goes way beyond that.

I sometimes even feel like without my ass, what would He want with me? I don’t want to take the fun out of it for my Master, but I feel like if I can’t get over this one hurdle. So much of His passion is about anal, so our whole compatibility might be in jeopardy. He cares about me and I don’t think He wants to intentionally hurt me, but I’m barely keeping up! What can I do?

–In Anal Agony

You are missing two critical elements in your Dominant/submissive relationship: consent and mutual satisfaction. It sounds to me like you are blindly following orders that are physically harming you and that you don’t enjoy on any level. D/s relationships can help us test our own boundaries, but the relationship you describe is way out of bounds. No one should have an enema every day. No one can wear a butt plug 24/7. It sounds like your Master has been reading too much fantasy fiction and hasn’t had enough real-world experience, because what he is asking of you is impractical, unsafe, and bizarre. I support fantasizing about wild, out there things and I support Dominants who threaten submissives with various kinds of torture, but this crosses the line. You must speak up for yourself and he must be willing to negotiate more realistic expectations, otherwise this is a one-way relationship you shouldn’t be in.