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As a follow up to Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples, I directed Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Bondage for Couples for Adam & Eve, which stars Skin Diamond, Derrick Pierce, Adrianna Luna, James Deen, Samantha Ryan, Michael Vegas, India Summer and Danny Wylde. It was also lots of fun to make, and I want to share some stories from the set along with photos. The first scene features Samantha Ryan and Michael Vegas, two performers I’ve never worked with before who’ve been on my wish list.

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Their scene together kicks off the film with some of the simplest do-it-yourself bondage, including a neck tie (yes, we used the Grey Tie, the one from Fifty Shades of Grey) and Samantha’s stockings. I decided to bring an unopened package of a personal pair of Agent Provocateur silk stockings to use. They wound up being incredibly difficult for Samantha to wrangle: they didn’t have the give that stockings usually have, so they were hard to get on and off and would wrinkle in odd places. So much for luxury! A pair from the drugstore probably would have worked better!

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Samantha and Michael also used one of my favorite accessories: bondage tape, which is incredibly versatile. The pair has wonderful chemistry, and the sex and bondage is playful and romantic. They are well matched because they both enjoy passionate sex that unfolds spontaneously. Michael is a total lover — warm, sweet, and funny. Samantha is insanely intelligent and we had a really heady conversation after her scene while we ate lunch. I really liked both of them and cannot wait to work with them again.

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Jul 172013
 

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This Friday on Sex Out Loud, listen to exclusive clips from Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples and meet two of the men featured in my newest sex ed movie. I’ll ask Christian about how men can explore their submissive fantasies, why he’s a controversial figure in the adult industry, and what the new porn economy means for performers. Then Derrick Pierce will join me for a discussion about being a thoughtful dominant, what excites him most about his job, and the new film he directed, Tuff Love.

Christian, also know as Christian XXX, is a male porn performer who has appeared in over 2000 scenes since he began work in the adult industry in 2003. He is the winner of four AVN Awards and he is the reigning 2013 Feminist Porn Heartthrob of the Year. He is a controversial figure because he’s done both gay and straight porn. His earliest work was in gay porn under the name Maxx Diesel (he was briefly a contract performer for Falcon Studios). He then began working in the straight porn industry under the name Christian, where, in addition to traditional heterosexual scenes, he does more diverse work than any of his peers including scenes featuring plus-sized co-stars, strap-on anal sex, transsexual women, male submission, and more. He has his own website aptly named ChristianDoesThemAll.com and he blogs at christiansingstheblues.com.

Derrick Pierce is an adult performer, martial arts expert, and a self-described “Crossfit junkie.” He’s appeared in over 100 adult feature films, including Iron Man XXX, Upload, Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples, and Tuff Love, which he directed for Wicked Pictures. He’s received numerous award nominations, and he won the 2010 AVN Award for Unsung Male Performer of the Year. Follow him on Twitter @DPiercexxx and check out the fan site derrickpiercexxxstar.com.

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Jun 272013
 

I love to feature lots of sex toys in my instructional movies, and there are plenty in Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples. When people watch my movies, they often email me to ask about a specific toy they saw in a scene. So, I’ve compiled this handy guide to all the toys in my movie, complete with links to the exact products as well as similar items and some of my favorites.

Scene 1: Lyla Storm and Danny Wylde

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Satin Blindfold from Sportsheets Sex & Mischief Line
Another great one: Soft Blindfold
Pink Leather Collar
Also fun: Bound to Please Leather Collar

 

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 Feather Tickler from Sportsheets Sexy Slave Kit
Other cool stuff: Flirty Feather Mini Tickler and Experimental Kink Kit

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Edible goodies like Nipple Nibblers
My favorite edibles: Sensuous Chocolate Body Paint, Devour Me Lickable Oil, Lick Me Body Butter

 

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My favorite massage oil candles: Ambiance Luxury Massage Candles & Ignite Me Massage Candle
plus, not to be forgotten:  We-Vibe TouchPlease Cream Lubricant

Scene 2: Adrianna Nicole and Evan Stone

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Bondage cuffs with tethers from Sportsheets Sexy Slave Kit
More options: Cuff Love, Tethers & Leopard Restraints

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Sex & Mischief Feathered Nipple Clamps from The Fantasy Surrender Kit
Fun without the feathers: Alligator Nipple Clamps

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The Original Magic Wand Vibrator
System JO H2O Lubricant
Also great: Please Liquid Lubricant

 

Scene 3: Aiden Starr and Christian

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Blindfold and Collar from Sex & Mischief Red Restraint Kit
Something fun: Soft blindfold & Red Light Wrist Restraints
Aslan Leather White Jaguar Collar
Another good one: Bound to Please Leather Collar

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Black Leather Leash from Sex & Mischief Red Restraint Kit
I like this one: Black Leather Leash of Love

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The Original Magic Wand Vibrator
Pjur Original Body Glide

 

Scene 4: Asa Akira and Derrick Pierce

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Fur Lined Paddle
Another great paddle: Naughty and Nice Plush Paddle

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Lelo Luna Beads
A different option: Hold Onto Me Kegel Balls

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Little Flirt Butt Plug and MetalWorx Teaser Plug
My favorites: Sidekick Silicone Anal Plug & Njoy Pure Plug

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 The Original Magic Wand Vibrator
System JO H2O Lubricant
Also great: Please Gel Lubricant (great for anal!)

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Jun 242013
 

The final scene in my Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples is between Asa Akira and Derrick Pierce, and people who know my work won’t be surprised that it celebrates the butt! It starts out with a sexy spanking, where Derrick first uses his hand, then a fur covered paddle.

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Since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, sales of Kegel balls (also known as Ben Wa balls or smart balls) have been off the charts. But I haven’t really seen them used in sex ed or porn movies. I think people are really curious about this toy, so I wanted to incorporate it into a scene in this movie. When I was showing Asa all the toys I brought to set, I asked her about using the Luna Beads by Lelo. Asa’s first response was something like, “Oh, little balls, aren’t those quaint.”

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If you’ve seen what Asa’s orifices are capable of taking, you too might think that she’s way beyond Kegel balls. I told her “Let’s give them a try. If you don’t like them, you can always just stop.” Well as it turns out, when the balls were inside her pussy and Derrick spanked her, the balls jostled, which made them feel like they were vibrating, right against her G-spot—and that really turned her on. I loved to see her real reaction—her surprise at how much she liked them. (Oh and when their scene was over, she was ready to take the Luna Beads by Lelo home! Of course I said yes.)

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Then they got into some great anal play, with two different butt plugs, including a cool metal one. Derrick fucked her in the ass and made her beg to come, which was easy for her to do with a vibrator on her clit. Derrick is an incredible dominant, and his interviews throughout the film really speak to how thoughtful he is about what it means to do dominant/submissive roleplay. He’s smart and thinks a lot about what his partner wants and how to craft a scene to give her a particular experience. So, I feel like aspiring dominants can learn a lot from him.

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Asa is obviously a major star in the adult industry, but she’s also really down to earth and embodies a powerful submissive who knows what she wants. Together in their scene, their chemistry was just off the charts. I’ve seen Derrick turned on before because I’ve worked with him many times, but there was a heat to this pairing that everyone in the room felt.

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Jun 212013
 

It’s important to show a diversity of power dyanmics in kinky sex, so I definitely wanted to represent female dominance and male submission in my Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples.

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Aiden Starr is one of the most gifted dominants I know, so when I called her, I was curious about who she wanted to work with. She picked Christian, who is the go-to guy in porn for all things kinky and alternative. Plus, it’s perfect because Christian is the name of the dominant character in Fifty Shades of Grey, so I like the idea that we’re flipping that around. Aiden is the mistress of dirty talk and verbal domination, which really bring all her roleplay scenes to life. Christian works out so much that we only had one collar that would fit around his neck! (I realized too late that we could have snapped together two bondage cuffs and made them into a collar.)

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Aiden takes charge with such confidence and sexiness—she’s a great role model for women who want to explore their dominant sides. She’s tiny and quiet, yet she commands attention easily. When she says she is going to use Christian’s cock for her own pleasure, she doesn’t disappoint. He’s one of the only guys I know who can actually come on command, so it’s really hot when she makes him do it.

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They came up with the end of the scene themselves, where Aiden uses a vibrator to make herself come, just out of reach of Christian. He just had to watch without touching.

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Jun 202013
 

I’ve shot Adrianna Nicole and Evan Stone together before (in Chemistry 4, The Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio, and Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind) and they have one of the best connections of any pair I’ve directed. They just seem to really get each other, and they embody great verbal and non-verbal communication skills; that made them perfect for my Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples.

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Shooting with them is always fun. Evan arrived on set early (!) so as Adrianna was finishing makeup, Evan and I shot some BTS footage of one of the more peculiar things I’ve seen at a location house: a HUGE collection of Christmas nutcrackers. He helped me move them from the foyer downstairs (so none would get accidentally knocked over or broken). Then he took a shower, which is a thing he does before scenes. When we started to roll, Evan put Adrianna in bondage cuffs, tethered her to the bed, and she really dropped into the role of his willing captive right away.

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Adrianna loves nipple clamps and we had this cool pair from the Sportsheets’ Sex and Mischief line, the kind with marabou feathers on them. The feathers on the clamps looked gorgeous against her pale skin. Before we shot the scene, we all talked about how it would go and agreed that Evan would do a lot of orgasm control and teasing.

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Once they got into it, Evan was having so much fun he abandoned that idea—he just couldn’t withhold the Magic Wand vibrator or the resulting orgasms from Adrianna! He’s not the strictest of dominants when you leave him to his own devices.

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That day, we also had special visitors on the set: a couple who won the chance to visit my set in a charity auction. They got to meet Adrianna and Evan and watch the scene from start to finish and were just blown away. Afterwards, they got their pictures taken with Adrianna and Evan in front of a Christmas tree. It was pretty cute.

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Jun 192013
 

I had a blast directing my new sex education film for Adam & Eve called Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples. It stars Lyla Storm, Danny Wylde, Adrianna Nicole, Evan Stone, Aiden Starr, Christian, Asa Akira and Derrick Pierce. I want to share a few behind-the-scenes stories about filming each scene. You can also watch the trailer here.

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The first scene features Lyla Storm and Danny Wylde, and it was the first time they’ve ever worked together. As a director, that’s always a gamble, but they both were really interested in working with the other one, so I cast them. Luckily, they had great chemistry immediately. There is something so sweet and amazing about capturing a couple’s first sexual experience together. We saw lots of genuine moments where they talked to each other about what they liked and spent time just discovering each other’s bodies. Lyla’s great because she’s not a lie-down-surrender-and-take-it kind of submissive. She’s more like, “Okay I am going to agree to play this role and have fun, but I’m a little bossy and bratty and that part of me isn’t going anywhere.” So, Danny had to work a little to get her to do what he wanted, and this made for an entertaining dynamic.

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He blindfolded Lyla right off the bat, and it was fun to see him surprise her with various sensations when she had no idea what was coming, including a feather tickler. He then brushed Kama Sutra edible body dust on her chest and other edible goodies on her nipples. I’m not sure how the dust will read to viewers because it looks a little like flour, but it smells and tastes really good. Of course, the whole crew had to sample it!

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Massage oil candles are one of my favorite toys we use in the movie. These candles burn at a low temperature so they’re safe and easy to use. After you pour the hot wax on your partner’s body, you massage it in and it dissolves into oil. As part of their roleplay, Danny decided to make a game out of it and balance the massage oil candle, which is in a tin container, on Lyla’s back and tell her she couldn’t move very much or the candle might fall over and spill. It was a cool element, entirely unscripted, but it totally worked. Danny teased her about it, and it built anticipation and tension.

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Then, after he poured the hot wax on her skin and rubbed it in, they both got caught up in the moment. He started to fuck her and they were really into it. Danny distractedly sort of moved the candle, which was still lit, to one side on the bed. All I could think was, um, if that slides even a little, the sheets are going to catch on fire! So I swooped in and grabbed the candle. They were in their own world and blissfully unaware that there was still an open flame right next to them. Luckily, there was no fire and they just kept going! I always bring a bunch of different vibrators to the set, and Lyla picked the We Vibe Touch vibrator; it was so quiet, I could barely hear it. But, trust me, it was working.

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Jun 182013
 

A participant practices her electrical play skills during the pro course

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You may already be a Professional Domme and wish to acquire new skills and refresh your style. Or you may be a private player wanting professional Mistress skills. In this powerful workshop you will learn much, not only from instructors but also from the combined experience of the other participants and the Academy’s seasoned male bottoms.

Major Subject Areas

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May 242013
 
Madison Young as a pony girl on the set of Rough Sex 2

Madison Young as a pony girl on the set of Rough Sex 2


Last month, I gave a talk as part of an evening called
The Truth Behind Fifty Shades of Grey at University of Maryland in College Park. There was a lively audience discussion, and we gave students the opportunity to ask questions anonymously. I asked several of my colleagues to chime in and answer a few of those questions.

Can it be hard to enjoy “vanilla” sex once you’ve escalated [to BDSM]? I’ve heard porn indulgence can desensitize people until they keep needing to escalate–is this the case with BDSM?

I asked my friend and colleague Felice Shays, a sex and BDSM educator, to take this one on. Listen to my fantastic interview with her on Sex Out Loud here. Felice says:

So, you are afraid to try things other than missionary positions, kissing, and other sexy acts because pot always leads to crack? And spanking always leads to bestiality? No, friend, don’t worry about escalation, as you call it. When you try out different things you’re figuring out what you like. Keep experimenting—add to what you and your partner enjoy; keep what works and don’t keep what doesn’t feel so good. But don’t be afraid to try something again down the road—what may feel eh today might feel off the charts next week. Watching lots of porn isn’t a bad thing unless it interferes in the healthy functioning of someone’s life (see Hernando Chaves’ discussion of sex addiction). People don’t get desensitized when watching lots of porn, hopefully they keep getting turned on. Their interests might shift over time, so what may have been a fantasy last month, may not be as hot this month. And yet other people love to watch the same kind of images throughout their lives. The good news is that sex is not like a runaway car, careening down a side of a mountain into the tiny town about to destroy the innocent townsfolk who live there. No. Instead, you get to make decisions about what you want, and when you want it. That includes if you want to gently kiss someone on their neck or press your teeth in a firm way against that flesh. Or if you want to be on top or you want to give or get it from behind. The other good news, is that no one gets to hold the truth to what vanilla or kink actually is. I can hear you say, “You know what I mean. Like spanking and dirty talk and like that.” And I say, what is someone’s “vanilla” may be someone else’s ‘you’ve gone a bit too far, pal’.  And vice versa. My friend says she and her husband are vanilla, yet he holds the back of her head as she’s sucking him off. He’s not forcing her or choking her, just getting off on how pretty she is, how good he feels, his hand in her hair, his cock in her mouth. And she loves it too; feeling just the right amount of pressure on the back of her head that makes her feel high and hot.

That’s playing with power right there. And they consider themselves vanilla—not kinky.

So I can’t tell you what vanilla is. And frankly, I don’t really give’s a rat’s ass. I want you happy and turned on, not bored.

It’s about what turns you on and what your desires are.

Desire, like other tastes, change and morph as we gain experience in the world.  And just because you love pizza, doesn’t mean you want to eat it every night.

Worry less and EXPLORE and EXPERIMENT more.

So when you add new ways of being sexy and sexual to getting it on, you might want to keep those new ways—plus any of the other ways you used to—whatever make you happy. And you probably won’t want to make love or fuck exactly the same way every time either. Mood, partner, time of day, if you’re high or drunk, all these things will affect what you want.

So if you try slapping someone’s face and realize you both really like it, the doors to vanilla are still yours to walk through. Cuddling, sex without an edge or ferocity, are still yours whenever you want it.

Keep open and curious—and don’t let fear run your sex, or your life, for that matter.

You are allowed to experiment explore and discover what you like.

ADD to your sexual vocabulary, don’t limit it.

Just think of the stories you will tell with all that new language.

It’s worth repeating: Worry less and EXPLORE more.

Felice Shays, Sex and BDSM Educator. Follow Felice on Twitter @FeliceShays

May 242013
 
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Sinnamon Love and Orpheus Black from Rough Sex 2


Last month, I gave a talk as part of an evening called
The Truth Behind Fifty Shades of Grey at University of Maryland in College Park. There was a lively audience discussion, and we gave students the opportunity to ask questions anonymously. I asked several of my colleagues to chime in and answer a few of those questions.

Can BDSM be addictive?

I asked my colleague Dr. Hernando Chaves to respond to this one. He says:

I’m not in favor of the addiction term being used with any sexual expression for a number of reasons. It can promote the use of pejorative sex negative terminology, the creation and/or reinforcement of negative sexual identity, alleviate responsibility of choices and actions, and the inability of professionals to agree on an accurate definition of sexual addiction or testing measures as well as limited, controversial data and evidence supporting sexual addiction makes this a difficult concept to support. With so much uncertainty, it’s more harmful than helpful to attribute addiction to unique sexual expression.

That being said, I understand some people use their sexual expression in a manner that is out of control, compulsive, or as a way to cope with difficulties and unresolved issues in their lives. For most, sexual expression is an enhancer to pleasure and happiness. For some, their sexual expression is linked to pain and suffering, but not the good kind of pain and suffering that many in the BDSM community understand can be central to arousal, pleasure, and enjoyment. The untrained outside observer may see pain and suffering, even label it as abusive, and deem these sexual behaviors as problematic, symptomatic, and related to a disorder. They may miss the importance of consent and may not be able to differentiate the intent as coming from a place of empowerment, intimacy, satisfaction, or mutual pleasure.

Can BDSM, like food, gambling, Facebook, and video games, be misused to where it can become a problem? I would argue that BDSM cannot be addictive, but anything can become problematic if misused. It’s possible that a person can become reliant on what BDSM may bring to them; the dopamine, adrenaline, and endorphin rush, the attention from partners and peers, the way it makes them feel and the impact on their self-esteem and self-worth, and the avoidance of stressors or problems. But can this be addictive? Who decides if this is addiction, mental health professionals or doctors?

I believe it’s more important to focus on what the impact may be on the individual and the subjective distress they identify that is problematic rather than focusing on the behaviors a person engages in or how often. Each person is different and so is their response and reactions to play. So when someone comes along and says that BDSM play is addictive, ask them to accurately define kink addiction, ask for empirical evidence to support their perspective, and be skeptical.

Hernando Chaves, M.F.T., D.H.S., Licensed CA Marriage and Family Therapist, Doctor of Human Sexuality, and Human Sexuality Professor. Follow Dr. Chaves on Twitter @Hernando_Chaves