Feb 082003

First off, thank you for writing a great book and making a movie out of it. It was a great help in introducing anal sex to our marriage. Do those inflatable vibrating butt plugs really work? Are they safe and fun or are they just another novelty?

–Waiting to Inflate

Inflatable butt plugs look like bachelor-party gag gifts, but they are sex toys that actually work. Some of my best friends swear by inflatable plugs! One selling point is that you can gradually work your way up from slim to sizable without having to buy four different sized butt plugs. You can track your progress, and one toy can suit your different desires. Once the plug is inside you, you can give your ass time to relax, then one pump, and you feel more full. Like with all kinds of anal play, don’t try to rush things — take your time.

Also keep in mind that you should use common sense and never over-inflate one of these bad boys. Make sure you inflate it outside the body, and note how many squeezes of the inflating pump it can take, since you don’t want to find out its limit while it’s up your butt. According to all the letters I receive, and the people I meet at my anal sex workshops across the country, I know of only two people who’ve ever experienced an inflatable plug bursting. Both times, it was a manufacturing defect, and it broke into a few pieces which were easily removed. So go ahead and pump your way to pleasure!

Jan 302003

My girlfriend and I have realized the joys of anal play and recently started playing with a latex vibrating butt plug. It’s been a great addition, but we experienced something bizarre when using it recently. When I pulled the plug out of her butt after a short play session, a large amount of mucous-like substance came out of her ass as well. It had no trace of fecal matter and definitely was not lube but neither of us knew what to make of this. Are we doing something wrong or should I be concerned with anything?

–Anally Concerned Couple

Congrats on coming over to the tushy team! When stuff comes out of our asses that we don’t recognize, it can be alarming, so I understand your concern completely. Rest assured, you are fine. The rectum is lined with a thin layer of mucous which helps to protect it. When we put toys inside our butts, some of that mucous can cling to the toy, and even mix with lubricant, which sounds like what happened to you. The rectum naturally regenerates the mucous, so your ass will return to normal. Then you can stick more things in it!

Apr 042002

My partner and I are in a permanent Dominant/submissive relationship, and have been experimenting with anal sex for over two years now. We both get a lot of pleasure out of it. He likes to have me wear a locking harness to keep a butt plug in place while we go out to dinner and a movie. The trouble is, after about an hour, I need to use the restroom and must remove it. What can I do prior to ‘harnessing up’ that will allow me to be able to wear the harness for a longer time? Should I change my diet prior to the excursion?

—Anal Slut in Texas

The amount of time you can wear a butt plug depends upon your personal bathroom schedule, and everyone’s particular time table varies greatly. It sounds like you’re an evening bathroom goer, and that you’ve got a pretty fast metabolism (because shortly after eating, you have to go to the bathroom). In order to prolong your butt plug wearing, I suggest that dinner time be moved. You could eat dinner, wait to have a bowel movement, then get locked in your harness for several hours. Or perhaps you can have an outing with the butt plug in your ass that doesn’t involve food, then, after the scene is over, treat yourself to a meal. If the outing must include dinner, than perhaps your Top should insist that you watch him eat, while you’re limited to water only (sorry to give him tips from my sadistic Top self, but you did ask). If you’re a good girl, maybe he’ll feed you after you’ve held that butt plug in long enough!

Aug 182001

I have been looking for a few weeks for a pair of men’s briefs (latex or other material) with an internal butt plug or dildo, but with a hole for the penis and balls to come out and be free to play. I can’t find one anywhere! Any ideas?

—Desperately Seeking Butt Briefs

Well, aren’t you an ambitious one! I must say that I have tried to track down such a pair of undies for you, but haven’t had any luck. Although I do have a few suggestions about how you might create the briefs of your dreams. Start with a butt plug harness (available at many leather, fetish, and sex toy stores and web sites) to hold your favorite butt plug securely in your ass. Or, of you’re into body and genital bondage, you may choose to have someone put a rope harness on you to keep the plug in. Then, add a tight pair of your favorite underwear that has such a flap in front for your woody to come out and play. Voila!

Apr 102001

I, like you, totally love anal sex. I have played with dildos and vibrators, and had lots of fun. I think I want to try a butt plug next. I am wondering if you have any recommendations for good plugs. Do you have a favorite? What should I look for when I buy one?

—Butt Plug Beginner

The traditional shape of a butt plug looks like a tear drop with a thicker bottom or a skinny pear shape. There are variations on the shape, including a lopsided diamond shape and a bulbous head with a long neck. Above the wide flared base, the plug’s neck has the smallest circumference, designed to allow the sphincter muscles to close around it. Butt plugs may be smooth or textured with ridges, ripples, rings, or bumps. Butt plugs are usually made of latex rubber or silicone; there are also clear acrylic (similar to Lucite), glass, wood, ceramic, and even metal plugs, but they are for more experienced anal players. Butt plugs come in a whole bunch of sizes, and remember that it is always best to start small and work your way up.

If you like the feeling of something just being in your ass, and appreciate the fullness and pressure without necessarily moving in and out, than you would probably love a butt plug. Butt plugs are meant to go in and stay in. Once you slowly slide a well-lubed plug inside the ass, you can then move on to something else — clitoral stimulation, a blow job, vaginal penetration, whatever you’d like — and the butt plug will continue to stimulate without a lot of work on your part. If you have a butt plug in, you may find that when you get really aroused or during orgasm, the plug inadvertently slips (or even shoots!) right out of your ass. While this may be surprising or embarrassing, don’t be alarmed, it’s pretty common. Remember that during arousal, your genital muscles contract, and those contractions may actually push a plug out of your ass. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the plug is too small and you need to run out and upgrade — it’s just a signal that you were very turned on!

Butt plugs are also a great way to warm up the ass for bigger things to come. Putting in a plug and leaving it in for a while lets the ass get used to having something inside it. The ass opens up and relaxes around it, and when you take it out, you’re ready to move on to something more.

Whatever kind of plug you select, it must have one important feature: a flared base. Perhaps you have heard rumors about people “losing” objects in their rectums and rushing to the emergency room. Or maybe you’ve seen one of several web sites which document X-rays of different items people have put in their rectums. While part of this is pure urban legend, the truth is you can get something lost in your ass if you aren’t careful. Once you are aroused, your pelvic muscles contract, and this could cause your ass to “suck” something all the way inside it. The best way to prevent your own trip to the ER is to use a toy with a flared base since the base will prevent it from going beyond the rectum and into the colon.

Aug 072000

I really enjoy anal stimulation and sex. It is the best way to have the best orgasm as far as I am concerned. I would like to know what I can do to be able to handle larger objects in my ass. An example would be a cucumber. I have such erotic fantasies about this and really want to move on to bigger things! I do not have a problem with a butt plug. The problem I have with trying bigger objects is that I orgasm too quickly. Just the thought of it makes me tingle. Any other advice you can give me?

—Wanting to be Spread Wide

So you’re a size queen, huh? Honey, I identify with you. I think it’s both noble and ambitious that you want to put bigger and bigger things in your ass.

My advice is pretty straight forward: work your way up slowly, don’t rush it, listen to your body. Use plenty of lube and have patience. If you’re using toys, make sure they have flared bases (you don’t want to lose anything in your ass) and are smooth. I find that butt plugs are a good way to warm up to larger toys because you can put one in and just leave it in for a little while. Your ass gets used to having something inside it, relaxes, and opens up around the plug. When you take it out, you’re ready for more. Some people like more of the in-and-out fucking with fingers or dildos, but that makes me sore more quickly than butt plugs (that’s just a personal preference though). Do what works for you.

As for the cucumber, well, I have two concerns. Most vegetables are sprayed with pesticides which are difficult to wash off completely; unless it’s organic, I wouldn’t put it in my ass. Some people have told me that cucumber peels contain a kind of natural substance which is irritating to the rectum and potentially dangerous; I suppose you could get an extra large condom for protection, but I say just stick to sex toys for safety.

Jun 102000

Do you recommend a good butt plug? I first used a cheap jelly one, but I am ready to upgrade.

Since I used to work at a sex toy store and I have tried such a wide variety of toys, I feel very qualified to recommend them to people. My favorite butt plugs are made of silicone instead of latex rubber. Although it is more expensive, silicone is worth it because of all its pluses: it’s easy to clean, warms with body heat, and will conduct vibration from top to bottom.

I am thrilled to share with you that I’ve found the perfect butt plug. Why is it perfect? Because I made it! I teamed up with Vixen Creations, one of the best silicone sex toy manufacturers, and helped design a butt plug with my namesake. I tried to incorporate all the pros of some of my favorite butt plugs and fix some of the problems with some of my least favorite models. The result is an awesome butt plug named for me, called simply “Tristan.” It’s not a plug for beginners, but those of you who already enjoy anal pleasure, I hope you’ll like this creation. You can buy my butt plug in my shop. Please let me know what you think!

Apr 172000

My boyfriend would like to insert a butt plug and have me wear it overnight. Is it safe to do so?

–Denise, New York, NY

I assume that you and your boyfriend are experienced anal players if he’s cooked up this little plan for you. I’d like to address your question and also talk about wearing butt plugs in general for readers who may be less experienced.

For many people, the feeling of fullness one gets from having a butt plug inserted is highly pleasurable, and some like to extend that pleasure for various lengths of time. My friend Susan wears a butt plug on long traveling excursions by car and train; she says it makes the time go faster. I know another woman who likes to wear a butt plug out on a date, in order to begin foreplay over dinner at a restaurant. Through each course of the meal, she is reminded of her ass, and with every shift in her seat, she prepares her ass for bigger things to come. I’ve also heard of plug lovers who like to wear a butt plug out in public just for the hell of it. These folks carry on everyday activities with a big smile on their faces. They like the feeling that they know something the rest of the world doesn’t. They are having a naughty sexual experience in public that no one else knows about but them!

Wearing a butt plug out in public or for an extended period of time can be hot, fun, and sexy, and here are a few tips to make it even better. First, you should work your way up slowly. Begin by wearing a butt plug for a half hour, see how it feels, how you like it, what works and what doesn’t. If your thirty minute excursion goes well, try an hour next time. Continue building up the amount of time (in reasonable increments) that you wear the plug. Like anything else you out in your ass, the butt plug should be well lubricated. You may want to consider taking it out every hour, re-lubing it and re-inserting it. Some of you purists may consider this cheating, but keep in mind that the lube will be absorbed by your body eventually, and the plug may get uncomfortable.

You have a number of options when it comes to making sure the plug stays securely in your ass and won’t fall out. You can purchase a butt plug harness which looks very similar to a dildo harness and does the job quite nicely. Sometimes a very tight pair of underwear, briefs, or a thong will keep it in, depending on the size of the plug and how strong those sphincter muscles are. My girlfriend loves to make a rope harness for me that runs between my legs. When I move, the rope rubs against both the plug in my ass and my pussy giving me a double sensation I just love. If you do use rope, make sure it’s not too tight and that it’s soft rope that doesn’t chafe or burn. Don’t make complicated knots that are not easy to remove in case you have to do it in a hurry.

Wearing a butt plug for a long time won’t block anything unless you need to have a bowel movement, and then (common sense) take it out, go to the bathroom, and you can put it back in.

Finally, on to your question about wearing a butt plug overnight. If you are very experienced with wearing butt plugs for long periods of time, I say, go for it. Make sure to use lots of lube, and you should probably take it out first thing in the morning when you wake up!

Aug 181999

My wife is 28 and I am 30; we have been married for three years. We are starting to get into anal sex. We have your book and want to experiment more — we even want to try fisting. Our problem is that we need more toys. The biggest plugs and dildos we can find are 2 1/4″ which feels like my max, but she thinks she can take more. Why is it that a big six foot man can only take a 2 1/4″ plug? Also, where can we get a speculum? Are there different ones for the ass and the vagina? How do you use it safely?

–Mr. G.

Wow, you’ve got a lot going on. I don’t know where you live, but I am assuming you’ve visited your local sex toy store and bought everything it’s sellin’. For more toys, I encourage you to check out two of the best sex toy purveyors in the world — Good Vibrations located in Berkeley and San Francisco  and Babeland in New York and Seattle. They both have an incredible selection of butt toys, from anal beads to high-quality silicone butt plugs and dildos by great manufacturers like Vixen Creations and Dils for Does. You may also want to check out some of the inflatable butt plugs and dildos on the market; you can go from slim to super with a few squeezes, making it a very versatile toy. As for the size issue, some of the lines of plugs and dongs marketed toward gay men seem to be of the size queen variety. Some of them are downright scary, even to Buttgirl.

So, it seems your wife can take a bigger plug than you, huh? Well, your height has little to do with how much you can stuff in your ass. My recommendation to you: practice, practice, practice.

As for your speculum request, you can find the disposable clear plastic kind and the metal re-usable type at medical supply stores (Babeland also carries them). Technically, a speculum is a speculum, and you should select a smallish one for anal use. If medical equipment and scenes are your fetish, you can also get some more expensive menacing-looking stainless steel speculums, and you can ask a medical supply house for an anal speculum. Make sure to use plenty of lubricant, insert the speculum slowly, and open it even slower.

Jun 121999

Help! Buttfucking hurts unbearably! It didn’t hurt so bad the first couple of years, but now, 5 years later, it does. It has never been my favorite thing, but it is my partner’s. He feels deprived and almost desperate. We’ve tried Anal-Ease and Anal Easy, but no luck! There must be something a girl can try. Could I use OraGel? Could I stretch my anus by using butt plugs daily? Would stretching exercises work? Please help!

–Kimberly, Spokane, WA

There are so many elements which you need to have a pleasurable, pain-free anal sex experience: lots of foreplay and warm-up, plenty of lubrication, and communication and trust between you and your partner. Anal sex should never, ever be painful. If it hurts, stop. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working. You should always listen to your body. Your butthole knows what is best for you. At the first sign of pain, you may want to stop all activity or simply slow it down: maybe use one finger only, change to a smaller butt plug, decrease the depth of penetration, or switch to external anal stimulation only. Work your way back up, but never force anything. Go as slow as you need to, continue to add more lube, and talk to your partner so he knows exactly what does and doesn’t feel good.

I’d also like to address your mention of using products like “Anal Ease” or even OraGel. Anal Ease is the brand name of a lubricant (of which there are several) marketed for anal sex which contains a numbing agent. I absolutely do not recommend using products like Anal Ease ever. Because they have the effect of numbing your anal area, you cannot feel your ass literally and you are in danger of hurting yourself. Using products like these often lead people to go farther than they normally would, take something bigger in their ass than they should and the result is a sore ass, possible tearing and damage to the delicate lining of the anal canal and rectum, and pain after the fact that isn’t exactly going to want to make you rush right out and try anal sex again. There are plenty of great water-based lubricants that are thick and work well for anal sex (like I-D, Maximus, and ForPlay Lube de Luxe Cream), so use one of those. As for the OraGel, common sense and warnings on the label should let you know the answer: no. Just don’t go there.

Using butt plugs on a daily basis is a good way to get your butt used to having something inside it. Butt plugs don’t actually “stretch” your butt; they simply help you learn to relax your pelvic and sphincter muscles. In terms of exercises, many women find that Kegel exercises (which exercise your PC muscles) are very helpful. In order to locate your PC muscles, pretend that you are trying to stop peeing (or while you are peeing, you can actually stop the flow of urine). The muscles you contract to stop the flow are your PC muscles. If you put your finger on your perineum — the area between your vagina and your anus — while you do this exercise, you can feel the contractions.

Kegel exercises (named for the scientist who studied PC muscles and popularized the theory of exercising them) can help you to become more aware of your sphincter and PC muscles and learn to control and strengthen them. They will help you get in tune with the feelings in your pelvic area, increasing your sensitivity and responsiveness. The exercises will also tone the pelvic muscles, making them more flexible and more receptive to pleasurable sensations; when you exercise the PC muscles, other muscles in the area also are exercised and strengthened.

Women who regularly exercise their PC and pelvic muscles report some very positive benefits: heightened pelvic sensations and greater anal sensitivity; increased pleasure during clitoral stimulation, vaginal and anal penetration; more control over orgasms; and better, more intense orgasms. For more information on Kegel exercises, check out Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin and The Complete Guide to Safer Sex from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. There is also a masturbation tool called the Kegelcisor, designed like a barbell for your pussy, which works wonders on those muscles!

But there is another crucial ingredient to great anal sex, the most important one — which may be missing for you, according to your letter: desire. You really have to want to be fucked in the ass.

First, you may want to think about why you don’t enjoy anal sex. Many people have fears and anxieties which, when kept to themselves, can result in tension and a butthole that just won’t let anything inside. Meditate on your feelings about and associations with anal sex, your past experiences with buttfucking, what you liked and disliked about it. Share your thoughts with your partner — sometimes talking about things can help you assuage your fears and relax. If you come to the conclusion that you don’t want to do it, then don’t do it. All the exercises, butt plugs, and lube in the world won’t do a damn thing if your heart’s not in it.