Dec 042014


It’s already December and I’m back live this week on Sex Out Loud radio, this time with Dr. Ruthie aka Dr. Ruth Neustifter, co-chair of the Guelph Sexuality Conference and author of the book, The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty. We’ll discuss the professional sexuality conference that happens in Canada each year and why you should start planning a trip for it now. They’ll also discuss the gift of dirty talk and how you can develop your own dirty talk style.

This week’s show is LIVE so call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at) and I’ll read them live on the air. Tune in to Sex Out Loud every Friday, you can listen along on your computer, tablet, or phone, find all the ways at!

Dr. Ruth Neustifter is an author, university faculty member, and sexuality researcher that joins us from snowy Ontario, Canada. They are also proud to co-chair one of the largest and longest running annual professional sexuality conferences in Canada, The Guelph Sexuality Conference. Since the late 1990s Ruthie has specialized in sexual well-being and pleasure, as well as the resilience of survivors of intimate violence. They are the author of The Nice Girl’s Guide To Talking Dirty and an upcoming book on trauma survivors through Routledge, as well as numerous academic publications and presentations. They have given workshops throughout North American as well as in Mexico and Europe in venues ranging from homeless shelters to universities to resorts. Dr. Ruthie considers themself an advocate for pleasure, intimacy, consent, and sex-positivity regardless of one’s past history, gender, health, sexuality, or desires.


Sep 252013



This Friday on Sex Out Loud, your ears are in for a special treat: Dixie De La Tour brings us sexy stories about sexy stories! Bawdy Storytelling – dubbed “The Moth for Pervs” by the LA Weekly – is the Nation’s Original Sex+Storytelling series. Founded, Emcee’ed and Curated by Dixie De La Tour, Bawdy features Real people & Rockstars sharing their Bona Fide Sexual Exploits in 10 minutes or less. For the past (almost) 7 years, Bawdy Storytelling’s one-of-a-kind approach to sexpositive personal narrative has coaxed liberating tales out of everyday people, creating unforgettable experiences for performers and audiences alike. We’ll talk to Dixie about how the event came into being and hear exclusive excerpts from a live performance.

Sexual Folklorist Dixie De La Tour founded Bawdy Storytelling, (the Nation’s Original sex and storytelling series featuring Real People & Rockstars) almost 7 years ago as a way to encourage real connection in San Francisco’s sexual underground. All in all, she’s been welcoming newcomers to San Francisco’s sexual underground for over 15 years (De La Tour, as in Tour Guide) – from creating, producing, volunteering for and managing sex positive events, to producing private parties, to teaching workshops, writing about sex & dating, community managing adult dating sites and much more. Dixie hopes to build Bawdy Storytelling into a national event because sexpositive community starts with a personal story; Storytelling makes sex education fun and entertaining and makes it a little harder to judge other people for their choices – listening to just one person’s story can start you down the road to empathy and acceptance for the ‘other.’

The Bawdy Events ‘trifecta’ includes Bawdy Storytelling (the curated mainstage storytelling event which features a different theme for each show) and Dixie also produces BawdySlam (a monthly story slam/competition in San Francisco & Los Angeles, with pervy prizes and the opportunity to compete in the Bawdy GrandSlam – that’s coming up in late October in SF and coming soon in LA) and she’s about to launch BawdyTalks (an sexuality-based event like TEDTalks). She also teaches workshops like Fearless Storytelling & Storytelling for Perverts– both of which feature the unique storytelling method she’s developed to help even the shyest person feel confident (yes, even Dixie had a fear of public speaking in the beginning, & what worked for her has now enabled hundreds of Bawdy Storytellers to face their fears, step onstage & share their sexual journey).


Jun 152004

My boyfriend is ultra submissive in just one area: his ass. He doesn’t go for the Mistress thing, lick-my-boot mentality, but when it comes to his ass (which is the focus of his fantasies and always how he’s able to come) he’s full sub. I know exactly what he needs that way, pain and humiliation. Directed at his ass. Insulting HIM gets us nowhere, but insulting HIS ASS does. My snag is this: there are only so many ways to insult an ass. Degrading his ass, calling it a cunt or pussy gets him off in a snap. Is there any way to get good ideas to boost my imagination so play is not monotonous for either of us?

–Mistress of His Ass

Plenty of people get off on pain, humiliation, degradation, and overall submission. Clearly your boyfriend’s submissiveness is tied directly to his ass and anal play. There are many ways to combine submission and anal pleasure. You’ve already insulted his ass, but have you also tried to insult and humiliate him for wanting his ass penetrated, for being a naughty butt boy? Take all the cultural baggage that comes with anal pleasure, and use it to your advantage, as a psychological tool: it’s dirty, taboo, dangerous, and will make him gay. Of course those aren’t true, but these myths can make for great mindfuck material.

If he likes extreme submission, you may also want to explore forced anal penetration or anal rape scenes; that’s tricky territory, so tread lightly. It also sounds like there is an element of gender play in your man’s fantasies, since he enjoys having his ass be called his pussy. Try to explore that part of his desire further. Does he want to crossdress, to be girl? Does he want to be forced to do it? Forced feminization is quite popular and may be part of what he’s try to express in the anal play you’re currently having. See if he will open up about and be specific about his submissive anal desires, and use what he gives you to take things to the next level.