Angry Butt Wants Relief

Jul 262005
 

I have always enjoyed the feeling of anal penetration while making love to my husband. He enjoys finger fucking me or using a butt plug or other toy. It all feels great and we both enjoy it very much. Here’s the problem: about four days after anal sex and continuing for another week or so, I experience something akin to irritable bowel syndrome. It gets progressively worse, until about the eighth day after sex, and it slowly goes away. The feeling is very discomforting, yet we don’t want to give up anal sex. Any thoughts as to why this happens, and what I can do to eliminate it?

–Angry Butt Wants Relief

Anal sex alone does not cause irritable bowel syndrome (also known as IBS), or symptoms associated with it. Those symptoms can include chronic diarrhea and/or constipation, cramping, bloating, frequent bathroom trips, and abdominal discomfort. When you use plenty of lubrication — which you always should — sometimes you can have loose or runny stools for up to 24 hours after sex; also, if you engage in heavy anal play (for example, using big toys or fisting), you can have some cramping afterward. However, neither of these things should go on for as long as you describe.

It’s also odd that the symptoms don’t appear right away, but several days later which could mean they are not related to the anal sex at all. I suspect that you have an existing gastrointestinal problem and that your anal play is aggravating that condition and causing it to flare up. I recommend you see a gastroenterologist promptly to get to the bottom of your problem. When you do, make sure to be honest about your anal play with your doctor, as it’s important to give health care providers “the whole picture” so they can treat you more effectively.

Woodstock Girl

Feb 272005
 

I love anal sex — much more than vaginal. I love the pressure just before the head pops in and that little ache as it does. What I am having problems with is that everything that goes in my ass seems too long. It feels almost like the dick or the toy is hitting something inside of me, and it hurts. I have a friend I play with and we do a lot of BDSM scenes, especially rape scenes and punishment-type scenes. He would like to see just how much my butt can take, and I do love the width of everything, especially the next day. Can you help me with the length problem?

–Woodstock Girl

Unlike the vagina, the rectum is not a straight tube. It has a gentle curve, first tipping forward toward the front of the body, then away, then forward again. Everyone’s curves are different, and some are more pronounced than others. As a result, if you stick anything straight inside the rectum, you can wind up hitting the rectal wall, which is not a good feeling for anyone. It sounds like that may be the sensation you described. Have your partner experiment with different positions and angles when he fucks you in the ass, and see if there’s one that allows for penetration without the pain. Toys made of flexible materials are more comfortable and bend easier with your curves; if a toy itself is curved, the curve should be aimed toward the front of the body. All that said, you can also have a short rectum. Since you get pleasure from wide toys, I say invest is some short but wide dildos or butt plugs — go with what works!

Enema Edge Player

Jul 142004
 

I bought a simple Fleet enema at the drugstore, and I have a few questions. Can I use it as is, or should I replace what’s in the bottle with water? Here’s why I am asking: I like to experience some good hard erotic cramping during enema play. My girlfriend and I often do enemas together, and we like to see which one of us can hold it the longest and who can handle the cramps without showing much discomfort. Is that safe? Because it’s awfully fun.

–Enema Edge Player

When I teach a basic class on enemas, I instruct people on two important points: the ingredients of an enema and the temperature. A Fleet enema (or most other brands you buy at the local drugstore) contains a laxative, and you do not need a laxative. You just need plain, warm water, which is why you should empty the contents of the store-bought enema bottle, rinse it out and refill it with warm water. If you’ve heard of more exotic enemas, with ingredients like champagne, espresso, wine, or other things, beware: these can make you very, very sick. So stick to plain water only.

I recommend that the water be warm so it’s as close to body temperature as possible; usually, the warmer the water, the more comfortable the enema. Most people will have little or no cramping when the temperature is right. Cold water causes discomfort and cramps that most people won’t like. I say most people because I do know enema fetishists who like to deliberately inflict discomfort and cramping on themselves or their partners.

Let me first say that this is considered “edge play” among enema fans, and inexperienced enema givers and receivers should not try this at home. I can tell that you’re a much more seasoned enema player, so I won’t admonish you for your sadomasochistic twist on this intimate form of play. One word of caution: don’t overdo the cold-water, cramp-inducing sessions. You can stress your gastrointestinal tract and disturb the delicate balance of your insides, which is never a good idea. As for you and your partner’s little game, it sounds like a great endurance contest for the BDSM Olympics! Again, a good rule of thumb for all this kind of play: everything in moderation.

Wanting More

Jun 032004
 

As long as we do lots of foreplay and my body is prepared, I don’t have a problem with pain during anal penetration. However, after about four inches of cock in my ass, I get abdominal pain that I can’t get past, no matter how relaxed or aroused I am. We’ve tried changing positions, but no matter what, it’s as if there is a road block. This is frustrating for me, and I know that for my husband, who wants his balls to slap my pussy on the downswing, it has to be downright maddening. I asked a girlfriend who’s into anal if she had ever experienced this, and she says that around the seven inch mark, her guy seems to hit a wall. Is it possible that there is a sharp bend that is preventing full penetration? Is there a technique to get around the discomfort I am experiencing? Swing to the left? Swing to the right?

–Wanting More

The first two inches inside the anus is called the anal canal, and the rectum is the area from the anal canal to the colon, which is another five to seven inches. Unlike the vagina, where you’ve got a pretty straight shot from end to end, the rectum is curved. That’s especially important to know when penetrating someone’s ass with anything longer than a finger, and especially with a dildo or vibrator that is firm and inflexible (like one made of hard plastic, clear acrylic, or glass). If you jam something (especially something rock hard) straight inside you can absolutely hit the rectal wall, which does not feel good. As you get more turned on, the rectum expands, and the curves are less pronounced, but they are still present.

So, the “four inch” stopping point you describe could correspond with the first curve of the rectum, when it curves toward the front of the body. Everyone’s internal geography is unique, and it’s possible that your rectum is more curvy than others. I’ve heard people report similar feelings of facing a roadblock inside their asses.

You’ve already tried changing positions, which would be my first suggestion. I suggest that you pick a long, very flexible toy, and, while masturbating, begin exploring your ass with it. Take note of the curve of the rectum, what feels good and what doesn’t, and if you can find your roadblock, or if you develop discomfort. Experiment with moving the toy forward or back inside of you to see if that changes anything. If you can find the trouble spot, see if you can move past it or around it, again, by moving it toward the front of the body or toward the back. If you are still experiencing problems, I suggest you talk to your doctor about it and have a rectal exam.

Slave Butt in Training

Jan 162004
 

My Master wants to give me anal training so that I can take a lot of use that way. I am not a virgin, but it has been some time since I have had any anal contact. What would be the best way to do this? He thought that putting a butt plug in me for five minutes twice a day would do it. I have tried this, but have only had problems with it. Perhaps it’s the plug. I am not sure what the plug is made of — it’s a hard-but-flexible plastic on the outside with a different type of plastic on the inside. It hurts when I stick it in, and that’s not helping my ass get properly trained. What should I do?

–Slave Butt in Training

Your Master has the right idea: anal training is a great way to mentally reinforce the Dominant/submissive dynamic as well as physically prepare your ass for extended anal play. I, too, use butt plugs as part of my anal training regimen.

The method I think that works best is to set up a plan for a bottom, where he or she gradually increases a number of elements. First, start with a very small plug and wear it for fifteen minutes. Continue to wear the small plug each day, adding fifteen minutes to the ritual. After a week, switch to a butt plug that’s slightly bigger, and start back at the fifteen minute mark, working your way up for another week. With each week, increase the size of the plug and the duration that you are wearing it. When you reach a large plug, with each new week, instead of changing the size, just up the amount of time you wear it. Use plenty of lube, and, if your Master allows it, play with your clit to make the experience more pleasurable (this will also relax your entire genital region and help you take more for longer). If it still hurts, honor your body’s response and go back down to the smaller sized plug, staying with it until you feel ready for more.

As for the type of plug, toys made partially or entirely of hard plastic aren’t a good idea for anal novices or the beginning of training. I recommend something soft and flexible made of either latex, vinyl, or silicone. Once you’re a pro, then you can move on to bigger, harder, heavier toys.

Anal Addict Denied

Nov 082003
 

My girlfriend and I have tried anal sex multiple times, but she doesn’t like it unless I rub her clit. As soon as I stop rubbing it, she says it’s very painful and wants to stop. She is also afraid to try doing certain anal positions. We only do it lying on our sides, facing the same direction. She claims that doggy style hurts too much from our one time of trying it. I am desperate for help!

–Anal Addict Denied

It fascinates me that you consider yourself an “anal addict denied,” because you are, in fact, having anal sex — just not necessarily in the exact way you want to be. If your wife doesn’t like it doggy style, that’s most likely because that position offers the deepest penetration, and it obviously doesn’t work for her; fucking her in “spooning position” — which you say works for you — may mean less deep thrusting for you, but a lot more comfort for her. If you’re simply dying to do it to her doggy style, then I suggest taking more shallow strokes, and seeing if that feels better.

As for your problem that she doesn’t like anal unless you rub her clit, well, what exactly is the problem? Rub her clit! The majority of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and most would say it enhances all kinds of penetration. I know lots of women who can’t take anything in their ass without something working their clit; it helps them relax, get aroused, and it just feels great. If rubbing her clit is difficult because of your body position, then let your wife work her own clit while you concentrate on her ass; that way, it’s a win-win situation.

Ass Needs TLC

Oct 232003
 

After a long night (or weekend) of intense anal play, usually culminating in anal fisting, my ass feels worn out, sore, and sometimes it even stings a little. Do you have any advice for caring for it after such a workout?

–Ass Needs TLC

We’ve all been there: your ass has taken such a good reaming, you feel that you might never sit down again. First, a few days of rest are in order to give your butt a chance to reflect on all the festivities. Next, I recommend a fabulous product that I never leave home without: Preparation H or Tucks brand Hemorrhoidal Wipes, pre-moistened wipes with witch hazel and aloe. I like the Preparation H wipes better because they are about twice the size. Many drugstores also carry the generic or in-store brand which contain the exact same ingredients but is a lot cheaper. They are cool, soothing, and almost immediately calm an itchy, sore, or irritated butthole. They are also great on a well-used pussy!

Clueless and Curious

Aug 202003
 

My boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex for the first time. We did it for about 5 or 10 minutes. He loved it. I, however, found it very uncomfortable and painful, and I didn’t have very much fun. Although at one point it almost felt good in a way. I want to try it again (he loves the idea so much), but I want to have fun while doing it. I’ve heard such good things about it. Is there anything we can do to make it more enjoyable for me or get me used to it without the pain?

–Clueless and Curious

First, I want to commend you on remaining curious and open to anal sex even after you had a not-so-memorable first experience. Most women have a negative anal de-flowering and never try it again.

It sounds to me like your husband may have made the most common mistake that I hear about: he rushed the process. Unlike your pussy, the ass is not self-lubricating, so you absolutely need to use lube, and plenty of it. I prefer a thick water-based lube that’s similar in consistency to hair gel; thicker lubricants stay wet longer and have a cushioning effect inside the delicate rectum. And speaking of the delicate rectum, your ass is very sensitive and needs plenty of slow, patient warm up to get it ready for your husband’s cock. That means activities like oral pleasure, gentle penetration with his finger or playing with a small butt plug or dildo to start. He needs to err on the side of caution, especially in the beginning, to get your ass used to having something inside it.

Take your time, and make sure you let him know if you want him to slow down or stop. As you relax (lots of deep breaths help), your ass will, too, and penetration should feel pleasurable, not painful. During this foreplay, experiment with adding other sensations to the mix: many women like (even need) clitoral stimulation in order for anal to feel good. Some like to have vaginal penetration or direct G-spot stimulation at the same time. See what works best for you.

Patient in Paris

Aug 142003
 

My partner likes anal sex very much, she has had plenty of experience and we practice it regularly. But, despite extended warm up sessions, a lot of lube and communication, she cannot accommodate my penis every time. I am always very gentle and caring. I know that even with the same partner each day is unique and different even if the mood and environment is the same. The situation is even more frustrating for me (and probably for her too) as we have often to stop after the tip of my cock has gotten inside her. It’s almost like some sort of reflex in her body just “rejects” me. What is the best way to achieve full anal sphincter relaxation, allowing an easy and guaranteed penis insertion?

–Patient in Paris

There are no guarantees in life, especially with matters of the heart and ass. It sounds to me like your partner’s body still isn’t relaxed enough which is why her ass is rejecting you. A surefire solution is to increase the amount of foreplay. I suggest more warm up with fingers and toys, plus you should add clitoral stimulation to the mix. Using a vibrator, your hand, or hers to manually stimulate her clit while you play with her ass can increase her arousal and help her rectum expand for penetration.

Once you first get inside her, don’t make any sudden moves. Stay put and give her a chance to adjust to the feeling before you start moving in and out. When she feels relaxed, then start with gentle thrusting, and let her call the shots in terms of speed and depth. Take your time, listen to her body, and don’t put so much pressure on yourself and her to make it happen every time.

Frustrated in Germany

Aug 022003
 

My husband and I have been experimenting with anal sex for a number of months now. We’ve had good experiences with butt plugs, anal beads, and other toys, but when it comes to anal intercourse, there’s always a problem. The initial penetration itself usually goes really well, but for some reason I can’t manage to have sex for any length of time at all. I mean, seriously, three or four thrusts, and I have to stop. It feels almost like there’s a second ring of muscle, farther inside that my husband is hitting when we have sex. Once he gets all the way inside, it’s fine, but when we start moving, he slips out past that ring again, and it hurts when he comes back through it. Am I imagining things, or is that really there?

Most of the time, if I lay still and concentrate, I can manage to relax everything enough for him to get off, but the second I stop focusing and start enjoying myself, everything tightens up again. It feels so wonderful having him inside my ass, I don’t want this to be something we have to give up because we can’t make it work. What do I do?

–Frustrated in Germany

You are not imagining things. What you’re describing makes perfect sense, anatomically. There are two sets of sphincter muscles, the external sphincters and the internal sphincters. For some people, these two rings of muscles are quite close together, but for others, they are farther apart. Both sets of muscles need to relax completely in order for anal penetration to be comfortable and pleasurable. They are like the “gatekeepers” to the ass, and penetration can be painful if you are nervous or tense.

You are doing the right thing by concentrating on relaxing, it’s critical to your enjoyment. You and your husband should experiment first with different positions; as you try several different ones, you can change the angle of insertion, the depth of penetration, and when he’s hitting that inner ring. He also needs to try more shallow thrusts, so that he doesn’t consistently pull out too far, which is obviously painful for you. I think your problem can definitely be solved with some creativity in positions and taking it slower.

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