Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Men and Men who Switch

Apr 152012
 

The Erotic Dominance Intensive for Men is a weekend workshop that focuses on dominating with confidence, competence, care, and style for Men with some experience in the Scene. Now in it’s 9th year, the next one is happening the first weekend of May.

Each Erotic Dominance Intensive, Player’s Course, is limited to 9 Dominant Men/Men who Switch. All men and male-identified folks welcome! Come on your own or bring your partner to this intimate workshop of hands-on exercises, lectures, demonstrations and real-time scenes at a private SOMA dungeon in San Francisco. Volunteer bottoms available and you go home with a comprehensive workbook.

Want to know what women need/want to trust & surrender?

Discover new ways to raise that delicious energy that adds such depth to our lives and our relationships. Topics Include:

  • The power of conscious touch, breath, and energy awareness
  • Male presence, integrity and archetypes
  • Fine art of negotiation and making it sexy
  • Cleo’s secrets of Topping
  • Developing your scene and making it work for both of you
  • Body and Spirit connection in BDSM
Location: DragonHouse, San Francisco SOMA
Dates: May 5-6 all day  and evening of May 4.
Teachers: Cleo Dubois, Selina Raven, Eve Minax

The Ultimate Guide to Kink

Mar 242012
 


I am so proud of my newest book: The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge. I decided on a unique format for a non-fiction educational book: each chapter is written by a different person. And not just any person, but a top kink educator who has taught that subject extensively at conferences and community events. So, you don’t get just my take on the world of kink, but the experience, knowledge, and opinions of some amazing teachers.

Here’s the Table of Contents:

Part 1: Skills and Techniques
1. “S is for…”: The Terms, Principles, and Pleasures of Kink by Tristan Taormino
2. Making an Impact: Spanking, Caning, and Flogging by Lolita Wolf
3. How to Train Your Sex Slave by Laura Antoniou
4. Whole Hand Sex: Vaginal Fisting and BDSM by Sarah Sloane
5. Bondage for Sex by Midori
6. A Little Cock and Ball Play by Hardy Haberman
7. Kinky Twisted Tantra by Barbara Carrellas
8. Piercing Scenes by FifthAngel
9. Brutal Affection: Playing with Rough Sex by Felice Shays
10. Butthole Bliss: The Ins and Outs of Anal Fisting by Patrick Califia

Part 2: Fantasies and Philosophies
11. Stop, Drop, and Role! Erotic Role Playing by Mollena Williams
12. A Romp on the Wild Side: Erotic Human Animal Role Playing by Lee Harrington
13. ForteFemme: The Art and Philosophy of Feminine Dominance by Midori
14. Submissive: A Personal Manifesto by Madison Young
15. Enhancing Masochism: How to Expand Limits and Increase Desire by Patrick Califia
16. Inside the Mind of a Sadist by FifthAngel
17. Age Role Play by Ignacio Rivera, aka Papí Coxxx
18. Digging in the Dirt: The Lure of Taboo Role Play by Mollena Williams
19. The Dark Side by Jack Rinella
20. Mindfuck by Edge

And here is an exclusive excerpt of my introduction:

There are hundreds of gatherings of kinksters throughout North America—whether it’s a local organization’s annual conference, a camping event for pervy people, or a BDSM retreat—and the majority of them have a strong educational component. On any given weekend, you can learn how to: safely set someone on fire, be a good Daddy, plan the perfect gang bang, do bondage without rope, or channel your inner shaman. As a group, people into kink devote a lot of time, resources, and energy to learning.

I first heard the phrase lifelong learners when a friend of mine who works at a public radio station told me that marketers use it to refer to NPR listeners. Lifelong learners are people who are self-motivated to continually seek out new knowledge and skills, through informal and formal education, to constantly develop and improve themselves. The concept really resonates with me, as it aptly describes so many of the people I meet at sex and kink events—we are lifelong learners. That’s what’s so ironic about the conservative backlash against BDSMers. With increased visibility comes increased bigotry, and conservatives continue to rally against kinky events by local groups to get them shut down. What the anti-kink fanatics don’t understand about us is that we’re geeks. Sex nerds. SM intellectuals. We pay money to spend a weekend going to classes.

Of course, we do manage to get our noses out of the books to have fun, too. In the process of having a good time and getting off, we also strive to create alternative utopian worlds, even if only for a weekend. The kink community is built on the radical notion that people can express their erotic needs and desires and have them met. We believe that dreams do come true, and not at Disneyland, but in our bedrooms. Kink events are not just about getting together to have fabulous erotic experiences. We learn skills that we can translate into every part of our life: how to claim our desires, negotiate for what we want and need, set boundaries, communicate limits, acknowledge power dynamics, celebrate sexuality, and accept each other’s differences.

I envisioned this book as a compilation of the work of some of the best educators in North America, and every piece was written specifically for it. You don’t have to attend dozens of regional or national events to hear these experts speak—they are gathered here, in one place, taking on topics about which they are truly passionate. Their expertise in these subjects is tremendous, yet some of them have never had their writing about kink published for a wide audience. As you turn the pages, I want you to feel as if you’re at one of these gatherings, spending time with the teachers as they share their wisdom, experience, thoughts, opinions, and personal anecdotes. Unlike books about BDSM only, the chapters in this book explore different areas of kink with a specific focus on sex. After all, sex is a big part of what motivates and manifests our kink, but, until recently, it was often left out of the equation in our educational offerings.

The book is divided into two sections. In “Skills and Techniques,” pieces feature nuts-and-bolts, how-to tutorials, sprinkled with lots of creative ideas and examples. You’ll learn about topics from bondage and spanking to piercing and rough sex. This section is beautifully illustrated by queer artist Katie Diamond, who created the images expressly for this book. There are a variety of role-playing fantasies as well as personal manifestos in the second section, “Fantasies and Philosophies.” From masochism to age play, these pieces cover some of the edgiest and most taboo and controversial elements of kink in depth. The subjects, which have long been a part of kink, are too rarely discussed outside closed circles or in print. It’s time to shine a light on what is often only perceived as darkness.

I wanted the collection to capture not only the incredible exchange of ideas at kink conferences, but the magic that happens at a gathering of a kinky tribe. I hope you learn a lot from this diverse group of writers and you are inspired to find them, and other educators, at an event near you so you can supplement this education with mentoring, hands-on demonstrations, and interactive learning.

Exploring kink provides us with an opportunity for self-reflection, challenge, and personal growth. Where many people are content to just sit back and let life happen, we’re not: we constantly engage our identities, sexualities, and relationships. Sometimes, it’s about testing ourselves. Rock climbing aficionados, competitive triathletes, or ambitious innovators in the business world: there are those who strive to go farther, faster, deeper. Some of us don’t do it dangling from a mountain; we do it through intense—what some would call extreme—erotic experiences. Kink can be a private (or semipublic) laboratory—a sacred space where we feel safe enough to try new things, push our boundaries, flirt with edges, and conquer fears. Because it combines the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual, it has the potential to heal old wounds and generate spiritual renewal. It can deepen our connections and relationships, bringing a new level of intimacy to them. Kink is a crucible for creativity, vulnerability, perseverance, control, catharsis, and connection. Kink is a unique space where there is room to experiment and see what bubbles up.

The Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive is next weekend in SF

Feb 212012
 

Now in it’s 11th year, a San Francisco tradition, The Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Women and Women who Switch, will be held next weekend, March 2-4.

This intimate weekend workshop is about integrating heart, spirit and erotic power with refined techniques to guide you in your very own style of play. Our goal is to help participants experience BDSM as a path of discovery, empowerment and deeper human emotional and sexual connection. Your three teachers for the weekend are Cleo Dubois, Eve Minax and Selina Raven.

Each Erotic Dominance Intensive is limited to 9 Dominant Women/Women who Switch, but there are a few spots left. All women and female-identified folks welcome!  Register at the website today.

 

 

2012 AVN-Nominated Films

Dec 072011
 


The 2012 AVN nominations were released this week, and I have a lot to celebrate with 7 nominations for my films! Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind scored five nominations for Best Vignette Release, Best Anal Sex Scene (Adrianna Nicole and Ramon Nomar), Best Group Sex Scene (Adrianna Nicole, Nat Turnher, Danny Wylde, Keni Styles & Evan Stone), Best Threeway Scene (Adrianna Nicole, Danny Wylde & Keni Styles) and Best Director-Non Feature. In addition, The Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex and The Expert Guide to Female Orgasms were both nominated for Best Educational Release.

These are especially exciting because they represent several different milestones for me. These are the most nominations I’ve ever received in a single year. These are the most nominations I’ve ever received for one film. This is my first ever nomination for Best Director. Here is the list:

Best Anal Sex Scene
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group; Adrianna Nicole & Ramon Nomar

Best Director – Non Feature
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group; Tristan Taormino

Best Group Sex Scene
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group; Adrianna Nicole, Nat Turnher, Danny Wylde, Keni Styles & Evan Stone

Best Three-Way Sex Scene (G/B/B)
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group; Adrianna Nicole, Keni Styles & Danny Wylde

Best Vignette Release
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group

Best Educational Release
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex, Vivid Ed

Best Educational Release
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms, Vivid Ed

 

Mistress of His Ass

Jun 152004
 

My boyfriend is ultra submissive in just one area: his ass. He doesn’t go for the Mistress thing, lick-my-boot mentality, but when it comes to his ass (which is the focus of his fantasies and always how he’s able to come) he’s full sub. I know exactly what he needs that way, pain and humiliation. Directed at his ass. Insulting HIM gets us nowhere, but insulting HIS ASS does. My snag is this: there are only so many ways to insult an ass. Degrading his ass, calling it a cunt or pussy gets him off in a snap. Is there any way to get good ideas to boost my imagination so play is not monotonous for either of us?

–Mistress of His Ass

Plenty of people get off on pain, humiliation, degradation, and overall submission. Clearly your boyfriend’s submissiveness is tied directly to his ass and anal play. There are many ways to combine submission and anal pleasure. You’ve already insulted his ass, but have you also tried to insult and humiliate him for wanting his ass penetrated, for being a naughty butt boy? Take all the cultural baggage that comes with anal pleasure, and use it to your advantage, as a psychological tool: it’s dirty, taboo, dangerous, and will make him gay. Of course those aren’t true, but these myths can make for great mindfuck material.

If he likes extreme submission, you may also want to explore forced anal penetration or anal rape scenes; that’s tricky territory, so tread lightly. It also sounds like there is an element of gender play in your man’s fantasies, since he enjoys having his ass be called his pussy. Try to explore that part of his desire further. Does he want to crossdress, to be girl? Does he want to be forced to do it? Forced feminization is quite popular and may be part of what he’s try to express in the anal play you’re currently having. See if he will open up about and be specific about his submissive anal desires, and use what he gives you to take things to the next level.

Slave Butt in Training

Jan 162004
 

My Master wants to give me anal training so that I can take a lot of use that way. I am not a virgin, but it has been some time since I have had any anal contact. What would be the best way to do this? He thought that putting a butt plug in me for five minutes twice a day would do it. I have tried this, but have only had problems with it. Perhaps it’s the plug. I am not sure what the plug is made of — it’s a hard-but-flexible plastic on the outside with a different type of plastic on the inside. It hurts when I stick it in, and that’s not helping my ass get properly trained. What should I do?

–Slave Butt in Training

Your Master has the right idea: anal training is a great way to mentally reinforce the Dominant/submissive dynamic as well as physically prepare your ass for extended anal play. I, too, use butt plugs as part of my anal training regimen.

The method I think that works best is to set up a plan for a bottom, where he or she gradually increases a number of elements. First, start with a very small plug and wear it for fifteen minutes. Continue to wear the small plug each day, adding fifteen minutes to the ritual. After a week, switch to a butt plug that’s slightly bigger, and start back at the fifteen minute mark, working your way up for another week. With each week, increase the size of the plug and the duration that you are wearing it. When you reach a large plug, with each new week, instead of changing the size, just up the amount of time you wear it. Use plenty of lube, and, if your Master allows it, play with your clit to make the experience more pleasurable (this will also relax your entire genital region and help you take more for longer). If it still hurts, honor your body’s response and go back down to the smaller sized plug, staying with it until you feel ready for more.

As for the type of plug, toys made partially or entirely of hard plastic aren’t a good idea for anal novices or the beginning of training. I recommend something soft and flexible made of either latex, vinyl, or silicone. Once you’re a pro, then you can move on to bigger, harder, heavier toys.

Plugged-up Slave

Dec 112003
 

My Mistress would like me to wear a butt plug daily. I’ve agreed to a small one, but she really wants me to wear a large one because she thinks that a bigger plug will make me more submissive to her. Is it possible and harmless?

–Plugged-up Slave

Wearing a butt plug every day is possible and harmless, as long as you use plenty of lube, and you warm up your ass with fingers or a smaller toy first. You should be aware of a butt plug, but it should not feel uncomfortable or painful at all. If you plan to wear it for several hours, you should work your way up in small increments in order to allow your body time to adjust to the new activity; in other words, if you’ve only ever had a plug in for fifteen minutes, don’t try it for four hours. As to the matter of your level of submissiveness, only you and your Mistress can really answer that. A bigger plug may make you more aware of your ass, and, by extension, help you focus on your dedication and service to your Mistress. But the size of a butt plug alone does not affect one’s level of submission — bigger does not always inspire better.

Losing My Marbles

Oct 082003
 

In Anne Rice’s erotic novel The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, there is a scene where Beauty was made to play a game: twenty roses were scattered all around a room where the Queen sat, and Beauty had to crawl around and pick the roses up and return them, one-by-one to the Queen, all the while being flogged to keep up her pace. Every time Beauty would bring a rose, the Queen would stick a large gold marble in Beauty’s ass. The trick being that the further along she got, the harder it was to keep going without dropping the marbles.

My husband and I thought this was really hot, and we’d love to play it out, but we are concerned with the idea of losing a marble inside my ass. Could that happen, and if so, what could we do to prevent it? We have worked with anal beads before, but there are only so many on a string, and those knots can sting! What can you suggest?

–Losing My Marbles

While I love erotic fiction as much as the next kinky reader, when it comes to representations of bondage, sadistic sensation play, and other BDSM activities, you need to remember that half of the stuff that fictional characters do in books isn’t even physically possible, let alone safe or meant to be instructional. Many, but not all, writers of leather smut have never actually done any of the things they write about. Or, even if they are players in real life, often they still indulge in fantastic fantasies they know are great to jerk off to; they don’t mean for anyone to try to replicate them.

The scene you describe from The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty is an example of a sexy scenario that’s not practical, and could be physically harmful. In general, anything you put in the ass should have a flared base (like on a dildo or butt plug) or another way to stop it from going all the way inside (like the ring on the end of a string of anal beads). Obviously, marbles don’t qualify, and they could get lost inside your ass. You’ve already played with anal beads, and you’re right, most people find the knots of the nylon or cotton rope pretty uncomfortable.

I have several suggestions for scenes that may appeal to you. If you want to be surprised, now is the time to stop reading and hand the magazine over to your husband. Several sex toy manufacturers sell toys which are a continuous series of beads, but the toy is all one piece (no string, no knots); some have several beads of the same size, while others have graduated beads which get larger and larger. Your husband can insert the first bead, send you off to retrieve rose #1, then slide the second bead inside, and so on. It creates a similar effect as the marbles with a toy that’s completely safe.

Or, if the goal is to make it increasingly difficult to keep the object inside your ass as you retrieve the roses, he can begin with a silicone butt plug, and, each new round, replace it with a plug made of a heavier material, moving from clear acrylic to glass to marble to stainless steel. I’ve used all of these high-end toys, and can tell you that when you stand up with a steel butt plug in your ass, it feels like a barbell that’s fighting gravity! A similar effect can be achieved with only one butt plug and a series of small weights usually used for cock and ball play or genitorture. Find a way to attach the weights to the base of the plug (I suggest a small piece around the rounded base), you can keep increasing the amount of weight each time a rose is retrieved. Use the story in the book as inspiration, but then be creative and create a scene that’s clever, cruel, whatever works for you. Most important, make it safe.

Stubborn Submissive

Apr 302003
 

My boyfriend and I have a Dom/sub relationship (he is the Dom). We also play with some “special friends” from time to time. Since I feel no hesitation having anal sex with him because of our love and trust, I am not really interested in engaging in it with others. He seems to see this as resistance to his control and it has led to some heated discussions. I have told him I am not interested but his challenge is, “How do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try it?” Do you have any advice on a good response or two that I can have ready the next time the subject comes up?

–Stubborn Submissive

While I understand that complete control and surrender of one’s free will is a goal for many people in Dominant/submissive relationships, I’m also practical: very few human beings can be 100% submissive and surrender all their free will to another person. That’s why it is quite common in the leather world for people to negotiate ground rules in scenes and relationships. I appreciate your Dominant’s desire to have your complete obedience, to push you to expand your erotic horizons, and to see other people fuck you in the ass; however, I am siding with you on this one. You have communicated a clear boundary to him, and I think that boundary needs to be respected. He needs to see that you having limits does not mean you are resisting him, but that you are taking care of yourself, listening to your instincts, and communicating clearly — which are all great qualities for a submissive to have.

Rough Anal Player

Oct 122002
 

Receiving anal penetration and being sexually submissive has always been the focus of my sexual fantasies. More specifically, I like the anal penetration to be painful. I always imagined it that way and was disappointed when my partner was too gentle at first. He knows me better now, and I have been able to fulfill my anal fantasies with him for the past six months. We usually start with fingers, dildos or plugs, but unlike everything else I’ve read, we use these to make me sore, not to warm me up, and we use as little lubrication as possible. I can only feel totally aroused when it begins to burn, sting, or ache and I feel I want my partner to stop. This particular pain, coupled with some light to medium flogging, is the one thing that makes me really orgasm. I also love the feeling of soreness the next day.

I always recover after a day or so of restraint, but I am now worried after reading more about the dos and don’t of anal sex that over time I could cause permanent damage to myself. I love it so much, and it is so sexually satisfying to me that it would be a problem for me to lessen this behavior. I would like to know if anyone else has enjoyed such rough anal penetration over a long period of time, and if they have or haven’t had any problems.

–Rough Anal Player

Thank you for writing to me. I think it is incredibly brave of you to be so honest about your sexual desires and practices, especially when many people might see them as sick, twisted, and politically incorrect, even fellow BDSM players. I appreciate your candor, and I think that yours is an important letter to print, because I am sure you are not the only one out there. As kinky people who practice all kinds of BDSM, we know that there is a fine line between pleasure and pain, and that line is different for everyone. People who enjoy flogging, spanking, piercing, and other forms of intense sensation play know the high from the rush of endorphins we get, the thrill of pushing the limits of our bodies, and the orgasmic potential of these activities which non-kinky people would see as cruel and painful.

As a community, BDSM players often reiterate ad nauseum that our activities are “safe, sane, and consensual” and we frown upon “unsafe” players. With most forms of sensation play, you can paddle, whip, beat, pierce and cut fleshy, well-padded areas of the body. You should never strike joints, boney areas, areas around internal organs, the neck, head, or face. I think the ass would fall into the latter category as an area we shouldn’t deliberately hurt simply because unlike fleshly parts of our body which may redden, bruise, or bleed but eventually recover completely, the ass is not so resilient. The rectum is quite delicate, which is why sex educators like myself encourage people to go slow, warm the body up, and use plenty of lube. It’s a matter of comfort — I assume that the majority of people do not want to experience pain through anal penetration. Anal sex has long been mythologized as violent and painful for women, and I am attempting to counteract that stereotype by teaching people to have pain-free anal penetration.

Your desire for pain puts you in the minority but that doesn’t mean it is not valid. However, you need to know the risks of your practices. Through repeated penetration with little warm up, no lube, or deliberate roughness, you can scrape or abrade the rectum, develop anal fissures and other ailments, and cause permanent damage to your ass. Permanent damage could mean no more anal play at all, which doesn’t sound like what you want. Yours is a difficult dilemma. I want you to do what turns you on and makes you come, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself or damage your body in the process.

I think you should explore other kinds of play which may produce similar sensations for you, but happen on a less fragile part of the body. But even as I write that recommendation, I realize that part of the turn on for you may be that you don’t want to feel pain in the “safe” places on your body, but in the very places we’re told are too delicate and off limits. You and your partner should explore new ways to approximate the pain sensations while still taking good care of your ass. Adding warm up and lube to the equation will protect your body and won’t prevent you from feeling the burn or the ache, especially with especially large toys. You need to find that unique line for yourself where the sensation is intense enough to satisfy you, but you are mindful of not hurting yourself.

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