Aug 181999

My wife is 28 and I am 30; we have been married for three years. We are starting to get into anal sex. We have your book and want to experiment more — we even want to try fisting. Our problem is that we need more toys. The biggest plugs and dildos we can find are 2 1/4″ which feels like my max, but she thinks she can take more. Why is it that a big six foot man can only take a 2 1/4″ plug? Also, where can we get a speculum? Are there different ones for the ass and the vagina? How do you use it safely?

–Mr. G.

Wow, you’ve got a lot going on. I don’t know where you live, but I am assuming you’ve visited your local sex toy store and bought everything it’s sellin’. For more toys, I encourage you to check out two of the best sex toy purveyors in the world — Good Vibrations located in Berkeley and San Francisco  and Babeland in New York and Seattle. They both have an incredible selection of butt toys, from anal beads to high-quality silicone butt plugs and dildos by great manufacturers like Vixen Creations and Dils for Does. You may also want to check out some of the inflatable butt plugs and dildos on the market; you can go from slim to super with a few squeezes, making it a very versatile toy. As for the size issue, some of the lines of plugs and dongs marketed toward gay men seem to be of the size queen variety. Some of them are downright scary, even to Buttgirl.

So, it seems your wife can take a bigger plug than you, huh? Well, your height has little to do with how much you can stuff in your ass. My recommendation to you: practice, practice, practice.

As for your speculum request, you can find the disposable clear plastic kind and the metal re-usable type at medical supply stores (Babeland also carries them). Technically, a speculum is a speculum, and you should select a smallish one for anal use. If medical equipment and scenes are your fetish, you can also get some more expensive menacing-looking stainless steel speculums, and you can ask a medical supply house for an anal speculum. Make sure to use plenty of lubricant, insert the speculum slowly, and open it even slower.

May 221999

Is it true that too-frequent insertion of penis/dildo/plug into the anus will lead to an enlarged and/or loosened sphincter? I have fantasies of anal sex which now include toilet training. Am I going to have to see a psychiatrist? Or am I going straight to hell?


Your first question is one that I get asked over and over. As I say in my video: Let’s put this myth to rest once and for all. If you have a lot of anal sex, you are not going to end up in adult diapers. In others words, frequent backdoor banging — when done properly with care and lots of lube — will not lead to “an enlarged and/or loosened sphincter” or a loss of bowel control. In fact, having a lot of anal sex may do just the opposite: you may find that you actually have better bowel control than you did before. You see, in order to take something inside your rectum, you have to learn how to relax your sphincter muscles. The more you practice controlling these muscles, the more you are exercising and toning them (just like any other muscle). You are not stretching out or loosening the sphincter muscles, you are simply relaxing them to allow penetration. Have no fear, and keep opening up that back door.

Now, on to your second point about your fantasies involving anal sex and toilet training. Since you weren’t that specific, my mind went in several different directions. Some people who fantasize about anal sex also find the idea of shitting, playing with shit, smelling shit, eating shit and various other kinds of shit play (also known as “scat play”) highly erotic. There are plenty of people out there who share that fetish (especially on the web). Other people into anal sex are also into piss play (or golden showers) and combine the two into very hot scenes. There is a great erotic story in the anthology Hot Off The Net (Black Books) where one guy pisses into another guy’s ass after buttfucking him.

I recently did a scene where four dommes topped two subs, culminating in three of us taking turns fucking one of the subs in the ass and peeing on him. He was covered in plastic and we were wearing latex gloves. I remind you that both piss play and scat play involve exchanging bodily fluids, and you should practice safer sex when engaging in these activities. Still other anal enthusiasts like to combine butt play with infantilism or other “age play,” where the submissive can be a baby or a little boy or girl. Age play can be very hot, a great way to be a kid again, and toilet training is a frequent part of this fantasy.

Well, Paul, it sounds like you may want to end up in diapers, just not the adult variety! Your fantasies can be worthy of analysis, but not necessarily require you to see a shrink. Instead, I might recommend sharing your cravings with a partner or making an appointment with a professional dominatrix.