Dec 062012
 

My younger, much more experienced partner and I were discussing fantasies last night. I have this pair of 4″ pumps she is particularly fond of, and she mentioned she might like to be fucked in the ass with the heel. They are not stilettos, they are wooden heels, not completely rounded, albeit fairly slender. While I am not one to pooh-pooh anyone’s fantasy, I can’t quite bring myself to believe that this would be safe. Pain factor aside, this seems like it has the potential to be very damaging, especially in the hands (or feet) of someone who has no idea what they’re doing, like myself. Do you have any thoughts as to how I could incorporate her fantasy into our sex life without actually hurting her (and not “hurt” in the good sense)?

–Feeling Like a Heel

You mentioned that you’re inexperienced, so before you approach this shoe fantasy, you’ve got to get some experience with basic anal penetration and sex toys. Start out with dildos and plugs, experiment with different techniques and what your bottom likes until you get really comfortable with them. One of the earliest letters I received for this column was about shoe fucking. A woman wanted to fuck her submissive with the narrow toe of her shoe. You’re talking about the other end, so you’re wise to be cautious.

Whether stiletto or not, a high heel is usually pointed and inflexible enough to make it a less than ideal penetration tool, and since you’re a beginner, I am going to recommend a safe option: the bait and switch technique. Put on the shoes, taunt her, step on her, tease her, tell her how you’re going to fuck her in the ass with those terribly menacing shoes. Then blindfold her, tell her it’s because you want all her senses to be on alert and concentrating on this new and unique sensation. Hidden nearby should be a wooden dildo, selected because you said the heel was wooden. Wooden dildos can be hard to find, but they’re out there (my picks: NobEssence and Jildos). With the image of your shoe heel firmly planted in her mind, the dildo can be firmly planted in her behind! It will have a similar weight and texture, and if you’re good at it, she will never know the difference. When you’re done, drizzle some lube on the shoe heel, take her blindfold off, and everyone will be satisfied!

Nov 212012
 

Photo by Don Sir Photography

This Friday we have a special encore presentation on Sex Out Loud of one of our most popular episodes, featuring Mollena Williams. Mollena Williams is simply one of the most intelligent and articulate BDSM educators of her generation, and we get to spend the entire hour picking her perverted brain! We will talk about the two chapters on roleplay she wrote for my book The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge. She’ll explain the complex elements of race play, where kinky people play out racist scenarios, use racial epithets, or eroticize racial power dynamics. Mollena will reveal why she is turned on by this controversial kink and other kinds of taboo fantasies. Plus, I’ll ask her about what it’s like to be a woman of color who enjoys being a submissive and a collared slave. Read all about Mollena Williams below, including a list of appearances in the next few months.

This “Delicate, Trembling Flower of Submission” © is a NYC born and raised writer, actress, BDSM Educator, Storyteller and an Award-Winning Executive Pervert. She is extremely proud to have served as International Ms Leather 2010. She is also thrilled to have been named Ms. San Francisco Leather 2009 after that contest’s decade long slumber.

She is deeply honored and profoundly humbled to have been selected to receive the 2012 Jack McGeorge Award for Excellence in Education by Black Rose, and is thrilled to have won the National Leather Association’s 2012 Cynthia Slater Non-Fiction Article Award. She was a finalist for the 21st annual Pantheon of Leather’s Woman of the Year & Northern California Regional Awards. You can watch her being interviewed for the Women’s Leather History Project, as curated by the Leather Archives and Museum.

Her latest project, co-authored with Lee Harrington, “Playing Well With Others: Your Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities” hits the streets September 1, 2012. She is the author of the “Toybag Gude: Taboo Play.” Her essays appear in 2 anthologies curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel: “BDSM and Race Play” appears in “Best Sex Writing 2010,” (you can read the Jezebel review here!) and “Kiss my Boots” is featured in “The Lust Chronicles.” Her challenging essay on “race play” is featured in“Spirit of Desire: Personal Journeys in Sacred Kink” edited by Lee Harrington. Not one but two essays commissioned by Tristan Taormino appear in the groundbreaking anthology “The Ultimate Guide to Kinky Sex.” Mollena is pleased and delighted to be a featured educator with The Kink Academy, where you can see clips of her speaking on various and sundry topics! She is also a columnist for SexIs Magazine, where she lets loose twice a month on just about anything.

Exploring kink since 1993, active in BDSM and the Leather Community since 1996, and presenting classes since 1998, she speaks at Leather, BDSM and Kink events across the US, Europe and Canada on many Leather and BDSM focused topics. She also brings the knowledge on Kink, BDSM and Leather to such august institutions of higher learning as SF State and Cal State, Harvard, Princeton,Yale, Stamford, and Brown for IvyQ. She has been invited to present this fall for MIT.

Mollena’s been sober since 3-14-2007 and in December that same year, she founded “Safeword,” a 12-step based recovery group for all kinksters seeking recovery from addiction.

International Ms Leather 2010 was truly an international title year with visits to the Pride Festival in Stockholm, Sweden, where she made history as the first Leatherwoman ever invited to march with the venerable Scandinavian Leathermen’s Association! She’s also done her thing in Dublin, Ireland, Berlin, Germany, the UK: toured Amsterdam, Netherlands for Leather Pride, as well as teaching and performing in Vancouver, Canada. A roll-up of her epic IMsL 2010 title year can be found here!

Her background includes a lifetime of training and involvement in the performing arts, which include spoken word, classical theater, dance, performance art, and all manner of stagecraft. Performing professionally since the age of 5, her credits include singing on the soundtrack for the movie The Wiz and co-starring with Danny Bonaduce in the underground cult-classic America’s Deadliest Home Video. Her first solo show,69Stories: One Pervert’s Tale has been re-revived and was a hit in Vancouver BC in November 2010 and Madison, Wisconsin July 2012. You can see an excerpt from it here (“Kiss My Boots” part One, and Part Two) as performed at Rachel Kramer Bussel’s In the Flesh storytelling series. She is a favorite at Dixie De La Tour’s Bawdy Storytelling, has performed for many storytelling venues including Bare! Stories, Tiny, Dangerous Fun Audacia Ray’s Red Umbrella Diaries, Carol Queen’s Perverts Put Out, and was a guest on Kevin Allison’s Risk! Podcast. She has also thrown down onstage for Porchlight Storytelling and is looking forward to an upcoming appearance on NPR’s Snap Judgement.

As a model, Mollena has been featured on the Folsom Street Fair 2010 Poster, as well as modeling for Stormy Leather. She has worked with many well-known and renowned kink, Leather and fetish photographers, including Stacie Joy, Laren Leland, Aeric Meredith-Goujon, Melvin Moten, Don Sir and Michele Serchuk: who’s photograph of Mollena posing with fellow educator Graydancer was featured in the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival 2010.

She is chuffed to have been interviewed for the Leather Archives & Museum’s Women’s Leather History Project. Recent interviews with Mo can be found on Jezebel and on Princeton University’s Equal Writes website. You can also read her 2010 interview with SexisIs Magazine. She was featured in a groundbreaking interview at TheGrio.com on BDSM and race, and also interviewed by Sharon Glassman for the Huffington Post. Her work’s also been published by the Society Of Janus Newsletter, The Eulenspiegel Society’s magazine, Prometheus, as well as the online magazine at ALT.COM and Bondage.com. She has been interviewed for The Bottoming Book, ColorLines Magazine, Bitch Magazine, Abiola Abrams: Love, Sex & Dasting, The Playboy Advisor, Sexploration with Monika and The Reverend Mel Show, SexIs Magazine, The Huffington Post, Jezebel and Racialicious to name a few! She is featured in the award winning documentary “Vice & Consent”. You can also see her all tied up in the instructional video, “Jay Wiseman Teaches Rope Bondage”

A founding member of Crowded Fire Theater Company, and former co-host of San Francisco’s Queer Open Mic, Mo blogs on http://mollena.com. Her blog, The Perverted Negress, has been a featured blog on Fleshbot (not Once but TWICE!) as well as the pick of the week for The Sugasm. And boy howdy, the venerated Jane’s Guide thinks The Perverted Negress’ Blog is pretty rad! Mollena is also a member of Mama’s Leather Family (#1231) , formally dubbed “Mama’s Perverted Negress” and pinned in at the SF Eagle by Mama Sandy Reinhardt herself. She Twitters incessantly over on http://twitter.com/mollena, so follow her there!

 

Nov 022012
 

CineKink – “the kinky film festival” – comes back to Chicago for a hot two-night stand, then heads over to Washington DC to bring some of the “best of” for your Thanksgiving weekend! Celebrating and exploring a wide diversity of sexuality, the films and videos in this sex-positive and kink-friendly showcase range from documentary to drama, camp comedy to hot porn, mildy spicy to quite explicit – and everything in between.

Below is the list of films showing and links with more information on how to get tickets.

CINEKINK: CHICAGO
November 16 & 17 @ Leather Archives & Museum

Friday, November 16
8:00 PM       Best of CineKink/2012 + Reception

Saturday, November 17
4:00 PM       Stage Brother
6:00 PM       Kink & Kinship
8:00 PM       Sirwinakuy

CINEKINK: DC
Saturday, November 24 @ The Crucible

6:00 PM        Kink & Kinship
8:00 PM        Best of CineKink/2012

Oct 112012
 

E! Entertainment is producing a one-hour special about the real stories behind the “50 Shades of Grey” phenomenon.  They are profiling people who live the BDSM lifestyle, from engineers to housewives and shedding light on what has been largely an underground culture.  Among others, they are looking for stories about:  A) Someone who is going to “come out” to family or friend or workplace and willing to let us shoot that moment.  B)  Someone who has decided to enter the BDSM relationship (not just dabble) for the FIRST TIME.  C)  A story about a break up (not horror story) – we’ve been told that a breakup from a BDSM relationship is more emotionally intense in some ways because of the deep level of intimacy.  D)  A story about a male submissive.

They are looking for people who can speak very articulately and thoughtfully about their lifestyle and experiences.  They may be able to offer anonymity for anyone (except the “coming out” story).  If you or anyone you know may be interested, please contact Producer, Kyung Yu via email at KSunYu@comcastnets.com. [EDIT: e-mail address had a typo, it's now been corrected.]

 

Oct 082012
 


This Friday, October 12th, on Sex Out Loud I talk to model and performer April Flores and photographer and filmmaker Carlos Batts as part of my “Live in LA” series recorded in studio in Los Angeles. This dynamic duo in art and life reveals how they first met and what fuels their erotic collaborations. Carlos talks about his body of work, why he loves to make art, and the exhibit inspired by the sex toy molded from April’s vagina. April will discuss her role as a plus-size model in the adult industry, what she thinks of the term BBW, and her Feminist Porn Award for Heartthrob of the Year. They will also give us a insider’s look at their newest film, April Flores World.

April Flores is a muse, erotic performer, and model, but that’s not even scratching the surface. A fearless BBW star with scarlet hair, proponent of the queer community, feminist, sex-positive activist, outspoken advocate of body diversity, glamorous art model, avid kink fan, sub and dom both, and all around powerful woman. April has graced the covers of Bizarre and AVN Magazines, among others; modeled for dozens of fine art photographers; Featured Guest & Co Host Espanol on Playboy Sirius/XM Radio; appeared in countless adult films in every genre of the porn industry (from mainstream to queer to kinky to artsy); and spoken out about body image through her mere presence and powerful sexuality, along with her activism.

 Carlos Batts is an award winning; Artist, Photographer and Director. Batts’ artwork has appeared on book covers, fashion magazines, comic books and motion pictures. Carlos has three internationally distributed hardbound coffee table books; Wild Skin, Crazy Sexy Hollywood and American Gothic that document a wide variety of sub-cultures. Batts has directed independent art films; American Gothic, Voluptuous Biker Babes, and April Flores World that are distributed through various mainstream outlets. Born in Baltimore, Batts now lives and creates in Hollywood with his Muse, April Flores.

Oct 052012
 

  • I also did a two-part interview with Cunning Minx for her fabulous podcast, Poly Weekly. The first half of the interview is HERE and then part two is HERE.
Sep 282012
 


Call for Entries – CineKink/2013 – our tenth edition!

CineKink –“the kinky film festival”–is seeking films and videos, of any length and genre, that explore and celebrate a wide diversity of sexuality. Dedicated to the recognition and encouragement of sex-positive and kink-friendly depictions in film and television, we’re looking to blur some boundaries and will be considering offerings drawn from both Hollywood and beyond, with works ranging from documentary to drama, camp comedy to artsy experimental, mildly spicy to quite explicit–and everything in between.

Cutting across orientations, topics covered at CineKink have included–but are by no means limited to–BDSM, leather and fetish, swinging, non-monogamy and polyamory, roleplay and gender bending, sex work and sex geekery. Basically, as long as it involves consenting adults, just about anything celebrating sex as a right of self expression is fair game. (Far be it from us to define “kink” – if you think your work might make sense in this context, please send it along!)

Scheduled for its tenth annual appearance in February 2013, the specially-curated CineKink NYC will also feature a short film competition, audience choice awards, a special adult entertainment showcase, presentations, parties and a gala kick-off event, along with retrospective screenings commemorating a decade’s worth of kinky programming. A national tour will follow, showcasing audience favorites from the NYC festival selections.

Discounted, early-bird entries have a post-marked deadline of September 28th, while the regular deadline is November 9th and the final deadline is December 4th.  

For more information, please visit http://cinekink.com/programs-and-events/call-for-entries.

Aug 152012
 

Artwork by Joe Newton for The Stranger

While Dan Savage was on vacation, the “Savage Love” Letter of the Day—a.k.a. SLLOTD—had to go on! So Dan asked three different guest columnists to field his readers’ questions while he’s away. I was the guest columnist August 13-17! You can read each of my questions and answers on the SLOG, along with readers’ comments which were diverse and very opinionated here:

August 13: Even Less Kinky Than Plain Vanilla, about incompatibility, kinkiness, and communication
August 14: Fetishes, Porn, Meatballs, and Eggs, about women’s fetishes, a gyno sex fantasy, and gossip
August 15: Hungover and Hurt, about a partner’s boundary violation (trigger warning)
August 16: Maybe I’m More Vanilla Than I Thought, about crossdressing, anal, and sexual compatibility
August 17: Less Face, More Fuck, about a new Dom/sub sex partner who’s avoiding intercourse

Aug 062012
 

Photo by Don Sir Photography

Mollena Williams – our guest for this Friday’s episode of Sex Out Loud - is simply one of the most intelligent and articulate BDSM educators of her generation, and we get to spend the entire hour picking her perverted brain! We will talk about the two chapters on roleplay she wrote for my book The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge. She’ll explain the complex elements of race play, where kinky people play out racist scenarios, use racial epithets, or eroticize racial power dynamics. Mollena will reveal why she is turned on by this controversial kink and other kinds of taboo fantasies. Plus, I’ll ask her about what it’s like to be a woman of color who enjoys being a submissive and a collared slave. Read all about Mollena Williams below, including a list of appearances in the next few months.

This “Delicate, Trembling Flower of Submission” © is a NYC born and raised writer, actress, BDSM Educator, Storyteller and an Award-Winning Executive Pervert. She is extremely proud to have served as International Ms Leather 2010. She is also thrilled to have been named Ms. San Francisco Leather 2009 after that contest’s decade long slumber.

She is deeply honored and profoundly humbled to have been selected to receive the 2012 Jack McGeorge Award for Excellence in Education by Black Rose, and is thrilled to have won the National Leather Association’s 2012 Cynthia Slater Non-Fiction Article Award. She was a finalist for the 21st annual Pantheon of Leather’s Woman of the Year & Northern California Regional Awards. You can watch her being interviewed for the Women’s Leather History Project, as curated by the Leather Archives and Museum.

Her latest project, co-authored with Lee Harrington, “Playing Well With Others: Your Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities” hits the streets September 1, 2012. She is the author of the “Toybag Gude: Taboo Play.” Her essays appear in 2 anthologies curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel: “BDSM and Race Play” appears in “Best Sex Writing 2010,” (you can read the Jezebel review here!) and “Kiss my Boots” is featured in “The Lust Chronicles.” Her challenging essay on “race play” is featured in“Spirit of Desire: Personal Journeys in Sacred Kink” edited by Lee Harrington. Not one but two essays commissioned by Tristan Taormino appear in the groundbreaking anthology “The Ultimate Guide to Kinky Sex.” Mollena is pleased and delighted to be a featured educator with The Kink Academy, where you can see clips of her speaking on various and sundry topics! She is also a columnist for SexIs Magazine, where she lets loose twice a month on just about anything.

Exploring kink since 1993, active in BDSM and the Leather Community since 1996, and presenting classes since 1998, she speaks at Leather, BDSM and Kink events across the US, Europe and Canada on many Leather and BDSM focused topics. She also brings the knowledge on Kink, BDSM and Leather to such august institutions of higher learning as SF State and Cal State, Harvard, Princeton,Yale, Stamford, and Brown for IvyQ. She has been invited to present this fall for MIT.

Mollena’s been sober since 3-14-2007 and in December that same year, she founded “Safeword,” a 12-step based recovery group for all kinksters seeking recovery from addiction.

International Ms Leather 2010 was truly an international title year with visits to the Pride Festival in Stockholm, Sweden, where she made history as the first Leatherwoman ever invited to march with the venerable Scandinavian Leathermen’s Association! She’s also done her thing in Dublin, Ireland, Berlin, Germany, the UK: toured Amsterdam, Netherlands for Leather Pride, as well as teaching and performing in Vancouver, Canada. A roll-up of her epic IMsL 2010 title year can be found here!

Her background includes a lifetime of training and involvement in the performing arts, which include spoken word, classical theater, dance, performance art, and all manner of stagecraft. Performing professionally since the age of 5, her credits include singing on the soundtrack for the movie The Wiz and co-starring with Danny Bonaduce in the underground cult-classic America’s Deadliest Home Video. Her first solo show,69Stories: One Pervert’s Tale has been re-revived and was a hit in Vancouver BC in November 2010 and Madison, Wisconsin July 2012. You can see an excerpt from it here (“Kiss My Boots” part One, and Part Two) as performed at Rachel Kramer Bussel’s In the Flesh storytelling series. She is a favorite at Dixie De La Tour’s Bawdy Storytelling, has performed for many storytelling venues including Bare! Stories, Tiny, Dangerous Fun Audacia Ray’s Red Umbrella Diaries, Carol Queen’s Perverts Put Out, and was a guest on Kevin Allison’s Risk! Podcast. She has also thrown down onstage for Porchlight Storytelling and is looking forward to an upcoming appearance on NPR’s Snap Judgement.

As a model, Mollena has been featured on the Folsom Street Fair 2010 Poster, as well as modeling for Stormy Leather. She has worked with many well-known and renowned kink, Leather and fetish photographers, including Stacie Joy, Laren Leland, Aeric Meredith-Goujon, Melvin Moten, Don Sir and Michele Serchuk: who’s photograph of Mollena posing with fellow educator Graydancer was featured in the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival 2010.

She is chuffed to have been interviewed for the Leather Archives & Museum’s Women’s Leather History Project. Recent interviews with Mo can be found on Jezebel and on Princeton University’s Equal Writes website. You can also read her 2010 interview with SexisIs Magazine. She was featured in a groundbreaking interview at TheGrio.com on BDSM and race, and also interviewed by Sharon Glassman for the Huffington Post. Her work’s also been published by the Society Of Janus Newsletter, The Eulenspiegel Society’s magazine, Prometheus, as well as the online magazine at ALT.COM and Bondage.com. She has been interviewed for The Bottoming Book, ColorLines Magazine, Bitch Magazine, Abiola Abrams: Love, Sex & Dasting, The Playboy Advisor, Sexploration with Monika and The Reverend Mel Show, SexIs Magazine, The Huffington Post, Jezebel and Racialicious to name a few! She is featured in the award winning documentary “Vice & Consent”. You can also see her all tied up in the instructional video, “Jay Wiseman Teaches Rope Bondage”

A founding member of Crowded Fire Theater Company, and former co-host of San Francisco’s Queer Open Mic, Mo blogs on http://mollena.com. Her blog, The Perverted Negress, has been a featured blog on Fleshbot (not Once but TWICE!) as well as the pick of the week for The Sugasm. And boy howdy, the venerated Jane’s Guide thinks The Perverted Negress’ Blog is pretty rad! Mollena is also a member of Mama’s Leather Family (#1231) , formally dubbed “Mama’s Perverted Negress” and pinned in at the SF Eagle by Mama Sandy Reinhardt herself. She Twitters incessantly over on http://twitter.com/mollena, so follow her there!

UPCOMING APPEARANCES:

August 16th through August 22nd: Boston, MA
  • 8/16 Video shoot with Kink Academy
  • 8/17 Class for New England Leather Alliance
  • 8/18 “Boundary Smackdowns” class for MOB
  • 8/19 “Never A ‘Bad’ Scene!” class for MOB
  • 8/22 “Taboo Play” class for NELA

August 23rd – August 30th: NYC

  • 8/24 Shoot promo on “Playing Well With Others” for Kink Academy
  • 8/26 Shoot for “New Shibari You Can Use” book with Lee Harrington
  • 8/28 Performing at The Inspired Word (real story on kink)
  • 8/29 LIGALY Center Leather Education and STD Testing Event (Presenting “Playing Well With Others” class and discussing STD testing)
  • 8/30 Shoot for film project with Aeric Meredith-Goujon (BDSM themed short film project for Yerba Buena Center for the Arts)

August 31st – September 2nd: Maryland

September 3rd – September 6th – New York, NY

  • 9/5 Work with Aeric on editing the YBCA Film Project

September 7th Through September 26th: Bay Area, CA

  • 9/8 Storytelling, Pleasant Hill
  • 9/10 “The Shout!” True Storytelling, Oakland
  • 9/11 Class for Good Vibrations, San Francisco
  • 9/12 Bawdy Storytelling, San Francisco
  • 9/13 Performance Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
  • 9/18 “Bedtime Stories with Mollena” performance, San Francisco
  • 9/23 Folsom Street Fair

September 27th – October 4th: New York, NY

  • 10/1”The Worst!” True storytelling

October 5th through October 8th, Washington DC

  • Black Rose