Jan 062013

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This week’s episode of Sex Out Loud has two different guests talking about their work giving voice to sexual minorities who are often marginalized in the community. Dr. Eli Sheff will talk about her new book based on her groundbreaking work with Polyamorous Family Study, a 16 year project. The mission of the Polyamorous Family Study is to provide high-quality, research-based information about poly families with kids using sound research methods based in years of sociological study. Sinclair Sexsmith is the kinky butch top behind the the popular Sugarbutch Chronicles. They’re also a writer, storyteller, and performer who studies critical feminist & gender theory, sexual freedom, social change activism, archetypes, and the tantric and buddhist spiritual systems.

dr eli sheffA pioneer in research on polyamory, Dr. Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff is the foremost academic expert on polyamory in the US, and the worldwide expert on poly families with children, having conducted the only longitudinal analysis of poly families with children to date. After teaching Sociology for 15 years at three universities, Dr. Sheff established the Sheff Consulting Group (SCG), a think-tank of academicians and professionals who specialize in legal and educational services for unconventional populations, and those who need to know about them. As the Senior Legal Consultant at SCG, Dr. Sheff specializes in families of sexual minorities, providing expert witness services, home evaluations for unconventional families facing child custody issues or attempting to adopt kids, andcontinuing education to lawyers, educators, counselors, and therapists. Her book The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple Partner Relationships and Families is being published by Rowman and Littlefield in 2013.

sinclair sexsmith
Sinclair Sexsmith (MrSexsmith.com) writes the award-winning personal online project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at SugarButch.net. They have contributed to more than a dozen anthologies, and is the editor of Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica. They teach workshops ongender and sexuality throughout the US, including at various colleges.

Feb 012010

Last year, I discovered my extreme sexual attraction to women and since then, my desire for men has been decreasing. I’ve never been with a woman sexually but intend to really soon. I am wondering if perhaps my attraction for the same sex is simply stemming from my bad relationships with guys (one being a sex addict male cousin) or if I’m really a lesbian. Can I be so attracted and turned on by women without being a lesbian? Is this normal? Or can I be a straight female who is just disgusted with guys at the moment?

My advice to you is to stop worrying so much about labels and identities like “straight” and “lesbian,” and just follow your heart. You may be one or the other, or you may be bisexual, but in any case, what you call yourself isn’t the most important thing, especially right now. It sounds like your attraction to women is new, and I would say that if you feel it that strongly, it probably has nothing to do with your attraction, or lack thereof, to men. If you feel attracted to a woman, then I encourage you to trust your instincts and explore the possibilities.