Nov 272011

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Nov 142005

My wife seems to like the naughtiness of receiving my dick up her ass, but I don’t think she really likes it. We haven’t done it that much, but when I get it in there she does her sexy groan like when she’s going to come from a good licking. Part of it is we haven’t used much lube except her cunt juice. I don’t know if I really want to ask her if she wants to have it or not because she may say no, and I don’t want to go there. We’ve talked about it outside of the bedroom and she says she does it because she knows it turns me on and she likes to submit to my power over her. She’s very much in tune to her body and loves trying new things. Any advice on getting her more into it?

–Can’t Read Her Mind or Her Ass

Before you think about getting your wife “more into” anal sex, you need to figure out if she is into it at all. Although you’ve talked with her a little bit about the subject, you need to talk about it a lot more. She says she does it to please you, but does she enjoy any other aspect of it besides the pleasure it brings you? It troubles me that you have avoided asking her direct questions about it for fear that her answers might not be the ones you want to hear. You both need to be honest with one another about your desires and needs when it comes to anal sex.

As for the lack of lube, well, that’s not helping matters. You absolutely need lube for penetration to be comfortable for her; in this case, her cunt juice is not enough. But first and foremost, her desire must be there for it to work at all.

Oct 232005

I’m just starting to explore my butt with my partner and we’ve got hung up on the how and where of lube. Obviously, I know I need plenty inside for comfort, but how do I get it there? I mean, does it go on his penis? If so, doesn’t it all just rub off at the anal opening? How does it get where it needs to go?

–Lube Novice

The basic rule of thumb with lube is ‘on’ rather than ‘in.’ So, lube should coat whatever it is that’s going inside you (a finger, a toy, a cock), and you should reapply it as you need more or it dries up. Trying to pour lube into an orifice doesn’t really work very well. Although, you can dribble some lube at the anal opening, and “push” it inside with the tip of a finger, dildo, etc.

If you feel like you’re still not getting enough lube where you need it to be, I suggest a few tools. The Lube Shooter is a disposable hard plastic syringe with a flared base that you fill with your desired lube (a process that can be a little messy). Insert the body of the syringe in the ass, push the plunger, and voila, lube right where you want it! Also disposable and easy to use, the Astroglide Gel Shooter is a prefilled flexible rubber tube of lube with a long neck that can be inserted into the anal canal (after removing the tip, of course). Squeeze the tube, and lube goes into the ass. You can also fill up a plastic irrigation syringe (found at drugstores) or a stainless steel enema syringe (available at specialty stores) for the same purpose.

Aug 302005

My boyfriend has recently began fucking my ass (and I’ve even used a strap on with him), but we both have a concern. We tried it with K-Y Jelly and he had some mild bleeding afterwards. I bought a lube that my friend suggested called Anal Lube, made by Doc Johnson. Then I read an article that said that some lubes with “anal” in their name have some sort of numbing agent which is bad for you. Is the lube I bought safe?

–Mistress A.

Both KY and Doc Johnson’s Anal Lube are safe water-based lubes. There are other lubes out there — with names like Anal Ease, Anal-Eze, Tushy Tamer, or sometimes, simply Anal Lube, like the one you purchased — which I do not recommend. These lubes contain Benzocaine (or a similar ingredient), a topical anesthetic that numbs your anus and rectum. To find out if a lube contains this chemical, simply look at the ingredients.

Because these lubes numb your ass, you literally cannot feel it and you are in danger of hurting yourself. Anal sex should never, ever be painful. If it hurts, stop. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working. Using desensitizing lubes can lead people to go farther than they normally would or take something bigger in their ass than they should. The result is a sore ass, possible tearing and damage to the delicate lining of the anal canal and rectum, and pain after the fact that isn’t exactly going to want to make you rush right out and try anal sex again. Plus, in the off chance that the anal penetration is pleasurable, you won’t be able to feel that either.

As for your partner’s mild bleeding, that wasn’t from the lube. As long as it was only a little spotting with no other major symptoms, it’s fine. Some people bleed a little, while others don’t, and as long as you’re going slow and being safe, there is nothing to worry about.

Aug 152005

My wife and I are new to anal sex but we are both very interested and excited to try it. She enjoys penetration of small objects such as fingers and small plugs. But as we work up slowly to bigger things such as dildos and my cock, she complains of pain and sometimes burning. Also, I can’t get either of these things to go in her ass. She has no problem taking fingers or small plugs. She has one tight ass, let me tell you. We are using plenty of Astroglide, so I don’t think lube is the issue. She is ready and willing to try, but her body is not cooperating and it zaps the pleasure and fun out of it a lot of the time. Can you give us some advice on how to make things go easier without the pain?

–Backdoor Newbies

It sounds like you are taking many of the necessary steps for safe and pleasurable anal penetration, including going slowly, warming up with small things like fingers and toys, and using plenty of lube. As fans of Astroglide, I suggest you try Astroglide Gel, that brand’s thicker lube. Thick water-based lubes tend to stay wet longer and can act as a cushion inside the delicate rectum. The burning she experiences can be another form of pain (many people report the same feeling when they rush it or take something too big) or the body’s reaction to the lube. Try some different lubes to rule out the latter.

My suggestion is that you add some clitoral stimulation to the mix, which you did not mention in your letter. Whether you use your tongue, your hand, a vibrator, or she touches herself, clitoral stimulation can help transform anal penetration into a much more pleasurable experience. In fact, some women say they can’t have anything in their ass without clit stimulation. Remember, the more turned on she is, the more her body will relax, and she can let go. It’s also important for her to be one hundred percent into it. Ask her if she has lingering fears or doubts, since they can be getting in the way of her enjoyment. Her state of mind and body are both crucial to the experience, so make sure you take care of them both.

Jan 172005

My wife seems to like the “naughtiness” of receiving my dick up her ass, but I don’t think she really likes it. We haven’t done it that much, but when we do, when I get it in there, she makes her sexy groan like when she’s going to come from a good licking. Part of the problem may be that we haven’t used much lube except her cunt juice. I don’t know if I really want to ask her if she wants to have it or not because she may say no and I don’t want to go there. Any advice on getting her more into it? We’ve talked about it outside of the bedroom, and she says she does it because she knows it turns me on and she likes to submit to my power over her. She’s very much in tune to her body and loves trying new things. Any suggestions?

–I’m In There, But Is She Into It?

Where do I begin? I’m disappointed to hear you have not been using any lube except cunt juice. Lube is a must for comfortable anal penetration, and no matter how juicy a cunt is, its fluids just won’t cut it. So, my first piece of advice is to get your hands on some lube and use plenty of it. You’ll be amazed at how much better it will feel for your wife.

From the information you provided — both about your conversations with your wife about her submissive desires and her response when you fuck her in the ass — it sounds like your wife does indeed enjoy your backdoor adventures. But the fact that you have avoided asking her directly because you “don’t want to go there” is a problem. Honest, ongoing communication is critical to any relationship and opening up a dialogue about anal sex with your partner can only be a good thing. You’ll get the answer to the question directly from her, and, if all goes well, maybe she’ll elaborate on some of those naughty, submissive fantasies of hers.

Oct 142004

I’m just starting to explore my butt with my partner and we’ve gotten hung up on the how and where of lube. Obviously, I know I need plenty of lube for comfort, but how do we use it exactly? Does it go on his cock? If it does, doesn’t it all just rub off at the entrance? What’s the best way to get plenty of lube inside my butt?

–Absolutely Agnes

You’re right — you need plenty of lube for anal penetration. I recommend a thick water-based lube because thicker lubes tend to stay wet longer and give the delicate rectum a little cushioning. First, you should lube up whatever your partner is using to warm you up (his finger, a small dildo or butt plug). He should coat his finger or the toy with a layer of lube. It shouldn’t rub off at the anal opening, since it will cling to his hand or the toy. When your ass is ready for his dick, he should squeeze some lube into his hand and rub it on his cock until it’s well-coated with lube. If you feel that you need more lube, he should come out of you and re-lube.

Sep 132004

For the last few months, my lover had been hankering to try anal sex. After reading your advice, buying lots of lube, and experimenting with a host of toys, we finally managed to get his gorgeous cock all the way in my bottom and fuck me — and I had a fantastic orgasm! Since he’d never had anal sex before, as you can imagine, he is now a very happy bunny and wants more! He currently has a fantasy about filling my bottom with lots of creamy liquid, and then fucking me like that.

We’ve seen stuff like this in porn movies, but I’m curious about how they do it and how we should do it. What liquid do we use and how much would be safe? I’ve been giving myself brief enemas before our anal play so I’m kind of used to stuff being there. I’m not sure how long it’d stay there and if there are any safety concerns I should be aware of. Any suggestions would be appreciated, and thanks for all the great advice you give people.

–Fucking a Fluid-Filled Bottom

Congrats on joining the anal bottom brigade, and thanks for sharing your fun fantasy with me and your fellow readers. In general, I am a purist about what people should put in their asses: I endorse only plain water, lube, ejaculate, fingers, cocks, tongues, and toys. I discourage exotic enema ingredients, ice cream sundae toppings, and other equally wacky substances.

But, in the case of your sweetheart’s idea, you’re in luck. He can fill your ass with lube! There are several great water-based lubes on the market – including Hydra Smooth, Sensual Power, and Liquid Silk — which have creamy consistencies. In fact, they have a look and feel that’s a lot like a man’s cum (which I think may be what your guy is going for). Plus, they are lubricants, designed for penetration, and therefore, totally safe! If he wants to really fill you up, you may want to buy a plastic disposable syringe (available at medical supply stores and some drug stores), which he can fill with lube, and “shoot” up your ass.

If he succeeds in filling your ass, remember, what goes in must come out. You may be a little runny for a day, as all that lube works its way out of your ass, so keep that in mind; I’d avoid, say, silk pants, for a few days.

Mar 132004

I recently got very into anal sex. Before it just never worked, but now I’m with a guy who knows what he’s doing, and it’s great. I have two questions. I recently shaved my butthole for the first time, and it got a bit itchy. What kind of lotion to you recommend to help it from being too itchy? Second, my guy was interested in buying that new KY Warming Liquid, but I heard it’s bad for anal. Have you used it? What do you think? Does it burn or is it safe?

–Shaved and Ready

Welcome to the world of anal sex lovers! Your tale proves that with a patient, skilled lover, even people who’ve had negative anal experiences in the past can enjoy it. I’m so glad you found someone who could do you like you deserve to be done! As for your shaved-butt-itchy ass, I recommend you use products with no fragrance, dye, or a long lists of other chemical ingredients since all of them will serve to further aggravate your hairless hole. A little bit of witch hazel should calm the irritated skin, followed by baby oil, petroleum jelly, or a very gentle moisturizer for sensitive skin.

As for your query about KY Warming Liquid, here’s the scoop: this is a new lubricant produced by a well-respected name when it comes to slippery stuff. KY Warming Liquid is water-based and the packaging claims it “creates a gentle warming sensation on contact.” Off all the reviews I’ve heard, none has been very great; people describe the effect as either too subtle or intense burning, neither of which sound very good to me. The product contains honey and chemicals to create the warming sensation, which can irritate the sensitive tissue of both the front and back doors. If you like the KY brand, then I recommend you try KY UltraGel; otherwise, water-based thick lubes like Astroglide Gel, Maximus, or I-D work great.

Jun 032003

It’s probably hard to believe this but I’m 50 and only now really getting into anal sex. I’ve done it before, of course, but it never turned me on much. I’ve recently met a guy online who does hypnosis, and we’ve been working on opening up my horizons. I just got a butt plug and had it in for about 20-30 minutes. When I went to wash it, however, I noticed two little spots near the top. I figured that it was probably normal to encounter a small amount of residue and didn’t think much about it. The problem is that I just can’t wash the spots off!!! It’s like they’re part of the red material of the plug, which I think is silicone. No amount of soap and water will remove them. What’s going on? And speaking of stains, does silicone lube stain sheets?

–Begining to Understand The Thrill

I suspect the butt plug is not silicone for two reasons: silicone is high quality material that doesn’t stain, and silicone toys are incompatible with silicone lubes. So, a silicone lube cannot ever be washed off and effectively ruins a silicone toy. Since you made no mention of your toy being ruined, and you were able to wash it, I think the butt plug is probably made of latex rubber. Rubber plugs, on the other hand, especially the jelly toys, are incredibly porous, they absorb lots of things they come into contact with, like bodily fluids, and so they do stain pretty easily. So, you should invest in silicone or use a condom on the rubber toy to prevent future stains.

As for your sheets, the packaging of some silicone lube brands says “non-staining,” whereas other brands recommend testing it out on the fabric because staining is possible.