Sep 242011
 


I am currently in a heterosexual relationship, and our sex life is pretty good. However, I can only achieve orgasm during oral sex. I am getting sick and tired of hearing my friends talk about how great their respective lovers are, and I am feeling like a freak. Can you offer any advice? 

You are absolutely not a freak! Your self-described “dilemma” is actually extremely common. Most women can achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation only or some combination of penetration and clit stimulation. And, from what I know, oral sex really does the trick for lots and lots of women. Yes, some women can come from penetration alone, however it’s a much lower percentage. My opinion is this: you are coming, and that’s a great thing. Remember, there are plenty of women who have never had an orgasm. Pat yourself and your partner on the back for a minute. If you’d like to experiment ways to come during intercourse, try touching yourself while your partner fucks you. Or, you can show him how to use his hand or a vibrator to stimulate your clit like he does with his mouth.

Sep 122011
 


I directed three new sex-ed shorts—on cunnilingus, fellatio, and the G-spot—for the fabulous feminist sex shop and site The Smitten Kitten. They star me, Dylan Ryan, and Danny Wylde and you can watch them for free here. I’m very proud of how they turned out, and can’t wait to hear what all of you think. In addition to some solid information, there is super hot sex—er, demonstrations—by Dylan and Danny. This was the first time these two had ever worked together, which is always a totally mystery going in. As it turns out, they have insane can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other chemistry. We shot so much good stuff that we had plenty left over. So, in addition to the sex ed shorts, you can purchase a full sex scene, “Dylan + Danny: Extra Credit,” on demand. Photos above are by Clare from The Smitten Kitten who was on set.

Apr 142003
 

I am big fan of anal sex. It is the best kind of sexual stimulation for me. I think that it is the top way to emotionally connect for a couple. My girlfriend was very reluctant to have anal sex when we first started to date, but she eventually agreed. I think it’s important for the man not to be an assailant, but to be patient. We now have anal sex about once a month. Last time we had it she said that she has a more intense orgasm with anal than with vaginal penetration. Is it possible that anal offers a better orgasm for women than vaginal penetration? Do you prefer anal over vaginal sex?

–Ass Man

Different women have different kinds of orgasms. Some women say that they experience different orgasms through clitoral stimulation alone, versus vaginal penetration alone, versus anal penetration. When sensations are combined, women may have still other kinds of orgasms. Many women experience indirect G-spot stimulation when they get fucked in the ass, and others like to add clitoral stimulation during anal penetration.

Yes, it is absolutely possible that for your girlfriend, anal penetration produces the most intense orgasm she’s ever felt. That may mean the orgasm feel like it’s rocking her entire body, rather than localized in her genitals or it may mean that the orgasm lasts longer, or it may mean the sensation feels stronger than when she comes other ways. As for me, well, I have never made it a secret that I love anal sex, and I have much more intense orgasms through anal penetration than I do from anything else. Why do you think they call me Butt Girl?

Sep 102002
 

When my wife and I have anal, she can feel the throb of my penis when I orgasm. But I’ve always heard there are women who can detect much more than that: they feel the semen splashing warm into their butts when their man comes. My wife cannot. We both wish she could, but if this just a myth we’d have less reason to feel disappointed. Can some women really feel the squirt itself?

–Sympathetic Squirter

The anal canal and rectum are full of nerve endings and therefore very sensitive, which is why the ass responds so well to stimulation, vibration, and penetration. This sensitivity also leads some women to feel other sensations besides the usual pleasure feelings from a good ass fucking, which accounts for the throbbing of your cock that your wife feels. While many women say they can feel a man’s cock spasm as he comes, I’ve only known a few women who say they can actually feel a rush of semen in their ass. I suppose it depends on a woman’s sensitivity and the speed, force, and amount of the guy’s ejaculation. Most men don’t ejaculate enough to produce a splashing effect like you describe.

That said, remember that our nerve endings connect back to our brains, which tell us what we’re feeling. So, if a woman can visualize the moment of ejaculation when semen squirts out of a cock and into her ass, then she can associate what she feels with that action. In other words, the power of suggestion can be more potent than concentrated semen. If you tell her when you come, and describe it for her, the two of you can share the experience on an intense, visceral level.

Jun 072002
 

My girlfriend and I have been having anal sex for about four or five months. In fact, the first time I penetrated her was anally. After that, it’s been a once-in-a-while ritual where I get to have the pleasure of making love to her sexy ass. I enjoy it very much and she doesn’t mind letting me have my way, even though she says she receives little to no pleasure from it. We use plenty of lube and always warm up with shallow and slow penetration, deep breathing and lots of communication. We now do it now once every three weeks to a month, which is kind of my problem. I’d like to do it more often, but not too much.

I have two questions for you: How much anal sex do you think is healthy for a couple that wants to have a nice balance between the three major forms of sex (oral, vaginal and anal)? What kind of ways can I pleasure her when I do her in the ass? How can I make her come from anal sex?

–Booty Lover

There is no mathematical equation to determine “a nice balance,” nor is there any common recommendation about how much of one kind of sex a healthy couple should have. Sexuality and our particular practices are extremely unique to the individuals involved, and therefore so are our preferences and how often or little we indulge in them. I say if both you and your wife are content with how much sex you’re having, and the kinds of sex you’re having, then why mess with a good thing?

But it does sound like you’d like to add more anal sex to the menu, and your second question is the key to getting there. Because if you start to give her tremendous pleasure while you’re fucking her in the ass, then chances are she’ll want to do it more often. There are a number of ways to get a woman off while you’re fucking her ass. You can play with her clit while you penetrate her, or if the position you’re in makes that too difficult, encourage her to jerk herself off or even use a small vibrator. Clitoral stimulation combined with anal penetration is one of the ways some women can orgasm. If she likes double penetration, try putting a few fingers in her pussy or a slim dildo while you’re in her ass; this often increases the sensations in both places. Experiment with different positions in order to find her G-spot. Many women experience indirect G-spot stimulation through anal sex. You want to angle fingers, toys, or your cock toward the front of her body to find and stimulate the spot. Also, ask her what she’d like to do to make it feel not just better, but fantastic. Together, you can discover what will turn you both on.

Feb 232001
 


My boyfriend and I have been exploring anal sex together, and it’s been really great. We have come together, and it is totally awesome. A couple of times, I have come before him, and my insides feel as though he is doing damage. If I come before my husband does during anal, why is it that it hurts for him to continue thrusting to his climax? It is really a mood breaker for us both, especially if he hasn’t come yet. It’s like I want his cock out of me right that very minute. What can I do (besides not coming) to maintain the comfort and pleasure waiting for him to shoot his load?

—Early Cummer

I get so many letters about people being shy or scared about anal sex or having trouble making it work. Every woman should be so lucky to have your problem!

One explanation for this feeling is that your ass, like your pussy, has contractions during orgasm. After you climax, all the blood that rushed to your genital area disperses, and your ass returns to its non-aroused state (which doesn’t want a cock inside it).

Well, I’ve have first-hand experience with your particular dilemma; I too sometimes come first and find it difficult to go on. So, what can you do about it? Well, you already identified one option, which is to delay your orgasm until after his climax. That way, you extend your pleasure for even longer, and don’t have any discomfort. But, you indicated that you want another strategy. Well, one thing to consider is, after you come, have him slow down his movement or even stop thrusting, but still stay in your ass. Take a few minutes to recover from your mind-blowing orgasm, then concentrate on relaxing your ass and taking lots of deep breaths. Keep your mind on the pleasure and not on the fear that he might be “doing damage,” which will definitely help you relax. To extend your arousal, play with your pussy and clit, and have him slowly resume his in-and-out. Continue to breath deeply, work your clit, and relax your ass. As he pumps your ass, talk to him and let him know how it feels. Hopefully, you can have a second orgasm in the process!

Sep 292000
 


My husband and I just experienced anal sex. We have tried this adventure before, but it has always been painful to me. Your advice for him to stimulate other areas helped me relax this time. Also, we found the doggie-style/head down/butt up position comfortable for both of us. My husband is an anal sex lover, and now I feel I can fulfill his passions and enjoy the experience myself. Thank you so much for such knowledgeable information and guidance. Now, for my question: does an anal orgasm come with experience, and is it more intense than the vaginal orgasm?

—T. D.

It is letters like yours that make my job so fulfilling! When I know that my work has helped someone experience the mind-blowing pleasures of anal sex, I feel that my mission is accomplished. On to your question about anal orgasms. Women experience pleasure from anal sex is a variety of different ways. The anal area is so rich in nerve endings that stimulating such an erogenous zone could certainly bring you to orgasm. Some women like to combine clitoral stimulation with anal penetration. When I work my clit while my ass is being fucked, and I come, the orgasm definitely feels different than if I was just having clit stimulation. It feels stronger, more intense, and like more of a full-body orgasm, rather than one primarily centered between my legs.

Although we don’t have a prostate gland like men, women do have a G-spot. The G-spot is reached through the front wall of the vagina, but it can also be indirectly stimulated through anal penetration. If you angle a finger, toy, or penis towards the front wall of the vagina, you may experience G-spot stimulation and come that way.

In addition to the bundle of physical pleasure that anal stimulation brings, there are complex emotional and psychological issues which contribute to the erotic experience. For some people, the idea that anal sex is naughty, forbidden and taboo is very exciting, and adds to their enjoyment of it. For me, the amount of trust I must have in my partner heightens my physical pleasure. Anal sex is my way of saying, “Here is a delicate part of my body, and I trust you not to hurt me but to make me feel very good.” That power exchange can be very intense. A world of orgasmic possibilities await you.