Condom Curious

Apr 252001
 


What STDs can I get from anal sex? Is it imperative that I wear a condom during anal sex to protect myself from disease? Is it dangerous for a woman to get fucked in her vagina after getting fucked in her ass?

—Condom Curious

The American Medical Women’s Association recommends that you and your partner should be tested for HIV 6 months after you or your partner has had sexual contact with a different partner. During that six-month period, you should practice safer sex. You can contract almost any STD, including herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and HIV, as well as hepatitis, through unprotected analingus and anal penetration with an infected partner.

To reduce your risk, you should use barriers for analingus (rimming) and condoms for anal penetration. Originally designed for use by dentists as the name indicates, dental dams are squares of latex which safer sex practitioners have coopted for use as oral sex barriers. Because they were not developed with sex in mind, dental dams can be too small and too thick to make them ideal. Glyde Dams are a larger, thinner version designed specifically for oral sex which do the job much better than traditional dental dams. They are available at better sex toy stores. To make your own latex dam, you can cut a non-lubricated condom up one side; these tend to be thinner like the Glydes, which allows both partners more feeling and greater sensitivity. You can also transform a latex glove into a dam: cut the wrist and the fingers off, leaving the thumb intact. Open it up, stick your tongue in the thumb slot, and voila — it’s like a condom for your tongue! This is my favorite kind of a dam because it affords both giver and receiver the highest sensitivity. For obvious reasons, it’s best to use a glove that isn’t powdered or to rinse the powder off before you put your mouth near it. Try putting a dab of lube on the inside and outside of the thumb for even more sensitivity.

Store-bought plastic wrap (like Saran Wrap) is not just for leftovers — it also makes a good barrier for rimming. Plastic wrap is less expensive and easier to find than latex dams, which makes it more convenient. Another advantage: trying wrapping your sweetie’s privates in plastic — think of it as a homemade thong. Then you can go to town without having to hold the dam in place. Safe, hands-free ass licking at last!

Putting a latex glove on your hand for finger fucking protects both you and your partner, especially if you have any cuts, scratches or even torn cuticles. Gloves come in several different sizes, and you should make sure that they are well-fitting. A glove that’s too small will cut off your circulation, and one that is too big will feel baggy and uncomfortable inside the receptive partner. You can also wear gloves for other purposes: if your nails are long, sharp or ragged, if you are squeamish about the cleanliness of anal penetration, or if you want to smooth out your fingers before they go inside your lover. If you find that wearing latex gloves irritates your skin, you may be sensitive to the powder that coats the inside, which is common; find an unpowdered glove instead.

As part of safer sex, you should use a condom every time you have either vaginal and anal penetration. In fact, because of the delicacy of anal and rectal tissue, bodily fluids infected with HIV and other viruses are transmitted and absorbed easier and more quickly into the bloodstream through the mucous membrane of the rectum. Thus, unprotected anal intercourse can be more risky for both partners than unprotected vaginal intercourse.

You should never, ever put anything in the vagina that has been in the anus without thoroughly washing and disinfecting it first. Transferring rectal bacteria into the vagina can lead to yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and other ailments which will put a halt to your sex life. Just don’t go there. If you’re likely to want to use the same hand or tool in both the vagina and the anus, or your anus and then your partner’s, that’s a lot of running to the bathroom to wash up each time you want to switch gears. Using a new glove and/or condom each time you switch orifices or activities means less time cleaning and more time fucking.

Ass-to-Mouth

Nov 292000
 


What are your thoughts on what has become a new trend in adult films: the ass to mouth act? Have you indulged in this act, and how would you suggest one prepare for such a nasty maneuver? I would appreciate any advice you can give me.

—Jacey

Taking your dick out of a woman’s ass and directly shoving it into her mouth may make for exciting porn, but, in real life, it can be problematic. Bacteria lives in the butt that may not peacefully exist in the mouth, and could lead to an infection. No matter how squeaky clean her rectum may be, chances are there are at least trace amounts of fecal matter which may end up on your dick — do you really want to make her suck that off? Would you put it in your own mouth?

I have a better idea. Fuck her in the ass til she’s right on the edge of orgasm, or you are. Order her to get on her knees and close her eyes. Talk to her, tell her she better open up her mouth for your cock. Have an anti-bacterial baby wipe stashed nearby, and quietly grab it, slide it over your cock, then toss it. Now proceed with sticking your rod in her mouth, keeping the fantasy intact, but keeping it clean for everyone involved.

Butter?

Jul 302000
 


I like my boyfriend to play with me and put his fingers in my ass as we enjoy intercourse. We use butter as a lubricant (remember Last Tango in Paris?). My question is: is it advisable to use butter as a lubricant? Can it produce infections? Are there any health risks?

—Concerned Anal Player

Thank the anal sex gods you wrote to me! Put that butter back in the kitchen where it belongs! Vegetable or oil based lubricants of any kind — including butter, olive oil, baby oil, Crisco, Vaseline, baby oil, or lotion — are not a good idea, especially for women. First, this group of lubricants breaks down latex, rendering your condoms and gloves useless in protecting you. Second, they weren’t made for sex so they definitely don’t work as well as the many lubricants on the market which are formulated specifically for sex. Third, these kinds of common household products will wreak havoc is a woman’s pussy. Even when you’re headed for her ass, and you are being diligent about cross-contamination (nothing should ever go ass to pussy; change the condom, the glove, the toy or wash with hot water and antibacterial soap), sometimes a little lube finds its way into her front door. In this case, that lube is a perfect breeding ground for infection, will not rinse out, and will most likely cause an infection of some kind.

A much better choice for you is a nice, thick water-based lube. Thicker lubes are better because they tend to stay wet longer, and act as a little bit of a cushion inside that delicate rectum. Some examples are: Maximus (imported from England), ID, Slippery Stuff Gel (glycerin-free and a good bet for people allergic or sensitive to glycerin), or Foreplay Lube de Luxe (Gel or Cream). The “Cream” version is actually the texture of Vaseline, but it’s water-based. You may also want to try a silicone-based lube. I know people who swear by them because they stay wet forever, but they aren’t my favorite.

Pesky Fingernails

May 222000
 

My boyfriend seems to like my finger up his butt when I suck his cock. I’d like to finger him, and maybe fuck him with my fingers. I am worried, however, that I might hurt or scratch him because I have nice long fingernails, and I hate to cut them. Any advice?

–Donna

Congratulations on finding your man’s ass! And kudos to him for not freaking out when you reach back there during a blow job! So much pleasure awaits both of you, but you’re smart to be concerned about your nails. The tissue of the anus and rectum is very delicate and requires gentle handling. Don’t despair — you can keep your talons and still give him a good ass fucking.

First, you need to invest in some disposable latex gloves; you can get them at drug stores and sex toy stores. They come in different sizes, and make sure you get the correct size with a good fit; you’ll have better sensitivity so you can feel what you’re doing and he won’t feel a wrinkled baggy glove inside his ass. If you are allergic or sensitive to latex, you should get vinyl gloves; they are harder to find and a little more expensive.

Many women with long nails like to stuff cotton balls in the fingertips of the gloves in order to protect their manicure and their partner’s delicate asshole. Others wrap their nails in gauze before slipping on a glove. One woman recently told me she’s found a finger bandage which she puts on underneath a latex glove. Whichever option you choose, make sure you use plenty of lube on your glove.

Urine Enemas

Feb 252000
 

Are urine enemas the things of fiction writers or are they safe?

–Kevin in Australia

First, let’s talk about just what a urine enema is — or can be. You could fill a bag with your own urine (full strength or diluted with water) and give yourself an enema, or you could share your special golden potion with a friend. Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so a diluted version may be your best bet. And even so, you may get an upset stomach. You could also penetrate someone with your dick, and pee inside their rectum, producing a brief, but less complicated piss douche. Some men cannot urinate when they have an erection, so then one would have to come, go soft, then pee. Other men I talked to claim they can pee while they are hard.

So how safe are all these water sports? Splash Alan, a contributing writer to Waterboys Magazine, says,

Piss is sterile. As long as you don’t have any urinary tract infections your urine is safe. Hell, back when I was a Navy corpsman we were instructed to always try and keep open battle wounds to the abdomen moist. If water wasn’t available the instructions were ‘piss on the battle dressings before application to the wound.’ What more can I say?

According to San Francisco Sex Information, urine isn’t necessarily sterile, but it is very clean as far as bodily fluids go, even cleaner than spit. Peeing on someone or in someone is relatively safe; being peed on or in can be safe, with a few exceptions. Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), the genital herpes virus, chlamydia, and gonorrhea may be present in the urine of a person infected with any of these diseases, says Dr. Beth Brown, a physician and advice columnist. Therefore, if infected urine comes into contact with broken skin or a mucous membrane (like the rectum), transmission and infection can occur. There is no evidence of HIV being transmitted through urine, however most sex educators will not say it is 100% safe.

I don’t know anyone who has actually given or received a urine enema, but I will keep asking for you, Kevin!

Exotic Enemas

Feb 162000
 

I have some interest in enemas and want to know about using coffee or beer in an enema. Do porn stars have an enema before an anal scene? Do they eat a special diet to keep from getting gassy?

–L.C. Jr.

Enemas are a great way to cleanse your anal canal and rectum, and many people like to have an enema before anal penetration to make sure their butts are squeaky clean. When giving yourself an enema, you should always, always use plain warm water. You should never add coffee, beer, wine, or any other additives to an enema — this will make you very sick very quickly. Anything you put in your rectum will be directly absorbed into your bloodstream, just like if you shot it into your veins with a hypodermic needle. Plain water is all you need to flush yourself out.

In general, porn stars do give themselves enemas before anal sex scenes, although not right before a scene. It’s a good idea to give yourself an enema several hours before you plan on having anal sex in order to give your body a chance to recover and relax. Some porn stars I know actually clean out the night before and report that it’s the best way to ensure that their bowels have returned to normal and there won’t be any unexpected mess.

As for their diets, well, it depends. Some people find that before a round of heavy anal play, they like to eat mild foods which are easy to digest and won’t upset their gastrointestinal tract. Many of the gay male anal fisters I know recommend avoiding foods with seeds like strawberries. I’d say that avoiding the five alarm chili is a great idea!

Ejaculation Inside Ass

Jan 152000
 

My husband and I have been married for six years. Although he has always played with my ass while we were making love, about three weeks ago, he actually put his cock in my ass. We’ve been doing it ever since, and it’s been great! He’s rather large, but we do a lot of warm up. Generally, we do it doggie style because I enjoy looking in the mirror, and seeing him behind me pumping away. Here’s my dilemma. Dennis always pulls out when he is about to come. This is very disappointing to me, and I would like to have him continue and shoot his juice into me. Would there be any problem with allowing his sperm to get into me that way?

–V.P., Bennington, VT

Congratulations on discovering the pleasures of butt bangin’! Once you open this particular flood gate, things will never be the same again. The question about your husband coming in your ass is a popular one (I got the same query from five different people this month). There really is nothing like the feeling of having a man’s hot load burst from his cock and fill that tight little orifice. He doesn’t have to feel worried or anxious about pulling out at the right moment — he can concentrate on working his way up and just letting go. He can stay inside until he has ridden his climax all the way to its end. As the receptive partner, the feeling of a firm dick inside my ass is out of this world, and I especially like to feel the moment before the climax, when that dick gets rock hard and ready to explode; if the guy pulls out at that moment, I feel empty, deprived, hungry, left on the side of the road to walk home alone. If we can share his coming together, I feel more connected with my partner, and his peak usually pushes me right over the edge into my own ecstatic orgasm.

But I understand that you are concerned about the safety of such a slippery through-the-sphincters delivery. If you are monogamous, and both of you have tested negative for HIV, STDs, and hepatitis, then your husband can come in your ass, and it is relatively low risk for both of you. If, however, you don’t have current negative test results for all these diseases, then either of you could transmit something to the other person through unprotected anal intercourse. This is true whether he comes inside you or not. You said you are married, but since this is the new millennium, I will not automatically assume that you are monogamous — you or your husband may have sex with multiple partners. If that is the case and for other readers out there who may be non-monogamous, anal penetration without a condom can put both people (and especially the receptive partner) at risk for contracting HIV, STDs, or hepatitis. Condoms and lube are the way to go. Let’s play it safe, folks!

Anal Ease

Jun 121999
 

Help! Buttfucking hurts unbearably! It didn’t hurt so bad the first couple of years, but now, 5 years later, it does. It has never been my favorite thing, but it is my partner’s. He feels deprived and almost desperate. We’ve tried Anal-Ease and Anal Easy, but no luck! There must be something a girl can try. Could I use OraGel? Could I stretch my anus by using butt plugs daily? Would stretching exercises work? Please help!

–Kimberly, Spokane, WA

There are so many elements which you need to have a pleasurable, pain-free anal sex experience: lots of foreplay and warm-up, plenty of lubrication, and communication and trust between you and your partner. Anal sex should never, ever be painful. If it hurts, stop. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working. You should always listen to your body. Your butthole knows what is best for you. At the first sign of pain, you may want to stop all activity or simply slow it down: maybe use one finger only, change to a smaller butt plug, decrease the depth of penetration, or switch to external anal stimulation only. Work your way back up, but never force anything. Go as slow as you need to, continue to add more lube, and talk to your partner so he knows exactly what does and doesn’t feel good.

I’d also like to address your mention of using products like “Anal Ease” or even OraGel. Anal Ease is the brand name of a lubricant (of which there are several) marketed for anal sex which contains a numbing agent. I absolutely do not recommend using products like Anal Ease ever. Because they have the effect of numbing your anal area, you cannot feel your ass literally and you are in danger of hurting yourself. Using products like these often lead people to go farther than they normally would, take something bigger in their ass than they should and the result is a sore ass, possible tearing and damage to the delicate lining of the anal canal and rectum, and pain after the fact that isn’t exactly going to want to make you rush right out and try anal sex again. There are plenty of great water-based lubricants that are thick and work well for anal sex (like I-D, Maximus, and ForPlay Lube de Luxe Cream), so use one of those. As for the OraGel, common sense and warnings on the label should let you know the answer: no. Just don’t go there.

Using butt plugs on a daily basis is a good way to get your butt used to having something inside it. Butt plugs don’t actually “stretch” your butt; they simply help you learn to relax your pelvic and sphincter muscles. In terms of exercises, many women find that Kegel exercises (which exercise your PC muscles) are very helpful. In order to locate your PC muscles, pretend that you are trying to stop peeing (or while you are peeing, you can actually stop the flow of urine). The muscles you contract to stop the flow are your PC muscles. If you put your finger on your perineum — the area between your vagina and your anus — while you do this exercise, you can feel the contractions.

Kegel exercises (named for the scientist who studied PC muscles and popularized the theory of exercising them) can help you to become more aware of your sphincter and PC muscles and learn to control and strengthen them. They will help you get in tune with the feelings in your pelvic area, increasing your sensitivity and responsiveness. The exercises will also tone the pelvic muscles, making them more flexible and more receptive to pleasurable sensations; when you exercise the PC muscles, other muscles in the area also are exercised and strengthened.

Women who regularly exercise their PC and pelvic muscles report some very positive benefits: heightened pelvic sensations and greater anal sensitivity; increased pleasure during clitoral stimulation, vaginal and anal penetration; more control over orgasms; and better, more intense orgasms. For more information on Kegel exercises, check out Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin and The Complete Guide to Safer Sex from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. There is also a masturbation tool called the Kegelcisor, designed like a barbell for your pussy, which works wonders on those muscles!

But there is another crucial ingredient to great anal sex, the most important one — which may be missing for you, according to your letter: desire. You really have to want to be fucked in the ass.

First, you may want to think about why you don’t enjoy anal sex. Many people have fears and anxieties which, when kept to themselves, can result in tension and a butthole that just won’t let anything inside. Meditate on your feelings about and associations with anal sex, your past experiences with buttfucking, what you liked and disliked about it. Share your thoughts with your partner — sometimes talking about things can help you assuage your fears and relax. If you come to the conclusion that you don’t want to do it, then don’t do it. All the exercises, butt plugs, and lube in the world won’t do a damn thing if your heart’s not in it.

The Illusion of Force

Feb 151999
 

Have you ever done an “anal rape” S/M scene? I want negotiate a scene with my girlfriend with forced anal penetration — how do I make sure that the sex is safe and I don’t hurt her?

–Bob G., Fort Lauderdale, FL

Anal sex can be a very hot part of a forced sex scene for many different reasons. Like many women who are into exploring their submissive side, I find that being anally penetrated can be the ultimate experience of submission as well as a perfect way to explore the limits of my own body. Because buttfucking is already considered taboo and forbidden, those attitudes can be exaggerated and “played with” in the context of an erotic encounter.

In one of my favorite scenes, my top put me in elaborate bondage that was a combination of leather restraints, rope, and Ace bandages. I was semi-mummified in the bandages, and I felt completely confined and nearly immobile. She had me face down on the bed, and the only part of me exposed was my ass. She threatened to take me, to fuck my ass without warm-up, without lube, and without self-control. She went on and on about how I was going to take her big dick in my ass whether I liked it or not. Luckily for me, she put a butt plug in my ass while she barked at me, which helped me warm up and prepare my ass for its violation. When she took the plug out, I was ready for that big dick. As she was fucking me, she continually scolded me for being so naughty for wanting to be tied up and fucked in the ass. She was rough and nasty, and the frenetic energy of the scene was really hot. The best part was that I could surrender to anal sex “against my will,” but still have the trust and safety because I knew my top would take care of me.

Now for my advice:

Scenes with (mutually agreed upon) forced sex of any kind, and especially those with forced anal sex, are delicate, complex, and tricky; they require a tremendous amount of trust between partners and plenty of prior negotiation. For people interested in bringing anal sex into dominant-submissive role playing, it is especially important to negotiate your desires and boundaries with your partner. The negotiation is so key because communicating during the scene in role is difficult. For example, the victim can’t say “slow down” or “that hurts” when she is supposed to be at the mercy of her captor; likewise, the captor can’t say “how are you doing honey?” or “is this okay?” as he tortures his victim. Before the scene begins, you and your partner should definitely talk about what is okay and what isn’t. And reassure your bottom that she is free to use her safeword at any time if things aren’t going well for her.

As a top, remember that even if force is involved, you should still let the bottom take the lead. Find creative ways to warm your partner up, because warm up is absolutely necessary. Like the top in my scene, you can threaten to just have your way with her and fuck her without lube, but in reality, no anal penetration should happen without lube and without working your way up. S/M can be a way to explore the edges of pleasure and pain, but these practices should never be confused with anal sex being painful — remember that anal sex shouldn’t hurt at all. If it hurts, you’re not using enough lube or you are rushing it. Forcing anal penetration can cause damage to the delicate lining of the anus and rectum. The trick is to create the illusion of force, degradation, and surrender, while still maintaining the principles of safety: be patient, go slow, use lots of lube, and listen to the bottom’s verbal and non-verbal cues. Respect each other’s boundaries and have fun!

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