Jun 192013
 

I had a blast directing my new sex education film for Adam & Eve called Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples. It stars Lyla Storm, Danny Wylde, Adrianna Nicole, Evan Stone, Aiden Starr, Christian, Asa Akira and Derrick Pierce. I want to share a few behind-the-scenes stories about filming each scene. You can also watch the trailer here.

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The first scene features Lyla Storm and Danny Wylde, and it was the first time they’ve ever worked together. As a director, that’s always a gamble, but they both were really interested in working with the other one, so I cast them. Luckily, they had great chemistry immediately. There is something so sweet and amazing about capturing a couple’s first sexual experience together. We saw lots of genuine moments where they talked to each other about what they liked and spent time just discovering each other’s bodies. Lyla’s great because she’s not a lie-down-surrender-and-take-it kind of submissive. She’s more like, “Okay I am going to agree to play this role and have fun, but I’m a little bossy and bratty and that part of me isn’t going anywhere.” So, Danny had to work a little to get her to do what he wanted, and this made for an entertaining dynamic.

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He blindfolded Lyla right off the bat, and it was fun to see him surprise her with various sensations when she had no idea what was coming, including a feather tickler. He then brushed Kama Sutra edible body dust on her chest and other edible goodies on her nipples. I’m not sure how the dust will read to viewers because it looks a little like flour, but it smells and tastes really good. Of course, the whole crew had to sample it!

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Massage oil candles are one of my favorite toys we use in the movie. These candles burn at a low temperature so they’re safe and easy to use. After you pour the hot wax on your partner’s body, you massage it in and it dissolves into oil. As part of their roleplay, Danny decided to make a game out of it and balance the massage oil candle, which is in a tin container, on Lyla’s back and tell her she couldn’t move very much or the candle might fall over and spill. It was a cool element, entirely unscripted, but it totally worked. Danny teased her about it, and it built anticipation and tension.

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Then, after he poured the hot wax on her skin and rubbed it in, they both got caught up in the moment. He started to fuck her and they were really into it. Danny distractedly sort of moved the candle, which was still lit, to one side on the bed. All I could think was, um, if that slides even a little, the sheets are going to catch on fire! So I swooped in and grabbed the candle. They were in their own world and blissfully unaware that there was still an open flame right next to them. Luckily, there was no fire and they just kept going! I always bring a bunch of different vibrators to the set, and Lyla picked the We Vibe Touch vibrator; it was so quiet, I could barely hear it. But, trust me, it was working.

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Jun 152013
 

I was so sad to hear of Jack Morin’s passing. He was a true innovator and the author of two of the most important books on sexuality: Anal Pleasure and Health and The Erotic Mind. When I found out that Morin was dying, I wrote him this letter. I am sharing it here to celebrate his amazing life.

Dear Jack,

There really aren’t enough words to describe just how important your work in the field of sexuality is, but words are all I’ve got, so that’s what I’ll go with. I feel like none of my work could exist without yours. When it comes to anal sex and anal health education, obviously, you wrote the book. But it goes far beyond that: you broke the ground, you blazed the trail, you opened up the discussion, and you boldly put your name on all of it at a time when no one was talking about this taboo subject. By doing so, you made so many things possible. Anal Pleasure and Health has a pivotal place in the history of sexuality and sex education in the last century, and I am forever grateful that you wrote it. I still have my copy of what I think is the first or second edition, the one I read in the early nineties, with its dented baby blue cover and pages all marked up. I was interviewed last month for a full page article in Glamour magazine about anal sex, and that’s just one example of the tremendous cultural shift that’s happened in the dialogue about anal pleasure. You made that happen, basically. It all comes back to you. You made it possible for my book—and countless other books, articles, websites, videos, and workshops that discuss anal sex—to exist.

You’ve left a legacy of shame-free, sex-positive, holistic, pioneering work on anal pleasure. It inspired me to write my book. And I know it has inspired thousands and thousands of people to explore anal pleasure in their lives. And that’s just one of so many things you’ve done in your career. You are a leader and a light in the field of sex education. From the bottom of my heart, I want to express my gratitude, my respect, and my awe for everything you’ve done to make this world a better place. I promise to honor you by taking the torch you lit and setting the motherfucking world on fire. I’ll do my best, anyway.

May 142013
 

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This Friday on Sex Out Loud at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET, we feature jessica drake: writer, director, producer and host of jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex. This series of educational DVDs from Wicked Pictures is inspired by her experiences and observations as one of the industry’s legendary Wicked Girls. She’ll talk about how she helps men and women become more sexually aware in Sex for the Wicked Woman, a series of seminars illuminated by her vast expertise and passion for research. With a lifetime of rigorous analysis coupled with years of peerless professional experience, jessica drake will also discuss her journey from a performer to one of the leading voices in progressive sexual education. This interview was recorded live in front of a studio audience at CatalystCon in Washington DC.

One of adult film’s most celebrated actresses, Wicked Pictures contract star jessica drake is making her mark as a sex educator by combining her passion for teaching sexual responsibility with her goal of helping couples discover their erotic potential. Uniting a lifetime of study with a decade’s worth of experiential research, this charming Texan is sharing her expertise with audiences around the globe in jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex. Each subject is explored with the same distinct blend of factual demonstration and good humor that has led Gawker Media’s Fleshbot to laud this three-time AVN Best Actress winner for bringing a “sexy, articulate and professional” voice to the sexual self-help genre. A source of sexual inspiration for the adult industry as well as society at large, jessica is also spearheading Wicked Pictures’ involvement in Adult Production Health & Safety Services, a program designed by the Free Speech Coalition to provide producers and performers with a reliable protocol and database for STI testing.

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May 072013
 
Eclair Bandersnatch mural at Center for Sex & Culture

Eclair Bandersnatch mural at Center for Sex & Culture

As some of you may know, I was born on May 9, and this year, I’m thrilled to tell you exactly what I want for my birthday!

The Center for Sex & Culture (CSC) in San Francisco, founded by Carol Queen and Robert Lawrence, is a non-profit archive, library and community space for preserving and sharing information and artifacts of sexual identity, sexual products, and sexual ideas. It is a VITAL resource for sex-positive communities. CSC accepts donations year round, but May 9 is a special day. May 9, 2013 is the first national Give OUT Day for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer community. Give OUT Day is a new national initiative that aims to mobilize thousands of individual donors on a single day across the country to give in support of the LGBTQ nonprofit community. It is a chance for LGBTQ groups large and small, to work across the wide range of issues and activities that matter to the LGBTQ community from sports to policy change, families to the arts. It is a chance for members of the LGBTQ community and our many allies to stand up and show our support for our community together on one day. In addition, The Horizon Foundation (The Bay Area’s LGBT Community Foundation) is sponsoring a challenge (The “Bay Area Leaderboard Prize”): It will award prize grants ($5,000, $2,500 and $1,000) to the top three small Bay Area non-profit organizations with the greatest number of unique donors at the end of Give OUT Day on Thursday, May 9. That’s right, it’s not about how much money they raise, it’s about how many people they can get to donate in one day, which means that any amount helps, even $5, but you’ve got to do it Thursday, May 9. Go to the Center for Sex and Culture Donation Page on Razoo and donate there (it’s important to use this link since they are tracking all the donations through it). You can even go beforehand and schedule your donation for May 9 by choosing “On a Giving Day” from the drop down menu. I am encouraging you to celebrate my birthday, support the important work of the Center and get more bang for your buck while you do it. Isn’t that appropriate?

Here is more information about The Center for Sex and Culture in Carol’s own words:

In 1994 my partner Robert and I (I’m author and sexologist Carol Queen, PhD) were visiting our friend Betty Dodson, sometimes known as “the Mother of Masturbation,” in her NY home. Why didn’t she bring her fabulous Bodysex workshop to the Bay Area? we asked. There wasn’t an appropriate venue there, she said. And then she said the words that begin the story of The Center for Sex & Culture: “You kids should start a place.”

Betty was right! Between us, we had connections in many sexuality-related communities. We both have doctorates in sexology; I worked at the legendary Good Vibrations and wrote for Spectator magazine, which had evolved from the old Berkeley Barb; I wrote stories and essays for zines and anthologies too, and was working on my first book, Exhibitionism for the Shy; we traveled around the US teaching, speaking, and meeting people from many sexual worlds, and were ourselves comfortable participants in many of these; and we’d both been directors at SF Sex Info. Together, we could relate and identify with much of the range of sexuality.

It took over 5 years of talking up the idea, but at last an angel donor helped us get over the fence: We corresponded with the IRS, got our non-profit status, and began looking for a space. Interns and donated materials came our way even before we had a room to house them. When we did get a place, we invited every sexually interested person over 18 to be part of it: as member, performer, teacher, patron, life-long learner. Academics and journalists began to visit to use our library and inspect our collections. Librarians descended on us, helping us to organize the many books and journals we’d amassed. (We believe we now have the largest publicly-accessibly sex library in the country — maybe the world!)

We host sex ed classes, and also cultural events. I deeply feel that, in the absence of good sex ed in the US, many of us learn about sex and develop our attitudes about sexuality via culture, and we want to participate fully in that discussion. We also support culture-making: through writing classes for sex workers; our award-winning Erotic Reading Circle; burlesque and dance classes; and our annual Nude Aid artmaking day. We also support community-based organizations, from BDSM/leather, to sex worker support groups, to the unique safer sex strategies of the SF Jacks. Our collections include Buzz Bense’s HIV/AIDS poster collection (these will hang in our gallery in Nov./Dec. 2013), materials from Pat Califia and Larry Townsend, a full run of On Our Backs magazine, Scarlot Harlot’s searchable database of sex worker interviews, and so much more.

We are all-volunteer, a labor of love and community for everyone involved. The next wave of core staff — a new librarian, a gallerist, archivists, and each year’s group of interns — came to us because of the cultural impacts of our collections; they are making them increasingly organized and accessible, and helping turn CSC into a venue for erotic artists who have few other places to exhibit their work.

We dream of publishing books, thus helping more non-Bay Area people join the conversation; and also want to put many of our events online, so we are even more a global community sex center than a local one. In the meantime, we hope you will visit us when you come to San Francisco! And thank you so very much for reading about our history and supporting us. Any donation helps us keep our doors open and take care of the materials our community has entrusted to us.

Wishing you pleasure and all the sex information you need!

—Carol, Robert, Dina, Marlene, Dorian, Anissa LibraryVixen, Tess, & the rest of your friends at the Center for Sex & Culture

Apr 252013
 

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How can gender identity affect a sexual experience or a sexual relationship (even mentally)? How can we avoid gender identity becoming a point of contestation? We are both doms.
If you are trans* or your gender identity is complex, non-normative, fluid, genderqueer, or your body doesn’t entirely reflect your gender expression, it can absolutely affect your sexual experiences and relationships. As you begin to figure out your gender identity (knowing of course that it’s still not fixed and can change), share as much of that information as you can with your partner. This includes your relationship to your body, your preferred words for your body parts, how you want to be touched, and your sexual boundaries. Communicate with your partner about words that feel authentic and sexy in relation to your body and certain sex acts—words like dick, cock, cunt, pussy, as well as “fucking” or “making love”—can be loaded for people, no matter what their gender identity is, so ask your partner what words they use in regards to their own body and then respect those choices. It’s also helpful to stick to gender-neutral adjectives instead of nouns (hard, tight, wet, open, etc.). Your gender identity should not be a “point of contestation” between the two of you. The more comfortable you are with your gender identity, and the more you can talk about it with your partner, the more likely they are to understand it. Gender identity with regard to sexuality and sexual dynamics can vary for everyone, not just trans* and genderqueer people. For example, a straight man may want to be dominated and treated like a bad girl by his female partner, a lesbian may like to imagine she’s a straight man who’s seducing another man for the first time. We often get turned on by gender and sexual dynamics that don’t match our everyday gender on the street. Even when people aren’t explicitly roleplaying, there’s a certain energy dynamic that goes into the act itself that connects to our gender identity. Make a list of what gender identities you connect to in the bedroom (and which ones you don’t), share it with your partner, then have them do the same thing and find where you overlap and connect.
Recommended: Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality and Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation

Apr 252013
 

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I gave my Sexploration lecture at Bucknell University on Tuesday April 23, and there was a huge crowd. I often do anonymous questions at college events where students write their questions on notecards and everyone has to write something, even if it’s “no question.” The anonymity gives folks the freedom to ask their most pressing questions. I only had time to answer about 60% of the questions, so I’m answering the rest here. I’ve combined some questions that are on the same topic.

Is it weird that I want sex all the time even though I’m a virgin?
No. It’s common to have sexual desires regardless of your sexual experience. Remember what I said about the problematic concept of virginity? I encourage you to define sex as broadly as you want and not buy into the cultural construction of virginity.
Recommended: The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women

How often do most people masturbate?
It varies wildly from person to person, and how often just one person masturbates can vary depending on their energy level, desire, stress, opportunity, etc. There are some interesting stats you can check out. In general, I don’t think masturbation is ever a bad thing. Everyone should have a sexual relationship with themselves, and it’s a great way to figure out what you like.

I masturbate so much it’s turned into a chore; any tips for spicing it up?
Masturbation shouldn’t be a chore! But people can get into a repetitive rut. Don’t think of it merely as a quick way to get off, think of it as a date with yourself. Try changing positions, experimenting with new stimulation techniques, adding lube and a toy to the mix.

How long does it take to give a guy a blow job?
There is no set amount of time that it takes anyone to do anything sexual. If you’re giving the blow job, take charge of the situation and do it for as long as it feels good, for as long as you want to. If you get tired or overwhelmed, switch to using your hand or doing something else.
Recommended: The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 2: Fellatio

How long should a guy last during a blow job?
I hate to repeat myself, but: there is no set amount of time. Depending on the guy, the stimulation of oral sex could bring him to orgasm slowly, quickly, or not at all. Blow jobs do it for some people and not for others.

How nutritious is semen and how can I convince my girlfriend to swallow?
Semen has little to no nutritional value because you don’t ingest all that much of it. You don’t want to convince anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. You can share your desire with her and tell her why it turns you on, but ultimately, it’s her choice to swallow or not, and you’ve got to respect it. Also, swallowing semen is a riskier practice in terms of safer sex than not swallowing, and I am a fan of condoms for blow jobs.

How do you improve oral sex?
Since you didn’t specify, I’m going to make some statements that apply to all kinds of oral sex (cunnilingus, fellatio, and analingus), then give you some particulars. Enthusiasm, focus, tenacity, and paying attention to your partner’s body language are all good qualities to have when giving oral sex. Use your fingers and hands along with your mouth. For cunnilingus, experiment with different techniques using your lips, mouth, and tongue, and ask your partner to tell you what she likes (if she doesn’t know, explore and ask her to alert you when you’ve stumbled on something great). For fellatio, concentrate on the head and the sensitive frenulum on its underside (remember our anatomy lesson); experiment by applying different amounts of pressure with your mouth along the head and shaft. For analingus, use your tongue and lips to get into the folds of the sensitive anus.
Recommended: The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 1: Cunnilingus, The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 2: Fellatio, and The Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio

I don’t think I enjoy sex at all. The picture of the vagina (in your presentation) made me squirm, and I have one. What can I do to be comfortable and enjoy the experience when my partner wants to have it?
First, this is a question I can’t answer with a pithy one minute (or three sentence) response. It was a line drawing, but an explicit one, of a vulva, and we are not used to looking at those images on the big screen or in public, so it can make some people uncomfortable for a number of reasons. But you said you don’t enjoy sex at all. Could you be asexual? If you have sexual desire, then it’s a matter of getting comfortable with your body and with sex. Do you masturbate? It all begins there, so I’d start with establishing a sexual relationship with yourself before you address sex with a partner.
Recommended: Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving

What is the best way to have sex in a long distance relationship?
I assume you mean when you and your partner are apart? Use technology to keep you connected. Dirty text messages, naughty instant messages, steamy emails, and Skype with mutual masturbation. I caution you against sending naked or sex pictures to each other, however, since we’ve seen all the trouble that can cause.

Got any good positions?
Each position has its pros and cons, and experimentation is key. If you like Missionary, try Flying Missionary where the person on their back puts their feet on their partner’s chest. If you like Cowgirl, try Froggie where the person on top balances on their feet. If you like Doggie Style, try Tailgate, where the receiver lies on their stomach and the penetrator then lies directly on top of them.

Do you have tips for using a toy to stimulate the G-spot?
Pick a curved toy like Pure Wand, and always aim the curve toward the front of the person’s body. Many G-spots respond to deliberate, firm pressure rather than gentle stroking, so don’t be afraid to apply pressure—just make sure your partner is aroused and ready before you do.
Recommended: The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation and The Big Book of Sex Toys

Does size matter?
The easy answer is no. People are way too wrapped up in penis size, when most folks want a compassionate, responsive lover more than a particular size. But I don’t want to deny that everyone has different tastes and turn ons, and some people do like penetration with big stuff. But that’s why God created dildos.

How do I get a vibrator and which kind do I get?
If possible, visit a sex-positive store like The Smitten Kitten, Good Vibrations, or Babeland. When you shop in person at stores like these, the toys are out of their packages, so you can see and feel them, feel the vibration, hear how quiet or loud they are, plus you benefit from the advice of experienced sex educators who work there. If that’s not possible, try one of their websites; they all have detailed product information and customer reviews.
Recommended: The Big Book of Sex Toys

I’m a girl. Do I need to shave my pubic hair before I have sex?
Your pubic hair is your business! It’s a matter of personal taste, just like how you cut and style your other hair. Some people let it grow, others trim it back, and others wax or shave some or all of it off.

As a female, how do you know if you’ve had an orgasm?
I want to say, “Oh you’ll know!” but I want to be more specific. Some of the physiological responses include: a feeling of release; muscle contractions of the uterus, vagina, and sphincter muscles; other muscle contractions and muscle tension throughout the body; involuntary muscle responses that cause you to make strange faces; and cramping of hands and feet. Talking to your peers about what their orgasms feel like is a great way to open up a conversation and hear from real people about their experiences.
Recommended: The Expert Guide to Female Orgasms and The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime

How long does it take a woman to climax?
There is no set amount of time, and I hesitate to even say there is an average amount of time. Women often put pressure on themselves about this (I hear all the time “It takes me a really long time,” or “It takes too long”). Concentrate on what’s going on and how it feels, and don’t think about the clock and how you measure up to it.

Do you have any suggestions for mixing things up during sex?
Lube. Sex toys. Role play. Analingus. New positions. Porn. Do anything except intercourse. Mutual masturbation.
Recommended: What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety

Do you poop when you have anal sex? How do you have “clean” anal sex?
When you have a bowel movement, feces stored in the colon pass through the rectum, down into the anal canal, and out the anus. The colon is the storage area, and the rectum and anal canal are pathways. If you have good bowel habits and plenty of fiber in your diet, then there should be very little fecal matter in the rectum and anal canal. When you play with fingers, a toy, or a penis, you’re not going beyond the rectum. Go to the bathroom before anal play. In addition, take a warm, soapy shower or bath before anal sex to make sure your genitals are clean. You can even slide a soapy finger into your anus. Always use the most mild soap you can—either a castile or pure glycerine. A trip to the bathroom and a shower will go a long way toward you having relatively clean anal penetration. I say “relatively clean” because I want you to be realistic. There are no guarantees in life, and some amount of fecal matter may be present in someone’s rectum. If you want to go the extra step to make sure you’re totally cleaned out, you can give yourself an enema beforehand.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

How safe is anal sex and how do I avoid anal fissures?
I always recommend that people use safer sex barriers if they are not currently tested and in a sexually monogamous relationship. You can transmit most sexually-transmitted infections (including gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HPV, genital warts, herpes, and HIV) through unprotected anal sex, especially penis/ass intercourse. In addition, as I said in my presentation, the ass is made of delicate, sensitive tissue which is susceptible to small tears or anal fissures. The best way to protect against them: use gloves to make your fingers butt-friendly, use plenty of lube, focus on warm up and don’t rush penetration, and, as the receiver, listen to your body.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

Is it inappropriate to go up to someone and say, “Wanna fuck? Right here, right now?” (I’m female.)
I like people being direct about what they want. I appreciate shameless assertion of your desires. So I don’t think it’s inappropriate to speak your desires in the right context with potential lovers. But, that said, there are repercussions for women who speak openly about their sexual desire, so you’ve got to take those into account, knowing that reactions to your honesty will be mixed (see next question).

How can I, as a woman, express wanting to have sex without looking like a slut?
Just do it. Own it. Don’t let anyone shame you for your sexual desires, experience, or consensual behavior. And don’t shame other women for theirs. Don’t buy into our society’s double standards that applaud men for their sexual prowess and punish women for the very same behavior. (Easier said than done, I know.)
Recommended: He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety

How do we as a society combat false sex information like the “What Not To Do Guide to BDSM,” aka Fifty Shades of Grey?
You’re right, Fifty Shades of Grey is not an instruction manual, it’s a romance novel with some kink thrown in. But lots of people have read it and it’s opened up conversations about kinky sex, which is ultimately a good thing for society. If a friend mentions reading it or being inspired by it, be ready to let them know that it’s not a how-to and have recommendations for other resources that give solid information about BDSM.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink and SM 101: A Realistic Introduction

I am really into bondage. How do I bring it up to a casual hookup without being scary and intense?
It’s all in the way you present it. Be direct and put it out there (“I want to tie you up” or “It would turn me on if you tied me up”) and make it clear that it’s a suggestion that your partner is welcome to embrace or turn down. If they agree, be prepared to give them information about safety before you start and always use a safeword.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink and Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage

How does a girl approach the idea of being a dominant with a guy?
Talk about roleplaying fantasies and see what kinds of scenarios you each come up with. Suggest some scenes where you play a dominant role and see what he says. Context is everything.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink

Why do I have rape fantasies? It feels problematic.
Our fantasies often do not reflect our politics. Rape fantasies can be about exploring submission, masochism, surrender, objectification, control, and a slew of other dynamics. Although “rape” is the hot-button word in this question, the operative word here is fantasy. It’s a fantasy where you create the script, imagine the details, call the shots, and know how it ends—which is an entirely different thing than actual rape.
Recommended: Toybag Guide to Playing With Taboo and Mollena Williams’ two chapters in The Ultimate Guide to Kink

Any advice for a woman who wants to peg her man? Techniques, a particular toy, a particular position?
Pegging is strap-on anal sex where the woman is the giver and the man the receiver, and it can open up a whole new world of erotic exploration for couples. Great anal sex is all about the warm up. You’ve got to take your time, relish each sensation, and tease your partner into a frenzy before any serious penetration begins. As for toys, I love the Mistress dildo by Vixen Creations and any harness made by Aslan Leather.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and The Expert Guide to Pegging

What are your thoughts on tantra, sexual ecstasy and spirituality?
That’s a big question on a big topic. More and more people are getting interested in sacred sexuality, the intersection of sex and spirituality, sex magic, and Tantric sex. I want to refer you to two of the best, most accessible books on the subject: Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century and Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: The Key to Enriching Your Sexual Life.

How do you feel about porn, which often portrays false or fantastical situations? How realistic is porn? Is it misleading?
Well, it depends on the porn! Much of mainstream pornography portrays a fantasy and a performance, so there’s a lot of athletic positions, high energy and high libido, heightened reactions to stimulation, and earth shaking orgasms (both real and performed). You don’t often get to see honest communication, awkward moves, enough warm up before intercourse, a focus on other kinds of sex besides intercourse, partners being shy or quiet, stopping and starting, and much more. I like to portray more realistic sexual scenes in my films, where people verbally negotiate, ask for what they want, use lube and sex toys, focus on activities that turn them on rather than a “script” of how sex should unfold, get into positions that feel good for them, and allow enough arousal time and stimulation to allow female performers to have real orgasms. There are lots of feminists who make porn, and you may want to check out their films as well as films featuring real couples including Make Love Not Porn.
Recommended: The Feminist Porn Book

How can gender identity affect a sexual experience or a sexual relationship (even mentally)? How can we avoid gender identity becoming a point of contestation? We are both doms.
This question requires a longer answer, so I gave it its own Ask Tristan post.

 

 

 

 

Apr 232013
 

Sex in Babeland Shoot May 2009 for Melcher Media

The founders of the famed Babeland, Claire Cavanah and Rachel Venning, come to Sex Out Loud this Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET to share stories from 20 years of owning and running their successful sex toy shop that has become a worldwide phenomenon. We’ll learn about how they got started, what ways they’ve expanded to bring their message of sexual vitality to the world, and they’ll even share stories from the time when Tristan herself worked at the store.

This week’s show is live, so find out all the ways to listen here and you can call in with questions at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or even e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air!

Claire Cavanah & Rachel Venning are co-founders of Babeland, the famous sex toy shop celebrating its 20th anniversary this year. Babeland is all about promoting sexual vitality, not only with customers in the store, but out in the community, whether that means visiting senior centers or student groups or anywhere else. They’ve got a message of self-love, body-positivity and pleasure that they want to share. They are also the co-authors of the books Sex Toys 101 and Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mindblowing Sex. They answer questions about sex, sex toys and the sex toy industry for media outlets as diverse as Brooklyn Paper and the Columbia University C-Spot to the New York Times and CNN. They also blog, tweet and answer sex questions at Babeland.com.

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Apr 172013
 

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This week on Sex Out Loud radio, we have two guests who help people fulfill their sexual potential. First we have author, educator, and coach Amy Jo Goddard who thrives on creating environments that foster growth and assisting people in having the delicious sex and relationships they desire. She believes that healthy, non-violent, fulfilling relationships are a key to changing the world. Then we have Robert Page, creator of the The Lover’s Guide, and the only non-fiction film to top the UK video charts that has since been translated into 13 languages and 22 territories. He’ll discuss how he came to produce the movies that The Independent calls “sexy, sensual, moral and responsible”.

This week’s show is live, so find out all the ways to listen here and you can call in with questions at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or even e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air!

Amy Jo Goddard is a sexual empowerment coach, author, and sexuality educator. She is founder of SPECTRA, a mentorship program to help sexuality professionals make more money doing the sexuality work they are passionate about. As a David Neagle Certified Miracle of Money coach, Amy Jo helps women and couples create financial abundance, sexual pleasure and create the relationships and lives they desire. She teaches her Women’s Sexually Empowered Life program in New York City and can be found blogging about all things sexual that make her tingle at www.amyjogoddard.com

The Producer of The Lovers’ Guide Series, Robert Page, is an award-winning producer, director and writer who has spent over 25 years working mostly in the field of adult education. He began creating the series on video in 1991 in the UK, where the original film sold over a million copies in its first year and was the first non-fiction film to top the Uk video charts. He has since supervised its growth into one of the world’s most authoritative sex series. And created the world’s first adult 3D theatrical feature: “The Lovers’ Guide 3D”. The material has been released as several books, magazines, and is the basis of the biggest dedicated website on the internet. Mr. Page is editor of “The Lovers’ Guide Laid Bare” and co-editor of “The Lovers’ Guide Illustrated Encyclopedia”. He is a respected member of AASECT; WAS and SSSS. He has written, lectured and broadcast extensively. He has two sons and lives in New York.

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Apr 022013
 

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This week’s episode of Sex Out Loud is our first in the CatalystCon Series, interviews recorded live in front of a studio audience at Washington DC during the weekend of CatalystCon. We kick off the series with Dr. Carol Queen, a cultural sexologist and staff member of Good Vibrations, as well as founding director of the Center for Sex & Culture. We talk about her long and storied career in the Bay Area sex-positive scene, favorite exhibits at her Antique Vibrator Museum, and the re-release of Leather Daddy and the Femme. We’ll also discuss the Feminist Porn Conference and Fem Porn Awards happening in Toronto this weekend. Find all the ways to listen along this Friday at 5 pm PT / 8pm ET.

Carol Queen has a PhD in sexology and a prior degree in sociology. She calls herself a cultural sexologist; while she addresses individual and couple’s sexual concerns, her overarching interest is in cultural issues. Queen has worked at Good Vibrations, the woman-founded sexuality company based in San Francisco since 1990. Her current position is Staff Sexologist and Company Historian; her roles include representing the company to the press and the public; overseeing educational programming for staff and others; scripting/hosting a line of sex education videos, the Pleasure-Ed series, for sister company Good Releasing; and curating GV’s Antique Vibrator Museum. She is also the founding director of the Center for Sex & Culture, a non-profit sex ed/arts center San Francisco and is a frequent lecturer at colleges, conferences, and community-based organizations. Her dozen books include a Lambda Literary Award winner, PoMoSexuals, and Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture, which are used as texts in some college classes. She blogs at the Good Vibes Magazine and is a sometime contributor to the Boston Dig.

Feb 262013
 

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This Friday on Sex Out Loud I talk with Joan Price, author, editor, and ageless sexuality advocate. Joan will discuss her book Better Than I Ever Expected which first got her named “the senior sexpert” and her latest book, Naked At Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. We’ll get a sneak preview of her presentation at Catalyst Con in Washington DC in a couple weeks, as well the scoop on the latest anthology she edited, Ageless Erotica, a collection of hot stories where age is no limitation to getting busy.

Joan Price (www.joanprice.com) calls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality, though she has also been dubbed “senior sexpert,” “the beautiful face of senior sex,” and “wrinkly sex kitten” by the media. Joan, age 69, has been writing, speaking, and blogging about senior sex since 2005. Formerly a health & fitness writer, she switched topics to senior sex when she wrote her spicy memoir, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, to celebrate the joys of older-age sexuality. Her blog (www.NakedAtOurAge.com) attracted a growing community of sex-positive (and sex-inquisitive) seniors who sent Joan their stories and questions. This led to her next book in 2011: Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, a compilation of 130 reader stories, advice from 45 experts, and Joan’s candid commentary. Naked at Our Age won Outstanding Self-Help Book 2012 from the American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA) and 2012 Book Award from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, and the audiobook was nominated for an Audie in 2013. She recently edited a steamy senior sex anthology titled Ageless Erotica. Visit Joan’s zesty, award-winning blog about sex and aging at http://www.NakedAtOurAge.com, where Joan continues to talk out loud about Boomer/senior sex, partnered or solo.