I’m a lesbian in a relationship with a great girl. I’d visited your website before and the idea of anal sex interested both of us, but we’d never gone beyond a little hesitant touching. Your book was an eye-opening experience! I thought that my sex life was fun before, but you helped us to safely discover a whole new level of pleasure, and I really want to thank you for that. My girlfriend and I have different views on the subject: she likes it when I penetrate her with a strap-on dildo; I prefer when she puts a butt plug in my ass, and I wear it for a while — I like the “full feeling” better. We use condoms on our toys, we’re careful to take our time, and we use plenty of lubricant.
After an anal session, whether it’s with a butt plug or dildo, however, my girlfriend gets abdominal cramps. She has absolutely no pain during sex itself (quite the opposite), only afterwards! We have tried different positions, enemas, breathing techniques, and having several orgasms before anal penetration. The dildo I am using is only about 1.5″ in diameter, and she has no problem taking it. The only time she doesn’t suffer these symptoms is when we just do gentle fingering (one or two fingers). This would be fine except she is very into the strap-on. Can you help us?
When people write to me about pain and discomfort from anal penetration, it’s usually about burning and other painful feelings in their rectum. However, cramping after anal sex is not unusual. In fact, lots of people ask me, “After you did your final scene in The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women video, wasn’t your ass sore?” I tell them the truth: I had so much warm up with fingers and toys, and I was so turned on that my ass was relaxed and open. Even lots of anal penetration over several hours of taping didn’t make me sore, but I did feel some cramps in my abdomen afterwards. Of course, making my video was like the Anal Olympics for me, and I don’t want your girlfriend to have discomfort just from what is, comparatively, a run around the track.
I have a few suggestions. First, don’t fuck on a full stomach. If her body is trying to digest a big meal, then stimulation in the rectum could confuse the natural bowel processes. Similarly, just like you shouldn’t drink gallons of water before you work out your abdominal muscles at the gym, the same holds true for getting plowed. Second, consider using a shorter dildo. The longer the cock, the closer it gets to the lower colon, which for some people may disrupt colonic activity and cause cramps. Finally, as you thrust in and out of her with your cock, air can be pushed inside her rectum and travel upward in the body, giving her cramps, so no more doing her in wind tunnels. Seriously, if her cramping persists, I suggest she consult a physician to see if she is suffering from a gastrointestinal problem.