Jun 182005

My fiancé and I have always wanted to try anal sex, so we bought your video and we got a beginner’s anal kit. I was wondering though, is it safe for a man to come in your ass? And if he does, do you have to have an enema to clean it out afterwards?

–New to Anal

If a man comes inside your ass without a condom, as the recipient of the come, you are at risk of contracting HIV, hepatitis, and other sexually-transmitted diseases (if your partner has any of these, of course). If you and your fiancé have tested negative sexually-transmitted diseases and are monogamous, then it’s safe for him to come in your butt. What goes in must come out, though, as our butts have a natural flushing-out process. So, you may have a runny bowel movement afterward, but there’s no need to have an enema post-buttfucking.

Jun 162003

My husband and I both already have genital herpes and were told not to bother with condoms now. He has recently become enamored with anal sex, but, I want to know, can he spread the herpes virus there? Can you catch herpes when you already have it?

–Submissive to my Dominant

Once you have the herpes virus, you have the antibodies in your system, cannot be re-infected. As I’m sure you know, there is no cure for genital herpes. Many people take medication to treat outbreaks or prevent them. Genital herpes outbreaks can occur anywhere in the genital area, including in and around the anus; however, you won’t get a localized outbreak on your ass just from having anal sex. Two good resources for more information are the website HerpesOnline and The National Herpes Hotline (919-361-8488).

May 202003

I’d like to thank you for all the advice that you have been offering people, both amateur and pro, who are anal lovers. Your advice has allowed my girlfriend and I to have a wonderful anal sex life. My girlfriend of two and a half years and I have been tested negative for all STDs and are 100% monogamous. This and her taking birth control pills has allowed us to feel comfortable enough to have vaginal and anal sex without the use of condoms. We have never had any problems until recently when I have experienced swollen and somewhat painful lymph nodes around the genital area after having anal sex. Is there anything, concerning anal sex, that could have caused this other than an STD which I am sure that we both don’t have?

–Swollen Lymph Nodes

Lymph nodes are a part of the immune system and they protect the body from “foreign” invaders like bacteria, viruses, cancer, injury, or other harmful substances. Lymph node swelling may or may not cause pain. Swollen lymph nodes around the genitals can be a symptom of a variety of STDs including early HIV infection, herpes, syphillis, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and others; since you’ve been tested and are monogamous, you can probably rule them out. But your swollen lymph nodes can also be indicative of a bunch of other conditions, including a hernia, a viral infection, an allergic reaction, a malignancy, or trauma to the groin area — none of which are related to anal sex. My advice to you is to see a doctor and get checked out.

Jan 032003

My girlfriend and I just started having anal sex; thanks for your wonderful web site and all your great advice. I was wondering, would a fairly good amount of semen in the rectum do anything bad? Or would you recommend against it?

–Avid Analist

Lots of people ask about having unprotected anal sex, and if ejaculation in the ass is harmful in any way, and the answer, like those to many questions is: it depends. If you have anal intercourse without a condom, both partners can be at risk of contracting HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts, and hepatitis. The risks increase for your partner if you ejaculate, since semen has a high concentration of HIV and many of the STDs mentioned. If you and your partner tested negative for all these diseases and are monogamous, then having anal sex without a condom and coming in her ass is safe. Since you described your load as “a fairly good amount of semen,” I’ll remind you that what goes in must come out, so the semen may dribble out of her ass (along with all the lube you put in there), but a quick trip to the bathroom should take care of that!

Jun 142002

I recently started dating, well, fucking, somebody I’ve known for close to a year. She has been without a sexual partner for a long time, but she’s a serious hypochondriac about STDs; she was tested for everything twice in April, and once last month. She gets depo shots, so we fuck without condoms (don’t worry, we do use lube). So, how come I get a strange rash on my glans and foreskin, usually lasting for a day or two, when I fuck her in the ass? It doesn’t hurt and it basically just makes the regular bumps and pores looks bigger and red. There’s no funky smell or discharge either. I’ve studied the symptoms of about every friggin’ STD more than this girl has, plus I’ve been tested more than she has. It doesn’t look like any STD I’ve heard of.

–Rash From Her Ass

I know you think your lover is a hypochondriac, but I applaud both of you for getting tested often because most people do not. And it also sounds like you know a lot about STDs, which makes you more educated than the average fella on that subject. I have a few theories about the rash on your cock. My first one is that you may be having an allergic reaction to the lube you are using. Most lubes, whether water-based or silicone-based have similar ingredients, but they are not all the same. Personally, I got a red, itchy pussy from one particular brand of lube that I was trying out for the first time. I never used it again, and I haven’t had the symptoms again. So, try using a different brand of lube and see if that changes anything. You could also go to your doctor when you’re having symptoms to get a full examination and see what he or she has to say. It sounds like you know a lot about STDs, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Mar 272002

I am a straight male who loves to give and receive anal sex. I used to be pretty repressed about it but not anymore. You’ve helped change my attitudes about my sexuality. Are today’s porn starlets being incredibly irresponsible with the amount of ass-to-mouth scenes they perform these days? Are women’s bodies capable of accepting a longer penis inserted into them than men? I see porn stars taking a full eight inches, sometimes more. Is there a difference in our anatomy?

—Anal Porn Watcher

I think that adult film stars need to assess the various health risks of their profession for themselves, and make decisions about what they will and will not do for themselves. Remember that many porn stars are routinely tested for HIV as well as other STDs, so they know their status (in fact, they are tested much more frequently than non-porn stars).

As for the issue of “ass to mouth” which is prevalent is lots of anal porn, it does have some risks. There is bacteria which lives happily in someone’s ass which may not be so content in her mouth, where it could cause an infection. Even if a porn star has a nearly spotless, clean ass, there still can be trace amounts of fecal matter (or blood if there has been any rectal tearing during penetration) which can be transferred from cock to mouth, which could also cause an infection. In general, I don’t recommend folks do it with partners whose sexual history and STD status they do not know. Even for couples who regularly swap bodily fluids, there is still some risk.

In response to your question about length of toys and rectums: there is no difference in the length of a man’s rectum and a woman’s rectum. That part of our anal anatomy is nearly identical. Of course you need to keep in mind that porn stars are professionals: they easily accommodate with toys and cocks in their asses that some of us can only fantasize about!

May 192001

Help! Though the internet and your column have proved immeasurably helpful in providing the basic foundation of necessary information needed to explore my outrageously kinky side, I am having a difficult time with one specific area of interest. What are the health risks of pissing in someone’s ass? I have read wonderfully exciting accounts (fictional I’m sure) of this activity and cannot wait to explore it myself. But, I am also aware of the problems that can arise from not being well informed. Please, any help, advice, or referrals you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I promise to share the information with as many people as I can find to ensure that your words of wisdom have maximum benefit amongst the ass master population.

—Ass Master Who Likes Golden Showers

Thanks for sharing a common fantasy I hear about a lot. The first issue you’ve got to tackle is this: can you actually accomplish the act of peeing in someone’s ass? Lots of men find that when they have a rock-solid erection (which makes anal penetration much easier), they can’t piss. They need to soften up a bit so they can release their golden nectar. But depending on your cock, letting your hard-on go down a little may prevent you from penetrating your partner’s ass.

Once you’ve addressed that dilemma, now I can answer your questions about the potential risks. Contrary to popular belief, urine isn’t sterile, but it is very clean as far as bodily fluids go, even cleaner than spit. Peeing on someone or in someone’s ass is pretty low risk for the pisser, unless he has any cuts or open wounds on his cock. For the pissee, being peed on or in can be safe, with a few very big exceptions. Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), the genital herpes virus, chlamydia, and gonorrhea may be present in the urine of a person infected with any of these diseases and can be transmitted through the mucous membrane of the rectum or through any microscopic tears in the anal canal or rectum. There is no research (unfortunately) on HIV being transmitted through urine; however, it is possible for the virus to be present in urine, especially if there is blood in the urine.

Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so a diluted version may be your best bet. And even so, you may get an upset stomach.

If you aren’t sure about your partner’s sexual history or STD and HIV status or your partner isn’t comfortable with getting your urine in her ass, you may want to consider some alternatives. You could pull out and pee on the outside of her body; there are still risks, but they are relatively low if she has no unbroken skin in the area. Be safe and have fun!

Apr 252001

What STDs can I get from anal sex? Is it imperative that I wear a condom during anal sex to protect myself from disease? Is it dangerous for a woman to get fucked in her vagina after getting fucked in her ass?

—Condom Curious

The American Medical Women’s Association recommends that you and your partner should be tested for HIV 6 months after you or your partner has had sexual contact with a different partner. During that six-month period, you should practice safer sex. You can contract almost any STD, including herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and HIV, as well as hepatitis, through unprotected analingus and anal penetration with an infected partner.

To reduce your risk, you should use barriers for analingus (rimming) and condoms for anal penetration. Originally designed for use by dentists as the name indicates, dental dams are squares of latex which safer sex practitioners have coopted for use as oral sex barriers. Because they were not developed with sex in mind, dental dams can be too small and too thick to make them ideal. Glyde Dams are a larger, thinner version designed specifically for oral sex which do the job much better than traditional dental dams. They are available at better sex toy stores. To make your own latex dam, you can cut a non-lubricated condom up one side; these tend to be thinner like the Glydes, which allows both partners more feeling and greater sensitivity. You can also transform a latex glove into a dam: cut the wrist and the fingers off, leaving the thumb intact. Open it up, stick your tongue in the thumb slot, and voila — it’s like a condom for your tongue! This is my favorite kind of a dam because it affords both giver and receiver the highest sensitivity. For obvious reasons, it’s best to use a glove that isn’t powdered or to rinse the powder off before you put your mouth near it. Try putting a dab of lube on the inside and outside of the thumb for even more sensitivity.

Store-bought plastic wrap (like Saran Wrap) is not just for leftovers — it also makes a good barrier for rimming. Plastic wrap is less expensive and easier to find than latex dams, which makes it more convenient. Another advantage: trying wrapping your sweetie’s privates in plastic — think of it as a homemade thong. Then you can go to town without having to hold the dam in place. Safe, hands-free ass licking at last!

Putting a latex glove on your hand for finger fucking protects both you and your partner, especially if you have any cuts, scratches or even torn cuticles. Gloves come in several different sizes, and you should make sure that they are well-fitting. A glove that’s too small will cut off your circulation, and one that is too big will feel baggy and uncomfortable inside the receptive partner. You can also wear gloves for other purposes: if your nails are long, sharp or ragged, if you are squeamish about the cleanliness of anal penetration, or if you want to smooth out your fingers before they go inside your lover. If you find that wearing latex gloves irritates your skin, you may be sensitive to the powder that coats the inside, which is common; find an unpowdered glove instead.

As part of safer sex, you should use a condom every time you have either vaginal and anal penetration. In fact, because of the delicacy of anal and rectal tissue, bodily fluids infected with HIV and other viruses are transmitted and absorbed easier and more quickly into the bloodstream through the mucous membrane of the rectum. Thus, unprotected anal intercourse can be more risky for both partners than unprotected vaginal intercourse.

You should never, ever put anything in the vagina that has been in the anus without thoroughly washing and disinfecting it first. Transferring rectal bacteria into the vagina can lead to yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and other ailments which will put a halt to your sex life. Just don’t go there. If you’re likely to want to use the same hand or tool in both the vagina and the anus, or your anus and then your partner’s, that’s a lot of running to the bathroom to wash up each time you want to switch gears. Using a new glove and/or condom each time you switch orifices or activities means less time cleaning and more time fucking.

Feb 252000

Are urine enemas the things of fiction writers or are they safe?

–Kevin in Australia

First, let’s talk about just what a urine enema is — or can be. You could fill a bag with your own urine (full strength or diluted with water) and give yourself an enema, or you could share your special golden potion with a friend. Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so a diluted version may be your best bet. And even so, you may get an upset stomach. You could also penetrate someone with your dick, and pee inside their rectum, producing a brief, but less complicated piss douche. Some men cannot urinate when they have an erection, so then one would have to come, go soft, then pee. Other men I talked to claim they can pee while they are hard.

So how safe are all these water sports? Splash Alan, a contributing writer to Waterboys Magazine, says,

Piss is sterile. As long as you don’t have any urinary tract infections your urine is safe. Hell, back when I was a Navy corpsman we were instructed to always try and keep open battle wounds to the abdomen moist. If water wasn’t available the instructions were ‘piss on the battle dressings before application to the wound.’ What more can I say?

According to San Francisco Sex Information, urine isn’t necessarily sterile, but it is very clean as far as bodily fluids go, even cleaner than spit. Peeing on someone or in someone is relatively safe; being peed on or in can be safe, with a few exceptions. Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), the genital herpes virus, chlamydia, and gonorrhea may be present in the urine of a person infected with any of these diseases, says Dr. Beth Brown, a physician and advice columnist. Therefore, if infected urine comes into contact with broken skin or a mucous membrane (like the rectum), transmission and infection can occur. There is no evidence of HIV being transmitted through urine, however most sex educators will not say it is 100% safe.

I don’t know anyone who has actually given or received a urine enema, but I will keep asking for you, Kevin!

Jan 152000

My husband and I have been married for six years. Although he has always played with my ass while we were making love, about three weeks ago, he actually put his cock in my ass. We’ve been doing it ever since, and it’s been great! He’s rather large, but we do a lot of warm up. Generally, we do it doggie style because I enjoy looking in the mirror, and seeing him behind me pumping away. Here’s my dilemma. Dennis always pulls out when he is about to come. This is very disappointing to me, and I would like to have him continue and shoot his juice into me. Would there be any problem with allowing his sperm to get into me that way?

–V.P., Bennington, VT

Congratulations on discovering the pleasures of butt bangin’! Once you open this particular flood gate, things will never be the same again. The question about your husband coming in your ass is a popular one (I got the same query from five different people this month). There really is nothing like the feeling of having a man’s hot load burst from his cock and fill that tight little orifice. He doesn’t have to feel worried or anxious about pulling out at the right moment — he can concentrate on working his way up and just letting go. He can stay inside until he has ridden his climax all the way to its end. As the receptive partner, the feeling of a firm dick inside my ass is out of this world, and I especially like to feel the moment before the climax, when that dick gets rock hard and ready to explode; if the guy pulls out at that moment, I feel empty, deprived, hungry, left on the side of the road to walk home alone. If we can share his coming together, I feel more connected with my partner, and his peak usually pushes me right over the edge into my own ecstatic orgasm.

But I understand that you are concerned about the safety of such a slippery through-the-sphincters delivery. If you are monogamous, and both of you have tested negative for HIV, STDs, and hepatitis, then your husband can come in your ass, and it is relatively low risk for both of you. If, however, you don’t have current negative test results for all these diseases, then either of you could transmit something to the other person through unprotected anal intercourse. This is true whether he comes inside you or not. You said you are married, but since this is the new millennium, I will not automatically assume that you are monogamous — you or your husband may have sex with multiple partners. If that is the case and for other readers out there who may be non-monogamous, anal penetration without a condom can put both people (and especially the receptive partner) at risk for contracting HIV, STDs, or hepatitis. Condoms and lube are the way to go. Let’s play it safe, folks!