Jan 162013


Over the holidays, Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com launched an amazing new program, Relationship 10x. When it comes to improving your relationships and transforming your love life, there is so much hype out there these days, and it gets frustrating to wade through the noise to get to the gold nuggets. That’s why I’m so pleased to share Reid’s information with you.

Reid Mihalko (who you may remember from his appearance on my show Sex Out Loud) is down-to-earth, practical, and funny. And the information he’s sharing does make a powerful difference in relationships. He gets down to the nitty-gritty fast, and shows us fundamental changes we can make to help our partners feel loved, honored and cherished. Why? So they (and we) feel more connected and intimate, which means we all have more bandwidth and joy to support each other.

Reid has produced four free videos with tips and information to help improve your relationship communication and give you a sample of the Relationship 10x program. Check out all 4 of them below!

How to stop fighting like Cats and Dogs and start loving. Watch this video to find out if you’re a Cat or a Dog when it comes to romance…and how this knowledge can improve your dynamic.

Saying What You’ve Haven’t Been Saying. Sharing what you’re really feeling with your loved ones creates intimacy like nothing else. It also builds/rebuilds trust. Reid’s approach makes these conversations so much easier, that he give us a formula on how to speak up when it’s difficult!

Self-Expression Trumps Attraction. Ever wished it wasn’t so long until “til death do us part”? Feel like your relationship ran out of steam a while ago, and only a defibrillator would bring it back to life? It’s time to stop struggling trying to be something we’re not, and start being self-expressed. When you share your TRUE self, the people who love YOUR particular quirks and talents will be drawn to the real you. Naturally!

What Your Lover’s Body And A Wineglass Have In Common.  How do you listen to your partner’s body? Do you want to have more warm, magical, (and hot) touch in your life? Do you want your partner’s body to feel safe, open and alive under your hands? And to feel that open, deep passion yourself? Reid says that improving your ability to listen to your partner’s body and hear it is the best advice he can give you for how to transform your sexual and sensuality skillsets.

If you enjoyed those videos, you will love the entire Relationship 10x program. Relationship10x is a daily program you engage with for 6 weeks. This gives you and your partner time to get under the hood of your relationship, to recognize and break bad habits and anchor new, powerful ones in place. You’ll create new patterns of relating around communication, sex and affection and relationship IQ.

And it won’t take a lifetime. It can happen in as little as 10-minutes a day. Really.

In Relationship10x Reid will guide you in upgrading and updating your relationship skills so you can eliminate the conflicts and stress of trying to make old approaches work in a modern world. You and your loved ones deserve it!

Can you afford to let your relationships flounder one more day? Make 2013 the year you make your relationship 10X better. 

Jan 022013


A new study in Australia shows the risk of contracting HIV while engaged in the practice of topping or taking the “insertive role” in sex. This practice is thought by many to be a lower risk activity when engaging in unprotected sex, but the research is indicating otherwise. How is the virus being transmitted from the receiver to the person on top?

During anal sex, HIV can be transmitted to the insertive partner when a bodily fluid containing HIV from the receptive partner, such as anal mucus, enters the body of the insertive partner. This can occur through the foreskin and surrounding areas, the eye of the penis to the urethra (also a mucous membrane), or through tiny (often invisible) breaks in the skin of the penis.

Anal mucus is increasingly being mentioned in Australian campaigns as the infectious body fluid potentially infecting the insertive partner during unprotected anal intercourse.

This is a significant piece of the puzzle which reminds us about how HIV can be transmitted during unprotected anal intercourse. I recommend everyone read it to stay informed about transmission and share it with your lovers, partners, and friends. Full article here: It’s Time To Talk Top: The Risk Of Insertive, Unprotected Anal Sex


Nov 282012

The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy published a study on anal sex last month that was ignored by most folks in the media – except for Debby Herbenick at Salon!

In an incredibly short period of time, anal sex has become a common part of Americans’ sex lives. As of the 1990s, only about one-quarter to one-third of young women and men in the U.S. had tried anal sex at least once. Less than 20 years later, my research team’s 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that as many as 40-45 percent of women and men in some age groups had tried anal sex. With its rising prevalence, I felt it was important to devote a chapter of my first book, “Because It Feels Good,” to anal health and pleasure — only to find that a magazine editor wouldn’t review it because the topic of anal sex was “not in the best interest of our readership.” Even though nearly half of American women in some age groups have done it! She added, “In the correct circles, I personally will be suggesting the book to those with whom I can share such a resource.”

Hmm. The correct circles. Which ones would those be?

Read the whole article here: http://www.salon.com/2012/10/05/anal_sex_sciences_last_taboo/

Nov 212012

Smitten Kitten is doing it big this year with multiple ways to save cash and bring some new vibes into your life!

**EARLY BIRDS IN-STORE: 7:00am-11:00am
Everything in the store is 10% off
Spend $20 and get a FREE vibrator (valued at $50!)
They’ll have hot coffee and fresh donuts for you and your friends.

10% entire online store
Spend $50 and get a FREE vibrator (valued at $50!)
+ FREE shipping!

Folks can pre-shop now at:  www.smittenkittenonline.com
And, check out the new live educator feature. Chat up all your shopping questions with one of our sex educators while you browse!

Oct 312012

My piece about why I oppose Measure B, which would make condoms mandatory in porn in LA County, is up on Huffington Post. Please read it, comment, and share with everyone you know who lives in Los Angeles County—it’s very important!

Measure B Does Not Protect Performers: Vote No

Oct 232012

After less than five months on the air, “Sex Out Loud” hosted by Tristan Taormino has become the most popular show on the VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network Variety Channel, with over 425,000 listeners in September alone. Plus, the show just reached an incredible milestone: one million downloads.

Sex Out Loud™ debuted on the Variety Channel of the VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network on June 1, 2012, and become an instant hit. It airs live every Friday at 5:00 pm Pacific time and 8:00 pm Eastern time; in addition, fans can listen to the show on demand or download it as a podcast on the VoiceAmerica site and via iTunes. Each week, Taormino interviews fascinating guests and discusses all aspects of sexuality from health and education to non- monogamy to porn to sexual politics. Past guests have included Emmy-award winning creator of “It Gets Better” Dan Savage, renowned sexual culture critic Susie Bright, groundbreaking gender outlaw Kate Bornstein, and feminist pundit Jessica Valenti.

Before the end of the year, Tristan will talk to more leaders, educators, and icons on the cutting edge of sexuality, including: Kandi Burruss, star of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, on the eve of the fifth season premiere of the hit reality show; legendary adult performer and sexual freedom activist Nina Hartley; Cindy Gallop, creator of MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, who has been profiled by major media outlets like The New York Times and The Jeff Probst Show; and David Ley, outspoken psychologist and author of The Myth of Sex Addiction.

Sex Out Loud is sponsored by award-winning retailer The Smitten Kitten, leading lubricant brand Astroglide, and bestselling sex toy company We-Vibe.

“Tristan Taormino’s show is so popular that it has surpassed the listenership of every other show on the Variety Channel,” says Karen Dana, Executive Producer of Sex Out Loud. “We are so thrilled that she’s a part of the VoiceAmerica Network, and look forward to celebrating the next million downloads with her.” For information or other show details contact Executive Producer Karen Dana atkaren.dana@voiceamerica.com or 480-628-5752.

Oct 112012

E! Entertainment is producing a one-hour special about the real stories behind the “50 Shades of Grey” phenomenon.  They are profiling people who live the BDSM lifestyle, from engineers to housewives and shedding light on what has been largely an underground culture.  Among others, they are looking for stories about:  A) Someone who is going to “come out” to family or friend or workplace and willing to let us shoot that moment.  B)  Someone who has decided to enter the BDSM relationship (not just dabble) for the FIRST TIME.  C)  A story about a break up (not horror story) – we’ve been told that a breakup from a BDSM relationship is more emotionally intense in some ways because of the deep level of intimacy.  D)  A story about a male submissive.

They are looking for people who can speak very articulately and thoughtfully about their lifestyle and experiences.  They may be able to offer anonymity for anyone (except the “coming out” story).  If you or anyone you know may be interested, please contact Producer, Kyung Yu via email at KSunYu@comcastnets.com. [EDIT: e-mail address had a typo, it’s now been corrected.]


Oct 072012


[Attention folks near NYC! This Friday, October 12th, 2012, there will be a book release party for Roving Pack at Bluestockings. Details after the review. ]

Roving Pack, the debut novel of writer Sassafras Lowrey, follows a year in the life of Click, a trans kid in Portland navigating the meaning of family, love, longing, and belonging within circles of queer homeless and transient youth. The novel gives voice to a sea of characters that ring so true and familiar to those heard in our queer lives , but are so rarely depicted on LGBT pages. Click’s story begins with a heartbreak and keeps them coming; we follow along in the search to find a stable home for Click’s pack made up of daddies, boys, dogs, cats, and rats (with an occasional femme*) that come and go from Click’s life with the blazing hot intensity that often accompanies our exploration of new adult desires. Click’s sexual desires are honestly depicted by Lowrey in way that is deeply validating – this book fiercely shows the hotness, the complications, and the everyday details of leather and BDSM, as well as transitioning and genderqueer living – but the similarly complicated desires of home and loyalty are the main focus of Click’s story. Every moment is an opportunity for a character to disappoint or surprise both us and Click.

Roving Pack is told in the first-person by Click, with a blend of public online journals, inner friend filters, and the private diary. For those of us who came through the early-adopter Livejournal years, this book is like being included on EVERY filter, and seeing as much in the public face Click presented for the sake of loyalty as you do the private pains of difficult love. This intimate voice pulls you immediately inside the vividly depicted communities of trans and queer youth in Portland and the book soon becomes a compulsive read that quietly devastates you all the way to the end. Immediately upon turning the final page, I missed Click. I still want to hit refresh on my browser to see if another post will appear. And while steeped in contemporary culture and online narrative styles, the novel also reminded me of the smart and ragged intensity of Sarah Schulman’s early novels about dykes and fags in 90s NYC. There’s a universality to Click’s desire to belong, as well as the wish for home and looking for it within the faces of our queer loved ones who are supposed to understand us more than any one else in the world. There is also a shared devastation in those moments when our new queer families let us down. Roving Pack is an emotionally difficult read at times, but I couldn’t turn away from Click, nor from Lowrey’s elegantly rough and direct storytelling. Ze’s writing pairs the passion and authenticity of Click’s voice with sharp observations and strong narrative momentum.

*This book is for every member of the pack, though femmes be warned, Click and various other characters are very butch- and fag-centric, so there are occasionally some opinionated moments of ignorance. While they made me wince, they also felt true to the characters and the community.


Please join us at the official NYC release event for “Roving Pack” to celebrate the publication of this highly anticipated debut novel by Sassafras Lowrey (editor of Kicked Out)

OCTOBER 12, 2012
Bluestockings Bookstore – 172 Allen St. NYC



A. Raymond Johnson is a writer, shiatsuist, DJ, and karaoke aficionado. He received his MFA in Fiction from Antioch University in Los Angeles and has been awarded writing residencies at Ragdale and Millay Colony for his novels-in-progress. He has blogged since 2000, including at Out Magazine’s Popnography and I Fry Mine In Butter. His short story “Tammy Faye” is part of the upcoming book, The Collection (Topside Press, 2012).


Sep 262012

Honey Lube is, without a doubt, the most adorably packaged personal lubricant in the world. It comes in the standard bear-shaped honey-bottle, complete with a squeeze-top and a button nose. The only thing that could possibly make this lube cuter would be if it was delivered by a puppy. Holding hands with a kitty. Sitting next to a sneezing baby panda. So, as a sucker for smart marketing and cute animals, I had incredibly high hopes for Honey Lube—high hopes that it didn’t live up to.

That it not to say that this lube crashed and burned in my rankings (or in my vag), it just didn’t get an A+. Off the bat I was struck by the fact that this lube was unflavored. Ignoring the words “unflavored” clearly written on the label, I took a taste. Not only did it not taste like honey, it tasted straight-up bad. In other words, this is not the lube I would grab for oral play. To be fair, adding flavoring would probably require changing some aspect of its healthy list of ingredients—Honey Lube is glycerin and paraben free and contains honey extract, a naturally antibacterial super food linked to healing yeast infections.

Since it’s water-based, Honey Lube is compatible with condoms as well as most toys. However, if you choose to use Honey Lube with a toy make sure you clean the toy immediately afterwards. If you don’t take this crucial step your toy will turn into a fuzzy, debris-covered, fly-paper esque plaything—something that does not belong in your pussy.

The texture of Honey Lube is reminiscent of watered-down honey, the kind that slowly drips out from the bottom of a teacup. This was a pleasant surprise. I am always looking for a nice in-between lube—not to thick and not too thin. In the texture department, Honey Lube is just right.

Unfortunately, this initial texture does not last forever. It dries out quite fast and, once dry, becomes sticky. This problem can be remedied with the application of spit or water. But, being the lazy, stubborn person that I am, I prefer not having to stop mid thrust, pulse, flick, stick or vibrate to spit into my hand and reinvigorate my lube.

To be honest, if Honey Lube didn’t come in such a great bottle I would give it a clear stamp of disapproval. But the marketing folks got me once again! I loved reaching into my bedside table and lathering my partner with lube from a honey bear. The fact that this lube was mediocre seemed like a minor price to pay in order to have a honey bear involved in my sex life. So I recommend this lube for anyone who, like me, enjoys cute novelty products. But, if you’re just looking for a good lube, I’d pass on the honey, hunny.


Abby Spector is a recent graduate of Wesleyan University, where she majored in Feminist/Gender/Sexuality Studies. She is currently interning for Tristan, a job that allows her to write about sex, research feminist porn, and play with dogs (among other, equally awesome things). When she isn’t working, Abby enjoys comfortable nudity and salty foods. Her dream? A world where she could sit around naked and eat overly-salted french fries. Her blog is Sexy Awkward Times.


Sep 192012

Photo by Del LaGrace Volcano, 1998

SOGI opens the 2012-2013 academic year with a very special program!

The Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Project at the University of Albany, School of Social Welfare
The Pride Center of the Capital Region Present


by the gender variant visual artist and intersex activist

Del LaGrace Volcano

September 24th 7 PM

Unitarian Society of Albany

405 Washington Avenue, Albany, NY 12206

“I believe in crossing the line, not just once but as many times as it takes to build a bridge we can all walk across.” 

Celebrating twenty-five years of photographic exploration and resistance from female masculinity to feminist femme fatales to VISIBLY INTERSEX.

Volcano’s ‘corpus’ consists of astonishingly tender images that complicate our understandings of gender through non-pathologizing heroic depictions of female and transgender masculinities as well as calling attention to the hermaphroditic traces of all human bodies.


For more information call (518) 462-6138 or email sogi@albany.edu

For other upcoming SOGI events visit:http://www.albany.edu/ssw/Academic/sogi.shtml

For upcoming Pride Center events visit: www.capitalpridecenter.org