What are your thoughts on anal fisting? I know some women can do it, but isn’t it very rare?

–R.C.

Most people think anal fisting is either a gay urban legend or some freakish sexual circus feat. Actually, it is a very real sex act, and while it is more popular among gay men, certainly there are heterosexual couples and lesbians who are fisting lovers. I recently had the opportunity to teach a seminar on anal fisting at one of the only national events of the S/M community: The 14th Annual Living in Leather produced by the National Leather Association.

When I say the words anal fisting, most people’s immediate reaction is a wide-eyed, half terrified-half titillated “Yikes!” Take a deep breath. (It’s all in the breathing.) Anal fisting, also known as handballing, is the gradual process of putting your hand (and for very experienced players, sometimes your arm up to the elbow) inside someone’s ass. Fisting as a term is misleading since you don’t go inside all at once like a punch and usually your hand is not in a clenched fist once it is in there. Gay men popularized fisting in the late 60s and 70s during the sexual revolution, and founded private fisting clubs in major urban areas. I’ve read and heard tales of these sex clubs, filled with hungry men, waiting slings, and cans of Crisco. Although it is an intense exchange of power between two people, fisting isn’t exactly S/M. Because it is an outlaw sexual practice popularized by gay leathermen, it remains associated with and practiced by S/M folk, although not exclusively. Yet, like S/M, anal fisting explores and tests the farthest reaches of the mind and body’s inner limits.

While vaginal fisting is practiced among women and has been represented in classes, books, erotic stories and videos, anal fisting is a rarity. We’ve concentrated all our energy and efforts on one fabulously flexible orifice and overlooked the other. As a result, unlike gay men, women don’t have a history to hang on to like a sturdy sling, a legacy of fisting pros, role models to pass the skills from generation to generation.

I was scheduled to teach the anal fisting class with leatherman and leading handball expert Bert Herrman, author of the only book devoted exclusively to the subject, Trust: The Hand Book (Alamo Square Press). He also publishes Trust: The Handballing Newsletter. Bert, a fisting legend, has been putting his hands in men’s asses since I was in diapers. A true meeting of the minds and asses, the workshop proved to be a unique bridging of different perspectives, genders, and generations. In our opening, when we talked about warming up for fisting, our differences were readily apparent. An old school fister, Bert’s into getting high on pot and poppers and stuffing gobs of Crisco, whereas I am into endorphin highs and a nice, thick water based lubricant.

We viewed Handball Loving (Alamo Square/Erospirit Institute), which is unlike any video I’ve ever seen. Bert’s approach to fisting is very spiritual; he sees it as a path to enlightenment and higher consciousness, a way to connect with a higher power, and soul bond with another person. He draws on Eastern religions, particularly the principles of tantric sex. In that way, he is at the forefront of future sex, incorporating spirituality into sexuality.

Then there is the simple amazement factor seeing his arm almost to the elbow up his partner’s ass, then later with both hands inside him. It really is a different kind of sex; yes, there’s pleasure and intimacy and even orgasm, but that’s not all. Their bodies melding, their souls merging, both men were transported into a deep trance.

That night, after the workshop, I was inspired. I’ve been anally fisted before, but it was a long time ago and I wanted to do it again. My girlfriend Red and I had already decided to host a small sex party in our room. I started with a medium sized butt plug (appropriately called Voyager) in my ass which I wore for a while, then switched to a larger, very thick red plug. Whenever that one slides in my ass, it feels too big at first, but inevitably I take a deep breath and in it goes. When I felt like my ass was relaxed and ready for more, Red put on a latex glove, slipped out the butt plug, and started working her fingers inside me. I took lots of deep breaths, concentrated on relaxing and opening up. She eventually got all five fingers in to the final knuckles — the widest part of the hand, the dreaded sticking point. At one point I wanted to flip over from my back to my stomach and I was so absorbed that I tried to turn over with Red’s hand inside me not realizing that I would’ve broken her arm if I kept going. I kept asking for more lube but finally she let me know gently that there was plenty of lube, just no more room! At that point, I had moved beyond the point of orgasm, so we just relaxed, ate cheese and crackers with our guests, then fell asleep.

During the experience, I remembered Bert talking about what it feels like when you’re all the way up to someone’s transverse colon (which is beyond the rectum and descending colon). I realized I’m definitely a below-the-transverse-colon kind of girl. Hey, even Buttgirl has her limits.