orgasms – Page 2 – Pucker Up

Asa & Derrick: Behind The Scenes of Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples, Blog #4

Jun 242013

The final scene in my Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples is between Asa Akira and Derrick Pierce, and people who know my work won’t be surprised that it celebrates the butt! It starts out with a sexy spanking, where Derrick first uses his hand, then a fur covered paddle.

Since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, sales of Kegel balls (also known as Ben Wa balls or smart balls) have been off the charts. But I haven’t really seen them used in sex ed or porn movies. I think people are really curious about this toy, so I wanted to incorporate it into a scene in this movie. When I was showing Asa all the toys I brought to set, I asked her about using the Luna Beads by Lelo. Asa’s first response was something like, “Oh, little balls, aren’t those quaint.”

If you’ve seen what Asa’s orifices are capable of taking, you too might think that she’s way beyond Kegel balls. I told her “Let’s give them a try. If you don’t like them, you can always just stop.” Well as it turns out, when the balls were inside her pussy and Derrick spanked her, the balls jostled, which made them feel like they were vibrating, right against her G-spot—and that really turned her on. I loved to see her real reaction—her surprise at how much she liked them. (Oh and when their scene was over, she was ready to take the Luna Beads by Lelo home! Of course I said yes.)

Then they got into some great anal play, with two different butt plugs, including a cool metal one. Derrick fucked her in the ass and made her beg to come, which was easy for her to do with a vibrator on her clit. Derrick is an incredible dominant, and his interviews throughout the film really speak to how thoughtful he is about what it means to do dominant/submissive roleplay. He’s smart and thinks a lot about what his partner wants and how to craft a scene to give her a particular experience. So, I feel like aspiring dominants can learn a lot from him.

Asa is obviously a major star in the adult industry, but she’s also really down to earth and embodies a powerful submissive who knows what she wants. Together in their scene, their chemistry was just off the charts. I’ve seen Derrick turned on before because I’ve worked with him many times, but there was a heat to this pairing that everyone in the room felt.

Aiden & Christian: Behind The Scenes of Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples Blog #3

Jun 212013

It’s important to show a diversity of power dyanmics in kinky sex, so I definitely wanted to represent female dominance and male submission in my Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples.

Aiden Starr is one of the most gifted dominants I know, so when I called her, I was curious about who she wanted to work with. She picked Christian, who is the go-to guy in porn for all things kinky and alternative. Plus, it’s perfect because Christian is the name of the dominant character in Fifty Shades of Grey, so I like the idea that we’re flipping that around. Aiden is the mistress of dirty talk and verbal domination, which really bring all her roleplay scenes to life. Christian works out so much that we only had one collar that would fit around his neck! (I realized too late that we could have snapped together two bondage cuffs and made them into a collar.)

Aiden takes charge with such confidence and sexiness—she’s a great role model for women who want to explore their dominant sides. She’s tiny and quiet, yet she commands attention easily. When she says she is going to use Christian’s cock for her own pleasure, she doesn’t disappoint. He’s one of the only guys I know who can actually come on command, so it’s really hot when she makes him do it.

They came up with the end of the scene themselves, where Aiden uses a vibrator to make herself come, just out of reach of Christian. He just had to watch without touching.

Lyla & Danny: Behind The Scenes of Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples, Blog #1

Jun 192013

I had a blast directing my new sex education film for Adam & Eve called Tristan Taormino’s Guide to Kinky Sex for Couples. It stars Lyla Storm, Danny Wylde, Adrianna Nicole, Evan Stone, Aiden Starr, Christian, Asa Akira and Derrick Pierce. I want to share a few behind-the-scenes stories about filming each scene. You can also watch the trailer here.

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The first scene features Lyla Storm and Danny Wylde, and it was the first time they’ve ever worked together. As a director, that’s always a gamble, but they both were really interested in working with the other one, so I cast them. Luckily, they had great chemistry immediately. There is something so sweet and amazing about capturing a couple’s first sexual experience together. We saw lots of genuine moments where they talked to each other about what they liked and spent time just discovering each other’s bodies. Lyla’s great because she’s not a lie-down-surrender-and-take-it kind of submissive. She’s more like, “Okay I am going to agree to play this role and have fun, but I’m a little bossy and bratty and that part of me isn’t going anywhere.” So, Danny had to work a little to get her to do what he wanted, and this made for an entertaining dynamic.

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He blindfolded Lyla right off the bat, and it was fun to see him surprise her with various sensations when she had no idea what was coming, including a feather tickler. He then brushed Kama Sutra edible body dust on her chest and other edible goodies on her nipples. I’m not sure how the dust will read to viewers because it looks a little like flour, but it smells and tastes really good. Of course, the whole crew had to sample it!

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Massage oil candles are one of my favorite toys we use in the movie. These candles burn at a low temperature so they’re safe and easy to use. After you pour the hot wax on your partner’s body, you massage it in and it dissolves into oil. As part of their roleplay, Danny decided to make a game out of it and balance the massage oil candle, which is in a tin container, on Lyla’s back and tell her she couldn’t move very much or the candle might fall over and spill. It was a cool element, entirely unscripted, but it totally worked. Danny teased her about it, and it built anticipation and tension.

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Then, after he poured the hot wax on her skin and rubbed it in, they both got caught up in the moment. He started to fuck her and they were really into it. Danny distractedly sort of moved the candle, which was still lit, to one side on the bed. All I could think was, um, if that slides even a little, the sheets are going to catch on fire! So I swooped in and grabbed the candle. They were in their own world and blissfully unaware that there was still an open flame right next to them. Luckily, there was no fire and they just kept going! I always bring a bunch of different vibrators to the set, and Lyla picked the We Vibe Touch vibrator; it was so quiet, I could barely hear it. But, trust me, it was working.

Ask Tristan: Bucknell Student Questions

Apr 252013

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I gave my Sexploration lecture at Bucknell University on Tuesday April 23, and there was a huge crowd. I often do anonymous questions at college events where students write their questions on notecards and everyone has to write something, even if it’s “no question.” The anonymity gives folks the freedom to ask their most pressing questions. I only had time to answer about 60% of the questions, so I’m answering the rest here. I’ve combined some questions that are on the same topic.

Is it weird that I want sex all the time even though I’m a virgin?
No. It’s common to have sexual desires regardless of your sexual experience. Remember what I said about the problematic concept of virginity? I encourage you to define sex as broadly as you want and not buy into the cultural construction of virginity.
Recommended: The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women

How often do most people masturbate?
It varies wildly from person to person, and how often just one person masturbates can vary depending on their energy level, desire, stress, opportunity, etc. There are some interesting stats you can check out. In general, I don’t think masturbation is ever a bad thing. Everyone should have a sexual relationship with themselves, and it’s a great way to figure out what you like.

I masturbate so much it’s turned into a chore; any tips for spicing it up?
Masturbation shouldn’t be a chore! But people can get into a repetitive rut. Don’t think of it merely as a quick way to get off, think of it as a date with yourself. Try changing positions, experimenting with new stimulation techniques, adding lube and a toy to the mix.

How long does it take to give a guy a blow job?
There is no set amount of time that it takes anyone to do anything sexual. If you’re giving the blow job, take charge of the situation and do it for as long as it feels good, for as long as you want to. If you get tired or overwhelmed, switch to using your hand or doing something else.
Recommended: The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 2: Fellatio

How long should a guy last during a blow job?
I hate to repeat myself, but: there is no set amount of time. Depending on the guy, the stimulation of oral sex could bring him to orgasm slowly, quickly, or not at all. Blow jobs do it for some people and not for others.

How nutritious is semen and how can I convince my girlfriend to swallow?
Semen has little to no nutritional value because you don’t ingest all that much of it. You don’t want to convince anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. You can share your desire with her and tell her why it turns you on, but ultimately, it’s her choice to swallow or not, and you’ve got to respect it. Also, swallowing semen is a riskier practice in terms of safer sex than not swallowing, and I am a fan of condoms for blow jobs.

How do you improve oral sex?
Since you didn’t specify, I’m going to make some statements that apply to all kinds of oral sex (cunnilingus, fellatio, and analingus), then give you some particulars. Enthusiasm, focus, tenacity, and paying attention to your partner’s body language are all good qualities to have when giving oral sex. Use your fingers and hands along with your mouth. For cunnilingus, experiment with different techniques using your lips, mouth, and tongue, and ask your partner to tell you what she likes (if she doesn’t know, explore and ask her to alert you when you’ve stumbled on something great). For fellatio, concentrate on the head and the sensitive frenulum on its underside (remember our anatomy lesson); experiment by applying different amounts of pressure with your mouth along the head and shaft. For analingus, use your tongue and lips to get into the folds of the sensitive anus.
Recommended: The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 1: Cunnilingus, The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 2: Fellatio, and The Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio

I don’t think I enjoy sex at all. The picture of the vagina (in your presentation) made me squirm, and I have one. What can I do to be comfortable and enjoy the experience when my partner wants to have it?
First, this is a question I can’t answer with a pithy one minute (or three sentence) response. It was a line drawing, but an explicit one, of a vulva, and we are not used to looking at those images on the big screen or in public, so it can make some people uncomfortable for a number of reasons. But you said you don’t enjoy sex at all. Could you be asexual? If you have sexual desire, then it’s a matter of getting comfortable with your body and with sex. Do you masturbate? It all begins there, so I’d start with establishing a sexual relationship with yourself before you address sex with a partner.
Recommended: Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving

What is the best way to have sex in a long distance relationship?
I assume you mean when you and your partner are apart? Use technology to keep you connected. Dirty text messages, naughty instant messages, steamy emails, and Skype with mutual masturbation. I caution you against sending naked or sex pictures to each other, however, since we’ve seen all the trouble that can cause.

Got any good positions?
Each position has its pros and cons, and experimentation is key. If you like Missionary, try Flying Missionary where the person on their back puts their feet on their partner’s chest. If you like Cowgirl, try Froggie where the person on top balances on their feet. If you like Doggie Style, try Tailgate, where the receiver lies on their stomach and the penetrator then lies directly on top of them.

Do you have tips for using a toy to stimulate the G-spot?
Pick a curved toy like Pure Wand, and always aim the curve toward the front of the person’s body. Many G-spots respond to deliberate, firm pressure rather than gentle stroking, so don’t be afraid to apply pressure—just make sure your partner is aroused and ready before you do.
Recommended: The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation and The Big Book of Sex Toys

Does size matter?
The easy answer is no. People are way too wrapped up in penis size, when most folks want a compassionate, responsive lover more than a particular size. But I don’t want to deny that everyone has different tastes and turn ons, and some people do like penetration with big stuff. But that’s why God created dildos.

How do I get a vibrator and which kind do I get?
If possible, visit a sex-positive store like The Smitten Kitten, Good Vibrations, or Babeland. When you shop in person at stores like these, the toys are out of their packages, so you can see and feel them, feel the vibration, hear how quiet or loud they are, plus you benefit from the advice of experienced sex educators who work there. If that’s not possible, try one of their websites; they all have detailed product information and customer reviews.
Recommended: The Big Book of Sex Toys

I’m a girl. Do I need to shave my pubic hair before I have sex?
Your pubic hair is your business! It’s a matter of personal taste, just like how you cut and style your other hair. Some people let it grow, others trim it back, and others wax or shave some or all of it off.

As a female, how do you know if you’ve had an orgasm?
I want to say, “Oh you’ll know!” but I want to be more specific. Some of the physiological responses include: a feeling of release; muscle contractions of the uterus, vagina, and sphincter muscles; other muscle contractions and muscle tension throughout the body; involuntary muscle responses that cause you to make strange faces; and cramping of hands and feet. Talking to your peers about what their orgasms feel like is a great way to open up a conversation and hear from real people about their experiences.
Recommended: The Expert Guide to Female Orgasms and The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime

How long does it take a woman to climax?
There is no set amount of time, and I hesitate to even say there is an average amount of time. Women often put pressure on themselves about this (I hear all the time “It takes me a really long time,” or “It takes too long”). Concentrate on what’s going on and how it feels, and don’t think about the clock and how you measure up to it.

Do you have any suggestions for mixing things up during sex?
Lube. Sex toys. Role play. Analingus. New positions. Porn. Do anything except intercourse. Mutual masturbation.
Recommended: What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety

Do you poop when you have anal sex? How do you have “clean” anal sex?
When you have a bowel movement, feces stored in the colon pass through the rectum, down into the anal canal, and out the anus. The colon is the storage area, and the rectum and anal canal are pathways. If you have good bowel habits and plenty of fiber in your diet, then there should be very little fecal matter in the rectum and anal canal. When you play with fingers, a toy, or a penis, you’re not going beyond the rectum. Go to the bathroom before anal play. In addition, take a warm, soapy shower or bath before anal sex to make sure your genitals are clean. You can even slide a soapy finger into your anus. Always use the most mild soap you can—either a castile or pure glycerine. A trip to the bathroom and a shower will go a long way toward you having relatively clean anal penetration. I say “relatively clean” because I want you to be realistic. There are no guarantees in life, and some amount of fecal matter may be present in someone’s rectum. If you want to go the extra step to make sure you’re totally cleaned out, you can give yourself an enema beforehand.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

How safe is anal sex and how do I avoid anal fissures?
I always recommend that people use safer sex barriers if they are not currently tested and in a sexually monogamous relationship. You can transmit most sexually-transmitted infections (including gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HPV, genital warts, herpes, and HIV) through unprotected anal sex, especially penis/ass intercourse. In addition, as I said in my presentation, the ass is made of delicate, sensitive tissue which is susceptible to small tears or anal fissures. The best way to protect against them: use gloves to make your fingers butt-friendly, use plenty of lube, focus on warm up and don’t rush penetration, and, as the receiver, listen to your body.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

Is it inappropriate to go up to someone and say, “Wanna fuck? Right here, right now?” (I’m female.)
I like people being direct about what they want. I appreciate shameless assertion of your desires. So I don’t think it’s inappropriate to speak your desires in the right context with potential lovers. But, that said, there are repercussions for women who speak openly about their sexual desire, so you’ve got to take those into account, knowing that reactions to your honesty will be mixed (see next question).

How can I, as a woman, express wanting to have sex without looking like a slut?
Just do it. Own it. Don’t let anyone shame you for your sexual desires, experience, or consensual behavior. And don’t shame other women for theirs. Don’t buy into our society’s double standards that applaud men for their sexual prowess and punish women for the very same behavior. (Easier said than done, I know.)
Recommended: He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety

How do we as a society combat false sex information like the “What Not To Do Guide to BDSM,” aka Fifty Shades of Grey?
You’re right, Fifty Shades of Grey is not an instruction manual, it’s a romance novel with some kink thrown in. But lots of people have read it and it’s opened up conversations about kinky sex, which is ultimately a good thing for society. If a friend mentions reading it or being inspired by it, be ready to let them know that it’s not a how-to and have recommendations for other resources that give solid information about BDSM.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink and SM 101: A Realistic Introduction

I am really into bondage. How do I bring it up to a casual hookup without being scary and intense?
It’s all in the way you present it. Be direct and put it out there (“I want to tie you up” or “It would turn me on if you tied me up”) and make it clear that it’s a suggestion that your partner is welcome to embrace or turn down. If they agree, be prepared to give them information about safety before you start and always use a safeword.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink and Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage

How does a girl approach the idea of being a dominant with a guy?
Talk about roleplaying fantasies and see what kinds of scenarios you each come up with. Suggest some scenes where you play a dominant role and see what he says. Context is everything.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink

Why do I have rape fantasies? It feels problematic.
Our fantasies often do not reflect our politics. Rape fantasies can be about exploring submission, masochism, surrender, objectification, control, and a slew of other dynamics. Although “rape” is the hot-button word in this question, the operative word here is fantasy. It’s a fantasy where you create the script, imagine the details, call the shots, and know how it ends—which is an entirely different thing than actual rape.
Recommended: Toybag Guide to Playing With Taboo and Mollena Williams’ two chapters in The Ultimate Guide to Kink

Any advice for a woman who wants to peg her man? Techniques, a particular toy, a particular position?
Pegging is strap-on anal sex where the woman is the giver and the man the receiver, and it can open up a whole new world of erotic exploration for couples. Great anal sex is all about the warm up. You’ve got to take your time, relish each sensation, and tease your partner into a frenzy before any serious penetration begins. As for toys, I love the Mistress dildo by Vixen Creations and any harness made by Aslan Leather.
Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and The Expert Guide to Pegging

What are your thoughts on tantra, sexual ecstasy and spirituality?
That’s a big question on a big topic. More and more people are getting interested in sacred sexuality, the intersection of sex and spirituality, sex magic, and Tantric sex. I want to refer you to two of the best, most accessible books on the subject: Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century and Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: The Key to Enriching Your Sexual Life.

How do you feel about porn, which often portrays false or fantastical situations? How realistic is porn? Is it misleading?
Well, it depends on the porn! Much of mainstream pornography portrays a fantasy and a performance, so there’s a lot of athletic positions, high energy and high libido, heightened reactions to stimulation, and earth shaking orgasms (both real and performed). You don’t often get to see honest communication, awkward moves, enough warm up before intercourse, a focus on other kinds of sex besides intercourse, partners being shy or quiet, stopping and starting, and much more. I like to portray more realistic sexual scenes in my films, where people verbally negotiate, ask for what they want, use lube and sex toys, focus on activities that turn them on rather than a “script” of how sex should unfold, get into positions that feel good for them, and allow enough arousal time and stimulation to allow female performers to have real orgasms. There are lots of feminists who make porn, and you may want to check out their films as well as films featuring real couples including Make Love Not Porn.
Recommended: The Feminist Porn Book

How can gender identity affect a sexual experience or a sexual relationship (even mentally)? How can we avoid gender identity becoming a point of contestation? We are both doms.
This question requires a longer answer, so I gave it its own Ask Tristan post.

My Stint As The Savage Love Guest Columnist

Aug 152012

Artwork by Joe Newton for The Stranger

While Dan Savage was on vacation, the “Savage Love” Letter of the Day—a.k.a. SLLOTD—had to go on! So Dan asked three different guest columnists to field his readers’ questions while he’s away. I was the guest columnist August 13-17! You can read each of my questions and answers on the SLOG, along with readers’ comments which were diverse and very opinionated here:

August 13: Even Less Kinky Than Plain Vanilla, about incompatibility, kinkiness, and communication
August 14: Fetishes, Porn, Meatballs, and Eggs, about women’s fetishes, a gyno sex fantasy, and gossip
August 15: Hungover and Hurt, about a partner’s boundary violation (trigger warning)
August 16: Maybe I’m More Vanilla Than I Thought, about crossdressing, anal, and sexual compatibility
August 17: Less Face, More Fuck, about a new Dom/sub sex partner who’s avoiding intercourse

Sexing the Transman XXX: Review

Jul 242012

We’re starting to review feminist porn titles on the site, and here is our first one. I had the chance to see a screening of some excerpts of Sexing The Transman XXX on the big screen in Toronto during the Feminist Porn Awards. I remember when I first heard Buck’s voice on film as he talked to his interview subjects from behind the camera, I thought, “Buck sounds like some creepy dirty old man.” Then I watched, and along with this dialogue were these long, lingering camera shots, following the ripple in a guy’s chest, the muscle definition of his arm. Buck and his camera were ogling these men – objectifying them even. It was all so lascivious and voyeuristic. It even reminded me of some of those old straight porn movies where the camera guy checks out the woman he’s filming in a really leering way. And then it struck me: we never see transmale bodies objectified or sexualized. We rarely see them naked or represented in erotic contexts. Buck’s camera was not simply ogling, it was worshipping these trans male bodies and his voice reinforced this adoration. The whole thing is incredibly subversive. Now, here’s Raybear’s take on the film. —Tristan

Since 2005, Buck Angel has proven himself to be a tenacious and consistent porn star in representing who he is and how he likes to fuck on screen, without a trace of shame or apology. In fact, he displays quite the opposite – absolute confidence and pride in his body and sexuality. His latest move, Sexing The Transman XXX, is an educational porn that expands his trademark attitude into the bedroom of other transmen. Buck is primarily behind the camera in this film, playing the role of sexy interrogator who asks each guy provocative questions about their gender, their body, their transition, and most importantly what turns them on, which leads them to strip down and show us how they like to get off. Sure Buck quizzes the guys about hormones and surgery, but he asks with even more enthusiasm about tattoos and working out.

A variety of toys to stimulate different parts and holes for each solo scene, including such favorites as a Feeldoe dildo, a Hitachi vibrator, and NJoy anal plugs. The film focuses on four different transmen, each at different stages of their own transition and with their own sexual predilections – MJ identifies himself as flamboyant, Eddie Wood is a hairy squirter, Sean sports ink and muscles. During the James Darling interview, he informs us he’d been on hormones since he was 18 and Buck Angel was the first transman he’d ever met, and in that moment I was able to really appreciate the reach of Buck and his work. This movie answers a lot of common questions posed to transmen, such as effects of hormones, body changes, and surgical procedures, but is done with the respect and understanding of a fellow transman and not in the least bit dry and boring. It’s also a well-edited film, both visually (picture-in-a-picture orgasm shot!) and sonically (opera arias and rock music that don’t drown out the sexy live sounds of the performers). After the four solo performances, Buck finishes the film with a fuck scene between himself and Fallen in a seedy basement romper room complete with wood paneled walls.

Sexing the Transman is an informational PSA that’s sexy, so folks interested in bedding a transman get both educated and titillated, while those of us who already appreciate the joys get to see trans bodies eroticized on screen in ways rarely shown. Lucky for us, the sequel is already in the works with more types of transguys, so here’s to a much-needed series that will keep expanding the diversity of sexual experiences and bodies, and just keep getting sexier.

—Raybear

Watch the trailer for Sexing the Transman XXX here.

Buy Sexing the Transman XXX at these fine retail sites:

Hot Movies for Her (VOD)
The Smitten Kitten (DVD)
AEBN (VOD)
Sexing the Transman

Listen to or download Tristan’s interview with Buck Angel on Sex Out Loud.

2012 AVN-Nominated Films

Dec 072011

The 2012 AVN nominations were released this week, and I have a lot to celebrate with 7 nominations for my films! Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind scored five nominations for Best Vignette Release, Best Anal Sex Scene (Adrianna Nicole and Ramon Nomar), Best Group Sex Scene (Adrianna Nicole, Nat Turnher, Danny Wylde, Keni Styles & Evan Stone), Best Threeway Scene (Adrianna Nicole, Danny Wylde & Keni Styles) and Best Director-Non Feature. In addition, The Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex and The Expert Guide to Female Orgasms were both nominated for Best Educational Release.

These are especially exciting because they represent several different milestones for me. These are the most nominations I’ve ever received in a single year. These are the most nominations I’ve ever received for one film. This is my first ever nomination for Best Director. Here is the list:

Best Anal Sex Scene
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group; Adrianna Nicole & Ramon Nomar

Best Director – Non Feature
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group; Tristan Taormino

Best Group Sex Scene
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group; Adrianna Nicole, Nat Turnher, Danny Wylde, Keni Styles & Evan Stone

Best Three-Way Sex Scene (G/B/B)
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group; Adrianna Nicole, Keni Styles & Danny Wylde

Best Vignette Release
Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind, Vivid Entertainment Group

Best Educational Release
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex, Vivid Ed

Best Educational Release
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms, Vivid Ed

Anal Advisor: On The Edge of Orgasm from Prostate Stimulation

Sep 272011

I’m a guy, and over the years, I have occasionally anally stimulated myself with my fingertip during masturbation. I recently convinced my wife to try a strap on with me. As I expected, I enjoyed both the physical stimulation and the psychological joy of giving myself up to her as the penetrator. But try as we may, the buttfucking could not get me to orgasm. I have heard that direct prostate stimulation can cause ejaculation and orgasm. Even though we reached a point where a 5-6″ dildo was all the way in and being generously worked, I could get just to the edge of orgasm but not quite there. It felt incredible, but it was also a little disappointing. Is it a matter of working up to a larger dildo?

–On The Edge

You heard right: direct prostate stimulation can lead to a great deal of pleasure, orgasm, and ejaculation. The prostate is only a few inches inside the ass and toward the front of the body. With a 5-6″ dildo, you’re definitely going to hit it, and a longer toy is not the answer. You may want to try a curved dildo for more focused prostate stimulation (and aim the curved part toward the front of your body) and see if that makes a difference. If you have masturbated with anal penetration to orgasm, then the combination of the two may be what your body is most used to. Add penis stimulation as she fucks you to help you over that edge to orgasm.

Photo: Annie Cruz and Nomad in The Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men

Ask Tristan: Am I Masturbating Too Much?

Sep 262011

I’ve been single for awhile now, which has meant a lot more masturbating rather than sex. However, I’ve that since the end of my last relationship, I’ve been unable to orgasm through sex. I wind up having to masturbate to finish. Is this an easily fixable problem do you think? Am I masturbating too much?

—Wondering and Nervous to Know

Hi W.A.N.K.,

Are you masturbating too much? I think that’s pretty hard to do. I spend a lot of time telling folks to masturbate more, so don’t expect me to tell you to masturbate less. Of course, if masturbating is keeping you from getting to work on time, eating, sleeping, and other regular activities then I might say it is time to tone it down a bit! What you are describing is actually quite common.

Here is the thing: the way we have sex and get off is as sensitive to regular routines and habits as many of the other daily activities we experience. Some people can only fall asleep on their stomach. Why? Because that is the way they have been doing it for a long time. Is it possible for them to fall asleep on their back? Yes, but it is going to take some work. Orgasms are a lot like that. It is really difficult for some people to come lying on their back if they learned and became accustomed to coming while on their stomach. Can they come other ways? Sure, but it can take a lot of extra work. The best thing for you (and everyone) to do is to switch things up while you are masturbating. This goes for both your body position and the type of stimulation you are using. Try new things. Do you always jerk off in bed? Ever try in a chair or standing up? Like a firm grip? Try a loose grip and see how far it can take you. Think of it as cross-training for the bedroom!

Photo: Madison Young in The Expert Guide to Female Orgasms

Ask Tristan: Orgasm from Oral Sex Only

Sep 242011

I am currently in a heterosexual relationship, and our sex life is pretty good. However, I can only achieve orgasm during oral sex. I am getting sick and tired of hearing my friends talk about how great their respective lovers are, and I am feeling like a freak. Can you offer any advice?

You are absolutely not a freak! Your self-described “dilemma” is actually extremely common. Most women can achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation only or some combination of penetration and clit stimulation. And, from what I know, oral sex really does the trick for lots and lots of women. Yes, some women can come from penetration alone, however it’s a much lower percentage. My opinion is this: you are coming, and that’s a great thing. Remember, there are plenty of women who have never had an orgasm. Pat yourself and your partner on the back for a minute. If you’d like to experiment ways to come during intercourse, try touching yourself while your partner fucks you. Or, you can show him how to use his hand or a vibrator to stimulate your clit like he does with his mouth.

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