Anal Advisor: Want A Helpless Bondage Bottom

Apr 182013
 

I want to create a scene for my submissive that combines anal sex and immobilizing bondage. She loves to get fucked when she is confined and can’t really move, and I adore seeing her in a compromising, vulnerable position. What can I say? It makes my dick really hard. My slave girl is pretty flexible, an experienced bondage (and anal) bottom, and she’s always game for lots of new things. I am hoping you can offer some suggestions for good positions as well as any safety concerns I should be aware of.

–Want A Helpless Bondage Bottom

Oooh, you two sound fun! Let’s talk bondage first. I’m not a rope bondage expert, so I’m going to recommend an easy kind of bondage using large, long leather bondage belts that you can find at Stockroom. Have your bottom stand and face you with her arms at her sides. Wrap a belt around her upper arms and torso (above her breasts), securing the buckle on one side of her arm. Do the same thing with a second belt around her stomach and arms between her elbow and wrist. Use a third belt around her waist and just above her wrists. Belt #4 goes just above her knees with a fifth belt around her calves. Move her slowly and put your slave face down on the bed (or the floor, if you’re feeling more sadistic). Secure the final bind: a belt around her ankles (you could also use ankle cuffs clipped together for her ankles). Now you have her in tight confinement and also a great position for anal sex. In fact, this is my favorite position and I re-named it in my book The Anal Sex Position Guide. It’s called “tailgate”: she lies face down on her stomach, and you straddle her and enter her ass. You could stay upright, and pull on the belts, using them as handles. Or you can lay on top of her. The combination of your weight on her and the bondage belts will make her feel truly immobilized.

If you’re interested in doing this with rope bondage, two great resources to see many different ties described and illustrated are famed educator Midori’s book The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage and Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook. I like Jay Wiseman’s “Split Lark’s Head,” for an arm/chest harness and on the bottom for mid-thighs and down, try his knee-to-knee and ankle-to-ankle bondage.

Anal Advisor: Concerned Anal Citizen

Mar 272013
 

There has been a lot of talk about HPV recently with the release of the new vaccine. But most of what I read for women concerns HPV in the vagina and PAP smears. As a girl who’s way more into anal sex than vaginal sex, what do I need to know about HPV? Can a person get HPV in their ass, is there a test for it, and how is it treated?

–Concerned Anal Citizen

There are more than one hundred types of the human papillomavirus (HPV), and more than forty different strains can be sexually transmitted and affect these areas: the vulva, vagina, cervix, penis, scrotum, anus, and rectum. HPV is a virus most closely associated with genital warts, although not all forms of HPV cause warts. Some of the strains of HPV are low risk and resolve themselves without treatment. High-risk types of HPV can cause abnormal cell growth and cervical cancer. According to Planned Parenthood,

At any time about 20 million people in the U.S. have [genital HVP infections]. Between 10 and 15 million have high-risk types that are associated with cervical cancer. HPV is so common that about three out of four people have HPV at some point in their lives.

The most common way to spread HPV is through vaginal and anal intercourse, but it can also be spread through rubbing, fingering, oral sex, or sharing sex toys. Condoms protect against HPV, but HPV may be present in the skin not covered by a condom, which is why gloves and dental dams should also be used.

Yes, you can get HPV in your ass. If it is a kind of HPV that manifests as genital warts, they can appear in as little as three weeks or as long as six months after infection. The warts begin as small pink bumps that look like cauliflower florets in or around the anus and rectum; they tend to spread rapidly, forming clumps of bumps that may be itchy. The bumps could be painful if they are irritated. Their incubation period is usually one to six months, but they can grow more rapidly if you are pregnant or have a compromised immune system. Remember, in many cases, someone with HPV may have no visible symptoms at all; in these cases, a physician will be able to see them during a rectal exam with an anoscope. Genital warts can go away on their own; or, they can be removed from the skin by applying chemicals to them (usually acids), burning them with an electric needle (electrocautery), freezing them with liquid nitrogen (cryotherapy) or with laser treatment. Even after visible warts are removed, HPV remains in your body, and the warts can recur.

The strains of HPV that can cause precancerous lesions on the cervix can be detected through a pelvic exam and PAP test. If you have HPV in your ass, it’s less common to have treatable precancerous lesions present since there is no cervix or cervix-like place for them to develop, though it’s still possible to have pre-cancerous cells which precede rectal cancer. To test for the presence of HPV in the ass when there are no warts, a physician takes a swab of the rectum and sends it for laboratory analysis (similar to a vaginal PAP test). If you regularly engage in unprotected anal penetration and think you have been exposed to HPV, you can request a rectal exam and an anal papilloma screening (also known as an anal PAP test). If the PAP results come back abnormal, then you should have an HPV test which tests the cells for the HPV virus. If the HPV virus is detected, you can have a colposcopy where they take a biopsy and can look closer at the cells. You can spread HPV from your ass to your vagina and vice versa, so if it has been discovered in one place, it’s advisable to get the other place checked. People diagnosed with HPV should have regular exams to monitor recurrences and prevent complications.

In 2006, a vaccine for girls and women was released that can prevent four strains of HPV: two of the strains account for 90% of cases of genital warts and two account for 70% of cervical cancer cases. The vaccine, currently marketed under the name Gardasil is recommended by the FDA for girls and women aged 9-26. However, women over 26 who have never been exposed to one or more of the strains of HPV can also benefit from the vaccine. Researchers still know much less about HPV infection in boys and men, including its long term effects, risk of cancer, early detection, and potential treatments, although several drug companies are (including Merck, makers of Gardasil) are conducting clinical trials on the vaccination of boys and men.

Anal Advisor: Help Me Help Her

Feb 282013
 

My girlfriend loves anal pleasure, but she just cannot handle it. When I finger her asshole, and or touch her pussy at all, she says “it’s too much pleasure to handle.” She has to stop me because she says it feels too good, and that she can’t take it. Because of this, we have never gotten past the two finger mark. But she wants to have my cock in her ass, and of course so do I! How can I get my girlfriend to relax? We think we have tried everything short of drugs, which we don’t want to try. How can I get my girlfriend to give in to the pleasure and loosen up? We both really want to get my cock into her ass without hurting her!

–Help Me Help Her

A woman’s vulva, clitoris, and ass are extremely sensitive and sometimes, if the clitoris in particular is not fully engorged, it can feel overwhelming to have it stimulated. However, it’s rare that women complain that touching or fingering is too pleasurable. It sounds to me like there may be some emotional/psychological issues at work in your girlfriend’s assertion that stimulation feels too good. Perhaps she has some reservations about anal play that are causing her reaction; many people think it’s dirty, unnatural, and taboo, for example.

Your description also makes it sounds as if your girlfriend is tense in general about sex. (Of course drugs are not the answer, so don’t even go there!) I think she needs to explore her feelings about her body, sex, and pleasure and get to the bottom of what may be making her feel tense, overwhelmed, or overstimulated. Be supportive of this process and don’t put pressure on her to figure it out quickly so you can get your dick in her ass. I suspect that once she gets in touch with her inner feelings about these issues, your communication and sex life on the whole will improve, and then you can start to explore anal play together when you’re both in a better frame of mind.

Anal Advisor: Anal + Ejaculation = Cancer?

Feb 202013
 

It’s embarrassing for me to write this letter to you because this is the first time I will admit to anyone that my husband and I have anal sex. I actually am getting past the pain, and learning to enjoy it. A friend told me that you can eventually get colon cancer and other things from letting a man come inside your butt, is this true?

–A Little Scared

Please don’t be embarrassed by your admission and know that there are tons of other people having anal sex out there! Let’s talk about the risks of a man ejaculating inside your ass. The ass is made of delicate tissue that can have minute tears in it, allowing easy access to the bloodstream. If you are monogamous and he has tested negative for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), then he can come in your ass. If you are not monogamous or don’t know his STD status, then, by having unprotected anal sex and ejaculating in your ass, he can transmit gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, human papilloma virus (HPV) also called anal warts, HIV, or hepatitis.

There isn’t any definitive link between semen in your butt and colon cancer. However, according to the National Cancer Institute, contracting HPV in the ass (anal warts) can increase your chances of colon cancer. Some studies suggest that other STDs and trauma to the anal canal and rectum — the kind that would result from not using lube or warming the ass up properly — can also lead to rectal or colon cancer.

Anal Advisor: Curious in Australia

Jan 242013
 

My monogamous partner and I are just getting farther into anal exploration. We have done some toy excursions of the smaller persuasions and are working our way up. I am looking forward to some penis penetration when we are ready, which brings me to my question. I ran across a product called Innuendo Anal Conditioning Gel from New Zealand. I see it offered in several respectable online sex toy boutiques, but I cannot find a review from anyone, only a description from the company that makes it, which obviously is biased! It claims to heighten sensation, while relaxing the tissues of the anus for easier penetration. Have you heard of it or used it? Do you recommend it?

–Curious in Australia

The makers of Innuendo don’t list the actual ingredients of the product on their website; they only say it’s a blend of herbs and contains Lavender, Muira Puama, Damiana, Licorice, Vanilla, Frankincence, and Myrhh. It is supposed to help the tissue relax, heighten arousal, and increase sensation. It is very similar to a product that was recently released in the United States from Pjur (makers of silicone lubes like Eros) called Analyse Me! Anal Comfort Spray. Analyse Me! Anal Comfort Spray is supposed to “lightly desensitize to increase your anal pleasure,” and it contains Lauromacrogol, which acts as an anesthetic (lauromacrogol is an ingredient used in hemorrhoid creams to numb the area and reduce itching). I have not personally used either product, and the manufacturers claim that they are safe to use.

Neither of these products contain benzocaine, the main ingredient in ass-numbing lubes like Anal-Eze and similarly named products that I never recommend using. However, they are marketed for the same purpose and are operating on the same basic principle: that you need to numb your ass in order for penetration to be possible. I simply disagree. A water-based or silicone-based lube, along with patience and warm up, are what you need to increase your pleasure, not a product — natural or not — that lessens your sensitivity.

Ask Tristan: Is Webcamming Prostitution?

Jan 182013
 

Ask Tristan logo450

[Ed. note: This question is a legal one, so I asked my awesome expert, Davis from Sexquire to answer it.]

So, I was just reading a Coyote L.A. article that talks about what Prostitution is defined as, and I noticed that one can
define Prostitution as masturbation for pay. Would that mean that webcam modeling could be included in that definition? Is there an exception for cam, because I am using my camera?

To be sure I was answering the right question, I did some research to find the Coyote LA article you mentioned. After reviewing it, I can see how the issue might still be a bit confusing. The answer to your question is most likely no, but let me add a few caveats before getting in to too much detail.

Caveat 1 –The article you cited discussed California laws regarding prostitution, and each state (and often city or town) has its own specific rules that govern what is/is not illegal there. I’m going to answer your question under California law, but if you’re wondering about another state, or even an area in California other than LA, you’ll need to do some additional research.

Caveat 2 – Some places don’t have very specific laws, and often whoever is in power (mayors, council persons, sheriffs) dictate what types of things are more vigorously pursued at any particular time. If you’re new to an area, be sure you learn about the prostitution and sex work laws that govern, but also find out a bit about the area’s political climate and whether local governmental authorities are particularly active in this area.

Caveat 3 – Your question was about prostitution laws, but obscenity laws may also govern cam or fetish video work. Just because a local government agent can’t fit what you’re doing into the definition of prostitution doesn’t mean you’re necessarily in the clear, as obscenity and “lewdness” laws vary quite a bit from state to state.

Okay, with all that being said, let’s dive into your question. The article you mentioned discussed how dancing nude and masturbating oneself might meet the definition of prostitution under California Penal Code Sec. 647 (which defines prostitution). The actual language of the law is long and confusing, but the article is correct that the law includes in its definition of prostitution “a lewd act for money or other consideration” which is “the touching of breast, buttocks or genitals for the purpose of sexual gratification or arousal.” The article goes on to say that since the law does not define WHO is doing the touching, that one who dances nude or masturbates oneself as part of their act could, if their customer achieves sexual gratification, be found to have committed an act of prostitution. However, your question was not about someone dancing nude or masturbating themselves in front of someone IN PERSON, it was about cam work, where you are far removed from, and indeed may not even have any information at all about, your client. And this is what, at least for now, removes cam work from the definition of prostitution. It does not take place between two persons in public or private, as the California statute states for every definition of prostitution. It may seem a bit fuzzy, but because you have the barrier of the computer, the internet and space/time between you and the person purchasing your services, it simply doesn’t fit the current definition of illegal sex work. Of course it may fit under a pornography or obscenity definition, and with the recent laws and referendums in California one never knows how laws may change, but for now, at least in California, cam work does not likely fit the definition of prostitution and to my knowledge, no cases have been pursued.

One final caveat though – despite not technically fitting the definition, nothing prevents local law enforcement from claiming that a particular act is illegal, so know that although a case would likely not prevail, an overzealous officer and prosecutor could certainly charge someone with prostitution simply for cam or other work. So be careful out there regardless of what your local law currently says.

~~~~~~

Davis is the founder of Sexquire, a complete sex-positive business services company. Davis is the legal arm of Sexquire, having advised brick and mortar sex toy stores, sex educators, sex workers and other sex positive business folk on all manner of legal issues for over 7 years.   In addition to legal matters, Sexquire also provides bookkeeping, accounting, personal assistance and other business services all with a sex-positive spin.  You can find them online at their website, as well as Twitter and Facebook.

Anal Advisor: Lubeless

Jan 152013
 

I love anal sex, and my wife tries her best to enjoy it too. Here’s the problem: it seems I can never get enough lube up inside her to smooth out the ride, and the resulting friction causes her a lot of pain, thus severely limiting our anal encounters. How can I get more lube where it’s needed? Is there a type of lube that works better for anal intercourse? We’ve been using a water-based lube, but it just doesn’t seem to cut it. She has no problem with toys in there, but it seems that every time I get a shot, all the lube rubs off somehow, no matter how much I use. If I could only find an answer to this dilemma, she’d enjoy the experience a lot more and be more willing to try it more often (right now, it’s like a once-a-year thing). Any hints or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

–Lubeless

I am glad to hear you’re using lube, but it sounds like there is still room for improvement. First, you didn’t specify what brand of lube you’re using. I recommend a thick water-based lube that has a consistency similar to hair gel, and one of my favorites is Astroglide Gel. You may also want to experiment with a silicone lube, and the thickest one on the market is Eros Gel.

As for getting enough lube where it needs to be, there are two new products on the market that are designed to do that very job! Astroglide Gel Shooter is a soft plastic tube of lube with a long flexible neck. Tear off the top, slide the neck inside her ass and squeeze. Voila: lube right where you need it! The Lube Shooter  is a disposable plastic syringe with a flared base for safety. You remove the plunger, fill it with your favorite lube (which can be a little messy), and replace the plunger. Before you put it in her ass, push the plunger down a little to begin the flow of lube and let any air out. Lube the tip of the syringe and gently insert it into the ass. Push the plunger down gently to release the lube. You can refill it and repeat. When you’re done, throw it away.

If you like the look of metal, are into medical toys, or simply want to use something that looks a lot more menacing than a small plastic syringe, then I recommend a stainless steel syringe — often called an enema syringe or a lube syringe — which you can find on medical fetish and other specialty sex product websites. It holds a lot more lube than the plastic ones and has a decidedly more daring aesthetic. Made of polished metal, it comes with two interchangeable tips (pointy and rounded) and is available in several different sizes; the most common are 100 cubic centimeters (cc) and 200 cc (which are equivalent to 100 ml and 200 ml). The 200 cc syringe is the size of a large, thick dildo, so it should only be used on very experienced bottoms. To use it, pull back the plunger, then unscrew the top and fill the body with lube. Replace the top, then push the plunger down a little to begin the flow of lube and let any air out before you insert it. Then lube the tip, carefully insert it into the ass, and push the plunger down. To clean the syringe, take it apart, and wash it gently with warm water and anti-bacterial soap. Since this toy has a bunch of nooks and crevices, I like to go one step further and soak it for a few minutes in a diluted bleach solution (10 parts water, 1 part bleach). Make sure you dry all the parts completely, since if left damp, they can rust.

Anal Advisor: Feeling Like a Heel

Dec 062012
 

My younger, much more experienced partner and I were discussing fantasies last night. I have this pair of 4″ pumps she is particularly fond of, and she mentioned she might like to be fucked in the ass with the heel. They are not stilettos, they are wooden heels, not completely rounded, albeit fairly slender. While I am not one to pooh-pooh anyone’s fantasy, I can’t quite bring myself to believe that this would be safe. Pain factor aside, this seems like it has the potential to be very damaging, especially in the hands (or feet) of someone who has no idea what they’re doing, like myself. Do you have any thoughts as to how I could incorporate her fantasy into our sex life without actually hurting her (and not “hurt” in the good sense)?

–Feeling Like a Heel

You mentioned that you’re inexperienced, so before you approach this shoe fantasy, you’ve got to get some experience with basic anal penetration and sex toys. Start out with dildos and plugs, experiment with different techniques and what your bottom likes until you get really comfortable with them. One of the earliest letters I received for this column was about shoe fucking. A woman wanted to fuck her submissive with the narrow toe of her shoe. You’re talking about the other end, so you’re wise to be cautious.

Whether stiletto or not, a high heel is usually pointed and inflexible enough to make it a less than ideal penetration tool, and since you’re a beginner, I am going to recommend a safe option: the bait and switch technique. Put on the shoes, taunt her, step on her, tease her, tell her how you’re going to fuck her in the ass with those terribly menacing shoes. Then blindfold her, tell her it’s because you want all her senses to be on alert and concentrating on this new and unique sensation. Hidden nearby should be a wooden dildo, selected because you said the heel was wooden. Wooden dildos can be hard to find, but they’re out there (my picks: NobEssence and Jildos). With the image of your shoe heel firmly planted in her mind, the dildo can be firmly planted in her behind! It will have a similar weight and texture, and if you’re good at it, she will never know the difference. When you’re done, drizzle some lube on the shoe heel, take her blindfold off, and everyone will be satisfied!

Anal Advisor: New and Hairy

Nov 272012
 

My wife and I are new to anal sex, but we’ve run into something I hope you can help us with. I’ve noticed that the normal hair around her anus can be kind of rough, as pubic hair can be, and this hair might be causing her some irritation. But we’re not sure if it’s a good idea to shave it off as that might make things worse or cause even more irritation. Any advice for us newbies?

–New and Hairy

Most people who shave their assholes do so for aesthetic reasons: they like a clean shaven asshole better than a furry one. However, the anus is a delicate little bugger, and can be irritated easily by many things, including cheap toilet paper, over wiping, and soaps and lotions. I suppose that some coarse hair could rub that puckered skin the wrong way and lead to some itching and discomfort as well, although I’ll admit it’s not a complaint I hear often.

You’re wise to be concerned about exacerbating the problem, since shaving can also be irritating to the area. I recommend you give it a try, though. Use a fragrance-free and chemical-free shaving cream that’s made especially for sensitive skin. Shave with the grain of the hair and don’t go over the same area too many times. Run cool water over the area after you’re done. If it feels irritated after you’ve patted it dry, apply a little Vitamin A & D ointment. Give it a chance to breathe and relax before you start to play with it. After you play with it, make sure she showers, washes with a mild soap like Castille Soap and reapplies the Vitamin A & D ointment.

Anal Advisor: Aiming to Please

Nov 132012
 

I’m a woman who loves anything anal especially having my ass tongued. In the past, I had a boyfriend that also liked it. I liked licking his ass because it turned him on a lot. How do I find out if my current boyfriend might be into a rim job without him thinking that I am a freak? He is very open, but I guess I am just afraid to ask. Is this a common thing with men, for them to like having their ass tongued?

–Aiming to Please

In the past five years, there has been a lot more dialogue on straight men receiving (and enjoying) anal pleasure. It’s what I like to refer to as the “Bend Over Boyfriend” movement, named for the great how-to video of the same name. So know that more men than ever are embracing this kind of stimulation and being more ‘out’ about it.

How you bring it up with your boyfriend depends a lot on your personal style and how you communicate about sex as a couple. If you’re direct, by all means ask him about it; make sure you talk about how much it would turn you on. If you’re feeling unsure and want to test the waters, you could raise the issue indirectly, with a conversation starter like: “I read about women rimming men in a magazine, what do you think of that?” Find a hot erotic story that involves a woman rimming a man and read it to him as a bedtime tale. See what his reaction is to it. Or maybe you want to drop some hints during your next sex session. Try gently stimulating his asshole with your finger, and see what kind of reaction it elicits. Pay attention to his body language and the non-verbal cues he gives you. If he seems comfortable and turned on by it, the next time you’re down there licking his balls, venture farther down. Make sure after you do it to talk about it later to see how it felt for him and get feedback about what else he might like.

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