Aug 082012


I’m 24 years old and I just found Tristan’s books and thank you – I just realized that I never had real sex before! I’m happy!! I’m reading your books right now, two of them to start!!. (G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women).  But, my biggest question right now is: I don’t know how to ”touch” a man or a woman. I mean I know pretty much for the sex (penis, vagina not quite yet) but I don’t know how to touch the body… how to caress… I’m still pretty shy and I have a hard time to let go… do you have an advice for me or a story based on real experience?

Caressing can be confusing. Trust me, I know. Like you, I used to be terrified of having a not-so-golden touch. There are so many body parts for my hands to explore, so many nerve endings hidden behind nipples and kneecaps. The basic mechanics of oral and penetrative sex seemed easy to follow—the genitals match up to an orifice (anus, vagina, or mouth). Case closed. Touching was a different story.

Two things helped me get over this fear. First, I began touching myself. My clitoris and I had been good friends since junior high. However, this time, I made it my goal to explore other body parts. I gently rubbed my hands along my arms and inner thighs, experimented with scratching and pinching, even tested the sensations of a light slap. My body became my caressing road map. I got a general sense of what felt good, what felt great, and what felt cum-in-my-panties incredible.

Thing is, every body is different. What feels good to you might feel shitty to someone else (and vice versa). So I slowly learned the second rule to a good touch—communication. This step is admittedly more difficult than the first. It requires opening up, thus bringing your relationship to a more emotionally vulnerable level. But it’s worth it. Your body and the bodies of your partners will be happy you talked.

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Abby Spector is a recent graduate of Wesleyan University, where she majored in Feminist/Gender/Sexuality Studies. She is currently interning for Tristan, a job that allows her to write about sex, research feminist porn, and play with dogs (among other, equally awesome things). When she isn’t working, Abby enjoys comfortable nudity and salty foods. Her dream? A world where she could sit around naked and eat overly-salted french fries. Her blog is Sexy Awkward Times.