Mistress A.

My boyfriend has recently began fucking my ass (and I’ve even used a strap on with him), but we both have a concern. We tried it with K-Y Jelly and he had some mild bleeding afterwards. I bought a lube that my friend suggested called Anal Lube, made by Doc Johnson. Then I read an article that said that some lubes with “anal” in their name have some sort of numbing agent which is bad for you. Is the lube I bought safe?

–Mistress A.

Both KY and Doc Johnson’s Anal Lube are safe water-based lubes. There are other lubes out there — with names like Anal Ease, Anal-Eze, Tushy Tamer, or sometimes, simply Anal Lube, like the one you purchased — which I do not recommend. These lubes contain Benzocaine (or a similar ingredient), a topical anesthetic that numbs your anus and rectum. To find out if a lube contains this chemical, simply look at the ingredients.

Because these lubes numb your ass, you literally cannot feel it and you are in danger of hurting yourself. Anal sex should never, ever be painful. If it hurts, stop. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working. Using desensitizing lubes can lead people to go farther than they normally would or take something bigger in their ass than they should. The result is a sore ass, possible tearing and damage to the delicate lining of the anal canal and rectum, and pain after the fact that isn’t exactly going to want to make you rush right out and try anal sex again. Plus, in the off chance that the anal penetration is pleasurable, you won’t be able to feel that either.

As for your partner’s mild bleeding, that wasn’t from the lube. As long as it was only a little spotting with no other major symptoms, it’s fine. Some people bleed a little, while others don’t, and as long as you’re going slow and being safe, there is nothing to worry about.