Feb 282013


My girlfriend loves anal pleasure, but she just cannot handle it. When I finger her asshole, and or touch her pussy at all, she says “it’s too much pleasure to handle.” She has to stop me because she says it feels too good, and that she can’t take it. Because of this, we have never gotten past the two finger mark. But she wants to have my cock in her ass, and of course so do I! How can I get my girlfriend to relax? We think we have tried everything short of drugs, which we don’t want to try. How can I get my girlfriend to give in to the pleasure and loosen up? We both really want to get my cock into her ass without hurting her!

–Help Me Help Her

A woman’s vulva, clitoris, and ass are extremely sensitive and sometimes, if the clitoris in particular is not fully engorged, it can feel overwhelming to have it stimulated. However, it’s rare that women complain that touching or fingering is too pleasurable. It sounds to me like there may be some emotional/psychological issues at work in your girlfriend’s assertion that stimulation feels too good. Perhaps she has some reservations about anal play that are causing her reaction; many people think it’s dirty, unnatural, and taboo, for example.

Your description also makes it sounds as if your girlfriend is tense in general about sex. (Of course drugs are not the answer, so don’t even go there!) I think she needs to explore her feelings about her body, sex, and pleasure and get to the bottom of what may be making her feel tense, overwhelmed, or overstimulated. Be supportive of this process and don’t put pressure on her to figure it out quickly so you can get your dick in her ass. I suspect that once she gets in touch with her inner feelings about these issues, your communication and sex life on the whole will improve, and then you can start to explore anal play together when you’re both in a better frame of mind.

  2 Responses to “Anal Advisor: Help Me Help Her”

Comments (2)
  1. Sounds like the GF would benefit from some anal self-exploration, either alone or with her partner watching. She gets to control the intensity, depth, etc., which will help her to get used to the sensations without fear that she will experience stimulation she can’t control. I would also suggest having her use a toy on her partner anally, so he can get a feel for the intensity of the experience and “model” for her what it’s like to communicate instructions and preferences to the penetrator. His willingness to be penetrated and enjoy it may also go a long way to reduce any shame she may have about it … assuming he doesn’t have similar issues (if he does, then at least they both have a common reference point for their discussions about the “shame” factor).

  2. tristan, are you against a glass of wine or 2 as a way for someone who may have some self-inhibiting hurdles or reservations about new things as a way to release some inhibitions? as we know, people who go out and drink use alcohol as an excuse to cover their behavior but it is also a very obvious and convenient way to lower our inhibitions. do you think with your husband our wife that having a slight buzz in order to get passed our reservations is a negative choice?

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