Can anal sex increase size of my hips and my butt?
–Slim and Wanting to Stay That Way
There is no medical or scientific that anal sex, however frequent or rigorous, has any effect on the size of the hips and ass. It sounds like you heard an old wive’s tale that’s not really true.
My boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex for the first time. We did it for about 5 or 10 minutes. He loved it. I, however, found it very uncomfortable and painful, and I didn’t have very much fun. Although at one point it almost felt good in a way. I want to try it again (he loves the idea so much), but I want to have fun while doing it. I’ve heard such good things about it. Is there anything we can do to make it more enjoyable for me or get me used to it without the pain?
–Clueless and Curious
First, I want to commend you on remaining curious and open to anal sex even after you had a not-so-memorable first experience. Most women have a negative anal de-flowering and never try it again.
It sounds to me like your husband may have made the most common mistake that I hear about: he rushed the process. Unlike your pussy, the ass is not self-lubricating, so you absolutely need to use lube, and plenty of it. I prefer a thick water-based lube that’s similar in consistency to hair gel; thicker lubricants stay wet longer and have a cushioning effect inside the delicate rectum. And speaking of the delicate rectum, your ass is very sensitive and needs plenty of slow, patient warm up to get it ready for your husband’s cock. That means activities like oral pleasure, gentle penetration with his finger or playing with a small butt plug or dildo to start. He needs to err on the side of caution, especially in the beginning, to get your ass used to having something inside it.
Take your time, and make sure you let him know if you want him to slow down or stop. As you relax (lots of deep breaths help), your ass will, too, and penetration should feel pleasurable, not painful. During this foreplay, experiment with adding other sensations to the mix: many women like (even need) clitoral stimulation in order for anal to feel good. Some like to have vaginal penetration or direct G-spot stimulation at the same time. See what works best for you.
My partner likes anal sex very much, she has had plenty of experience and we practice it regularly. But, despite extended warm up sessions, a lot of lube and communication, she cannot accommodate my penis every time. I am always very gentle and caring. I know that even with the same partner each day is unique and different even if the mood and environment is the same. The situation is even more frustrating for me (and probably for her too) as we have often to stop after the tip of my cock has gotten inside her. It’s almost like some sort of reflex in her body just “rejects” me. What is the best way to achieve full anal sphincter relaxation, allowing an easy and guaranteed penis insertion?
–Patient in Paris
There are no guarantees in life, especially with matters of the heart and ass. It sounds to me like your partner’s body still isn’t relaxed enough which is why her ass is rejecting you. A surefire solution is to increase the amount of foreplay. I suggest more warm up with fingers and toys, plus you should add clitoral stimulation to the mix. Using a vibrator, your hand, or hers to manually stimulate her clit while you play with her ass can increase her arousal and help her rectum expand for penetration.
Once you first get inside her, don’t make any sudden moves. Stay put and give her a chance to adjust to the feeling before you start moving in and out. When she feels relaxed, then start with gentle thrusting, and let her call the shots in terms of speed and depth. Take your time, listen to her body, and don’t put so much pressure on yourself and her to make it happen every time.
My husband and I have been experimenting with anal sex for a number of months now. We’ve had good experiences with butt plugs, anal beads, and other toys, but when it comes to anal intercourse, there’s always a problem. The initial penetration itself usually goes really well, but for some reason I can’t manage to have sex for any length of time at all. I mean, seriously, three or four thrusts, and I have to stop. It feels almost like there’s a second ring of muscle, farther inside that my husband is hitting when we have sex. Once he gets all the way inside, it’s fine, but when we start moving, he slips out past that ring again, and it hurts when he comes back through it. Am I imagining things, or is that really there?
Most of the time, if I lay still and concentrate, I can manage to relax everything enough for him to get off, but the second I stop focusing and start enjoying myself, everything tightens up again. It feels so wonderful having him inside my ass, I don’t want this to be something we have to give up because we can’t make it work. What do I do?
–Frustrated in Germany
You are not imagining things. What you’re describing makes perfect sense, anatomically. There are two sets of sphincter muscles, the external sphincters and the internal sphincters. For some people, these two rings of muscles are quite close together, but for others, they are farther apart. Both sets of muscles need to relax completely in order for anal penetration to be comfortable and pleasurable. They are like the “gatekeepers” to the ass, and penetration can be painful if you are nervous or tense.
You are doing the right thing by concentrating on relaxing, it’s critical to your enjoyment. You and your husband should experiment first with different positions; as you try several different ones, you can change the angle of insertion, the depth of penetration, and when he’s hitting that inner ring. He also needs to try more shallow thrusts, so that he doesn’t consistently pull out too far, which is obviously painful for you. I think your problem can definitely be solved with some creativity in positions and taking it slower.
I recently heard of a kind of anal play called “the silky bum rag” and am curious to find out more about it. None of my pervy friends have never heard of it or tried it. From what I’ve heard, a cloth, silk scarf, or handkerchief is slowly and sensuously inserted anally, and pulled out at the point of orgasm. My girlfriend and I both want to try this. Have you ever done anything similar? If so, what is it like and can you give us any pointers?
–Silky Bum Rag Virgin
Just when I think I have heard, read, seen, and experienced all there is to experience in the world of anal play, I get a letter like yours! I have not heard of “the silky bum rag,” but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening out there. My initial thought is that a piece of fabric is not going to feel like much sliding inside your ass or once it’s in there; it doesn’t have enough weight or size to it to create an intense sensation. However, I can see the appeal of it coming out when you are about to climax. Like a string of anal beads (although a completely different texture, of course), a soft scarf being pulled out of your ass could be extremely pleasurable. My one caution is that the scarf should be long enough so that it never goes all the way inside. Keep enough fabric outside the body to hang onto, so it doesn’t get lost in your ass.
My boyfriend and I love anal sex. When he penetrates me, I come and squirt all over the place. It’s not pee, but I definitely soak the bed. We both love it, but is this normal or am I special?
–Gushing Girl
Congratulations — it sounds like you are a female ejaculator! Many women have the ability to ejaculate either through direct or indirect stimulation of the G-spot, also known as the urethral sponge. The urethral sponge sits around the urethra, and its paraurethral glands produce ejaculatory fluid which can comes out of the urethra (which is why many people mistake it for urine). You can definitely achieve indirect G-spot stimulation through anal penetration, especially during certain positions which angle the body toward that all important spot, like doggie style with your head down and ass in the air. You and your guy have obviously found the magic spot, so keep on doing what you’re doing. Women who ejaculate often soak the bed, so I suggest you put down a towel or an absorbent bed pad before you get going.
My boyfriend frequently plays with my ass and I love it. We enjoy using everything from fingers to plugs to dildos. His only complaint is that my use of poppers is a real turn-off. He hates the smell and doesn’t like its effects on me. He says it creates distance between us rather than closeness. I experience it as greatly enhancing my tenderness and receptivity. It makes me open up and feel very submissive towards him and highly orgasmic. I feel very fortunate to have such a loving and adventurous partner, but I’m upset that he doesn’t understand this aphrodisiac and is unwilling to explore its potential benefits for both of us.
–Misunderstood Huffer
You’re not alone in your love of poppers. Also known as Amyl Nitrate or Butyl Nitrates, poppers are illegal drugs which people often inhale to enhance sexual pleasure. Poppers cause vasodilation, a widening of blood vessels which increases of blood flow. Amyl Nitrate relaxes muscles, which can help make anal penetration easier and enhance orgasm for some people. Lots of gay leatherman are big fans of using poppers as part of their anal play.
However, I agree with your boyfriend. Poppers — and drugs of any kind, for that matter — may cause you to relax and lose inhibition, but they also alter your physical and emotional state which may cause you to disengage from your partner. Poppers are not actually an aphrodisiac, although they may feel like it to you. I’m a fan of drug-free anal play, where both partners can be present, connected, and in touch with their bodies.
My husband and I both already have genital herpes and were told not to bother with condoms now. He has recently become enamored with anal sex, but, I want to know, can he spread the herpes virus there? Can you catch herpes when you already have it?
–Submissive to my Dominant
Once you have the herpes virus, you have the antibodies in your system, cannot be re-infected. As I’m sure you know, there is no cure for genital herpes. Many people take medication to treat outbreaks or prevent them. Genital herpes outbreaks can occur anywhere in the genital area, including in and around the anus; however, you won’t get a localized outbreak on your ass just from having anal sex. Two good resources for more information are the website HerpesOnline and The National Herpes Hotline (919-361-8488).
It’s probably hard to believe this but I’m 50 and only now really getting into anal sex. I’ve done it before, of course, but it never turned me on much. I’ve recently met a guy online who does hypnosis, and we’ve been working on opening up my horizons. I just got a butt plug and had it in for about 20-30 minutes. When I went to wash it, however, I noticed two little spots near the top. I figured that it was probably normal to encounter a small amount of residue and didn’t think much about it. The problem is that I just can’t wash the spots off!!! It’s like they’re part of the red material of the plug, which I think is silicone. No amount of soap and water will remove them. What’s going on? And speaking of stains, does silicone lube stain sheets?
–Begining to Understand The Thrill
I suspect the butt plug is not silicone for two reasons: silicone is high quality material that doesn’t stain, and silicone toys are incompatible with silicone lubes. So, a silicone lube cannot ever be washed off and effectively ruins a silicone toy. Since you made no mention of your toy being ruined, and you were able to wash it, I think the butt plug is probably made of latex rubber. Rubber plugs, on the other hand, especially the jelly toys, are incredibly porous, they absorb lots of things they come into contact with, like bodily fluids, and so they do stain pretty easily. So, you should invest in silicone or use a condom on the rubber toy to prevent future stains.
As for your sheets, the packaging of some silicone lube brands says “non-staining,” whereas other brands recommend testing it out on the fabric because staining is possible.
I’d like to thank you for all the advice that you have been offering people, both amateur and pro, who are anal lovers. Your advice has allowed my girlfriend and I to have a wonderful anal sex life. My girlfriend of two and a half years and I have been tested negative for all STDs and are 100% monogamous. This and her taking birth control pills has allowed us to feel comfortable enough to have vaginal and anal sex without the use of condoms. We have never had any problems until recently when I have experienced swollen and somewhat painful lymph nodes around the genital area after having anal sex. Is there anything, concerning anal sex, that could have caused this other than an STD which I am sure that we both don’t have?
–Swollen Lymph Nodes
Lymph nodes are a part of the immune system and they protect the body from “foreign” invaders like bacteria, viruses, cancer, injury, or other harmful substances. Lymph node swelling may or may not cause pain. Swollen lymph nodes around the genitals can be a symptom of a variety of STDs including early HIV infection, herpes, syphillis, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and others; since you’ve been tested and are monogamous, you can probably rule them out. But your swollen lymph nodes can also be indicative of a bunch of other conditions, including a hernia, a viral infection, an allergic reaction, a malignancy, or trauma to the groin area — none of which are related to anal sex. My advice to you is to see a doctor and get checked out.