A while back, my fiancee and I purchased your book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. We are hoping to include regular anal sex in our married sex life. As anal sex seems to take more preparation and time than other activities, we are planning to make the time for it and figured we’d shoot for once a week. Once the body is used to this activity, what is the best minimum frequency? Meaning, if we end up having anal sex say only once a month, will the body still be used to it or will we have to “re-train” it? We are open to having anal sex as often as we can to help make it an enjoyable experience always.
—Rick & Kristine
I applaud you for taking such a positive, healthy, and, most of all, realistic approach to anal sex. The reason that many women experience pain from anal penetration and vow that they’ll never do it again is because men rush the process, don’t work their way up, try to do too much too quickly, and end up hurting their partners. You are correct — anal sex does take time and preparation. The more patience and warm up you do, the better the experience will be for both of you.
But I know you must be thinking, “Do we have to go super slow, one little knuckle at a time, every single time?” The answer is yes and no. You always need to start out small, no matter how experienced you are. You cannot go from zero to sixty in five seconds flat. In other words, don’t just stick that big hard cock of yours in her ass. Tease her with your tongue, rub her clit, nibble her neck, open her ass up with your fingers, do whatever it takes to relax and arouse her. When she tells you she is ready for you, begin slowly.
The more you have anal sex, the easier and speedier this warm up will be. Your muscles do have memory. As long as you give them positive experiences, it will be easier for those muscles to relax and it will take less time for her ass to open up for your cock. I cannot give you a specific number of times you need to do it to keep in shape; that varies tremendously depending on the people and situations. The more you practice warming up to anal penetration, the more she’ll get used to how it feels when she is ready for you, and you will be well versed in all it takes to get her there.