Apr 052003

My wife and I had our first anal intercourse on our 20th wedding anniversary. It was great! She enjoyed it and so did I. Three months later, we are still having anal sex and enjoying it. It still amazes me how easy this comes to her. She can relax very easy and has no problem with penetration. Sometimes, after anal sex, if we both do a lot of thrusting, when we are through, my wife says her ass feels numb or throbbing. She says it is not pain, just discomfort. She has no discomfort or pain at all during anal sex. If we just do a short session (like 5 minutes of pumping) she does not have this feeling. We both want to pump longer but without the side effects, if possible. We have tried more lube. Is this a common problem? Can it be worked through?

–Bobbing, Then Throbbing

You and your wife are an inspiration to married couples everywhere! Not only are you still having sex and enjoying it after twenty years of marriage, but you aren’t afraid to try new things, which I think is exemplary. As for your problem, it’s a unique one in terms of all the questions I get asked about anal sex. Feeling numb and throbbing are two very different sensations in my book, so I am going to address them separately.

When you engage in anal penetration, blood rushes to the anal area and it becomes engorged, just like your genitals do when you stimulate those. Because the ass is full of nerve endings and thus very sensitive, your wife should never have a numb feeling; indeed, most people say it’s quite the opposite: their nerves are electrified. If the numbing sensation continues, I would suggest she consult a doctor, because she may have a circulatory problem. As for the throbbing, once the area is engorged and it’s been vigorously stimulated through repeated thrusting, throbbing seems like a natural response. You’ve worked her ass over well, and it’s responding! As long as the throbbing subsides and she doesn’t feel any pain, then I’d say you’re doing a good job.

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