Mar 282003

I’m a girl who likes to indulge in many different forms of erotic play, including: spanking, enemas, assfucking, bondage, fisting (vaginal and anal), S/M, and play piercing. I was introduced to these in college when I was 19, and have been enjoying them for years (I am now 29). Unfortunantly, my girlfriend refuses to participate in any of my fantasies. I live in a small city with my girlfriend where it’s impossible to meet anyone who enjoys ‘out of the ordinary fucking’ (traditional, man/woman, dick into pussy fucking). There isn’t even an adult toy store! I love her very much, but I constantly feel restless and incomplete when it comes to our sex lives. I don’t want to leave her, but I want to be able to satisfy my sexual needs. I’ve tried talking to her, but she won’t change her mind. I honestly don’t know what to do and would like an outside opinion.

–Love or Lust?

Your problem is more common than you might think because it boils down to this: you and your girlfriend are sexually incompatible. You tend toward experimentation, SM, and kink, where she sounds like she prefers a straightforward vanilla sex life. First know that sex and sexual compatibility are valuable, important aspects of a relationship, and the fact that you make them a priority doesn’t make you shallow or wrong. If your partner will not meet you half way and even try some of these activities with you, then you have two options: negotiate to open your relationship, so that you can explore your desires and fantasies with other partners or find a new girlfriend.

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