Oct 032016
 

sds2016
Sex Down SouthOctober 13-15, 2016, was born out of a desire to create a safe space in the Southeast where folks could explore sex and sexuality. Our focus is intentionally broad, catering to a diverse range of people: from those who are curious but not quite committed, to those who have been around the block…and then some! Our mission is to create a sex-positive space for people of all walks of life to come together, explore, connect, and share knowledge and skills. It’s your exploration destination for all things sex and erotic. Our goal is to foster learning, inspiration, and wonder – and provoke conversations that matter. From sex education and sexual health, to healthy communication and relationship skills; from alternative lifestyles such as kink and polyamory, to sex and spirituality and navigating sexual trauma. We’ll look at how race, gender, class, ability, religion, and other factors influence our experiences of our bodies and our sexualities. We’ll examine how our desires are directly linked to our empowerment and satisfaction in life. Sex Down South is a space for everyday people and “sexperts” alike to teach and share extraordinary things – and for participants to leave knowing more about their own sexualities and desires than when they arrived.
Location: Hilton Atlanta, 255 Courtland Street NE, Atlanta, GA 30303
Admission: $179-229 (day pass, student and volunteer discounts available)

Oct 202015
 

Children holding hands

The LA Academy of Sex Education presents Opening Up: An Open Relationship Intensive Workshop with Tristan Taormino on Sunday, November 15 from 1:00-4:00 pm at The Stockroom in Los Angeles. How do people create nontraditional partnerships that are loving and fulfilling? There are few established scripts or visible role models for open relationships, so people in them can often struggle without support and guidance. In this four hour intensive program, sex and relationship educator Tristan Taormino shares some of the key principles that can help your open relationships succeed. She will review some of the most common styles of open relationships, from partnered nonmonogamy to solo polyamory, and discuss how to customize them to meet your individual needs and wants. She will share wisdom from the over 100 people she interviewed and profiled in her bestselling book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. The workshop will address common issues and problems including: new relationship energy, time management, sexual and emotional safety, boundary setting, agreement violations, and coping with change. Through creative exercises, you’ll discover how to unpack all the different elements of jealousy and identify what triggers your jealousy and how it manifests for you; learn to develop coping strategies and find access points to the practice of compersion. Learn how to tackle challenges including: communicating about highly-charged topics, conflict resolution skills, the art of re-negotiation, roadblocks to fulfillment, and confronting fear. Whether you’re a newcomer or veteran to the world beyond monogamy, come discover strategies to help you nurture and grow your open relationships. Open to people in all kinds of relationship configurations as well as solos and singles of all genders and sexual orientations. Seating is limited and pre-registration is strongly encouraged.

Location: The Stockroom, 2809 1/2 Sunset Boulevard 
Los Angeles, CA 90026.
Admission:
Register at Eventbrite. Open to people in all kinds of relationship configurations as well as solos and singles of all genders and sexual orientations. Seating is limited and pre-registration is strongly encouraged.

We have several different ticket types available:

Regular $100
VIP $125: priority seating, personalized signed copy of Opening Up, gift bag
VIP + Dinner $200: priority seating, personalized signed copy of Opening Up, autographed DVD, luxury gift bag, dinner with Tristan after the workshop

 

Oct 042015
 

SDS
Tristan is headed to the Southeast in October, so catch her at one of these places:

October 13  
Florida Atlantic University
, Boca Raton, FL

October 15-17
Sex Down South, Atlanta, GA

October 18
Sex Educator Boot Camp 1.5, Washington DC

October 19  
Anal Sex for Everyone at Sugar, Baltimore, MD

Jun 152015
 

AMOROUS REVOLT

AR new logo
Amorous Revolt
is a brand new Queer Camping event happening from July 31-August 2, 2015. This event is designed by queer people for queer people to build and foster intentional communities for support, education and play. Amorous Revolt features skillshares and workshops including kink, crafts, health, life skills and spirituality, as well as networking events, dance parties, and performances.

In an effort to make the event as accessible as possible, we have an organized rideshare system, ASL interpreters, 24/7 medical staff, and an emotional support space. We also have community organized cabin, play and workshop spaces for People of Color, Transgender/Gender Nonconforming People, Sober folks, and Neurodiverse folks.

Please join us at the first ever Amorous Revolt July 31-August 2, 2015 at Ramblewood in Darlington, Maryland. For more information visit our site or join us on Fetlife, Facebook, and Twitter.

ALSO in JULY….

hearts
In Dallas, Texas on July 24 2015, PolyDallas2015 is hosting the Affirming Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous Relationship Symposium. It is being held at the office of Vantage Point Counseling Services. This is the first symposium, with a primary focus on polyamorous relationship and family structure, to be held in the Dallas/Fort Worth [DFW] area. Co-Presenters Ruby B Johnson and Shawn Chrisman hope to contribute to the knowledge base of mental health practitioners and other community providers. For those attendees who are not in the DFW area, this symposium is offered as a live webinar stream.

Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous relationships have become more visible over the last decade. The way individuals, in their 20s to early 30s (Millennials), are relating, connecting, attracting, and permitting themselves to have non-traditional relationships is creating a more sex positive and dynamic relationship structure. However, Generation X proves to have a different experience and expectation of relationships and their structure.

Hence the exposure, experience, and knowledge base of these different relationships is mysterious to many mental health and substance abuse providers within the community. Demystifying and educating providers is key to providing a conducive non-shaming therapeutic environment. Providing knowledge is a practice of cultural competence; infusing cultural humility into practice creates authenticity and positive regard within the clinician.

To support these principles of the helping relationship, the content richly addresses definitions of polyamory and non-monogamy, coupled with a graph which offers a visual aid for attendees. Heteronormative and monogamous privilege is exposed as well as how those forms of privilege create challenges to provider’s beliefs, values, and norms of relationships. To assist with unpacking privilege, myths and misconceptions of these relationships are debunked. Next, the focus shifts to the therapist and other helping professionals.

With each one of the tenets of cultural humility, solutions, techniques, and suggestions for change are offered that include (not limited to) unconscious bias, racial bias, counter transference, professional boundaries, dual relationships, microaggressions,, social, political, economic bias, sex positivity versus sex addiction, and intellectual privilege (Dunning-Kruger Effect).

Certain theories have been shown to assist with effective practice such as systems, constructivism, Bowenian, feminist, and gender queer. Techniques such as the genogram, gender/relationship inclusive assessments, narrative versus structured assessment, collaborative (with client) treatment planning and interventions, including considerations for cultural, social, community, and services barriers. Additionally, one must be aware of community resources and support.

Please follow us on Twitter @polydallas2015.

Presenters:

Ruby B Johnson (LMSW, LCDC, SAP, CSAT Candidate) received her Bachelors of Social Work in 2003 from Texas Women’s University and her Masters of Social Work in 2005 from the University of Texas at Arlington. Since 2003, Ruby’s roles have included clinical practitioner, community and professional development educator, and graduate and under graduate adjunct professor. In private practice, her areas of expertise are substance use disorders, sex addiction, intimacy and love addiction, multi-cultural families and couples, SOGIE, polyamorous/non monogamous partnerships/families, and Kink/BDSM. Ruby Johnson provides therapeutic support, care, and intervention with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, gender variant/non-binary, queer, and same gender loving communities. Currently, Ruby is in private practice at Vantage Point Counseling Services and Inamorata LLC.

She has presented at several national, state, and local conferences including Society of Social Work Research Conference, Council of Social Work Education Conference, DFW Behavioral Health Symposium, and, most recently, her proposals were accepted at The State Texas Association of Addiction Professionals Conference and Black Families, Black Relationships, and Black Sexuality Conference in Philadelphia. Ruby is a member of various professional organizations including Texas Association of Addiction Professionals [TAAP], Association of Addiction Professionals [NAADAC], International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals [IITAP], American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists [AASECT], Society for Advancement of Sexual Health [SASH] and most recently, Association of Black Sexologists and Clinicians [ABSC].

Shawn Chrisman (MS, LPC, PhD Candidate) is currently a practicing Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Texas.  He received his clinical training with a Master’s in Counseling from Southern Methodist University, and is currently working towards his doctorate degree in Human Sexuality from Widener University.

Shawn works with individuals and couples on sexuality-related issues, including addressing intimacy, sexual identity, gender dysphoria, sexual dysfunctions and other concerns.  Shawn also identifies as a kink-aware therapist and works with couples enjoying diverse relationship structures, such as open or polyamorous relationships.  Shawn is an active member of American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS).  He has also presented workshops for professionals and community members at local universities and organizations. Shawn has been published in Qualitative Health Research.

Jun 032015
 

hearts
Cultural Humility and Affirming Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous Relationships
Organized and facilitated by Shawn Chrisman and Ruby B Johnson
June 26, 2015
Vantage Point Counseling
3300 Oaklawn Ave, Suite 415
Dallas, Texas 75219
for more details, go to polydallas2015.com.

Polyamorous and Non-Monogamous relationships have increased over the last decade. The way individuals, in the 20’s to early 30’s or Millennials, are relating, connecting, attracting, and permitting themselves to have non-traditional relationships is creating a more sex positive and dynamic relationship structure. However, Generation X proves to have a different experience and expectation of relationships and their structure.

Hence the exposure, experience, and knowledge base of these different relationships is esoteric to many mental health and substance abuse providers within the community. Demystifying and educating providers is key to providing a conducive non-shaming therapeutic environment. However providing knowledge is a practice of cultural competence, infusing cultural humility into practice creates authenticity and positive regard within the clinician.

To support these principles of the helping relationship, the content richly addresses definitions of polyamory and non-monogamy, coupled with a graph which offers a visual aide for attendees, under language, Unpacking heteronormative and monogamy privilege is exposed as well as the challenge to provider’s beliefs, values, and norms of relationships. To assist with unpacking privilege, myths and misconceptions of these relationships are debunked. Next, the focus shifts to the therapist.
The way of being, in the helping profession, is cultural humility. The four tenants of cultural humility are:

Commitment to lifelong learning & critical self-reflection
Recognize/challenge power imbalances
Develop & maintain mutually respectful dynamic partnerships based on mutual trust
Institutional accountability

With each one of the tenets, solutions, techniques, and suggestions for change are offered that include (not limited to) unconscious bias, racial bias, counter transference, professional boundaries, dual relationships, microaggressions,, social, political, economic bias, sex positivity versus sex addiction, and intellectual privilege (Dunning-Kruger Affect).

Certain theories have been shown to assist with effective practice such systems, constructivism, Bowenian, feminist, and gender queer. Techniques such as the genogram, gender/relationship
inclusive assessments, narrative versus structured assessment, collaborative (with client) treatment planning and interventions, including considerations for cultural, social, community, and services barriers. Additionally, one must be aware of community resources and support.

May 272015
 

cover

For five years, Cooper S. Beckett has written for the website Life on the Swingset. Now he has collected personal essays, stories, erotica, and prescriptive “how-tos” into this memoir of his life on The Swingset. Beckett may be biased when it comes to swinging, polyamory, and other forms of ethical non-monogamy, but he doesn’t sugar-coat it. He speaks honestly and earnestly about a unique way to live life, one that allows for sexual and loving growth and experimentation and a strong sense of community. This week we’ll talk social anxiety and shyness, recognizing the importance of touch in life, evolving feelings about love and expectations, having threesomes, orgies, and prostate orgasms, going through a divorce, and leveling up in life and sexuality.

Tune in to Sex Out Loud this Friday, May 29th at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET. This week’s show is LIVE so call in to Voice America with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air. Tune in to Sex Out Loud every Friday, you can listen along on your computer, tablet, or phone, find all the ways at SexOutLoudRadio.com!

cooper beckettAuthor of My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory, creator and host of Life on the Swingset, a website and podcast by and for the sexually open. In addition to writing for the site and hosting the weekly podcast about sexuality and non-monogamy, Cooper Beckett travels the globe throwing play parties and teaching classes to help people open themselves up and color outside the lines of their sexuality.

Jul 302014
 

partners in passion

MarkandPatricia high resThis Friday at 8 pm ET / 5 pm PT on Sex Out Loud radio, Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson return to the show to discuss their new book, Partners In Passion: A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long-term Love. We’ll talk about non-monogamy, communication, passionate long-term relationships, and the controversy around their recent article on Alternet, “Life-Long Sexual Monogamy Just Isn’t Natural“. They’ll also join in answering listener questions.

Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson are a devoted married couple. They have been creative collaborators – teaching and writing about sexuality and Tantra together – since 1999. Michaels and Johnson are the authors of Partners in Passion (Cleis 2014), Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. Their books have garnered numerous awards: Independent Publishing (IPPY), ForeWord Reviews, and USA Book News Best Books, among others. They are also the creators of the meditation CD set Ananda Nidra: Blissful Sleep. To support the pleasure-positive community in New York, they co-founded Pleasure Salon in 2007. www.MichaelsandJohnson.com

Sex Out Loud airs every Friday at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. You can listen on your computer, phone, or tablet, find all the ways here!

TristanBanner_PuckerUpVOA_728X90

Oct 222013
 

marcia b

Recorded live at Catalyst Con West 2013, this week’s episode of Sex Out Loud on Friday, October 25th at 5 pm PT / 8 pm ET features relationship coach, writer, and sex educator Marcia Baczynski. Tristan talks with Marcia about her journey to becoming a relationship coach and sex educator, including specializing in helping people articulate their desires in relationships and ask for what they want. She’ll also share info from her latest book, “Four Mistakes Couples Make When Opening Up Their Relationship (and How To Avoid Them)” and discuss her latest project, The Good Girl Recovery Program.

Marcia Baczynski is a relationship coach, writer and sex educator who has spent the last 10+ years specializing in helping people figure out — and ask for — what they want in life, love and in the bedroom. She has taught workshops across the US, been on TV, radio, magazines and newspapers in 27 countries, (including Montel Williams, People magazine, NPR, and the Washington Post). She regularly receives letters and email from people around the world, all wanting a deeper understanding of how to ask for and get what they want in life, love and the bedroom. As the co-founder of Cuddle Party, (www.cuddleparty.com) she has helped thousands of people find solid footing around issues of intimacy, touch, boundaries and communication. Since its founding in 2004, Cuddle Party has grown to include over 80 facilitators in 8 different countries. In 2009, Marcia started Asking For What You Want, a series of coaching programs and workshops to help people identify (and ask for!) what they wanted in their sex lives and relationships. Her ebook “4 Mistakes Couples Make When Opening Up Their Relationships (And How To Avoid Them)” is available at www.successfulnonmonogamy.com Marcia’s most recent project is The Good Girl Recovery Program, which can be found at goodgirlrecovery.com

TristanBanner_PuckerUpVOA_728X90

Aug 272013
 


GingerHeadShotcooper beckett
KellyMartinBroderickHeadshot
 Tune in to Sex Out Loud this Friday at 8 pm ET / 5 pm when I’ll be LIVE with Cooper Beckett and Ginger Benthem. You already know Cooper’s voice from the introduction and conclusion you hear each week on Sex Out Loud. Cooper and Ginger co-host the podcast for Life On The Swingset, a site that also includes blog posts and sex toy reviews. We’ll discuss swinging, polyamory, triads, what all these different open relationships label mean, and provide some helpful advice for pros and newbies alike. I’ll also talk to Kelly Martin Broderick, the feminist activist who recently found herself in the center of an internet meme, and discuss how she used the attention to expand our understanding of what feminists look like.

This week’s show is live, so find out all the ways to listen here so you can call in with questions at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I’ll read them live on the air!

Cooper Beckett‘s life isn’t like other people’s. When he’s not writing or podcasting at Life on the Swingset, he’s living it up as an evangelical swinger drifting toward poly, spreading the good word that “sharing is caring.” He truly believes that a good many people would be open to exploring the fringe of human sexuality and relationships, knocking down the borders between orientations, and experiencing the most basic of human rights: great sex, if only they were told it’s okay to do so. He has resolved to change the world, even if it’s only one couple at a time.

As an oversexed, omnisexual castaway from the sexually-repressed culture, Ginger Bentham believes the next sexual revolution of total sex-positivity is just around the corner and it’s time for the revolutionaries to unite! As a co-host Life on the Swingset, she strives to help people expand their way of thinking and discover their true sexy potential.

Kelly Martin Broderick grew up in Columbia, Maryland and is a student at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC) majoring in Gender & Women’s Studies.  Before returning to school at 28, she worked as a retail store manager and makeup artist for almost a decade.  Kelly has been involved in feminist activism for a number of years, more actively since transferring to UMBC.  She served as an Ambassador for Planned Parenthood Maryland from 2012-2013, assisting PPM with outreach campaigns and other projects.  She is also a member of Baltimore NOW (National Organization for Women). At UMBC, she’s a co-leader of a Gender & Women’s Studies sponsored feminist activism group called WILL (Women Involved in Learning & Leadership), is a student staff member at the Women’s Center at UMBC, and a Transfer & Established Student Leader for the Honors College.  She has a strong interest in politics and this summer was a communications intern for Maryland State Delegate Mary Washington.

TristanBanner_PuckerUpVOA_728X90

May 242013
 
Mark Davis, Chayse Evans & Adrianna Nicole from Rough Sex 2

Mark Davis, Chayse Evans & Adrianna Nicole from Rough Sex 2


Last month, I gave a talk as part of an evening called
The Truth Behind Fifty Shades of Grey at University of Maryland in College Park. There was a lively audience discussion, and we gave students the opportunity to ask questions anonymously. Here are those questions with my responses. Note: I asked several of my colleagues to chime in and answer a few of the questions. Because several of them inspired longer answers, I will post those separately under Ask Tristan.

What is caning?

I’m going to quote an expert, Lolita Wolf, from her chapter, “Making an Impact: Spanking, Caning, and Flogging” in The Ultimate Guide to Kink:

Caning was traditional for severe punishment in the Victorian era and in the British school system, so canes can be the center of some great role play opportunities. Because of their perceived severity, canes have developed a reputation as the “scariest” of all BDSM impact toys, but a caning can be light and sensuous or heavy and painful—it’s all about how you wield the cane… Traditional canes are made of rattan, not bamboo or wood, and should be able to bend significantly.

Are there any races/ethnicities/religious groups that are members of the BDSM community?

People of all races and ethnicities practice BSDM, although some people of color have critiqued kink communities for being overwhelmingly white. Mollena Williams writes eloquently and teaches about the challenges of being a person of color in the BDSM community. There are some organizations and groups that cater specifically to kinky people of color including Poly Patao Productions and BlackBEAT.

Does the BDSM community have a higher percentage of LGBT people than mainstream sex?

People who practice BDSM comes from all walks of life and represent a diverse sampling in terms of gender, race, ethnicity, class, age, ability, and sexual orientation. LGBT people have varied sex lives, just as heterosexuals do; some are kinky, some aren’t, and some fall in between.

Do BDSM people date and marry, or just hook up?

BDSM folks are like everyone else in with regards to their sexual, romantic, and emotional relationships: they hook up, they date, they marry, they divorce, they have kids. In my research for my book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, I found that there was a lot if overlap between BDSM communities and non-monogamous communities, so I think it might be that a higher percentage of BDSM people practice some form of consensual, ethical non-monogamy than the general population.

Has BDSM been shown to lower divorce rates?

There is limited research about BDSM and the people who practice it. There is no data that I know of that correlates BDSM with lower divorce rates. What I can tell you from personal experience is that many kinky folks have open, expansive views on sex, pleasure, relationships, and love plus above-average communication skills, and those elements can all contribute to the success of a marriage or relationship.

In the book Fifty Shades of Grey, when Christian and Anastasia communicate on a daily basis, Christian is always in charge. Do BDSM couples talk like that normally?

It depends. Some people adopt the roles of dominant and submissive during a scene (a scene is when people practice BDSM), but once the scene is done, they interact without those roles. Others may stay in role for a weekend. In those cases, when they are in role, the dominant takes charge and dictates how things go. Some people have dominant/submissive relationships where the power dynamic is always (or almost always) present. In all cases, as part of the negotiation process, dominants and submissives may agree to certain rules or protocols which dictate behavior. One such protocol could be that the dominant is in charge of what the submissive wears or the dominant decides what they eat for dinner. Another protocol could be that the submissive has to ask permission before speaking or always use an honorific when speaking to the dominant, like Sir. Protocols vary wildly, are particular to the people involved, and make sense to them; they are meant to represent and reinforce the power dynamic.

Is there a book or books that are more accurate to the BDSM community than Fifty Shades of Grey?

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and The Erotic Edge, 50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring, and Navigating The Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities, The New Topping Book, The New Bottoming Book, Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns, as well as books by Jack Rinella, Lee Harrington, and Midori.

How do you find kink friendly professionals like doctors or therapists?

There are two great resources I recommend: Kink Aware Professionals and The Open List.

Is rape performed by BDSM people?

The word “performed” threw me a little because my interpretation of that word could lead me down two very different roads. On the one hand, are you asking, “Do BDSM people act out consensual rape fantasies?” The answer is yes, and a stellar resource all about those kinds of fantasies is Mollena Williams who wrote the chapter “Digging in the Dirt: The Lure of Taboo Role Play” in in The Ultimate Guide to Kink. But the other interpretation is, “Do BDSM people commit rape?” Unfortunately, the answer to that question is also yes. While the vast majority of folks who practice BDSM consider consent the cornerstone of their kink, that doesn’t mean that every kinky person is immune from sexual coercion, trauma, abuse, and violence. These things are still far too common in our society. For an excellent discussion about consent, sexual assault, and BDSM, I recommend Thomas’ series of posts on the blog Yes Means Yes.

Can BDSM be addictive?

This question inspires a longer response, so it has its own post here by therapist Dr. Hernando Chaves.

Can it be hard to enjoy “vanilla” sex once you’ve escalated [to BDSM]? I’ve heard porn indulgence can desensitize people until they keep needing to escalate–is this the case with BDSM?

For this one, I asked my friend BDSM educator Felice Shays, and here is her response.