Apr 012010

I have a dilemma. I hate the male penis. I’ve dated men and always found that being in contact w/the penis was undesirable to me. I would date men and usually avoid most contact with their penis. Most relationships would end with them cheating on me (can’t blame them, I wasn’t having sex with them) or me pulling out the “Let’s just be friends” card right when he thought he was getting lucky. I don’t like the way they feel, look, smell, or the fact that it squirts. It just makes me physically sick. I came out as a lesbian two years ago at the age of twenty. I lost my virginity to a woman. I love women and have never had a problem with the female body. Here’s my problem. I’ve been with my girlfriend for six months, she is bisexual and has a boyfriend of five years. He and I seem to get along pretty well, considering we rarely spend more then five minutes in a room together. My girlfriend recently expressed a fantasy to have a threesome involving her boyfriend, her, and me. She even expressed a desire to watch me give him head. I personally think this sounds more like HIS fantasy than hers, but I wish to please her in any way I can. She knows how I feel about male genitalia, but has asked me to look past this for her. I can’t. How do I get over this phobia of mine? Is there a way? I so badly want to please her, but how can I if I may toss my cookies the minute I see him ejaculate. Also, I’m not exactly the jealous type. I’m aware of the fact that she has sex with him, I try not to think about it, but I don’t think I can watch it. The last thing I want is a visual of my girlfriend fucking a man. What should I do?

I really don’t like it when people do things sexually that they do not want to do, even if your motivation is to please your lover. So, I am inclined to say, simply, don’t do it, and tell your girlfriend that no matter how turned on she would be, you would be completely turned off, which I am sure she doesn’t want. Don’t let your girlfriend talk you into something which you obviously cannot eroticize one little bit. Plus, this isn’t some random guy we are talking about here, it’s your lover’s other lover, so the emotional triangle between the three of you is enough to make you sick before he drops his drawers. That said, your “phobia,” as you referred to it in the subject line of your email makes me wonder if there isn’t something more going on here. Perhaps you could see a counselor and explore the roots of your penis phobia, and what it all means.

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