Mistress A.

Aug 302005
 

My boyfriend has recently began fucking my ass (and I’ve even used a strap on with him), but we both have a concern. We tried it with K-Y Jelly and he had some mild bleeding afterwards. I bought a lube that my friend suggested called Anal Lube, made by Doc Johnson. Then I read an article that said that some lubes with “anal” in their name have some sort of numbing agent which is bad for you. Is the lube I bought safe?

–Mistress A.

Both KY and Doc Johnson’s Anal Lube are safe water-based lubes. There are other lubes out there — with names like Anal Ease, Anal-Eze, Tushy Tamer, or sometimes, simply Anal Lube, like the one you purchased — which I do not recommend. These lubes contain Benzocaine (or a similar ingredient), a topical anesthetic that numbs your anus and rectum. To find out if a lube contains this chemical, simply look at the ingredients.

Because these lubes numb your ass, you literally cannot feel it and you are in danger of hurting yourself. Anal sex should never, ever be painful. If it hurts, stop. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working. Using desensitizing lubes can lead people to go farther than they normally would or take something bigger in their ass than they should. The result is a sore ass, possible tearing and damage to the delicate lining of the anal canal and rectum, and pain after the fact that isn’t exactly going to want to make you rush right out and try anal sex again. Plus, in the off chance that the anal penetration is pleasurable, you won’t be able to feel that either.

As for your partner’s mild bleeding, that wasn’t from the lube. As long as it was only a little spotting with no other major symptoms, it’s fine. Some people bleed a little, while others don’t, and as long as you’re going slow and being safe, there is nothing to worry about.

Backdoor Newbies

Aug 152005
 

My wife and I are new to anal sex but we are both very interested and excited to try it. She enjoys penetration of small objects such as fingers and small plugs. But as we work up slowly to bigger things such as dildos and my cock, she complains of pain and sometimes burning. Also, I can’t get either of these things to go in her ass. She has no problem taking fingers or small plugs. She has one tight ass, let me tell you. We are using plenty of Astroglide, so I don’t think lube is the issue. She is ready and willing to try, but her body is not cooperating and it zaps the pleasure and fun out of it a lot of the time. Can you give us some advice on how to make things go easier without the pain?

–Backdoor Newbies

It sounds like you are taking many of the necessary steps for safe and pleasurable anal penetration, including going slowly, warming up with small things like fingers and toys, and using plenty of lube. As fans of Astroglide, I suggest you try Astroglide Gel, that brand’s thicker lube. Thick water-based lubes tend to stay wet longer and can act as a cushion inside the delicate rectum. The burning she experiences can be another form of pain (many people report the same feeling when they rush it or take something too big) or the body’s reaction to the lube. Try some different lubes to rule out the latter.

My suggestion is that you add some clitoral stimulation to the mix, which you did not mention in your letter. Whether you use your tongue, your hand, a vibrator, or she touches herself, clitoral stimulation can help transform anal penetration into a much more pleasurable experience. In fact, some women say they can’t have anything in their ass without clit stimulation. Remember, the more turned on she is, the more her body will relax, and she can let go. It’s also important for her to be one hundred percent into it. Ask her if she has lingering fears or doubts, since they can be getting in the way of her enjoyment. Her state of mind and body are both crucial to the experience, so make sure you take care of them both.

Urban Legend Myth Buster

Aug 072005
 

I have been in an ongoing debate with my girlfriend for a little over a year now concerning what I consider to be an urban legend about the dangers of anal play. My girlfriend and I enjoy anal play and take part in it on a regular basis. However, she is absolutely convinced that anal play over a long period of time (years) will damage the anal sphincter and result in anal leakage, or the inability of one to retain their feces in their rectum. Apparently her gynecologist told her that homosexual men often end up having to wear tampons in their anus to prevent embarrassing accidents because their anal sphincter has become so stretched out from anal play.

I was a paramedic for eight years and am getting ready to go into medical school. I have spent a good deal of time studying the human body, and I have tried to explain to her that this story just does not make sense from a physiological or anatomical standpoint. Rather, I believe that this is an urban legend which was propagated through the usual channels and which can likely be traced back to two separate verifiable issues:

  1. There are men who wear tampons in their anus, however it is done as part of a fetish such as feminization or cross dressing and is in itself part of the sex play and not necessitated by an inability to retain their feces; and
  2. There have been cases, I suspect, where persons damaged their anal sphincter by inserting objects which were too large and/or without proper lubrication and in doing so physically injured the tissue, causing tears and other damage, possibly to the point of affecting retention.

In these cases I think it would be highly unlikely that the injured party would attempt to rectify the situation using a tampon, but would more likely seek medical attention and undergo surgical repair of the injury. Unfortunately, my girlfriend doesn’t buy my theory, and while she has never refused or even hesitated to participated in any kind of sexual play, she does occasionally make a statement to the effect that I will wish that I had listened to her by the time I’m forty. What do you think?

–Urban Legend Myth Buster

Your girlfriend and her gynecologist are wrong, and you are right. Lots of anal play over time increases circulation to the area, exercises and tones the sphincter muscles, and helps you stay more connected to your ass in general. It does not cause you to lose control of your bowels. Certainly there have been cases where people developed certain anal ailments after years of anal play (more commonly, people develop anal fissures). But in my experience, the problems were caused by unsafe anal sex practices, like not using lube, combining drugs with anal play, or shoving huge things in the ass without warm up.

As to the tampon issue, you’re correct on both counts. There are men who play with tampons as part of a fetish, but no one who is incontinent should ever use a tampon anally. If you’ve truly lost control of your bowels, there are several medical options, but tampon use isn’t one of them.

Angry Butt Wants Relief

Jul 262005
 

I have always enjoyed the feeling of anal penetration while making love to my husband. He enjoys finger fucking me or using a butt plug or other toy. It all feels great and we both enjoy it very much. Here’s the problem: about four days after anal sex and continuing for another week or so, I experience something akin to irritable bowel syndrome. It gets progressively worse, until about the eighth day after sex, and it slowly goes away. The feeling is very discomforting, yet we don’t want to give up anal sex. Any thoughts as to why this happens, and what I can do to eliminate it?

–Angry Butt Wants Relief

Anal sex alone does not cause irritable bowel syndrome (also known as IBS), or symptoms associated with it. Those symptoms can include chronic diarrhea and/or constipation, cramping, bloating, frequent bathroom trips, and abdominal discomfort. When you use plenty of lubrication — which you always should — sometimes you can have loose or runny stools for up to 24 hours after sex; also, if you engage in heavy anal play (for example, using big toys or fisting), you can have some cramping afterward. However, neither of these things should go on for as long as you describe.

It’s also odd that the symptoms don’t appear right away, but several days later which could mean they are not related to the anal sex at all. I suspect that you have an existing gastrointestinal problem and that your anal play is aggravating that condition and causing it to flare up. I recommend you see a gastroenterologist promptly to get to the bottom of your problem. When you do, make sure to be honest about your anal play with your doctor, as it’s important to give health care providers “the whole picture” so they can treat you more effectively.

Curious But Scared

Jul 122005
 

My girlfriend saw some ass to mouth scene (ATM) in a porn movie and went crazy for it. Now she wants to do it. I am afraid that it might be unsafe for one or both of us. We’ve only been dating a short time and I have the feeling that the reason why she likes anal sex so much is that she actually likes shit. I also think she would like to felch herself since she often plays with the liquid spilling out of her anus and licks her fingers. I’m not sure I want to kiss her after she does it. Should I be concerned?

–Curious But Scared

First let me say that nearly every activity you describe in your letter, including anal penetration without a condom — which isn’t specifically stated but implied since you’re coming in her ass — puts both of you at risk for HIV, hepatitis, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other sexually-transmitted diseases. You should both get tested or you should be using a condom and not swapping bodily fluids.

That said, let’s begin with your girlfriend’s ass to mouth fantasy. You’re smart to be concerned about the safety, since there are health concerns with going directly from someone’s ass to their mouth. There is bacteria and fecal matter in her ass that really shouldn’t go other places. The best way to do ATM safely is to pull your dick out of her ass, wipe it with a baby wipe, then stick it in her mouth.

It sounds like your girlfriend is into anal sex, and likes “nasty” stuff like anal creampies, playing with the cum in her ass, and even eating it. I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that this means she likes shit. It sounds to me like she enjoys all things anal, and there’s a big different between that and being into scat (shit play). You said you don’t want to kiss her after she’s been shoving her ass-and-cum soaked fingers in her mouth. It sounds like maybe she’s also into a couple other butt fetishes: felching and snowballing. Felching is where a guy comes in someone’s ass, then sucks his come out of said ass. Snowballing is when the person who did the felching then “swaps” the cum with their partner through kissing and/or spitting. Safety-wise, both are risky for both partners: if she swallows your come, she can catch an STD from you, and if you get bacteria or fecal matter from her ass in your mouth, you can get an STD from her.

Beyond the safety issues, it seems that you may not enjoy the same things that she does, and that is an equally important issue. I encourage you to talk to her about your health concerns as well as your desires to see if there is some middle ground that the two of you can explore which you’ll both enjoy.

Tiny But Tempted

Jun 302005
 

My fiancé and I have been exploring BDSM, which we enjoy fully. He wants to have anal sex with me, and although it would be the first for me, I’m willing to try it out at least once. He does have a really big penis — gloriously big — and I’m concerned about the process as I’m a small woman. Is there anything I can do to prepare myself for him and make this enjoyable for both of us?

–Tiny But Tempted

Your physical size does not necessarily correlate with your ability to take a “gloriously big” cock up your ass. I’ve seen women who are five feet tall and 98 pounds with very large things comfortably nestled in their behinds. It’s more about your internal than your external size. Like the pussy, the ass has the ability to expand when you’re aroused. Plus, the rectum is longer than the vagina and therefore can usually accommodate something bigger.

However, since your guy is larger than average, it means that you’re going to have to work your way up slowly. And since it’s your very first anal adventure, his cock should not go into your ass all in one evening. Instead, I recommend that you begin playing with a finger or a slim toy either alone or with him. Use plenty of lube, go slowly, and stimulate your clit. When you’ve practiced a few times with the one finger/small toy, and it feels great, you can move on to two fingers or a slightly bigger toy. Again, you can play together or you can add anal play to your masturbation. The important thing is not to rush the process. Find a dildo that’s “one step down” from your man’s cock. When you’ve worked up to taking that dildo, and it’s comfortable and pleasurable, then you can try his cock. Make sure he goes very slowly, and that you give him lots of feedback about how it feels. If you both take your time and let your ass set the pace, it will reward you in the end!

New to Anal

Jun 182005
 

My fiancé and I have always wanted to try anal sex, so we bought your video and we got a beginner’s anal kit. I was wondering though, is it safe for a man to come in your ass? And if he does, do you have to have an enema to clean it out afterwards?

–New to Anal

If a man comes inside your ass without a condom, as the recipient of the come, you are at risk of contracting HIV, hepatitis, and other sexually-transmitted diseases (if your partner has any of these, of course). If you and your fiancé have tested negative sexually-transmitted diseases and are monogamous, then it’s safe for him to come in your butt. What goes in must come out, though, as our butts have a natural flushing-out process. So, you may have a runny bowel movement afterward, but there’s no need to have an enema post-buttfucking.

Preggers and Panicked

Jun 102005
 

My partner and I have been experimenting with anal play for years. We are both very comfortable with it and enjoy it enormously. With my first pregnancy, we had anal sex more than vaginal sex because he felt more at ease. I didn’t mind as I feel extraordinarily close to him during anal lovemaking. I had no hemorrhoids at all during or after my first baby. In the six years since her birth I still had no experience with hemorrhoids and we increased our anal sexual enjoyment tenfold.

With my second pregnancy, we again have had a lot of anal sex. I am now seven months pregnant, and I am experiencing hemorrhoids. I am aware of what they are, how you get them, and the steps to avoid them, but they are still there. Can regular anal sex cause hemorrhoids? I am trying a number of remedies to get rid of them and one is gone, but it seems there is a skin tag or a small pucker of loose skin where it was. Can I expect this to go away or will I always have a remnant? Are there usually remnants of hemorrhoids once they go away or will my ass go back to its normal tight and smooth self? My ass is a BIG part of our sex life and I am worried about how this may affect us. Should I consider surgery to get it back to the way it used to be?

–Preggers and Panicked

Hemorrhoids are blood vessels in and around the anal opening and lower rectum that have filled with blood and gotten very swollen; they can cause itching, irritation, bleeding and pain, especially during bowel movements. Getting hemorrhoids is extremely common for pregnant women for a few reasons: constipation can be common during pregnancy, and straining during bowel movements causes hemorrhoids; an increase in certain hormones causes the walls of your veins to relax which means they can get swollen more easily; the uterus puts pressure on pelvic veins causing them to swell. The fact that you didn’t get them the first time around was very lucky. The cause of your hemorrhoids is your pregnancy, not the anal sex. Although, while you’re having a flare up, anal sex can aggravate the condition by irritating your already inflamed anus.

A skin tag that appears after a hemorrhoid (also known as a hemorrhoid tab) is the result of a swollen external hemorrhoid, usually one that’s serious and not properly treated. Skin tags do not go away on their own. Most skin tags are benign, and they can be removed by a physician. My concern is that you are treating your hemorrhoids yourself, and improper treatment may have caused the first skin tag, and you don’t want to get any more. I suggest you consult a doctor about your hemorrhoids and the skin tag to see what your options are. In the meantime, make your health and pregnancy your priority for now, and try not to stress too much about your sex life. After your baby is born and you can treat your hemorrhoids with the help of a doctor, then you get back into the swing of things. With patience and good medical treatment, your anal sex life should not be affected.

ATM and ATV Fan

Jun 022005
 

I’ve been doing extensive research, and I’ve yet to find a site that is willing to explore the eroticism of ass-to-mouth and/or ass-to-vaginal play. I’ve read everywhere that both can be dangerous because of the risk of infections, but my girlfriend and I have been seeing more and more of it recently in porn, and quite frankly, curiosity has stirred in both of us. In the movies, guys go straight from one orifice to another, so unless this is a camera trick, it is being done. Because the porn industry is highly regulated, I’m sure it is being done safely. But I want to make sure since I do not want to endanger her in anyway. Is there a safe and hygienic way to go from ass-to-mouth and from ass-to-pussy?

–ATM and ATV Fan

The porn industry is self-regulated and has strict standards for HIV and STD testing. Beyond that, you must remember that the industry is not a monolithic entity, but a diverse group of people that includes producers, directors, and performers. These people make choices every day about what sex acts they will perform and capture on film. Adult films can depict behavior that some of us may deem risky or even dangerous. Some movies begin with a disclaimer about safer sex practices or a “don’t necessarily try this at home” kind of statement. Porn is a great tool for couples to explore fantasies, but you shouldn’t always assume what you see on the small screen is safe for you or follow it to the letter.

Taking a finger, toy, or cock and moving it directly from an ass to a pussy puts the owner of that pussy at risk for infection. There is bacteria that lives in the rectum (and in fecal matter) that, when introduced into the vagina, will likely set up shop and cause a vaginal infection. Does it happen every single time? No. Do some female porn stars practice ass to pussy and remain infection-free? Sure. But those who do are usually the exception.

As for the ass to mouth route, you’re faced with the same issue: a transfer of rectal bacteria and possibly fecal matter to someone’s kisser. If she has cuts in her mouth or bleeding gums, that bacteria can go directly into her bloodstream. There are a few ways to enact these fantasies more safely. When you pull your dick out of her ass, have a baby wipe handy, give your cock a few swipes, then head toward her pussy or mouth. Baby wipes don’t kill anything, but they can remove some bacteria. Or wear a condom for the buttfucking, then slip it off before you switch from ass to other orifice. I know that condoms and baby wipes may dampen the fantasy of dirty, nasty sex, but better to be safe than sorry.

Desperately Seeking The A-Spot

May 292005
 

I am on a maddening search to find information online about the A-spot on/in a woman. We’ve all heard plenty about the G-spot but the A is not so much talked about. Have you heard about it and can you advise me where it is exactly and how it is stimulated?

–Desperately Seeking The A-Spot

I pride myself on knowing nearly everything there is to know about the ass, and I’ve never heard of the A-Spot! If you’re searching for the equivalent to the G-spot in a girl’s behind, the bad news is that there isn’t one. Men have a prostate which is sometimes referred to as the male G-spot (I’ve never heard it called the A-spot, although I suppose it could be). You can stimulate the prostate through anal penetration and it’s very pleasurable for guys, but there isn’t an exact equivalent for chicks.

The good news is that if you’re hunting for sensitive spots inside a woman’s butt, there are plenty. The anus, anal canal, and rectum are all made of sensitive tissue that’s rich in nerve endings and very responsive to all kinds of stimulation. Plus, many women find that their G-spots get indirectly stimulated through anal penetration; some even say that an anal orgasm feels a lot like the orgasm they experience from direct G-spot stimulation. To indirectly hit the G-spot, slip a finger or two inside the ass and aim toward the front of the body (just like when you want to get to the G-spot); curved dildos and vibrators can also be great for anal penetration and indirect G-spot stimulation. You can call off your search for the A-spot — there isn’t just one spot, the whole butt is fair game!

 Older Entries  Newer Entries