Dying to Get It In

Feb 142001
 


For a long time, I have been trying to give it to my wife up the ass. But when I start to put it in her ass, I am only able to get the head part of the way in, then it won’t go much further.

We found an ad in a swinger’s magazine for a guy who said he was a pro at ass fucking. He promised if it hurt her, he would stop. He was a black man with a very large cock, and I was sure that he couldn’t get it in. He started by playing around with her, then they had vaginal intercourse. He slowly worked a finger up her butt. He told her to get on her hands and knees doggie-style, then he worked another finger inside her ass. He pulled his fingers out, then placed the head of his cock against the opening of her butt. I was amazed at how easily he got his dick in her ass. But since then, I have tried, and she just flinches and tightens up. I want to get my dick in my wife’s ass, can you please help?

—Dying to Get It In

Well, the good news is that your wife seems to be physically capable of taking and enjoying a cock up her ass, according to your story about her romp with the swinger. The bad news is that cock wasn’t yours.

Well, I think you can learn a few things from your swinger friend. First, let me applaud him for saying that if it hurt her, he would stop, and I encourage you to give her the same reassurance. It will help her relax and put her mind at ease. He engaged in lots of foreplay before the anal deed, including vaginal penetration and using his fingers to warm up her ass. Both activities probably got your wife aroused, relaxed, and ready for more. Follow his lead, and make sure you use plenty of lube (in both of her holes) when you do. Ask her when she’s ready for your cock, and let her be the one in control of the action from there. Ask her what position she wants to be in, or maybe suggest doggie-style, since that worked for her before. Rub the head of your cock at her opening, tease her with it, and let her prepare herself for the penetration. Have her reach back and guide your cock with her hand. This way, she can control the pace and depth of your entry. She can also come back on your dick from the position. You may need to help her out by pressing firmly, but don’t rush it and definitely don’t just shove your cock in her. With patience, I have hope you are on your way to assfucking delight!

Dirty Little Mind Wants A Clean Butt

Jan 172001
 


I am dating this awesome guy who is completely open to everything my dirty little mind has thought up but never had anyone to try it on before. Well, I am pretty keen on giving him my ass, but when it comes to receiving, I am a bit nervous. I am freaked out that when we are actually doing it, I will have an accident. The last thing I want in the middle of getting it on is for it all to come out in the end. Please explain to me the easiest, cleanest, and worry-free way I can go about this, so I can truly enjoy myself.

—Dirty Little Mind Wants A Clean Butt

Have no fear! If you are a generally healthy woman with a good diet, normal bowel movements, and no gastrointestinal problems, you can have relatively clean anal sex. Taking a hot, soapy shower and having a bowel movement before anal penetration will insure that there may only be trace amounts of fecal matter in your anal canal and rectum. If you want to take the extra step and have an enema, go right ahead. But know that you don’t have to have an enema to have a mess-free buttbanging.

If you do want to have an enema, there are several different kinds. You can buy a Fleet Enema or a plastic bulb syringe at the drug store. If you use a Fleet, first you should empty the plastic bottle — it contains a liquid laxative which you don’t need to use — and refill it with plain warm water. Always follow the instructions on the box. Or you may want to use an enema bag (a water bottle with a tube attached to it) which rinses farther up into the rectum. Fill the bag with plain warm water only. In addition to your enema bag and tubing, you need a hook of some kind and a place to hang the bag that will be within easy reach of your butt and about eighteen inches (check this) above your ass. Find a position that’s comfortable; you may want to try squatting, lying on your side with one leg pulled up to your chest, or kneeling with your ass up, head down. Use some water-based lubricant on the tip of the nozzle; this goes for the bulb syringe as well, and the Fleet enemas tip is pre-lubricated. Gently insert the tube into your ass.

With a Fleet or bulb syringe, simply squeeze the bottle or bulb and the water will flow into your rectum. With an enema bag, you need to release the gauge on the bag until water begins to flow at the desired pressure (very low pressure is best). Let yourself fill up until you feel like you’ve had enough. When you feel full, close the gauge, take the tube out. Wait a little while (the time varies depending on the person) until you feel like you need to have a bowel movement, then go to the toilet. Repeat the enema several times until only clear water comes out.

If you are going to use an enema, you should have one at least three hours before you have anal sex. An enema loosens everything in your bowels, and often after you feel like you are completely cleaned out, you’ll have an urge a little while later only to discover there was more in there. This is the second wave, and you don’t want it to happen while you’re in the throes of anal pleasure! Giving yourself an enema in the morning before a hot date that night is fine. If it’s not disposable (like a Fleet) then clean your enema equipment well, and do not share it with a partner. Do not overdo it on enemas. I don’t want to see any of you at an Enema Addicts Anonymous meeting!

Wanting to Play Ball

Jan 072001
 


My wife and I have not delved into anal sex. She’s hesitant, while I’d like to play. I’d like us to play both ways, hers by me and mine by her. I’ve read your advice before and get the gist of how to do things. I need to open the conversation about anal in an attractive and fun way. Any suggestions on how to talk about what would be a new sport for us?

—Wanting to Play Ball

Well, I am glad to hear that you are already approaching the subject with an open mind and ass — mainly, that you’re willing to go both ways when it comes to anal pleasure — and I am sure your wife will be, too. Obviously, I want to let the world know about how awesome anal sex can be, but, as a sex educator, I don’t want to coerce anyone into doing something they don’t want to do.

You wrote that your wife is hesitant — have you talked about this subject with her? An honest discussion may be what both of you need. There could be a variety of reasons why she’s not gung-ho about anal sex. Like so many of us, your wife may have certain misconceptions about buttfucking — that it’s dirty, painful, or only for a man’s pleasure — which prevent her from wanting to dive right in. You should correct those myths with the facts: anal sex doesn’t have to be a big mess; if you do it right, it won’t hurt; and women can get off on it in plenty of ways.

Or, perhaps she has had a bad experience in the past. If a boyfriend before you tried to go from zero to 60 in five seconds by sticking his dick in her ass without warm-up, lube, or communication, then chances are it hurt a lot and she never wants to do it again. Here’s your chance to reassure her that this time, with you, it will be different. You will take your time, use plenty of lube, and work her ass up to your cock. If you want to be sexy about this whole conversation, why not whisper in her ear a fantasy you have about fucking her in the ass. That, coupled with communication and information, ought to get her revved up!

Negotiation and Switching

Dec 162000
 


My wife and I of nine years have been experiencing trouble for some time in our relationship. Upon my search to get a new fire rolling, I sought out new ways to please her, which in turn brought us to the world of BDSM. We are both intrigued by anal play (giving and receiving), but she is a little concerned. I think it might be too painful for her. I myself believe we are well on our way to restoring and incorporating this new volcano of sexual energy, but I want to make it happen safely. Also, what are your thoughts on switching?

—Brian

It makes perfect sense to me when people want to combine anal sex and BDSM. Anal play can be very emotionally and psychologically charged, and it can be a perfect activity in which to explore the erotic dynamics of power and control. We learn early on that our assholes are a source of embarrassment and shame or that our buttholes are private, dirty, and shouldn’t be thought of in a sexual way. Anal sex is taboo, forbidden, shrouded in mystery and misinformation. Our asses are also very delicate, sensitive areas that require an extra level of communication, trust, and skill. In other words, you can hurt someone if you don’t do it correctly. When I say hurt, I mean not in a good way.

When I teach anal sex workshops to people who aren’t into BDSM, I try to help them overcome all those negative feelings so they can move on and have pleasurable anal sex. But if you are into BDSM, it’s a different story. As tops, we can take advantage of all these elements of anal eroticism in a scene. We can play on all these different psychological angles to make anal sex a hot BDSM experience. You can taunt a bottom, telling her that she’s nasty and perverted for getting fucked in the ass. You can take a level of control and comfort away from your bottom. When I bottom, I find that giving up my ass to my top can be the ultimate act of submission. Giving over such a delicate part of my body to another person magnifies the inherent power in penetration.

In a non-BDSM context, I recommend lots of communication, but the kinds of things I recommend people say don’t necessarily translate while you’re in role. A top can’t ask “How does that feel honey, am I hurting you?” A bottom can’t say “Go slower, I don’t like it so fast; Okay, I’m ready for more now.” That kind of banter could throw off the dynamic. So I recommend prior communication and negotiation. You can also incorporate different ways to warm up your bottom’s ass into your scene — for example, if you develop a system where the bottom needs to tell you when she wants something bigger in her ass, you’ll know she’s ready without having to ask her (she’ll be the one who has to ask!).

As for my thoughts on switching, contrary to some popular thinking, switches are not just wishy-washy folks who can’t make up their minds. Switches are people who like to see things from both sides and take different positions depending on the particular situation. You may start out wanting to experience different aspects of BDSM from both ends, doling it out and taking it, then find you come to see you really do fit into one or the other. But don’t feel like you have to choose right away or identify yourself to the world at large. Focus on what you want rather than what label applies to you.

Ass-to-Mouth

Nov 292000
 


What are your thoughts on what has become a new trend in adult films: the ass to mouth act? Have you indulged in this act, and how would you suggest one prepare for such a nasty maneuver? I would appreciate any advice you can give me.

—Jacey

Taking your dick out of a woman’s ass and directly shoving it into her mouth may make for exciting porn, but, in real life, it can be problematic. Bacteria lives in the butt that may not peacefully exist in the mouth, and could lead to an infection. No matter how squeaky clean her rectum may be, chances are there are at least trace amounts of fecal matter which may end up on your dick — do you really want to make her suck that off? Would you put it in your own mouth?

I have a better idea. Fuck her in the ass til she’s right on the edge of orgasm, or you are. Order her to get on her knees and close her eyes. Talk to her, tell her she better open up her mouth for your cock. Have an anti-bacterial baby wipe stashed nearby, and quietly grab it, slide it over your cock, then toss it. Now proceed with sticking your rod in her mouth, keeping the fantasy intact, but keeping it clean for everyone involved.

Double Penetration

Nov 052000
 


My boyfriend and I want to have a three-way experience—he and his best friend (a guy) and me. It has always been a fantasy of mine and he too wants to go through with it. We both swing, so we don’t mind seeing each other with another person. I have never really done this before. I have sucked another guy off while my boyfriend fucked me. However, I have never had two guys penetrate me at the same time, but I really want to do this. I think the idea of having two cocks in me—one in my pussy and one in my ass—would be an unbelievable feeling. However, this seems to be a hard thing to pull off. Do you have any tips on how to make this experience as pleasurable as possible?

—Fingercuffs

Congrats for being able to voice your fantasy out loud and tell your boyfriend. Fantasies can be incredible forces in our lives. When you share a fantasy with your partner, it can bring you closer together — and you can have a hot time in the process!

My first piece of advice is that maybe the two of you should practice some double penetration before you invite your friend over. Use a flexible vibrator or dildo in one of your holes and your boyfriend fills the other. Use lots and lots of lube, go slow, and work your way up to it. Communication is extremely important: you’re testing the limits of your body, so make sure you give your man plenty of feedback about how it feels.

Also realize that some women can easily and comfortably accommodate something of size in their pussy and in their ass. Others will take some effort, with lots of warm-up. But some women may not be able to do it at all, since double penetration really depends on your internal map, and if there’s room for two. You are the one who will know best if it’s possible, so make sure you’re the one who’s in charge and calling the shots. Work out the kinks on your dildo before you plan your threesome.

When you are ready to tackle two flesh cocks at once, use plenty of lube and go really slow. Depending on the size and height of all three of you, some positions will work better than others. You may want to straddle one man and have the other nail you from behind. Try to take one cock about halfway inside your pussy, then angle your body to take the other one in your ass. Both men should start with shallow penetration, so you can get used to the feeling. Remember that porn stars make it look easy in adult movies, but they are seasoned professionals! You may be much more awkward your first time around. Practice makes perfect.

Making it Fun for Her

Oct 192000
 


I love it when my wife wears a strap-on and gives it to me in the butt. My problem is that she only does it occasionally. I wish she would do it more and enjoy it more, but I think maybe it’s not to be. I’ve even thought about having a gay encounter so I can get fucked in the ass more. Any suggestions? Are there any women that like screwing guys?

—R.H.

Are there any women that like screwing guys? R.H., is the sky blue? Do I love getting fucked in the ass? Yes, yes, of course there are women who enjoy turning the tables and being on the other end of a nice butt fucking for a change. Unfortunately, your wife may not be one of these dildo-wielding divas. Since you’ve already gotten your ass plowed by her before, I think it’s fair to ask her directly why you’re not getting the backdoor gift from her more often. Have you told her how much it turns you on? Your wife may have some issues with being the penetrator (instead of the penetrated), since it is not a straight woman’s typical role; however, you can reassure her that there are plenty of other women giving it to their guys and loving every minute of it.

Perhaps she hasn’t realized her own potential for pleasure during strap-on sex. In addition to being a real turn-on upstairs (in her head), there are also plenty of ways for her to get off while she’s got her cock in your ass. For some women, when the base of the dildo rubs against the clitoris and vagina, there is enough friction there to feel fantastic. Your gal should also consider the power of having balls. Some women simply don’t choose a dildo with balls because they prefer a more non-realistic style dildo; however, balls do more than make it look real, they extend the base of the dildo and cover more surface area — which means more for you to rub up against. Think about it.

If she wants to add a vibrator to the equation, she has several options. She could select a vibrating dildo, which will deliver vibration to both of you. She could try to don a wearable vibrator beneath her harness, but this may be awkward and interfere with the harness being tight enough. A better idea is the Buzz Me harness made by Stormy Leather and equipped with a pocket for a small vibrating egg. Vixen Creations has several dildos, among them “Treasure Chest” and “Bobby Sue,” with hollowed-out bases. Stick a vibrating egg in the base of the dildo, tuck the battery pack in the side of the harness and she’s ready for vibrating action, his and hers style!

For double penetration (one for you, one for her), there are harnesses with two holes, one for the dildo to penetrate you with, another for a dildo pointing in her direction. The”Nexus by Vixen is not an extra long jelly dong like you see in adult novelty stores. Instead, it’s a two dildos-in-one package: she can have a dildo inside her pussy or ass while simultaneously penetrating your ass. I just love sex toy technology!

If you want to learn more about strap-on anal sex, I highly recommend the videos Bend Over Boyfriend 1 & 2.

Now, as for your idea about having a “gay experience” in order to fulfill your anal sex desires, don’t you think that switching teams might be a little too extreme? Unless you are actually bisexual, and looking for a way to express your desire for men, if it’s anal sex you want, I stay stick with your wife and see if both of you can get what you want and need out of the assfucking experience.

Cum Recipe

Oct 032000
 


I have a question about ejaculating dildos and butt plugs. I saw a “recipe” for cum that is made up of condensed milk, egg white and sugar. I want to use this in a ejaculating dildo. Is it safe to use this “cum” in my ass? Could this cause any medical problems?

—Jim

Well, Martha Stewart would certainly be proud that you are so enterprising! Ejaculating dildos and butt plugs are lots of fun; they give you the opportunity to experience shooting a hot load up your own ass or the rear of a friend. My first experience with a squirting dong came when I was sucking off a butch girl; she slammed her cock into my mouth, and at the same time squeezed her balls. Suddenly, a burst of fluid shot to the back of my throat, and the surprise alone made me soak the wood floor I was kneeling on!

I’ve heard that different people swear by different formulas for the perfect confection of fake jizz. The most important thing to keep in mind when getting out the measuring cups is that anything you put in your rectum will be automatically absorbed into your blood stream. A shot of sweet faux cum could leave you with a stomach ache. The one that you describe (made of condensed milk, egg white and sugar) creates an impressively life-like texture and aesthetic; if you were going for great visuals — a pop shot on someone’s mouth or tits, for example — that recipe would work well. If, however, your cum shot is meant to be an internal one, I would err on the side of caution and recommend that you simply use warm water. It will still feel quite real, and it is your safest choice healthwise.

Anal Orgasms

Sep 292000
 


My husband and I just experienced anal sex. We have tried this adventure before, but it has always been painful to me. Your advice for him to stimulate other areas helped me relax this time. Also, we found the doggie-style/head down/butt up position comfortable for both of us. My husband is an anal sex lover, and now I feel I can fulfill his passions and enjoy the experience myself. Thank you so much for such knowledgeable information and guidance. Now, for my question: does an anal orgasm come with experience, and is it more intense than the vaginal orgasm?

—T. D.

It is letters like yours that make my job so fulfilling! When I know that my work has helped someone experience the mind-blowing pleasures of anal sex, I feel that my mission is accomplished. On to your question about anal orgasms. Women experience pleasure from anal sex is a variety of different ways. The anal area is so rich in nerve endings that stimulating such an erogenous zone could certainly bring you to orgasm. Some women like to combine clitoral stimulation with anal penetration. When I work my clit while my ass is being fucked, and I come, the orgasm definitely feels different than if I was just having clit stimulation. It feels stronger, more intense, and like more of a full-body orgasm, rather than one primarily centered between my legs.

Although we don’t have a prostate gland like men, women do have a G-spot. The G-spot is reached through the front wall of the vagina, but it can also be indirectly stimulated through anal penetration. If you angle a finger, toy, or penis towards the front wall of the vagina, you may experience G-spot stimulation and come that way.

In addition to the bundle of physical pleasure that anal stimulation brings, there are complex emotional and psychological issues which contribute to the erotic experience. For some people, the idea that anal sex is naughty, forbidden and taboo is very exciting, and adds to their enjoyment of it. For me, the amount of trust I must have in my partner heightens my physical pleasure. Anal sex is my way of saying, “Here is a delicate part of my body, and I trust you not to hurt me but to make me feel very good.” That power exchange can be very intense. A world of orgasmic possibilities await you.

Warm Up

Sep 142000
 


A while back, my fiancee and I purchased your book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. We are hoping to include regular anal sex in our married sex life. As anal sex seems to take more preparation and time than other activities, we are planning to make the time for it and figured we’d shoot for once a week. Once the body is used to this activity, what is the best minimum frequency? Meaning, if we end up having anal sex say only once a month, will the body still be used to it or will we have to “re-train” it? We are open to having anal sex as often as we can to help make it an enjoyable experience always.

—Rick & Kristine

I applaud you for taking such a positive, healthy, and, most of all, realistic approach to anal sex. The reason that many women experience pain from anal penetration and vow that they’ll never do it again is because men rush the process, don’t work their way up, try to do too much too quickly, and end up hurting their partners. You are correct — anal sex does take time and preparation. The more patience and warm up you do, the better the experience will be for both of you.

But I know you must be thinking, “Do we have to go super slow, one little knuckle at a time, every single time?” The answer is yes and no. You always need to start out small, no matter how experienced you are. You cannot go from zero to sixty in five seconds flat. In other words, don’t just stick that big hard cock of yours in her ass. Tease her with your tongue, rub her clit, nibble her neck, open her ass up with your fingers, do whatever it takes to relax and arouse her. When she tells you she is ready for you, begin slowly.

The more you have anal sex, the easier and speedier this warm up will be. Your muscles do have memory. As long as you give them positive experiences, it will be easier for those muscles to relax and it will take less time for her ass to open up for your cock. I cannot give you a specific number of times you need to do it to keep in shape; that varies tremendously depending on the people and situations. The more you practice warming up to anal penetration, the more she’ll get used to how it feels when she is ready for you, and you will be well versed in all it takes to get her there.

 Older Entries  Newer Entries