Fill My Ass

May 092001
 


I like to have objects in my ass while I masturbate, but I don’t have a dildo. What kinds of household objects can I use to simulate a penis?

—Fill My Ass

There is a reason that household objects are household objects; they each have a purpose, and it’s not sexual. I am thrilled that you’ve discovered anal penetration as part of your masturbation ritual, but I really don’t want to encourage you to grab the hairbrush, the shampoo bottle, the cucumber, or anything else lying around. Has it been done? Of course, but I don’t condone it usually.

I really recommend that you buy a dildo. You need something with a flared base for anal penetration; it’s an absolute necessity, so the object doesn’t get sucked into your ass or lost somewhere in your rectum. Sex toys were manufactured with sex in mind, they are designed for penetration, and therefore much more ideal for it than a makeshift dong. There are relatively inexpensive dildos on the market, especially the rubber or jelly variety (silicone dicks are much more expensive). But yourself a $15 or $20 dildo, and I promise it is well worth the investment.

Condom Curious

Apr 252001
 


What STDs can I get from anal sex? Is it imperative that I wear a condom during anal sex to protect myself from disease? Is it dangerous for a woman to get fucked in her vagina after getting fucked in her ass?

—Condom Curious

The American Medical Women’s Association recommends that you and your partner should be tested for HIV 6 months after you or your partner has had sexual contact with a different partner. During that six-month period, you should practice safer sex. You can contract almost any STD, including herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and HIV, as well as hepatitis, through unprotected analingus and anal penetration with an infected partner.

To reduce your risk, you should use barriers for analingus (rimming) and condoms for anal penetration. Originally designed for use by dentists as the name indicates, dental dams are squares of latex which safer sex practitioners have coopted for use as oral sex barriers. Because they were not developed with sex in mind, dental dams can be too small and too thick to make them ideal. Glyde Dams are a larger, thinner version designed specifically for oral sex which do the job much better than traditional dental dams. They are available at better sex toy stores. To make your own latex dam, you can cut a non-lubricated condom up one side; these tend to be thinner like the Glydes, which allows both partners more feeling and greater sensitivity. You can also transform a latex glove into a dam: cut the wrist and the fingers off, leaving the thumb intact. Open it up, stick your tongue in the thumb slot, and voila — it’s like a condom for your tongue! This is my favorite kind of a dam because it affords both giver and receiver the highest sensitivity. For obvious reasons, it’s best to use a glove that isn’t powdered or to rinse the powder off before you put your mouth near it. Try putting a dab of lube on the inside and outside of the thumb for even more sensitivity.

Store-bought plastic wrap (like Saran Wrap) is not just for leftovers — it also makes a good barrier for rimming. Plastic wrap is less expensive and easier to find than latex dams, which makes it more convenient. Another advantage: trying wrapping your sweetie’s privates in plastic — think of it as a homemade thong. Then you can go to town without having to hold the dam in place. Safe, hands-free ass licking at last!

Putting a latex glove on your hand for finger fucking protects both you and your partner, especially if you have any cuts, scratches or even torn cuticles. Gloves come in several different sizes, and you should make sure that they are well-fitting. A glove that’s too small will cut off your circulation, and one that is too big will feel baggy and uncomfortable inside the receptive partner. You can also wear gloves for other purposes: if your nails are long, sharp or ragged, if you are squeamish about the cleanliness of anal penetration, or if you want to smooth out your fingers before they go inside your lover. If you find that wearing latex gloves irritates your skin, you may be sensitive to the powder that coats the inside, which is common; find an unpowdered glove instead.

As part of safer sex, you should use a condom every time you have either vaginal and anal penetration. In fact, because of the delicacy of anal and rectal tissue, bodily fluids infected with HIV and other viruses are transmitted and absorbed easier and more quickly into the bloodstream through the mucous membrane of the rectum. Thus, unprotected anal intercourse can be more risky for both partners than unprotected vaginal intercourse.

You should never, ever put anything in the vagina that has been in the anus without thoroughly washing and disinfecting it first. Transferring rectal bacteria into the vagina can lead to yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and other ailments which will put a halt to your sex life. Just don’t go there. If you’re likely to want to use the same hand or tool in both the vagina and the anus, or your anus and then your partner’s, that’s a lot of running to the bathroom to wash up each time you want to switch gears. Using a new glove and/or condom each time you switch orifices or activities means less time cleaning and more time fucking.

Butt Plug Beginner

Apr 102001
 


I, like you, totally love anal sex. I have played with dildos and vibrators, and had lots of fun. I think I want to try a butt plug next. I am wondering if you have any recommendations for good plugs. Do you have a favorite? What should I look for when I buy one?

—Butt Plug Beginner

The traditional shape of a butt plug looks like a tear drop with a thicker bottom or a skinny pear shape. There are variations on the shape, including a lopsided diamond shape and a bulbous head with a long neck. Above the wide flared base, the plug’s neck has the smallest circumference, designed to allow the sphincter muscles to close around it. Butt plugs may be smooth or textured with ridges, ripples, rings, or bumps. Butt plugs are usually made of latex rubber or silicone; there are also clear acrylic (similar to Lucite), glass, wood, ceramic, and even metal plugs, but they are for more experienced anal players. Butt plugs come in a whole bunch of sizes, and remember that it is always best to start small and work your way up.

If you like the feeling of something just being in your ass, and appreciate the fullness and pressure without necessarily moving in and out, than you would probably love a butt plug. Butt plugs are meant to go in and stay in. Once you slowly slide a well-lubed plug inside the ass, you can then move on to something else — clitoral stimulation, a blow job, vaginal penetration, whatever you’d like — and the butt plug will continue to stimulate without a lot of work on your part. If you have a butt plug in, you may find that when you get really aroused or during orgasm, the plug inadvertently slips (or even shoots!) right out of your ass. While this may be surprising or embarrassing, don’t be alarmed, it’s pretty common. Remember that during arousal, your genital muscles contract, and those contractions may actually push a plug out of your ass. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the plug is too small and you need to run out and upgrade — it’s just a signal that you were very turned on!

Butt plugs are also a great way to warm up the ass for bigger things to come. Putting in a plug and leaving it in for a while lets the ass get used to having something inside it. The ass opens up and relaxes around it, and when you take it out, you’re ready to move on to something more.

Whatever kind of plug you select, it must have one important feature: a flared base. Perhaps you have heard rumors about people “losing” objects in their rectums and rushing to the emergency room. Or maybe you’ve seen one of several web sites which document X-rays of different items people have put in their rectums. While part of this is pure urban legend, the truth is you can get something lost in your ass if you aren’t careful. Once you are aroused, your pelvic muscles contract, and this could cause your ass to “suck” something all the way inside it. The best way to prevent your own trip to the ER is to use a toy with a flared base since the base will prevent it from going beyond the rectum and into the colon.

Help My Turgid Member

Mar 222001
 


It’s wonderful that you are so pro-anally inclined. I am a connoisseur of fine posteriors (my wife’s being on top of the list — sorry, don’t feel bad!). We watched your video, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, and enjoyed it very much. As I was trying to coax my wife into the act, somehow, she tightened up and it became a painful ordeal. We’ve had anal sex before, and she enjoys plugs in her butt when we are having vaginal sex. But she can’t take my turgid member as frequently as I would like.

—Help My Turgid Member

Glad to hear that you worship your wife’s ass. Now, you need to take a little extra care so that both of you can enjoy anal sex. First of all, if she’s experiencing pain during penetration, there may be several different causes. In general, you need to concentrate on giving her a lot of foreplay before you move on to putting your dick in her ass. Use your fingers, then a dildo smaller than your dick, and let her get used to that first. Go slow, and make sure everything feels good to her before graduating to more fingers or a bigger toy. If she experiences discomfort or pain, there may be too much friction. Add some more lube, and see if it feels better when you slide back in. Or you could stop the movement of your finger or the toy, but stay inside; see if the pain subsides. If she’s still hurting, stop penetration altogether and focus on more external stimulation — a hand job, oral sex, more foreplay.

Let her know that she’s the one in control of the situation, and if she needs to, stop the activity altogether. She needs to relax, take some deep breaths, listen to her body, and tell you when she’s ready. After she is warmed-up and ready for your cock, lubricate your turgid member and re-lube her ass. Place your cock at her anal opening and hold it with your hand to help you guide it. Now, you have a few options:

  1. Have her move her body toward your cock (forward or backward depending on your positions), while you guide it inside.
  2. Rub your cock against her opening. This external stimulation should relax the anus. As the sphincter muscles contract, the opening appears to “wink” at you. As it winks open, take the opportunity to slide in.
  3. Press your cock against her opening and gently push against it (she may want to either relax or bear down in order to let you inside).
  4. Penetrate her ass with your finger, withdraw it, and while her anus is open, gently insert your penis.

Have her stimulate her clit as you penetrate her. This will relax and arouse her, making penetration easier. Deep breathing will help her relax and concentrate on opening her ass to you as well as circulating blood to her genitals. (Taking shallow breaths tightens the muscles and inhibits the engorgement process.) If you’re having trouble hitting your intended target (hey, those two holes are close together and it’s slippery with all that lube), have her wrap her fingers around the head of your cock and help to guide you inside her ass.

When you first get inside her ass, don’t go too deep. Again, you want to give her ass an opportunity to get used to your penis. Keep your movements slow, gentle, and subtle at first. When she’s ready, you can venture farther inside and start some slow thrusting. She should tell you if she wants you to go deeper or faster or both. Then, it’s simply a matter of exploring what feels good for both of you.

Loving Anal Slut

Mar 052001
 


I dated a woman for three years. We had a wonderful, rich, loving sex life. We had a lot of anal play, and we both enjoyed giving and receiving. I am ready to start dating again, and I am worried about anal sex. I like it, but I know not everyone does. I have been told (and I know it is true in my case) that a lover who really cares about me will want to fulfill my sexual desires, but the idea of “pushing” anal sex on anyone makes me nervous. At the same time, I like it.

When I dated this woman, we started slow and gentle (and very caring), and after a year or so, we were using handcuffs, talking nasty — for fun. I want to love a person first, and the sex second, but I am afraid I won’t get what I want. I have a feeling you are going to tell me that I am reasonably normal, and that I shouldn’t worry about it. If that is the case, fine, but I need to be told by someone knowledgeable in the field.

—Loving Anal Slut

You’re right, you are a reasonably normal guy, a reasonably normal guy who happens to really like anal sex. It sounds like your three-year relationship was very fulfilling for you, and that you approached anal sex in the right way, with plenty of love, communication, and patience (and lube, I hope!).

I think it’s absolutely okay that you want anal sex to be a part of your next intimate relationship. Your desire for buttfucking is obviously part of what makes you tick sexually, and bravo to you for identifying it and owning up to it. But I see your dilemma: what if you find the perfect girl and she’s not gung ho about you doing her bunghole? Well, presumably you are looking for a mate who has a similarly liberal and adventurous attitude about sexuality as you do; if you like anal play, bondage, and dirty talk, you obviously need a partner who’s inclined toward experimentation beyond the missionary position. As you date and hunt around for a new relationship, be confident in who you are and what you like, and be honest with your partners. I find that since I’ve gotten seriously into anal sex, I have not landed in bed with anyone who isn’t into some backdoor lovin’. I’m obviously putting some kind of vibe out there that people are picking up on, and I find that I tend to be attracted to people with whom I am very sexually compatible. Rather than feeling worried, obsessed, or even a little guilty about your anal desires, why not embrace them fully? Once you do, you have a greater chance of attracting women who will not only fulfill your desires, but may even exceed your wildest expectations!

Early Cummer

Feb 232001
 


My boyfriend and I have been exploring anal sex together, and it’s been really great. We have come together, and it is totally awesome. A couple of times, I have come before him, and my insides feel as though he is doing damage. If I come before my husband does during anal, why is it that it hurts for him to continue thrusting to his climax? It is really a mood breaker for us both, especially if he hasn’t come yet. It’s like I want his cock out of me right that very minute. What can I do (besides not coming) to maintain the comfort and pleasure waiting for him to shoot his load?

—Early Cummer

I get so many letters about people being shy or scared about anal sex or having trouble making it work. Every woman should be so lucky to have your problem!

One explanation for this feeling is that your ass, like your pussy, has contractions during orgasm. After you climax, all the blood that rushed to your genital area disperses, and your ass returns to its non-aroused state (which doesn’t want a cock inside it).

Well, I’ve have first-hand experience with your particular dilemma; I too sometimes come first and find it difficult to go on. So, what can you do about it? Well, you already identified one option, which is to delay your orgasm until after his climax. That way, you extend your pleasure for even longer, and don’t have any discomfort. But, you indicated that you want another strategy. Well, one thing to consider is, after you come, have him slow down his movement or even stop thrusting, but still stay in your ass. Take a few minutes to recover from your mind-blowing orgasm, then concentrate on relaxing your ass and taking lots of deep breaths. Keep your mind on the pleasure and not on the fear that he might be “doing damage,” which will definitely help you relax. To extend your arousal, play with your pussy and clit, and have him slowly resume his in-and-out. Continue to breath deeply, work your clit, and relax your ass. As he pumps your ass, talk to him and let him know how it feels. Hopefully, you can have a second orgasm in the process!

Dying to Get It In

Feb 142001
 


For a long time, I have been trying to give it to my wife up the ass. But when I start to put it in her ass, I am only able to get the head part of the way in, then it won’t go much further.

We found an ad in a swinger’s magazine for a guy who said he was a pro at ass fucking. He promised if it hurt her, he would stop. He was a black man with a very large cock, and I was sure that he couldn’t get it in. He started by playing around with her, then they had vaginal intercourse. He slowly worked a finger up her butt. He told her to get on her hands and knees doggie-style, then he worked another finger inside her ass. He pulled his fingers out, then placed the head of his cock against the opening of her butt. I was amazed at how easily he got his dick in her ass. But since then, I have tried, and she just flinches and tightens up. I want to get my dick in my wife’s ass, can you please help?

—Dying to Get It In

Well, the good news is that your wife seems to be physically capable of taking and enjoying a cock up her ass, according to your story about her romp with the swinger. The bad news is that cock wasn’t yours.

Well, I think you can learn a few things from your swinger friend. First, let me applaud him for saying that if it hurt her, he would stop, and I encourage you to give her the same reassurance. It will help her relax and put her mind at ease. He engaged in lots of foreplay before the anal deed, including vaginal penetration and using his fingers to warm up her ass. Both activities probably got your wife aroused, relaxed, and ready for more. Follow his lead, and make sure you use plenty of lube (in both of her holes) when you do. Ask her when she’s ready for your cock, and let her be the one in control of the action from there. Ask her what position she wants to be in, or maybe suggest doggie-style, since that worked for her before. Rub the head of your cock at her opening, tease her with it, and let her prepare herself for the penetration. Have her reach back and guide your cock with her hand. This way, she can control the pace and depth of your entry. She can also come back on your dick from the position. You may need to help her out by pressing firmly, but don’t rush it and definitely don’t just shove your cock in her. With patience, I have hope you are on your way to assfucking delight!

Dirty Little Mind Wants A Clean Butt

Jan 172001
 


I am dating this awesome guy who is completely open to everything my dirty little mind has thought up but never had anyone to try it on before. Well, I am pretty keen on giving him my ass, but when it comes to receiving, I am a bit nervous. I am freaked out that when we are actually doing it, I will have an accident. The last thing I want in the middle of getting it on is for it all to come out in the end. Please explain to me the easiest, cleanest, and worry-free way I can go about this, so I can truly enjoy myself.

—Dirty Little Mind Wants A Clean Butt

Have no fear! If you are a generally healthy woman with a good diet, normal bowel movements, and no gastrointestinal problems, you can have relatively clean anal sex. Taking a hot, soapy shower and having a bowel movement before anal penetration will insure that there may only be trace amounts of fecal matter in your anal canal and rectum. If you want to take the extra step and have an enema, go right ahead. But know that you don’t have to have an enema to have a mess-free buttbanging.

If you do want to have an enema, there are several different kinds. You can buy a Fleet Enema or a plastic bulb syringe at the drug store. If you use a Fleet, first you should empty the plastic bottle — it contains a liquid laxative which you don’t need to use — and refill it with plain warm water. Always follow the instructions on the box. Or you may want to use an enema bag (a water bottle with a tube attached to it) which rinses farther up into the rectum. Fill the bag with plain warm water only. In addition to your enema bag and tubing, you need a hook of some kind and a place to hang the bag that will be within easy reach of your butt and about eighteen inches (check this) above your ass. Find a position that’s comfortable; you may want to try squatting, lying on your side with one leg pulled up to your chest, or kneeling with your ass up, head down. Use some water-based lubricant on the tip of the nozzle; this goes for the bulb syringe as well, and the Fleet enemas tip is pre-lubricated. Gently insert the tube into your ass.

With a Fleet or bulb syringe, simply squeeze the bottle or bulb and the water will flow into your rectum. With an enema bag, you need to release the gauge on the bag until water begins to flow at the desired pressure (very low pressure is best). Let yourself fill up until you feel like you’ve had enough. When you feel full, close the gauge, take the tube out. Wait a little while (the time varies depending on the person) until you feel like you need to have a bowel movement, then go to the toilet. Repeat the enema several times until only clear water comes out.

If you are going to use an enema, you should have one at least three hours before you have anal sex. An enema loosens everything in your bowels, and often after you feel like you are completely cleaned out, you’ll have an urge a little while later only to discover there was more in there. This is the second wave, and you don’t want it to happen while you’re in the throes of anal pleasure! Giving yourself an enema in the morning before a hot date that night is fine. If it’s not disposable (like a Fleet) then clean your enema equipment well, and do not share it with a partner. Do not overdo it on enemas. I don’t want to see any of you at an Enema Addicts Anonymous meeting!

Wanting to Play Ball

Jan 072001
 


My wife and I have not delved into anal sex. She’s hesitant, while I’d like to play. I’d like us to play both ways, hers by me and mine by her. I’ve read your advice before and get the gist of how to do things. I need to open the conversation about anal in an attractive and fun way. Any suggestions on how to talk about what would be a new sport for us?

—Wanting to Play Ball

Well, I am glad to hear that you are already approaching the subject with an open mind and ass — mainly, that you’re willing to go both ways when it comes to anal pleasure — and I am sure your wife will be, too. Obviously, I want to let the world know about how awesome anal sex can be, but, as a sex educator, I don’t want to coerce anyone into doing something they don’t want to do.

You wrote that your wife is hesitant — have you talked about this subject with her? An honest discussion may be what both of you need. There could be a variety of reasons why she’s not gung-ho about anal sex. Like so many of us, your wife may have certain misconceptions about buttfucking — that it’s dirty, painful, or only for a man’s pleasure — which prevent her from wanting to dive right in. You should correct those myths with the facts: anal sex doesn’t have to be a big mess; if you do it right, it won’t hurt; and women can get off on it in plenty of ways.

Or, perhaps she has had a bad experience in the past. If a boyfriend before you tried to go from zero to 60 in five seconds by sticking his dick in her ass without warm-up, lube, or communication, then chances are it hurt a lot and she never wants to do it again. Here’s your chance to reassure her that this time, with you, it will be different. You will take your time, use plenty of lube, and work her ass up to your cock. If you want to be sexy about this whole conversation, why not whisper in her ear a fantasy you have about fucking her in the ass. That, coupled with communication and information, ought to get her revved up!

Negotiation and Switching

Dec 162000
 


My wife and I of nine years have been experiencing trouble for some time in our relationship. Upon my search to get a new fire rolling, I sought out new ways to please her, which in turn brought us to the world of BDSM. We are both intrigued by anal play (giving and receiving), but she is a little concerned. I think it might be too painful for her. I myself believe we are well on our way to restoring and incorporating this new volcano of sexual energy, but I want to make it happen safely. Also, what are your thoughts on switching?

—Brian

It makes perfect sense to me when people want to combine anal sex and BDSM. Anal play can be very emotionally and psychologically charged, and it can be a perfect activity in which to explore the erotic dynamics of power and control. We learn early on that our assholes are a source of embarrassment and shame or that our buttholes are private, dirty, and shouldn’t be thought of in a sexual way. Anal sex is taboo, forbidden, shrouded in mystery and misinformation. Our asses are also very delicate, sensitive areas that require an extra level of communication, trust, and skill. In other words, you can hurt someone if you don’t do it correctly. When I say hurt, I mean not in a good way.

When I teach anal sex workshops to people who aren’t into BDSM, I try to help them overcome all those negative feelings so they can move on and have pleasurable anal sex. But if you are into BDSM, it’s a different story. As tops, we can take advantage of all these elements of anal eroticism in a scene. We can play on all these different psychological angles to make anal sex a hot BDSM experience. You can taunt a bottom, telling her that she’s nasty and perverted for getting fucked in the ass. You can take a level of control and comfort away from your bottom. When I bottom, I find that giving up my ass to my top can be the ultimate act of submission. Giving over such a delicate part of my body to another person magnifies the inherent power in penetration.

In a non-BDSM context, I recommend lots of communication, but the kinds of things I recommend people say don’t necessarily translate while you’re in role. A top can’t ask “How does that feel honey, am I hurting you?” A bottom can’t say “Go slower, I don’t like it so fast; Okay, I’m ready for more now.” That kind of banter could throw off the dynamic. So I recommend prior communication and negotiation. You can also incorporate different ways to warm up your bottom’s ass into your scene — for example, if you develop a system where the bottom needs to tell you when she wants something bigger in her ass, you’ll know she’s ready without having to ask her (she’ll be the one who has to ask!).

As for my thoughts on switching, contrary to some popular thinking, switches are not just wishy-washy folks who can’t make up their minds. Switches are people who like to see things from both sides and take different positions depending on the particular situation. You may start out wanting to experience different aspects of BDSM from both ends, doling it out and taking it, then find you come to see you really do fit into one or the other. But don’t feel like you have to choose right away or identify yourself to the world at large. Focus on what you want rather than what label applies to you.

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