Angry Butt Wants Relief

Jul 262005
 

I have always enjoyed the feeling of anal penetration while making love to my husband. He enjoys finger fucking me or using a butt plug or other toy. It all feels great and we both enjoy it very much. Here’s the problem: about four days after anal sex and continuing for another week or so, I experience something akin to irritable bowel syndrome. It gets progressively worse, until about the eighth day after sex, and it slowly goes away. The feeling is very discomforting, yet we don’t want to give up anal sex. Any thoughts as to why this happens, and what I can do to eliminate it?

–Angry Butt Wants Relief

Anal sex alone does not cause irritable bowel syndrome (also known as IBS), or symptoms associated with it. Those symptoms can include chronic diarrhea and/or constipation, cramping, bloating, frequent bathroom trips, and abdominal discomfort. When you use plenty of lubrication — which you always should — sometimes you can have loose or runny stools for up to 24 hours after sex; also, if you engage in heavy anal play (for example, using big toys or fisting), you can have some cramping afterward. However, neither of these things should go on for as long as you describe.

It’s also odd that the symptoms don’t appear right away, but several days later which could mean they are not related to the anal sex at all. I suspect that you have an existing gastrointestinal problem and that your anal play is aggravating that condition and causing it to flare up. I recommend you see a gastroenterologist promptly to get to the bottom of your problem. When you do, make sure to be honest about your anal play with your doctor, as it’s important to give health care providers “the whole picture” so they can treat you more effectively.

Curious But Scared

Jul 122005
 

My girlfriend saw some ass to mouth scene (ATM) in a porn movie and went crazy for it. Now she wants to do it. I am afraid that it might be unsafe for one or both of us. We’ve only been dating a short time and I have the feeling that the reason why she likes anal sex so much is that she actually likes shit. I also think she would like to felch herself since she often plays with the liquid spilling out of her anus and licks her fingers. I’m not sure I want to kiss her after she does it. Should I be concerned?

–Curious But Scared

First let me say that nearly every activity you describe in your letter, including anal penetration without a condom — which isn’t specifically stated but implied since you’re coming in her ass — puts both of you at risk for HIV, hepatitis, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other sexually-transmitted diseases. You should both get tested or you should be using a condom and not swapping bodily fluids.

That said, let’s begin with your girlfriend’s ass to mouth fantasy. You’re smart to be concerned about the safety, since there are health concerns with going directly from someone’s ass to their mouth. There is bacteria and fecal matter in her ass that really shouldn’t go other places. The best way to do ATM safely is to pull your dick out of her ass, wipe it with a baby wipe, then stick it in her mouth.

It sounds like your girlfriend is into anal sex, and likes “nasty” stuff like anal creampies, playing with the cum in her ass, and even eating it. I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that this means she likes shit. It sounds to me like she enjoys all things anal, and there’s a big different between that and being into scat (shit play). You said you don’t want to kiss her after she’s been shoving her ass-and-cum soaked fingers in her mouth. It sounds like maybe she’s also into a couple other butt fetishes: felching and snowballing. Felching is where a guy comes in someone’s ass, then sucks his come out of said ass. Snowballing is when the person who did the felching then “swaps” the cum with their partner through kissing and/or spitting. Safety-wise, both are risky for both partners: if she swallows your come, she can catch an STD from you, and if you get bacteria or fecal matter from her ass in your mouth, you can get an STD from her.

Beyond the safety issues, it seems that you may not enjoy the same things that she does, and that is an equally important issue. I encourage you to talk to her about your health concerns as well as your desires to see if there is some middle ground that the two of you can explore which you’ll both enjoy.

Tiny But Tempted

Jun 302005
 

My fiancé and I have been exploring BDSM, which we enjoy fully. He wants to have anal sex with me, and although it would be the first for me, I’m willing to try it out at least once. He does have a really big penis — gloriously big — and I’m concerned about the process as I’m a small woman. Is there anything I can do to prepare myself for him and make this enjoyable for both of us?

–Tiny But Tempted

Your physical size does not necessarily correlate with your ability to take a “gloriously big” cock up your ass. I’ve seen women who are five feet tall and 98 pounds with very large things comfortably nestled in their behinds. It’s more about your internal than your external size. Like the pussy, the ass has the ability to expand when you’re aroused. Plus, the rectum is longer than the vagina and therefore can usually accommodate something bigger.

However, since your guy is larger than average, it means that you’re going to have to work your way up slowly. And since it’s your very first anal adventure, his cock should not go into your ass all in one evening. Instead, I recommend that you begin playing with a finger or a slim toy either alone or with him. Use plenty of lube, go slowly, and stimulate your clit. When you’ve practiced a few times with the one finger/small toy, and it feels great, you can move on to two fingers or a slightly bigger toy. Again, you can play together or you can add anal play to your masturbation. The important thing is not to rush the process. Find a dildo that’s “one step down” from your man’s cock. When you’ve worked up to taking that dildo, and it’s comfortable and pleasurable, then you can try his cock. Make sure he goes very slowly, and that you give him lots of feedback about how it feels. If you both take your time and let your ass set the pace, it will reward you in the end!

New to Anal

Jun 182005
 

My fiancé and I have always wanted to try anal sex, so we bought your video and we got a beginner’s anal kit. I was wondering though, is it safe for a man to come in your ass? And if he does, do you have to have an enema to clean it out afterwards?

–New to Anal

If a man comes inside your ass without a condom, as the recipient of the come, you are at risk of contracting HIV, hepatitis, and other sexually-transmitted diseases (if your partner has any of these, of course). If you and your fiancé have tested negative sexually-transmitted diseases and are monogamous, then it’s safe for him to come in your butt. What goes in must come out, though, as our butts have a natural flushing-out process. So, you may have a runny bowel movement afterward, but there’s no need to have an enema post-buttfucking.

Preggers and Panicked

Jun 102005
 

My partner and I have been experimenting with anal play for years. We are both very comfortable with it and enjoy it enormously. With my first pregnancy, we had anal sex more than vaginal sex because he felt more at ease. I didn’t mind as I feel extraordinarily close to him during anal lovemaking. I had no hemorrhoids at all during or after my first baby. In the six years since her birth I still had no experience with hemorrhoids and we increased our anal sexual enjoyment tenfold.

With my second pregnancy, we again have had a lot of anal sex. I am now seven months pregnant, and I am experiencing hemorrhoids. I am aware of what they are, how you get them, and the steps to avoid them, but they are still there. Can regular anal sex cause hemorrhoids? I am trying a number of remedies to get rid of them and one is gone, but it seems there is a skin tag or a small pucker of loose skin where it was. Can I expect this to go away or will I always have a remnant? Are there usually remnants of hemorrhoids once they go away or will my ass go back to its normal tight and smooth self? My ass is a BIG part of our sex life and I am worried about how this may affect us. Should I consider surgery to get it back to the way it used to be?

–Preggers and Panicked

Hemorrhoids are blood vessels in and around the anal opening and lower rectum that have filled with blood and gotten very swollen; they can cause itching, irritation, bleeding and pain, especially during bowel movements. Getting hemorrhoids is extremely common for pregnant women for a few reasons: constipation can be common during pregnancy, and straining during bowel movements causes hemorrhoids; an increase in certain hormones causes the walls of your veins to relax which means they can get swollen more easily; the uterus puts pressure on pelvic veins causing them to swell. The fact that you didn’t get them the first time around was very lucky. The cause of your hemorrhoids is your pregnancy, not the anal sex. Although, while you’re having a flare up, anal sex can aggravate the condition by irritating your already inflamed anus.

A skin tag that appears after a hemorrhoid (also known as a hemorrhoid tab) is the result of a swollen external hemorrhoid, usually one that’s serious and not properly treated. Skin tags do not go away on their own. Most skin tags are benign, and they can be removed by a physician. My concern is that you are treating your hemorrhoids yourself, and improper treatment may have caused the first skin tag, and you don’t want to get any more. I suggest you consult a doctor about your hemorrhoids and the skin tag to see what your options are. In the meantime, make your health and pregnancy your priority for now, and try not to stress too much about your sex life. After your baby is born and you can treat your hemorrhoids with the help of a doctor, then you get back into the swing of things. With patience and good medical treatment, your anal sex life should not be affected.

ATM and ATV Fan

Jun 022005
 

I’ve been doing extensive research, and I’ve yet to find a site that is willing to explore the eroticism of ass-to-mouth and/or ass-to-vaginal play. I’ve read everywhere that both can be dangerous because of the risk of infections, but my girlfriend and I have been seeing more and more of it recently in porn, and quite frankly, curiosity has stirred in both of us. In the movies, guys go straight from one orifice to another, so unless this is a camera trick, it is being done. Because the porn industry is highly regulated, I’m sure it is being done safely. But I want to make sure since I do not want to endanger her in anyway. Is there a safe and hygienic way to go from ass-to-mouth and from ass-to-pussy?

–ATM and ATV Fan

The porn industry is self-regulated and has strict standards for HIV and STD testing. Beyond that, you must remember that the industry is not a monolithic entity, but a diverse group of people that includes producers, directors, and performers. These people make choices every day about what sex acts they will perform and capture on film. Adult films can depict behavior that some of us may deem risky or even dangerous. Some movies begin with a disclaimer about safer sex practices or a “don’t necessarily try this at home” kind of statement. Porn is a great tool for couples to explore fantasies, but you shouldn’t always assume what you see on the small screen is safe for you or follow it to the letter.

Taking a finger, toy, or cock and moving it directly from an ass to a pussy puts the owner of that pussy at risk for infection. There is bacteria that lives in the rectum (and in fecal matter) that, when introduced into the vagina, will likely set up shop and cause a vaginal infection. Does it happen every single time? No. Do some female porn stars practice ass to pussy and remain infection-free? Sure. But those who do are usually the exception.

As for the ass to mouth route, you’re faced with the same issue: a transfer of rectal bacteria and possibly fecal matter to someone’s kisser. If she has cuts in her mouth or bleeding gums, that bacteria can go directly into her bloodstream. There are a few ways to enact these fantasies more safely. When you pull your dick out of her ass, have a baby wipe handy, give your cock a few swipes, then head toward her pussy or mouth. Baby wipes don’t kill anything, but they can remove some bacteria. Or wear a condom for the buttfucking, then slip it off before you switch from ass to other orifice. I know that condoms and baby wipes may dampen the fantasy of dirty, nasty sex, but better to be safe than sorry.

Desperately Seeking The A-Spot

May 292005
 

I am on a maddening search to find information online about the A-spot on/in a woman. We’ve all heard plenty about the G-spot but the A is not so much talked about. Have you heard about it and can you advise me where it is exactly and how it is stimulated?

–Desperately Seeking The A-Spot

I pride myself on knowing nearly everything there is to know about the ass, and I’ve never heard of the A-Spot! If you’re searching for the equivalent to the G-spot in a girl’s behind, the bad news is that there isn’t one. Men have a prostate which is sometimes referred to as the male G-spot (I’ve never heard it called the A-spot, although I suppose it could be). You can stimulate the prostate through anal penetration and it’s very pleasurable for guys, but there isn’t an exact equivalent for chicks.

The good news is that if you’re hunting for sensitive spots inside a woman’s butt, there are plenty. The anus, anal canal, and rectum are all made of sensitive tissue that’s rich in nerve endings and very responsive to all kinds of stimulation. Plus, many women find that their G-spots get indirectly stimulated through anal penetration; some even say that an anal orgasm feels a lot like the orgasm they experience from direct G-spot stimulation. To indirectly hit the G-spot, slip a finger or two inside the ass and aim toward the front of the body (just like when you want to get to the G-spot); curved dildos and vibrators can also be great for anal penetration and indirect G-spot stimulation. You can call off your search for the A-spot — there isn’t just one spot, the whole butt is fair game!

Going Back to the Backdoor

May 132005
 

Many years ago, I had anal sex with a man I was very much in love with. I am now getting involved in a new relationship. My new lover knows that I have had anal sex before, but he does not know how long it has been. My question is: since I have not had anal sex for a long time, will we have to start from the beginning?

–Going Back to the Backdoor

Besides saying “a long time,” you didn’t specify exactly how long it’s been since you’ve had a cock up your ass. A year? Five years? Ten years? If it’s been more than a few years, then you should start slowly. Begin with lots of foreplay and lube and work your way up to one finger or a slim toy, and don’t go any farther than that. Next time, you can experiment with two fingers. You want to re-introduce the pleasures of buttfucking to your ass in a gradual way.

Don’t think of it as a chore, but instead use it as an opportunity to re-experience the first time you ever had something in your ass. You and your guy can revel in the excitement, the slight resistance, the de-flowering of that tight little hole. Relish each new step when your ass is able to take a little more. The body does have memory, so I suspect that it may take less time to build from fingers to your new lover’s dick, but everyone is different. Listen to your body, honor its boundaries, and take it as slow as you need to.

Backdoor Couple

Apr 172005
 

I have recently started dating a girl who, like me, really enjoys anal intercourse. Obviously we are at the start of the relationship and are having multiple encounters that include much anal play and some anal intercourse. We are both well versed in all of the basics of anal play i.e. lube, cleanliness, order of entry etc. If we engage in anal intercourse three or four times a week, should we be concerned about long-term damage to her ass due to such frequency?

–Backdoor Couple

As long as you’re following the general rules for safe and pleasurable anal play — go slow, relax, use plenty of lube, work your way up to intercourse — then you’re not in any danger of causing harm in the short or long term. The majority of people who develop health issues because of anal sex combine drugs and alcohol with their play or push their bodies too far too fast. Make sure your girlfriend listens to her body, and if her ass feels sore or tired, then give it a brief vacation; otherwise, have as much anal play as you like. In fact, anal sex can increase circulation to the anal area as well as tone and exercise the anal sphincter muscles. So, the more good butt sex you have, the healthier your butt can be!

Anal Novice

Apr 082005
 

Is there a rule of thumb about eating before anal sex so as not to disrupt anal activity with bowel movement? Should you time meals in a particular way? Should you fast before anal sex, and, if so, for how long?

–Anal Novice

Everyone’s digestive system is different, so there is no universal rule of thumb when it comes to how your gastrointestinal system works. You know your ass, your bathroom schedule, and your regularity better than anyone else. However, as a general guideline, you should have a bowel movement before anal penetration in order to empty your bowels and ‘clear the runway’ for anal play. Eating a big meal before a hot anal sex date is probably not the best idea since it’s likely to stimulate digestion. In addition, if you have a particularly sensitive system, then avoid foods that are spicy or especially hard for your body to digest. I don’t recommend that people fast before anal sex, since fasting can cause a drop in blood sugar levels, and it’s never ideal to have sex while lightheaded and hungry. Fasting can also disrupt your body’s natural processes, throwing everything out of whack.

 Older Entries  Newer Entries