Puddles

May 152003
 

I’m a heterosexual male. After about 3 years or so, I’ve got my partner into anal sex. First, I worked her up into accepting two fingers, then I worked her up to my cock. As suggested I used lots of lube, the thick stuff; I also ejaculated in her ass. Later that day she complained of having really loose stool and a watery discharge. Could this be from her body expelling an abundance of come or using too much lube? I love ass play but I don’t like the idea of wrecking someone’s plumbing for the day. What’s the best way of lubing someone without overdoing it?

–Puddles

Many people experience runny or loose bowel movements after extended anal play, so your girlfriend’s experience is a common one. Unfortunately, what goes in must come out, and while some of the water-based lube will dry up and some will be absorbed into the body, the rest has to get flushed out of the rectum the old fashioned way. Plus, most water-based lubes contain some form of glycerin (which helps lube stay wet), and glycerin is used in suppository form for constipation, so, well, you get the idea. You may want to try a glycerin-free lube, like Maximus or Slippery Stuff for example, or one with glycerin low on the list of ingredients. Another alternative is to experiment with silicone lubes. Silicone stays wet much longer, and so you need a fraction of the amount you’d use in a water-based lube for penetration. Eros makes a silicone gel version which I definitely recommend.

Stubborn Submissive

Apr 302003
 

My boyfriend and I have a Dom/sub relationship (he is the Dom). We also play with some “special friends” from time to time. Since I feel no hesitation having anal sex with him because of our love and trust, I am not really interested in engaging in it with others. He seems to see this as resistance to his control and it has led to some heated discussions. I have told him I am not interested but his challenge is, “How do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try it?” Do you have any advice on a good response or two that I can have ready the next time the subject comes up?

–Stubborn Submissive

While I understand that complete control and surrender of one’s free will is a goal for many people in Dominant/submissive relationships, I’m also practical: very few human beings can be 100% submissive and surrender all their free will to another person. That’s why it is quite common in the leather world for people to negotiate ground rules in scenes and relationships. I appreciate your Dominant’s desire to have your complete obedience, to push you to expand your erotic horizons, and to see other people fuck you in the ass; however, I am siding with you on this one. You have communicated a clear boundary to him, and I think that boundary needs to be respected. He needs to see that you having limits does not mean you are resisting him, but that you are taking care of yourself, listening to your instincts, and communicating clearly — which are all great qualities for a submissive to have.

Ass Man

Apr 142003
 

I am big fan of anal sex. It is the best kind of sexual stimulation for me. I think that it is the top way to emotionally connect for a couple. My girlfriend was very reluctant to have anal sex when we first started to date, but she eventually agreed. I think it’s important for the man not to be an assailant, but to be patient. We now have anal sex about once a month. Last time we had it she said that she has a more intense orgasm with anal than with vaginal penetration. Is it possible that anal offers a better orgasm for women than vaginal penetration? Do you prefer anal over vaginal sex?

–Ass Man

Different women have different kinds of orgasms. Some women say that they experience different orgasms through clitoral stimulation alone, versus vaginal penetration alone, versus anal penetration. When sensations are combined, women may have still other kinds of orgasms. Many women experience indirect G-spot stimulation when they get fucked in the ass, and others like to add clitoral stimulation during anal penetration.

Yes, it is absolutely possible that for your girlfriend, anal penetration produces the most intense orgasm she’s ever felt. That may mean the orgasm feel like it’s rocking her entire body, rather than localized in her genitals or it may mean that the orgasm lasts longer, or it may mean the sensation feels stronger than when she comes other ways. As for me, well, I have never made it a secret that I love anal sex, and I have much more intense orgasms through anal penetration than I do from anything else. Why do you think they call me Butt Girl?

Bobbing, Then Throbbing

Apr 052003
 

My wife and I had our first anal intercourse on our 20th wedding anniversary. It was great! She enjoyed it and so did I. Three months later, we are still having anal sex and enjoying it. It still amazes me how easy this comes to her. She can relax very easy and has no problem with penetration. Sometimes, after anal sex, if we both do a lot of thrusting, when we are through, my wife says her ass feels numb or throbbing. She says it is not pain, just discomfort. She has no discomfort or pain at all during anal sex. If we just do a short session (like 5 minutes of pumping) she does not have this feeling. We both want to pump longer but without the side effects, if possible. We have tried more lube. Is this a common problem? Can it be worked through?

–Bobbing, Then Throbbing

You and your wife are an inspiration to married couples everywhere! Not only are you still having sex and enjoying it after twenty years of marriage, but you aren’t afraid to try new things, which I think is exemplary. As for your problem, it’s a unique one in terms of all the questions I get asked about anal sex. Feeling numb and throbbing are two very different sensations in my book, so I am going to address them separately.

When you engage in anal penetration, blood rushes to the anal area and it becomes engorged, just like your genitals do when you stimulate those. Because the ass is full of nerve endings and thus very sensitive, your wife should never have a numb feeling; indeed, most people say it’s quite the opposite: their nerves are electrified. If the numbing sensation continues, I would suggest she consult a doctor, because she may have a circulatory problem. As for the throbbing, once the area is engorged and it’s been vigorously stimulated through repeated thrusting, throbbing seems like a natural response. You’ve worked her ass over well, and it’s responding! As long as the throbbing subsides and she doesn’t feel any pain, then I’d say you’re doing a good job.

Love or Lust?

Mar 282003
 

I’m a girl who likes to indulge in many different forms of erotic play, including: spanking, enemas, assfucking, bondage, fisting (vaginal and anal), S/M, and play piercing. I was introduced to these in college when I was 19, and have been enjoying them for years (I am now 29). Unfortunantly, my girlfriend refuses to participate in any of my fantasies. I live in a small city with my girlfriend where it’s impossible to meet anyone who enjoys ‘out of the ordinary fucking’ (traditional, man/woman, dick into pussy fucking). There isn’t even an adult toy store! I love her very much, but I constantly feel restless and incomplete when it comes to our sex lives. I don’t want to leave her, but I want to be able to satisfy my sexual needs. I’ve tried talking to her, but she won’t change her mind. I honestly don’t know what to do and would like an outside opinion.

–Love or Lust?

Your problem is more common than you might think because it boils down to this: you and your girlfriend are sexually incompatible. You tend toward experimentation, SM, and kink, where she sounds like she prefers a straightforward vanilla sex life. First know that sex and sexual compatibility are valuable, important aspects of a relationship, and the fact that you make them a priority doesn’t make you shallow or wrong. If your partner will not meet you half way and even try some of these activities with you, then you have two options: negotiate to open your relationship, so that you can explore your desires and fantasies with other partners or find a new girlfriend.

Enema Newbie

Mar 162003
 

I am a newbie and have just begun to think about experimenting with anal sex. I read all your articles and I am very eager to give it a try. I started by doing a Fleet enema; I emptied it and filled it with water as you had suggested. The enema was okay, however, I did not get that full feeling that you described. I was looking forward to it. Is it possible that the type of enema I used is not enough? Or did it really do the trick? My husband and I didn’t get too far that first attempt, so I’m not sure how clean I was or wasn’t. I heard you describe the enema bag and wondered if that is something I should give a try.

–Enema Newbie

The Fleet enema (or a bulb syringe) is like an anal douche; it rinses the anal canal and the lower part of the rectum. It is the simplest, least expensive, and most widely available enema, which is why I recommend it for beginners, but it is not necessarily the most thorough. If your goal is to ensure cleanliness, then as long as you filled your ass up a few times, and the final time all that came out was clear water, you can feel confident you are clean. If your goal is to achieve a full feeling or experience the erotic potential of an enema, then the enema bag is probably a better bet for you, since you can fill up with a great quantity of water and experiment with different kinds of nozzles, including those that look and feel like butt plugs and inflatable nozzles, which enhance the feeling of fullness.

Painful Pee Post-Sex

Feb 252003
 

I develop a urinary tract infection (UTI) almost every time I have anal sex, and it is really frustrating. I thought I was doing everything right. I have an enema beforehand. I make sure there is not too much fondling of my vagina during anal sex (although I hate that, as I always enjoy his fingers or a toy inside me during anal). After making love, I get up and shower, washing with mild soap (which is inconvenient to do just after sex). I have seen a urologist about this annoyance, and have been given an antibiotic as a prophylactic, but I do not like the antibiotic therapy. We do not switch from tushy to pussy, and my ass is almost always very clean, although I realize that we can only be so clean, as there is microscopic bacteria in the rectum. I would appreciate any recommendations you have, so I can stop having UTIs and keep having more anal sex.

–Painful Pee Post-Sex

Many women get UTIs after sex because bacteria from your partner’s cock, or your ass, gets into the urethra where it causes an infection. It sounds to me like you may be especially prone to UTIs if you are getting them so frequently. You have been doing all the right things (enema, no ass to pussy, no vaginal play during anal, and a post-sex shower) to prevent a possible infection, but I do have some additional advice.

First and foremost, make sure that lube from your ass isn’t “migrating” to your pussy. This is a common problem, especially if you are doing it doggie-style. One way to prevent what I call “the drip down effect” is to switch to a different position, like missionary, where gravity is working in your favor. You should also try to keep some unscented baby wipes on hand to wipe excess lube away from your butt before it makes its way to your pussy. After sex, the first thing you should do is pee, even if you feel like you don’t have to. The simple act of urinating can flush out any bacteria that may have gotten into your urethra. Then, shower as you have been to wash away lube, semen, and any other body fluids you’ve got in or on you. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids after anal sex, and pee often to make sure to clear out the urethra.

Strap-on Slut

Feb 132003
 

I’m a lesbian in a relationship with a great girl. I’d visited your website before and the idea of anal sex interested both of us, but we’d never gone beyond a little hesitant touching. Your book was an eye-opening experience! I thought that my sex life was fun before, but you helped us to safely discover a whole new level of pleasure, and I really want to thank you for that. My girlfriend and I have different views on the subject: she likes it when I penetrate her with a strap-on dildo; I prefer when she puts a butt plug in my ass, and I wear it for a while — I like the “full feeling” better. We use condoms on our toys, we’re careful to take our time, and we use plenty of lubricant.

After an anal session, whether it’s with a butt plug or dildo, however, my girlfriend gets abdominal cramps. She has absolutely no pain during sex itself (quite the opposite), only afterwards! We have tried different positions, enemas, breathing techniques, and having several orgasms before anal penetration. The dildo I am using is only about 1.5″ in diameter, and she has no problem taking it. The only time she doesn’t suffer these symptoms is when we just do gentle fingering (one or two fingers). This would be fine except she is very into the strap-on. Can you help us?

–Strap-on Slut

When people write to me about pain and discomfort from anal penetration, it’s usually about burning and other painful feelings in their rectum. However, cramping after anal sex is not unusual. In fact, lots of people ask me, “After you did your final scene in The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women video, wasn’t your ass sore?” I tell them the truth: I had so much warm up with fingers and toys, and I was so turned on that my ass was relaxed and open. Even lots of anal penetration over several hours of taping didn’t make me sore, but I did feel some cramps in my abdomen afterwards. Of course, making my video was like the Anal Olympics for me, and I don’t want your girlfriend to have discomfort just from what is, comparatively, a run around the track.

I have a few suggestions. First, don’t fuck on a full stomach. If her body is trying to digest a big meal, then stimulation in the rectum could confuse the natural bowel processes. Similarly, just like you shouldn’t drink gallons of water before you work out your abdominal muscles at the gym, the same holds true for getting plowed. Second, consider using a shorter dildo. The longer the cock, the closer it gets to the lower colon, which for some people may disrupt colonic activity and cause cramps. Finally, as you thrust in and out of her with your cock, air can be pushed inside her rectum and travel upward in the body, giving her cramps, so no more doing her in wind tunnels. Seriously, if her cramping persists, I suggest she consult a physician to see if she is suffering from a gastrointestinal problem.

Waiting to Inflate

Feb 082003
 

First off, thank you for writing a great book and making a movie out of it. It was a great help in introducing anal sex to our marriage. Do those inflatable vibrating butt plugs really work? Are they safe and fun or are they just another novelty?

–Waiting to Inflate

Inflatable butt plugs look like bachelor-party gag gifts, but they are sex toys that actually work. Some of my best friends swear by inflatable plugs! One selling point is that you can gradually work your way up from slim to sizable without having to buy four different sized butt plugs. You can track your progress, and one toy can suit your different desires. Once the plug is inside you, you can give your ass time to relax, then one pump, and you feel more full. Like with all kinds of anal play, don’t try to rush things — take your time.

Also keep in mind that you should use common sense and never over-inflate one of these bad boys. Make sure you inflate it outside the body, and note how many squeezes of the inflating pump it can take, since you don’t want to find out its limit while it’s up your butt. According to all the letters I receive, and the people I meet at my anal sex workshops across the country, I know of only two people who’ve ever experienced an inflatable plug bursting. Both times, it was a manufacturing defect, and it broke into a few pieces which were easily removed. So go ahead and pump your way to pleasure!

Anally Concerned Couple

Jan 302003
 

My girlfriend and I have realized the joys of anal play and recently started playing with a latex vibrating butt plug. It’s been a great addition, but we experienced something bizarre when using it recently. When I pulled the plug out of her butt after a short play session, a large amount of mucous-like substance came out of her ass as well. It had no trace of fecal matter and definitely was not lube but neither of us knew what to make of this. Are we doing something wrong or should I be concerned with anything?

–Anally Concerned Couple

Congrats on coming over to the tushy team! When stuff comes out of our asses that we don’t recognize, it can be alarming, so I understand your concern completely. Rest assured, you are fine. The rectum is lined with a thin layer of mucous which helps to protect it. When we put toys inside our butts, some of that mucous can cling to the toy, and even mix with lubricant, which sounds like what happened to you. The rectum naturally regenerates the mucous, so your ass will return to normal. Then you can stick more things in it!

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