Do-Right Dom

Jan 142003
 

I have been an anal lover for years, and I recently met a new woman who has become my submissive. I would love to start her anal training as she has just begun to understand her submissive side, and it really comes out when I even mention doing her in the ass. Here’s the problem: she told me that she had surgery to remove hemorrhoids, so I am concerned. It has been a year and she has a clean bill of health from her doctor. Can we begin to have anal intercourse as well as other fun and games?

–Do-Right Dom

If your submissive had surgery to treat her hemorrhoids, then her problem was probably pretty serious. Many people with hemorrhoids are able to enjoy anal penetration as long as they pay close attention to their butts, and don’t engage in backdoor banging during a flare up. If she feels itching, burning or any discomfort, you should stop at once. But before you do anything, has she talked to her doctor about resuming anal play? I know it can be a difficult or embarrassing thing to bring up with a health care professional, but your submissive’s doctor knows her ass well by now, so he or she is the best person to ask about its health. If the doctor gives you the green light, then progress slowly, use plenty of lube, and err on the side of gentleness to begin. Instruct your submissive to give you post-scene reports about how her ass is feeling, which will give you information about how to proceed.

Avid Analist

Jan 032003
 

My girlfriend and I just started having anal sex; thanks for your wonderful web site and all your great advice. I was wondering, would a fairly good amount of semen in the rectum do anything bad? Or would you recommend against it?

–Avid Analist

Lots of people ask about having unprotected anal sex, and if ejaculation in the ass is harmful in any way, and the answer, like those to many questions is: it depends. If you have anal intercourse without a condom, both partners can be at risk of contracting HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts, and hepatitis. The risks increase for your partner if you ejaculate, since semen has a high concentration of HIV and many of the STDs mentioned. If you and your partner tested negative for all these diseases and are monogamous, then having anal sex without a condom and coming in her ass is safe. Since you described your load as “a fairly good amount of semen,” I’ll remind you that what goes in must come out, so the semen may dribble out of her ass (along with all the lube you put in there), but a quick trip to the bathroom should take care of that!

Mr. Brown Nose

Dec 112002
 

I have been married for almost twenty years. I have never found the courage to ask my wife to buttfuck. She says she hates it! Though she’s never tried it. She does let me sniff her butt, which turns me on so much my heart pounds. Is this a fetish? I haven’t seen anything on the web about butt sniffing or face sitting. Am I sick or just anally amused?

–Mr. Brown Nose

Our sense of smell is as important as all our other senses, and can be a crucial component in our sexual arousal. That’s the reason that people wear perfume or cologne to attract others, and why aromatherapy works, because scents can relax, excite, or entice us. Pheromones are naturally occurring chemicals which we can’t actually smell; but our noses detect them, and supposedly send messages to the brain, stimulating the body and creating a subconscious increase in desire. So, the nose is an important sex organ. Certain smells can be a big turn on for some people, and repulsive to others. It sounds like you’ve got a nose for that little nook between your girlfriend’s butt cheeks, and I can assure you that you are not the only one. In fact, there are plenty of web sites devoted to butt sniffing. As for the face sitting fetish, I’ve seen it in lots of adult videos, including the legendary Face Dance Obsession from Evil Angel Video.

I Want A Pain-Free Poke

Nov 262002
 

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 years. My boyfriend wants to have anal sex, but he is very big and thick. He hurts me when we’re just having regular sex. I don’t know why, since I’m 100% wet when we have sex, and it still hurts. We tried anal once but I told him to take it out because it hurt even when he put the head in. I’m just afraid that if we have anal sex he’s gonna hurt me. He says he will go slow, but he never listens to himself. Just before he’s getting ready to cum he starts to do it harder, so I don’t know if I should do it with him or not.

–I Want A Pain-Free Poke

First, I recommend you really focus on extended foreplay before your boyfriend even attempts penetration with his dick. Have him go down on you, rub your clit, use a vibrator, and work your body before getting inside it. The more aroused you get, the better your circulation; blood rushes to the genitals, the body relaxes, the pussy lubricates, and penetration becomes much easier. You say you are 100% wet, but I still really recommend using lube. Lube makes everything nice and slick, and eases penetration whether he’s well endowed or not. You also need to warm up both your ass and pussy with something smaller than your husband’s dick, like his fingers or a smaller dildo or vibrator. Start small and slow, and work your way up. Add another finger or go farther in only when you feel completely relaxed and ready for more. Don’t rush it.

Once you start having intercourse, make sure you are in the driver’s seat. You call the shots about how hard, how deep, how fast. Talk to your boyfriend and make sure he knows when something feels really good and when it does not. Penetration, whether vaginal or anal, should never hurt you. Take the time to make sure your body is warmed up, you are ready, and make sure he’s connected to you so he knows when the time is right.

For some men, in order to orgasm they need to take some very quick hard thrusts, which sounds like it may be the case with your guy. If he simply can’t slow down or when he does slow down, he can’t come, then I suggest this: when he’s ready to shoot, have him pull out. Then you can give him a hand job, he can jerk himself off, or he can thrust against you but not inside you.

Ass Scratch

Nov 152002
 

I have had some discomfort since I allowed my girlfriend to insert her fingers inside my ass. I am afraid she might have scratched me. Is this situation dangerous? What treatment can I use to heal if I am scratched?

–Ass Scratch

Since you didn’t specify if the suspected scratch is external or internal, I will give you advice about both. If the scratch is on the outside, you should take extra care to make sure it stays clean in the next week; look at the local drugstore for personal hygeine cloths which contain soothing ingredients like witch hazel. If you believe there is a scratch or minor cut inside your rectum, your body should heal itself, and you should be free of all discomfort within about a week. If you continue to experience pain or if you are bleeding after a few days, then go see a physician.

Let me give you some tips for the future about how to protect yourself without sacrificing your sex life. Whether she has real or fake nails, no matter what the length, your girlfriend should definitely wear gloves when she fucks you in the ass. Latex or non-latex gloves alone are fine for short nails or even when you are just not so sure about rough edges, torn cuticles, or other things which could cause a tear. But for anything longer than very short nails, she can stuff half a cotton ball in each of the finger tips of the glove or wrap her nails in gauze before she slips into a glove. This will protect her nails and, very importantly, your ass from any future mishaps.

Female Fisting Fan

Nov 082002
 

My question is about anal fisting. My girlfriend started out with her fingers, and this weekend she wanted to put in as much as I could take. After all was said and done, she had her fist in me. I must say, it hurt a little, but I enjoyed it, and she did also. How often can a person do this to their ass? I do not want to find that when I hit the age of 40, I will have some long term problems.

–Female Fisting Fan

Like everything else we do, especially the more extreme activities, moderation is always best. Fisting is an activity that requires patience, practice, skill, and lots of lube. As long as you take your time and listen to your body, you can engage in anal fisting as often as your body can handle it. But it’s important that you and your girlfriend respect your body’s limits. Even those who exercise care and caution may be left the next day with a sore ass, so it’s best to give your ass a few days rest in between frenetic fisting sessions. Anal penetration and fisting shouldn’t hurt, and if you experience pain, you should slow down, back off, or stop altogether. If you don’t, and you push yourself too much, you are more likely to cause some kind of trauma to the delicate rectal tissue which can lead to discomfort, pain, and damage to your ass. To keep your ass happy and healthy, practice common sense, and don’t over do it. The better you treat it, the more you’ll be able to fist it!

Anal Addict

Oct 252002
 

I never thought that I would enjoy anal sex as much as I do. I’ve been married over 15 years and my husband has suggested it a couple of times, and he even rubbed around my butt a few times, but as a “good girl,” I never wanted to go further. That changed on my husband’s 40th birthday. I offered him my butt to do as he wished and I have to admit I really really liked it (even though it was a bit sore the next morning). That was three years ago. Now, I often think that I prefer anal sex (but having both my butt and vagina filled is absolutely the best). Most of our intercourse includes some sort of anal play (I haven’t tried anything really big yet though). This leads to a question: Is it normal to like anal sex as much or better than vaginal sex (yes, I can orgasm both ways)? Thanks for any advice.

–Anal Addict

Welcome to the club! And what a great birthday present you gave your husband! To answer your question simply and directly, there is really no such thing as “normal.” Mainstream culture and media would have us believe that heterosexual cock-in-pussy intercourse is the most common activity and therefore normal, but we all know that is bull. The truth is that we like what we like. Whether it’s the smack of a riding crop on your butt, an enthusiastic toe-sucking, or anal play, if it turns you and your partner on, then go for it! For some women, anal penetration may feel as good as or better than vaginal penetration; lots of people tell me that anal play produces more intense orgasms. Plus, adding clitoral stimulation to backdoor banging or creating an angle for indirect G-spot stimulation can all help increase the pleasure of anal penetration. It sounds like you really enjoy anal sex with your husband (and congrats for being able to come from it); ignore those voices in your head which may be calling you deviant or weird, and just keep doing what you’re doing.

Rough Anal Player

Oct 122002
 

Receiving anal penetration and being sexually submissive has always been the focus of my sexual fantasies. More specifically, I like the anal penetration to be painful. I always imagined it that way and was disappointed when my partner was too gentle at first. He knows me better now, and I have been able to fulfill my anal fantasies with him for the past six months. We usually start with fingers, dildos or plugs, but unlike everything else I’ve read, we use these to make me sore, not to warm me up, and we use as little lubrication as possible. I can only feel totally aroused when it begins to burn, sting, or ache and I feel I want my partner to stop. This particular pain, coupled with some light to medium flogging, is the one thing that makes me really orgasm. I also love the feeling of soreness the next day.

I always recover after a day or so of restraint, but I am now worried after reading more about the dos and don’t of anal sex that over time I could cause permanent damage to myself. I love it so much, and it is so sexually satisfying to me that it would be a problem for me to lessen this behavior. I would like to know if anyone else has enjoyed such rough anal penetration over a long period of time, and if they have or haven’t had any problems.

–Rough Anal Player

Thank you for writing to me. I think it is incredibly brave of you to be so honest about your sexual desires and practices, especially when many people might see them as sick, twisted, and politically incorrect, even fellow BDSM players. I appreciate your candor, and I think that yours is an important letter to print, because I am sure you are not the only one out there. As kinky people who practice all kinds of BDSM, we know that there is a fine line between pleasure and pain, and that line is different for everyone. People who enjoy flogging, spanking, piercing, and other forms of intense sensation play know the high from the rush of endorphins we get, the thrill of pushing the limits of our bodies, and the orgasmic potential of these activities which non-kinky people would see as cruel and painful.

As a community, BDSM players often reiterate ad nauseum that our activities are “safe, sane, and consensual” and we frown upon “unsafe” players. With most forms of sensation play, you can paddle, whip, beat, pierce and cut fleshy, well-padded areas of the body. You should never strike joints, boney areas, areas around internal organs, the neck, head, or face. I think the ass would fall into the latter category as an area we shouldn’t deliberately hurt simply because unlike fleshly parts of our body which may redden, bruise, or bleed but eventually recover completely, the ass is not so resilient. The rectum is quite delicate, which is why sex educators like myself encourage people to go slow, warm the body up, and use plenty of lube. It’s a matter of comfort — I assume that the majority of people do not want to experience pain through anal penetration. Anal sex has long been mythologized as violent and painful for women, and I am attempting to counteract that stereotype by teaching people to have pain-free anal penetration.

Your desire for pain puts you in the minority but that doesn’t mean it is not valid. However, you need to know the risks of your practices. Through repeated penetration with little warm up, no lube, or deliberate roughness, you can scrape or abrade the rectum, develop anal fissures and other ailments, and cause permanent damage to your ass. Permanent damage could mean no more anal play at all, which doesn’t sound like what you want. Yours is a difficult dilemma. I want you to do what turns you on and makes you come, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself or damage your body in the process.

I think you should explore other kinds of play which may produce similar sensations for you, but happen on a less fragile part of the body. But even as I write that recommendation, I realize that part of the turn on for you may be that you don’t want to feel pain in the “safe” places on your body, but in the very places we’re told are too delicate and off limits. You and your partner should explore new ways to approximate the pain sensations while still taking good care of your ass. Adding warm up and lube to the equation will protect your body and won’t prevent you from feeling the burn or the ache, especially with especially large toys. You need to find that unique line for yourself where the sensation is intense enough to satisfy you, but you are mindful of not hurting yourself.

Scraped My Behind

Sep 172002
 

I received a scrape from a clean, but damaged toy along one part of the inside of my anus. I hesitate to say ‘cut’ because the skin is so soft and the toy was not that sharp. It bled quite a bit at first, but quickly stopped. The next morning, I had a bowel movement and when I wiped there was another good amount of blood, but on the second wipe was almost non-existent. Is there anything I should do to help heal this scrape, or do I leave it alone and let it heal on its own?

–Scraped My Behind

Anything that you put in your ass should be clean and smooth, including toys, plugs, vibrators, and fingers. Some of the less expensive rubber toys have nasty seams which, like a jagged nail or torn cuticle, can do more damage than you think. So, throw away that damaged toy which should not have been in your ass in the first place.

Even when we take extra care, because the lining of the rectum is quite delicate, minute tears and scrapes can be common during anal play. Most are so small that they don’t bleed and people don’t experience discomfort from them. You obviously got a more significant scrape from the offending toy. The sight of blood usually scares people, but the first rule is: don’t panic. The ass, like the rest of the body, has a great ability to heal itself. Get plenty of rest, stay hydrated, take some vitamins, and your body should be able to do the rest. Obviously, lay off the anal play for about a week so you don’t aggravate the cut. If you find that it does not stop bleeding within 24 hours, the amount of blood increases, or you experience pain, then you should see a doctor at once.

Sympathetic Squirter

Sep 102002
 

When my wife and I have anal, she can feel the throb of my penis when I orgasm. But I’ve always heard there are women who can detect much more than that: they feel the semen splashing warm into their butts when their man comes. My wife cannot. We both wish she could, but if this just a myth we’d have less reason to feel disappointed. Can some women really feel the squirt itself?

–Sympathetic Squirter

The anal canal and rectum are full of nerve endings and therefore very sensitive, which is why the ass responds so well to stimulation, vibration, and penetration. This sensitivity also leads some women to feel other sensations besides the usual pleasure feelings from a good ass fucking, which accounts for the throbbing of your cock that your wife feels. While many women say they can feel a man’s cock spasm as he comes, I’ve only known a few women who say they can actually feel a rush of semen in their ass. I suppose it depends on a woman’s sensitivity and the speed, force, and amount of the guy’s ejaculation. Most men don’t ejaculate enough to produce a splashing effect like you describe.

That said, remember that our nerve endings connect back to our brains, which tell us what we’re feeling. So, if a woman can visualize the moment of ejaculation when semen squirts out of a cock and into her ass, then she can associate what she feels with that action. In other words, the power of suggestion can be more potent than concentrated semen. If you tell her when you come, and describe it for her, the two of you can share the experience on an intense, visceral level.

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