Jun 302004

I am a thirty year old woman in a D/s relationship. My Master really enjoyed something that I unknowingly did last night. I was in “doggie style” position, and he was playing with my ass from behind. I was very, very aroused and without knowing or trying, I experienced what I have seen you refer to as “the gape.” It turned him on a great deal. I was able to continue this for quite while, even while alternating contracting and relaxing my sphincter muscles. Then, suddenly, I just couldn’t reproduce the gape again no matter how I tried. If you have any information on how I might cultivate or encourage this skill, I would be most grateful.

–Going for the Gape

It sounds to me like you stumbled upon something that other people work pretty hard to achieve! Usually in order to get the gape, you need to be very turned on (as you said you were) and have an extended anal penetration scene to get your sphincter muscles to relax and open up. For some women, having something sizable in their ass for a while is enough to bring on the gape. From the description of your experience, you have a good awareness of and control over those muscles, which can also help you go for the gape. In addition to trying to contract and relax the sphincters, you may also want to try to bear down slightly, and see what effect that produces. Continuous penetration of some kind may be the key to extending the gape for you, since it sounds like, at some point, the banging stopped, and you were just flexing your muscles. If your Master continues to play with your ass, thus stimulating the area, I bet you’ll be able to extend the gape.

Feb 172004

I thought you might be able to shed some light on a long time unanswered question. About two years ago, I was a having a sexual relationship with a woman. The sex was mind-blowing and we were very sexually compatible. Probably one of the best compatibility I have had with a partner. One evening while having vaginal sex, I was penetrating her from behind. Just before she was about to have an explosive, gushing orgasm, her ass expanded to about the size of a baseball, or maybe a bit bigger, and then contracted again. I had never experienced this before with another woman, and subsequently never had. She did enjoy anal sex, but I didn’t even touch her ass on that occasion. Any ideas?

–Perplexed About Her Butt

No worries! You may have witnessed one of two things, and since I wasn’t actually there when your girl’s ass amazed you, I’ll explain both possibilities.

First, there’s a chance that her asshole was gaping with delight. Usually, this happens after an intense session of ass pounding when a woman’s ass has gotten open and relaxed. When all is said and done, it can achieve the gape, which you often see in porn. You admit that you didn’t deliver any buttfucking that time, but it is still possible, if rare, that her ass was relaxed enough during her orgasm that she’d get a gape.

Another scenario is one that looks even more dramatic. When a woman begins to orgasm, especially if she’s a gusher (as you described your girlfriend is), she often she bears down. And this bearing down can cause an effect in certain women where the rectal tissue actually pushes briefly outside the body. It looks almost like a rose, with multiple layers. I have actually experienced this phenomenon with one of my lovers, and although it was shocking to see, it’s really okay.

Aug 112002

My girlfriend and I love your book, love your movies and love anal sex. We’ve been fascinated by the ability of some porn stars to hold their anus open after having anal sex. My girlfriend would really like to be able to do that I would love for her to. Are there exercises she can do to achieve this? How can she learn to stay open after we have anal sex?

–Wants Her Ass Open

In the adult industry, the post-fucking state of openness of an ass which you refer to is called “the gape,” as in the popular vid series Planet of the Gapes. People write to me about seeing the gape in porn videos all the time, but usually it’s in fear. In other words, most folks see a nice, wide open ass and panic; they think that once they have anal sex, their ass will end up like a giant pink hole, they’ll lose control of their bowel movements, and the anal sphincter muscles will forever stay open. Of course, this isn’t the case. I often reassure people that what they are seeing is the ass “at play” — it’s just had something quite big pounding away at it, so it’s naturally very relaxed, aroused, and ajar. If you saw the same asshole “at rest,” it would be small, closed, and puckered as usual.

Your question is an interesting one because you and your girlfriend want to achieve the gape, whereas most folks are freaked out by it. In my experience, some women gape quite easily, others gape only after a prolonged intense assfucking, and others rarely if ever get a gape going. Some of it is pure chance; it has to do with how the body responds to penetration, and in particular how the ass behaves after prolonged stimulation. I don’t think there are any exercises your girlfriend can do to improve her chances of gaping. But she may want to try a few tricks to see if they help keep her ass open. After you pull out, she can reach around and spread her ass cheeks with both hands, which will give the illusion of an open ass. Have her bear down slightly; this may loosen the sphincter muscles and keep them from closing back to their puckered state. You may also want to try putting a butt plug with a wide neck in her ass; this helps relax and open the muscles. The best you can do is practice, and see what works best for both of you.