I’ve been single for awhile now, which has meant a lot more masturbating rather than sex. However, I’ve that since the end of my last relationship, I’ve been unable to orgasm through sex. I wind up having to masturbate to finish. Is this an easily fixable problem do you think? Am I masturbating too much?
—Wondering and Nervous to Know
Are you masturbating too much? I think that’s pretty hard to do. I spend a lot of time telling folks to masturbate more, so don’t expect me to tell you to masturbate less. Of course, if masturbating is keeping you from getting to work on time, eating, sleeping, and other regular activities then I might say it is time to tone it down a bit! What you are describing is actually quite common.
Here is the thing: the way we have sex and get off is as sensitive to regular routines and habits as many of the other daily activities we experience. Some people can only fall asleep on their stomach. Why? Because that is the way they have been doing it for a long time. Is it possible for them to fall asleep on their back? Yes, but it is going to take some work. Orgasms are a lot like that. It is really difficult for some people to come lying on their back if they learned and became accustomed to coming while on their stomach. Can they come other ways? Sure, but it can take a lot of extra work. The best thing for you (and everyone) to do is to switch things up while you are masturbating. This goes for both your body position and the type of stimulation you are using. Try new things. Do you always jerk off in bed? Ever try in a chair or standing up? Like a firm grip? Try a loose grip and see how far it can take you. Think of it as cross-training for the bedroom!
Photo: Madison Young in The Expert Guide to Female Orgasms