Bobbing, Then Throbbing

Apr 052003
 

My wife and I had our first anal intercourse on our 20th wedding anniversary. It was great! She enjoyed it and so did I. Three months later, we are still having anal sex and enjoying it. It still amazes me how easy this comes to her. She can relax very easy and has no problem with penetration. Sometimes, after anal sex, if we both do a lot of thrusting, when we are through, my wife says her ass feels numb or throbbing. She says it is not pain, just discomfort. She has no discomfort or pain at all during anal sex. If we just do a short session (like 5 minutes of pumping) she does not have this feeling. We both want to pump longer but without the side effects, if possible. We have tried more lube. Is this a common problem? Can it be worked through?

–Bobbing, Then Throbbing

You and your wife are an inspiration to married couples everywhere! Not only are you still having sex and enjoying it after twenty years of marriage, but you aren’t afraid to try new things, which I think is exemplary. As for your problem, it’s a unique one in terms of all the questions I get asked about anal sex. Feeling numb and throbbing are two very different sensations in my book, so I am going to address them separately.

When you engage in anal penetration, blood rushes to the anal area and it becomes engorged, just like your genitals do when you stimulate those. Because the ass is full of nerve endings and thus very sensitive, your wife should never have a numb feeling; indeed, most people say it’s quite the opposite: their nerves are electrified. If the numbing sensation continues, I would suggest she consult a doctor, because she may have a circulatory problem. As for the throbbing, once the area is engorged and it’s been vigorously stimulated through repeated thrusting, throbbing seems like a natural response. You’ve worked her ass over well, and it’s responding! As long as the throbbing subsides and she doesn’t feel any pain, then I’d say you’re doing a good job.

Love or Lust?

Mar 282003
 

I’m a girl who likes to indulge in many different forms of erotic play, including: spanking, enemas, assfucking, bondage, fisting (vaginal and anal), S/M, and play piercing. I was introduced to these in college when I was 19, and have been enjoying them for years (I am now 29). Unfortunantly, my girlfriend refuses to participate in any of my fantasies. I live in a small city with my girlfriend where it’s impossible to meet anyone who enjoys ‘out of the ordinary fucking’ (traditional, man/woman, dick into pussy fucking). There isn’t even an adult toy store! I love her very much, but I constantly feel restless and incomplete when it comes to our sex lives. I don’t want to leave her, but I want to be able to satisfy my sexual needs. I’ve tried talking to her, but she won’t change her mind. I honestly don’t know what to do and would like an outside opinion.

–Love or Lust?

Your problem is more common than you might think because it boils down to this: you and your girlfriend are sexually incompatible. You tend toward experimentation, SM, and kink, where she sounds like she prefers a straightforward vanilla sex life. First know that sex and sexual compatibility are valuable, important aspects of a relationship, and the fact that you make them a priority doesn’t make you shallow or wrong. If your partner will not meet you half way and even try some of these activities with you, then you have two options: negotiate to open your relationship, so that you can explore your desires and fantasies with other partners or find a new girlfriend.

Enema Newbie

Mar 162003
 

I am a newbie and have just begun to think about experimenting with anal sex. I read all your articles and I am very eager to give it a try. I started by doing a Fleet enema; I emptied it and filled it with water as you had suggested. The enema was okay, however, I did not get that full feeling that you described. I was looking forward to it. Is it possible that the type of enema I used is not enough? Or did it really do the trick? My husband and I didn’t get too far that first attempt, so I’m not sure how clean I was or wasn’t. I heard you describe the enema bag and wondered if that is something I should give a try.

–Enema Newbie

The Fleet enema (or a bulb syringe) is like an anal douche; it rinses the anal canal and the lower part of the rectum. It is the simplest, least expensive, and most widely available enema, which is why I recommend it for beginners, but it is not necessarily the most thorough. If your goal is to ensure cleanliness, then as long as you filled your ass up a few times, and the final time all that came out was clear water, you can feel confident you are clean. If your goal is to achieve a full feeling or experience the erotic potential of an enema, then the enema bag is probably a better bet for you, since you can fill up with a great quantity of water and experiment with different kinds of nozzles, including those that look and feel like butt plugs and inflatable nozzles, which enhance the feeling of fullness.

Painful Pee Post-Sex

Feb 252003
 

I develop a urinary tract infection (UTI) almost every time I have anal sex, and it is really frustrating. I thought I was doing everything right. I have an enema beforehand. I make sure there is not too much fondling of my vagina during anal sex (although I hate that, as I always enjoy his fingers or a toy inside me during anal). After making love, I get up and shower, washing with mild soap (which is inconvenient to do just after sex). I have seen a urologist about this annoyance, and have been given an antibiotic as a prophylactic, but I do not like the antibiotic therapy. We do not switch from tushy to pussy, and my ass is almost always very clean, although I realize that we can only be so clean, as there is microscopic bacteria in the rectum. I would appreciate any recommendations you have, so I can stop having UTIs and keep having more anal sex.

–Painful Pee Post-Sex

Many women get UTIs after sex because bacteria from your partner’s cock, or your ass, gets into the urethra where it causes an infection. It sounds to me like you may be especially prone to UTIs if you are getting them so frequently. You have been doing all the right things (enema, no ass to pussy, no vaginal play during anal, and a post-sex shower) to prevent a possible infection, but I do have some additional advice.

First and foremost, make sure that lube from your ass isn’t “migrating” to your pussy. This is a common problem, especially if you are doing it doggie-style. One way to prevent what I call “the drip down effect” is to switch to a different position, like missionary, where gravity is working in your favor. You should also try to keep some unscented baby wipes on hand to wipe excess lube away from your butt before it makes its way to your pussy. After sex, the first thing you should do is pee, even if you feel like you don’t have to. The simple act of urinating can flush out any bacteria that may have gotten into your urethra. Then, shower as you have been to wash away lube, semen, and any other body fluids you’ve got in or on you. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids after anal sex, and pee often to make sure to clear out the urethra.

Strap-on Slut

Feb 132003
 

I’m a lesbian in a relationship with a great girl. I’d visited your website before and the idea of anal sex interested both of us, but we’d never gone beyond a little hesitant touching. Your book was an eye-opening experience! I thought that my sex life was fun before, but you helped us to safely discover a whole new level of pleasure, and I really want to thank you for that. My girlfriend and I have different views on the subject: she likes it when I penetrate her with a strap-on dildo; I prefer when she puts a butt plug in my ass, and I wear it for a while — I like the “full feeling” better. We use condoms on our toys, we’re careful to take our time, and we use plenty of lubricant.

After an anal session, whether it’s with a butt plug or dildo, however, my girlfriend gets abdominal cramps. She has absolutely no pain during sex itself (quite the opposite), only afterwards! We have tried different positions, enemas, breathing techniques, and having several orgasms before anal penetration. The dildo I am using is only about 1.5″ in diameter, and she has no problem taking it. The only time she doesn’t suffer these symptoms is when we just do gentle fingering (one or two fingers). This would be fine except she is very into the strap-on. Can you help us?

–Strap-on Slut

When people write to me about pain and discomfort from anal penetration, it’s usually about burning and other painful feelings in their rectum. However, cramping after anal sex is not unusual. In fact, lots of people ask me, “After you did your final scene in The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women video, wasn’t your ass sore?” I tell them the truth: I had so much warm up with fingers and toys, and I was so turned on that my ass was relaxed and open. Even lots of anal penetration over several hours of taping didn’t make me sore, but I did feel some cramps in my abdomen afterwards. Of course, making my video was like the Anal Olympics for me, and I don’t want your girlfriend to have discomfort just from what is, comparatively, a run around the track.

I have a few suggestions. First, don’t fuck on a full stomach. If her body is trying to digest a big meal, then stimulation in the rectum could confuse the natural bowel processes. Similarly, just like you shouldn’t drink gallons of water before you work out your abdominal muscles at the gym, the same holds true for getting plowed. Second, consider using a shorter dildo. The longer the cock, the closer it gets to the lower colon, which for some people may disrupt colonic activity and cause cramps. Finally, as you thrust in and out of her with your cock, air can be pushed inside her rectum and travel upward in the body, giving her cramps, so no more doing her in wind tunnels. Seriously, if her cramping persists, I suggest she consult a physician to see if she is suffering from a gastrointestinal problem.

Waiting to Inflate

Feb 082003
 

First off, thank you for writing a great book and making a movie out of it. It was a great help in introducing anal sex to our marriage. Do those inflatable vibrating butt plugs really work? Are they safe and fun or are they just another novelty?

–Waiting to Inflate

Inflatable butt plugs look like bachelor-party gag gifts, but they are sex toys that actually work. Some of my best friends swear by inflatable plugs! One selling point is that you can gradually work your way up from slim to sizable without having to buy four different sized butt plugs. You can track your progress, and one toy can suit your different desires. Once the plug is inside you, you can give your ass time to relax, then one pump, and you feel more full. Like with all kinds of anal play, don’t try to rush things — take your time.

Also keep in mind that you should use common sense and never over-inflate one of these bad boys. Make sure you inflate it outside the body, and note how many squeezes of the inflating pump it can take, since you don’t want to find out its limit while it’s up your butt. According to all the letters I receive, and the people I meet at my anal sex workshops across the country, I know of only two people who’ve ever experienced an inflatable plug bursting. Both times, it was a manufacturing defect, and it broke into a few pieces which were easily removed. So go ahead and pump your way to pleasure!

Anally Concerned Couple

Jan 302003
 

My girlfriend and I have realized the joys of anal play and recently started playing with a latex vibrating butt plug. It’s been a great addition, but we experienced something bizarre when using it recently. When I pulled the plug out of her butt after a short play session, a large amount of mucous-like substance came out of her ass as well. It had no trace of fecal matter and definitely was not lube but neither of us knew what to make of this. Are we doing something wrong or should I be concerned with anything?

–Anally Concerned Couple

Congrats on coming over to the tushy team! When stuff comes out of our asses that we don’t recognize, it can be alarming, so I understand your concern completely. Rest assured, you are fine. The rectum is lined with a thin layer of mucous which helps to protect it. When we put toys inside our butts, some of that mucous can cling to the toy, and even mix with lubricant, which sounds like what happened to you. The rectum naturally regenerates the mucous, so your ass will return to normal. Then you can stick more things in it!

Do-Right Dom

Jan 142003
 

I have been an anal lover for years, and I recently met a new woman who has become my submissive. I would love to start her anal training as she has just begun to understand her submissive side, and it really comes out when I even mention doing her in the ass. Here’s the problem: she told me that she had surgery to remove hemorrhoids, so I am concerned. It has been a year and she has a clean bill of health from her doctor. Can we begin to have anal intercourse as well as other fun and games?

–Do-Right Dom

If your submissive had surgery to treat her hemorrhoids, then her problem was probably pretty serious. Many people with hemorrhoids are able to enjoy anal penetration as long as they pay close attention to their butts, and don’t engage in backdoor banging during a flare up. If she feels itching, burning or any discomfort, you should stop at once. But before you do anything, has she talked to her doctor about resuming anal play? I know it can be a difficult or embarrassing thing to bring up with a health care professional, but your submissive’s doctor knows her ass well by now, so he or she is the best person to ask about its health. If the doctor gives you the green light, then progress slowly, use plenty of lube, and err on the side of gentleness to begin. Instruct your submissive to give you post-scene reports about how her ass is feeling, which will give you information about how to proceed.

Avid Analist

Jan 032003
 

My girlfriend and I just started having anal sex; thanks for your wonderful web site and all your great advice. I was wondering, would a fairly good amount of semen in the rectum do anything bad? Or would you recommend against it?

–Avid Analist

Lots of people ask about having unprotected anal sex, and if ejaculation in the ass is harmful in any way, and the answer, like those to many questions is: it depends. If you have anal intercourse without a condom, both partners can be at risk of contracting HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts, and hepatitis. The risks increase for your partner if you ejaculate, since semen has a high concentration of HIV and many of the STDs mentioned. If you and your partner tested negative for all these diseases and are monogamous, then having anal sex without a condom and coming in her ass is safe. Since you described your load as “a fairly good amount of semen,” I’ll remind you that what goes in must come out, so the semen may dribble out of her ass (along with all the lube you put in there), but a quick trip to the bathroom should take care of that!

Mr. Brown Nose

Dec 112002
 

I have been married for almost twenty years. I have never found the courage to ask my wife to buttfuck. She says she hates it! Though she’s never tried it. She does let me sniff her butt, which turns me on so much my heart pounds. Is this a fetish? I haven’t seen anything on the web about butt sniffing or face sitting. Am I sick or just anally amused?

–Mr. Brown Nose

Our sense of smell is as important as all our other senses, and can be a crucial component in our sexual arousal. That’s the reason that people wear perfume or cologne to attract others, and why aromatherapy works, because scents can relax, excite, or entice us. Pheromones are naturally occurring chemicals which we can’t actually smell; but our noses detect them, and supposedly send messages to the brain, stimulating the body and creating a subconscious increase in desire. So, the nose is an important sex organ. Certain smells can be a big turn on for some people, and repulsive to others. It sounds like you’ve got a nose for that little nook between your girlfriend’s butt cheeks, and I can assure you that you are not the only one. In fact, there are plenty of web sites devoted to butt sniffing. As for the face sitting fetish, I’ve seen it in lots of adult videos, including the legendary Face Dance Obsession from Evil Angel Video.

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