Oct 112011

I am a long time follower of your advice, both from puckerup.com and in Taboo Magazine. I am interested in the hanky code. I am a hetero male, and I am interested in finding people in my area that are into the things I am, so thus I was interested in the codes. However, I was wondering don they apply to us as well or only those gay-oriented? Living in Santa Fe, NM I am sure these codes are present and that brings us to the next question. Can you suggest an alternate website? Seeing that hankycodes.com has closed their doors. Good luck with the mint hankies.

Although the hanky code originated in the gay male community, today, it is widely used by people of all sexual orientations, so I say, flag away. Check out my hanky code for some ideas!

Disclaimer: Some colors have multiple meanings depending on which code you refer to. Remember, this isn’t a complete list, it’s my list, and there are plenty of others out there.

Apricot: Chubby/Chubby Chaser
Beige: Rimmer/Rimmee
Black: Heavy S/M Top/Heavy S/M Bottom
Black Lace: Brander/Brandee
Black Velvet: Makes Videos/Will Perform
Black and White Checkered: Safe Sex Top/Safe Sex Bottom
Brown Lace: Uncut Cock/Likes Uncut Cock
Brown Satin: Circumcised/Likes Cut Cock
Brown: Shit Play Top/Shit Play Bottom
Brown Corduroy Headmaster/Headmistress Student
Charcoal: Businessman/Likes Businessmen or Men in Suits
Coral: Foot Worshipee/Foot Worshiper
Cream: Cums Inside/Sucks It Out
Dark Pink: Tit Torture/Tit Torturee
Dark Red: Dildo Fucker/Gets Fucked
Dark Red: Double Fister/Double Fistee
Dog Bones: Puppy Owners and Trainers/Puppies
Fuscia: Spanker/Spankee
Fur:Bestiality Top/Bottoms for Animals
Gold: 2 Seeking 1/1 Seeking 2
Gold Lame: Cutter/Likes to Get Cut
Gold Lame: Muscleman Top/Muscleman Bottom
Gray: Latex Top/Latex Bottom
Houndstooth: Biter/Will be Bitten
Hunter Green: Daddy/Looking for Daddy or Daddy’s boy
Kelly Green: Hustler/John
Kewpie Doll: Chicken/Chickenhawk
Lavender: Group Sex Top/Group Sex Bottom
Lavender: Drag Queen/Likes Drag Queens
Leopard: Has Tattoos/Likes Tattoos
Light Blue: Wants Head/Gives Head
Light Blue with White Stripes: Sailor/Likes Sailors
Light Pink: Tit Fondler/Tit Fondlee
Light Pink: Dildo Fucker/Dildo Fuckee
Lime Green: Humiliator/Humiliation Bottom
Lime Green: Dines off Tricks/Dinner Plate
Magenta: Armpit Worshipee/Armpit Worshipper
Maroon: Likes Menstruating Women//Menstruating
Maroon: Cutter/Cuttee
Maroon: Enema Giver/Enema Receiver
Mauve: Navel Worshipee/Navel Worshipper
Medium Blue: Cop/Likes Cops
Mint Green: Mommy/Looking for or Belongs to Mommy
Mosquito Netting: Outdoor Sex Top/Outdoor Sex Bottom
Mustard: Food Fetish Top/Food Fetish Bottom
Mustard: 8″ or More/Likes 8+” Dicks
Navy Blue: Ass Fucker/Ass Fucking Bottom
Navy Blue: Anal Fucker/Gets Fucked
Olive Drab: Military Top/Military Bottom
Orange: Anything, Anytime Top/Anything, Anytime Bottom
Paisley: Wears Boxers/Likes Boxers
Pale Yellow: Spit Play Top/Spit Play Bottom
Purple: Piercer/Piercee
Red Fister Fistee
Red & Black: Vampire Top/Vampire Bottom
Red & Black Stripe: Bear/Likes Bears
Red & White: Shaver/Shavee
Red and White Gingham: Park Sex Top/Park Sex Bottom
Robin’s Egg Blue: Light S/M Top/Light S/M Bottom
Robin’s Egg Blue: 69er/69er
Rust: Cowboy/Likes Cowboys
Saran Wrap: Voyeur/Exhibitionist
Silver Lame: Psychological Top/Psychological Bottom
Silver Lame: Star/Star Fucker
Tan: Smokes Cigars/Likes Cigar Smokers
Teal Blue: Genitorturer/Genitorturee
Teddy Bear: Cuddler/Likes to Get Cuddled
White: Likes Novices/Novice
White: Jerk Me Off/I’ll Jerk Us Both Off
White Lace: Victorian Top/Victorian Bottom
White Velour: Voyeur/Exhibitionist
White with Colored Dots: Hosting Orgy/Looking for Orgy
Yellow: Piss Play Top/Piss Play Bottom

Oct 022011

What is the best piece of advice that you ever gave?

That’s a tough one because I give people advice every day through email, letters, lectures, workshops, and my writing. When I was working at Babeland, a woman came in looking for a few things to spice up her sex life with her boyfriend. They were just about to take a romantic vacation. About 9 months later, she came to one of my workshops, with the boyfriend, and they both told me that her trip to the store that day, and meeting me, changed their sex lives. When I have experiences like that, it means so much to me, and it lets me know that the advice I give really can have an important effect on people.

Sep 282011

I am definitely a fan of yours and I have a quick simple question for you. I recently purchased an iVibe by Doc Johnson for my girlfriend. She loves it, but we are a little confused about something. The clerk told us to use cheap batteries, that vibrators are not made to handle batteries like Energizer Batteries. I wanted to find out if this is true or not? After spending some money on something I want to make it last as long as possible.

That’s very strange because when I worked at Babeland, we always recommended Energizer batteries over others. The cheap ones were just that –– cheap, and, for whatever reason, we found through trial and error that Duracell batteries tended to either burn out the motors of vibrators or make them overheat. So stick with the bunny!

I got this info from a reader:

I worked for Duracell for a while and might be able to shed a little light on the subject. The chemicals used in batteries are designed for particular objectives. The Duracell analysis showed that people using Duracell batteries usually used them on and off for short periods, like video games and portable radios. So Duracell optimized the batteries for that kind of usethey last longest when used for twenty minutes than turned off for an hour.

Energizer advertises that their batteries last longer if you turn it on and leave it on, like a flashlight on an all night camping trip. Head to head, Energizer will last longer than Duracell if used constantly. But if used intermittently, Duracell batteries will last longer.

Sep 262011

I’ve been single for awhile now, which has meant a lot more masturbating rather than sex. However, I’ve that since the end of my last relationship, I’ve been unable to orgasm through sex. I wind up having to masturbate to finish. Is this an easily fixable problem do you think? Am I masturbating too much?

—Wondering and Nervous to Know

Hi W.A.N.K.,

Are you masturbating too much? I think that’s pretty hard to do. I spend a lot of time telling folks to masturbate more, so don’t expect me to tell you to masturbate less. Of course, if masturbating is keeping you from getting to work on time, eating, sleeping, and other regular activities then I might say it is time to tone it down a bit! What you are describing is actually quite common.

Here is the thing: the way we have sex and get off is as sensitive to regular routines and habits as many of the other daily activities we experience. Some people can only fall asleep on their stomach. Why? Because that is the way they have been doing it for a long time. Is it possible for them to fall asleep on their back? Yes, but it is going to take some work. Orgasms are a lot like that. It is really difficult for some people to come lying on their back if they learned and became accustomed to coming while on their stomach. Can they come other ways? Sure, but it can take a lot of extra work. The best thing for you (and everyone) to do is to switch things up while you are masturbating. This goes for both your body position and the type of stimulation you are using. Try new things. Do you always jerk off in bed? Ever try in a chair or standing up? Like a firm grip? Try a loose grip and see how far it can take you. Think of it as cross-training for the bedroom!

Photo: Madison Young in The Expert Guide to Female Orgasms

Sep 242011

I am currently in a heterosexual relationship, and our sex life is pretty good. However, I can only achieve orgasm during oral sex. I am getting sick and tired of hearing my friends talk about how great their respective lovers are, and I am feeling like a freak. Can you offer any advice? 

You are absolutely not a freak! Your self-described “dilemma” is actually extremely common. Most women can achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation only or some combination of penetration and clit stimulation. And, from what I know, oral sex really does the trick for lots and lots of women. Yes, some women can come from penetration alone, however it’s a much lower percentage. My opinion is this: you are coming, and that’s a great thing. Remember, there are plenty of women who have never had an orgasm. Pat yourself and your partner on the back for a minute. If you’d like to experiment ways to come during intercourse, try touching yourself while your partner fucks you. Or, you can show him how to use his hand or a vibrator to stimulate your clit like he does with his mouth.

Sep 012011

I was wondering as a graduating senior in American Studies, how I, a semi shy yet very assertive queer boy, could get involved in the gay male porn industry? I am really interested in the production aspect and also wondering what other sides there might be to this industry. I have no knowledge whatsoever but am very curious. I am thinking about moving to New York City next year so I was wondering if any of that happens in New York or is it all in California.

For the most part, people who devote themselves full time to the adult industry live and work in Southern (and less so, Northern) California. That’s where all the work seems to be. I am much more familiar with the straight and lesbian porn scenes, but I will give you a few tips: attend an industry event like a trade show or an awards show and introduce yourself around. Read up on directors, production companies, and their specialties. Get to know the players and the protocols. A good place to start is Gay Video News>

Jul 012010

I’m a 19 year old student at the University of Chicago. My not-so-problematic problem is that I’m something of a sexual perfectionist, when it comes to pleasuring my partners. Therefore, worried that I must be missing out on an excellent means for pleasuring, I’ve decided that it would be good to keep a vibrator or dildo handy. The only problem is that I don’t know how to use such a device. It’s not very intuitive for me, and most of the women I’ve slept with have had no experience with them either. So, can you tell me an effective vibrator technique, or where I can find out about it?

Bravo! I wish every guy was as smart and self-confident as you are to have a toy handy to please his female lover! When choosing a vibrator—especially if it’s your first one—I absolutely recommend a trip to the sex toy store. You can see them, turn them on, feel the vibration, listen to the noise they make, and see what might work best for you. Since this isn’t for a specific woman, select one with variable speeds that could appeal to different preferences. Test the waters by exploring all different areas of her pussy with the vibrator first. Remember not to go directly for her clit with a vibe before she’s had some warm up with your hand or mouth first. Vary the speed, pressure, and position of the vibe—she’ll let you know when you’ve struck gold. Once she’s worked up, she may want you to stop wandering around with it and stay in one place for a while, so be prepared to stop dawdling and get down to business. Vibrators can help you be in two places at once when she uses it on herself to add clitoral stimulation to vaginal or anal penetration.

May 012010

My girlfriend and I have both used Pyrex toys and love them. Our local store has a dildo for strap-ons that is made of blown glass. It sounds awesome but I was concerned about safety. Could it break or even shatter? Which glass toys are safe?

—Crazy but Cautious Over Glass

Dear Crazy but Cautious Over Glass:

Glass sex toys have gotten incredibly popular in the last few years, and it seems like they are everywhere. Glass toys can be easily cleaned and sterilized, since they’re non-porous, and they are compatible with all kinds of lube. Plus, there smooth texture feels amazing! But I agree that it’s difficult to tell if a glass toy is safe or not. “Blown glass” only describes how the toy was made (it was hand blown) not what kind of glass is made of. You should ask your local store or web retailer who made the toy before you purchase it and do some research on the company. Ultimately, you’re looking for a toy made of medical grade borosilicate glass or Pyrex, a brand name which has become synonymous with heat and shock resistant glass. A properly made toy of borosilicate glass can withstand up to 3,000 lbs. of pressure as well as extreme heat and cold. Certain well-established, reputable companies guarantee that their toys are made of Pyrex or borosilicate, including Phallix Glass, XXX Glass, XHale, and PyreXions. Babeland and Good Vibrations, and Glass Fantasy have a good selection of unique glass toys. To protect your glass toys, always clean them promptly and store them in a soft, padded bag to protect them. And if you ever find a nick, stop using the toy immediately.

Apr 012010

I have a dilemma. I hate the male penis. I’ve dated men and always found that being in contact w/the penis was undesirable to me. I would date men and usually avoid most contact with their penis. Most relationships would end with them cheating on me (can’t blame them, I wasn’t having sex with them) or me pulling out the “Let’s just be friends” card right when he thought he was getting lucky. I don’t like the way they feel, look, smell, or the fact that it squirts. It just makes me physically sick. I came out as a lesbian two years ago at the age of twenty. I lost my virginity to a woman. I love women and have never had a problem with the female body. Here’s my problem. I’ve been with my girlfriend for six months, she is bisexual and has a boyfriend of five years. He and I seem to get along pretty well, considering we rarely spend more then five minutes in a room together. My girlfriend recently expressed a fantasy to have a threesome involving her boyfriend, her, and me. She even expressed a desire to watch me give him head. I personally think this sounds more like HIS fantasy than hers, but I wish to please her in any way I can. She knows how I feel about male genitalia, but has asked me to look past this for her. I can’t. How do I get over this phobia of mine? Is there a way? I so badly want to please her, but how can I if I may toss my cookies the minute I see him ejaculate. Also, I’m not exactly the jealous type. I’m aware of the fact that she has sex with him, I try not to think about it, but I don’t think I can watch it. The last thing I want is a visual of my girlfriend fucking a man. What should I do?

I really don’t like it when people do things sexually that they do not want to do, even if your motivation is to please your lover. So, I am inclined to say, simply, don’t do it, and tell your girlfriend that no matter how turned on she would be, you would be completely turned off, which I am sure she doesn’t want. Don’t let your girlfriend talk you into something which you obviously cannot eroticize one little bit. Plus, this isn’t some random guy we are talking about here, it’s your lover’s other lover, so the emotional triangle between the three of you is enough to make you sick before he drops his drawers. That said, your “phobia,” as you referred to it in the subject line of your email makes me wonder if there isn’t something more going on here. Perhaps you could see a counselor and explore the roots of your penis phobia, and what it all means.

Mar 012010

While browsing your photos, I noticed that you have pierced nipples. I am seriously considering having mine pierced, but know very few women who have had the procedure done, and even fewer who are open enough about their bodies and their sexuality to even discuss the topic of nipple piercing. Is it true that your nipples stay permanently erect once they’ve been pierced? Is there an increased risk for mastitis and other breast health-related complications? I’ve never been an ardent fan of nipple play. Do you think having my nipples pierced could increase my interest level? Do you enjoy your nipple piercings, and how long have you had them?

I only have one of my nipplesthe right onepierced, and it was pierced by the world-famous body modification artist from the San Francisco Bay Area Raelyn Gallina in Hartford, CT in 1992 on my birthday. It was a gift from a friend of mine! No, it is not true that pierced nipples stay hard all the time, my pierced nipple behaves just like my other nipple in that department. There hasn’t been a lot of research on the subject, but as far as I know, piercing does not increase your risk of developing cancer or other breast ailments. I, too, am not a big fan of nipple play, and piercing my nipple didn’t really change that, but everyone is different, so I can’t predict what might happen for you. I will say that I enjoy having only one nipple pierced. The pierced one is very, very sensitive, and the lightest amount of tweaking is pretty intense, whereas, the unpierced one can take lots of pinching and twisting and rougher play. I enjoy being able to experience sensations on both ends of the spectrum!