Dec 182012
 

anne sabo

This Friday, I spend an hour live with Anne G. Sabo – speaker, writer, academic, public educator, and author of the new book, After Pornified: How Women Are Transforming Pornography & Why It Really Matters. She will discuss the growing number of women radically changing porn to respectfully capture the authentic sexual lives of women and men and how feminist porn has become a vehicle for people to explore and define sexuality on their terms. We’ll also be taking calls during the hour and want listeners to share their views on how women have changed porn.

Anne G. Sabo is a former academic turned public educator, author, speaker, freelance writer, and mama- and sex blogger. Her new book After Pornified: How Women Are Transforming Pornography & Why It Really Matters has been called “a goldmine for all sex-positive women and men,” and a “candid, well-informed personal story of how a good girl became involved in porn.” As a college professor, she taught courses in literature, film and women’s studies. She has researched feminist pornography for more than a decade and has become an acknowledged expert in the field. She has written numerous articles and essays on the subject, and is a frequently consulted speaker on the topic. She grew up in Norway, earned her Ph.D. from University of Washington, and has been living in Northfield, Minnesota with her spouse and their now preschooler daughter.

Dec 112012
 

This Friday, December 14th on Sex Out Loud, I’ll be talking live with David Ley, a psychologist whose specialty is treating sexuality issues, about healthy sexuality and sex addiction. His latest book, The Myth of Sex Addiction, triggered a firestorm of debate amongst the media and behavioral health communities. It confronts the junk science and morality-based arguments that lie behind the concept of sex addiction and exposes the strong skepticism of sex addiction that is dominant in the scientific field. Ley will discuss how society and the media has blindly accepted this term, why its dangerous, and what can be done to challenge the concept.

David J. Ley, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist who earned his Master’s and doctoral degrees from the University of New Mexico. He has been licensed as a psychologist since 2002, and practices primarily in New Mexico. Since 2002, Dr. Ley has provided clinical, administrative and consultative services, with expertise in adolescent issues, sexual offending, sexuality, as well as suicide assessment, intervention and prevention. He is currently the Executive Director of New Mexico Solutions, a large outpatient behavioral health program in Albuquerque, providing integrated addictions and mental health treatment to 1800 clients a year. Dr. Ley first began working with issues of sexuality as he treated adolescent and males with history of sexual offending and other problem sexual behaviors. Over time, he expanded his focus to include the promotion of healthy sexuality. Insatiable Wives, Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them is his first book and won a Silver Medal in the Foreword Magazine Book of the Year contest for 2009. His controversial second book, The Myth of Sex Addiction was released in March 2012, challenging the concept of sexual addiction and exploring a different model of male sexuality. The Myth of Sex Addiction has triggered a firestorm of debate, allowing people to finally challenge the media hype of this pseudo-disorder. Dr. Ley is a popular speaker and writer, with published articles in newspapers such as the New York Post and the London Telegraph. He has appeared on numerous television talk shows, as well as radio shows around the world. Magazines and news sources from the Huffington Post to Playboy Magazine have covered his work.

Dec 062012
 

My younger, much more experienced partner and I were discussing fantasies last night. I have this pair of 4″ pumps she is particularly fond of, and she mentioned she might like to be fucked in the ass with the heel. They are not stilettos, they are wooden heels, not completely rounded, albeit fairly slender. While I am not one to pooh-pooh anyone’s fantasy, I can’t quite bring myself to believe that this would be safe. Pain factor aside, this seems like it has the potential to be very damaging, especially in the hands (or feet) of someone who has no idea what they’re doing, like myself. Do you have any thoughts as to how I could incorporate her fantasy into our sex life without actually hurting her (and not “hurt” in the good sense)?

–Feeling Like a Heel

You mentioned that you’re inexperienced, so before you approach this shoe fantasy, you’ve got to get some experience with basic anal penetration and sex toys. Start out with dildos and plugs, experiment with different techniques and what your bottom likes until you get really comfortable with them. One of the earliest letters I received for this column was about shoe fucking. A woman wanted to fuck her submissive with the narrow toe of her shoe. You’re talking about the other end, so you’re wise to be cautious.

Whether stiletto or not, a high heel is usually pointed and inflexible enough to make it a less than ideal penetration tool, and since you’re a beginner, I am going to recommend a safe option: the bait and switch technique. Put on the shoes, taunt her, step on her, tease her, tell her how you’re going to fuck her in the ass with those terribly menacing shoes. Then blindfold her, tell her it’s because you want all her senses to be on alert and concentrating on this new and unique sensation. Hidden nearby should be a wooden dildo, selected because you said the heel was wooden. Wooden dildos can be hard to find, but they’re out there (my picks: NobEssence and Jildos). With the image of your shoe heel firmly planted in her mind, the dildo can be firmly planted in her behind! It will have a similar weight and texture, and if you’re good at it, she will never know the difference. When you’re done, drizzle some lube on the shoe heel, take her blindfold off, and everyone will be satisfied!

Dec 042012
 

This Friday, December 7th on Sex Out Loud Radio, I talk with adult film director Nica Noelle for the final installment of my “Live in LA” series of interviews recorded in studio in Los Angeles. Nica will talk about how she first got into the industry and what led her to write and direct her own films. She’ll delve into what makes a great porn movie, which performers she loves to direct, and how she comes up with story lines. She’ll talk about her new studios Hard Candy and Girl Candy, her foray into gay male porn with Rock Candy, and TransRomantic, which features the first line of adult romance movies starring trans women. Tristan will ask her about fan feedback, her own fantasies, and why cheating is such a popular plot point in her movies. Join us for this fascinating look inside the mind of one of the adult industry’s most successful female directors.

Nica Noelle is one of the most prolific writer/directors working in adult films today. She has been credited with innovating a new approach to capturing sex on film and influencing a generation of adult filmmakers and performers. Ms. Noelle has created six successful studios in the last five years, and is currently working on her seventh with her business partner Executive Producer Jerry Anders of AEBN.net.

Nov 282012
 

The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy published a study on anal sex last month that was ignored by most folks in the media – except for Debby Herbenick at Salon!

In an incredibly short period of time, anal sex has become a common part of Americans’ sex lives. As of the 1990s, only about one-quarter to one-third of young women and men in the U.S. had tried anal sex at least once. Less than 20 years later, my research team’s 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that as many as 40-45 percent of women and men in some age groups had tried anal sex. With its rising prevalence, I felt it was important to devote a chapter of my first book, “Because It Feels Good,” to anal health and pleasure — only to find that a magazine editor wouldn’t review it because the topic of anal sex was “not in the best interest of our readership.” Even though nearly half of American women in some age groups have done it! She added, “In the correct circles, I personally will be suggesting the book to those with whom I can share such a resource.”

Hmm. The correct circles. Which ones would those be?

Read the whole article here: http://www.salon.com/2012/10/05/anal_sex_sciences_last_taboo/

Nov 282012
 

Dr. Meg Barker comes to Sex Out Loud this Friday to discuss her new book, Rewriting the Rules, which addresses our current climate saturated with contradictory love advice. They examine both the old and new rules of relating and questions how useful they might be to managing our relationships today. Then Tristan interviews queer storyteller, author, and educator Sassafras Lowrey about hir novel, Roving Pack, set in an underground world of homeless queer teens. Lowrey will discuss the process of writing the book, responses from the community, as well as give a sneak peek to hir next collection, Leather Ever After, an anthology of kinky fairy tales. Tune in this Friday, November 30th at 8 pm ET / 5 pm PT and find out all the ways to listen here!

Dr. Meg Barker is a senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University and a therapist specialising in sexual and relationship issues. Meg has published books on relationships (Understanding Non-monogamies, Routledge), sexuality (Safe, Sane & Consensual, Palgrave MacMillan), and counselling (Understanding Counselling and Psychotherapy, Sage) and is co-editor of the journal Psychology & Sexuality. Meg runs many public and professional events about sex and relationships (e.g. Critical Sexology, Sense about Sex, BiReCon), as well as providing training for the UK College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. Meg was first author of The Bisexuality Report about bisexual experience in the UK (www.biuk.org). Meg’s most recent book Rewriting the Rules (Routledge) tackles the common ‘rules’ around love and sex that people often feel they must adhere to (www.rewriting-the-rules.com).

Sassafras Lowrey is an internationally award-winning storyteller, author, artist, and educator. Sassafras is the editor of the two time American Library Association honored, and Lambda Literary Finalist Kicked Out anthology (www.KickedOutAnthology.com) which brought together the voices of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth. Hir prose has been included in numerous anthologies and magazines recently ze received an Honorable Mention from the 2011 Astrea Lesbian Writers Fund. and Sassafras regularly lectures and facilitates LGBTQ storytelling workshops at colleges and conferences across the country. Hir debute novel Roving Pack (www.RovingPack.com) will be released October 2012, and ze is currently editing Leather Ever After an anthology of BDSM fairy tale retellings to be released by Ravenous Romance. Sassafras lives in Brooklyn with hir family. To learn more about Sassafras and hir work, visit www.SassafrasLowrey.com

 

Nov 272012
 

My wife and I are new to anal sex, but we’ve run into something I hope you can help us with. I’ve noticed that the normal hair around her anus can be kind of rough, as pubic hair can be, and this hair might be causing her some irritation. But we’re not sure if it’s a good idea to shave it off as that might make things worse or cause even more irritation. Any advice for us newbies?

–New and Hairy

Most people who shave their assholes do so for aesthetic reasons: they like a clean shaven asshole better than a furry one. However, the anus is a delicate little bugger, and can be irritated easily by many things, including cheap toilet paper, over wiping, and soaps and lotions. I suppose that some coarse hair could rub that puckered skin the wrong way and lead to some itching and discomfort as well, although I’ll admit it’s not a complaint I hear often.

You’re wise to be concerned about exacerbating the problem, since shaving can also be irritating to the area. I recommend you give it a try, though. Use a fragrance-free and chemical-free shaving cream that’s made especially for sensitive skin. Shave with the grain of the hair and don’t go over the same area too many times. Run cool water over the area after you’re done. If it feels irritated after you’ve patted it dry, apply a little Vitamin A & D ointment. Give it a chance to breathe and relax before you start to play with it. After you play with it, make sure she showers, washes with a mild soap like Castille Soap and reapplies the Vitamin A & D ointment.

Nov 212012
 

Good for Her is thrilled to present the 8th Annual Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards. The Feminist Porn Awards honor pornographers whose groundbreaking work offers a fresh perspective on the sexual expression of women and everyone who finds themselves under-represented in mainstream pornography.

The official nomination period for consideration for the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards opens on November 1, 2012 and will close on February 1, 2013.

In order to be considered for a Feminist Porn Award submissions must meet at least 2 of the following criteria:

1)    Women and/or traditionally marginalized people were involved in the direction, production and/or conception of the work.

2)    The work depicts genuine pleasure, agency and desire for all performers, especially women and traditionally marginalized people.

3)    The work expands the boundaries of sexual representation on film, challenges stereotypes and presents a vision that sets the content apart from most mainstream pornography.  This may include depicting a diversity of desires, types of people, bodies, sexual practices, and/or an anti-racist or anti-oppression framework throughout the production.

And of course it must be hot!

Categories for awards may include, but are not limited to: Canadian Content, Lesbian/Dyke, Diverse Cast/Representation, Emerging Filmmaker, Kink/Fetish, Lesbian/Dyke, Straight, Trans, and Website.

Please send 4 screener copies of each work to be considered on DVD to:

FPA Nominations

c/o Good For Her

175 Harbord Street

Toronto ON M5S1H3

Canada

PLEASE NOTE: for submissions from outside of Canada, please be sure to mark your package as a gift or sample with a value of $0.  Good For Her and the Feminist Porn Awards are unable to pay duty on submissions and packages requiring duty will be refused.  NO EXCEPTIONS.

For website submissions, please email your information to carla@goodfoher.com and include a user name and password to be used by up to 5 jury members

The Feminist Porn Awards will be held on April 5th, with a special screening on April 4th 2013 in Toronto, Ontario.

Please visit http://www.goodforher.com/fpa_2013 for submission forms, official rules and regulations and more information about the events.

Good For Her is entering their eighth year as producers of the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards, the largest and longest running celebration of feminist porn in the world.  Since 1997, Good For Her has been creating a nurturing environment where everyone can feel comfortable learning about sex and pleasure. Good For Her provides quality sex toys, erotic and educational books as well as DVDs and workshops that empower and celebrate the diversity of everyone’s sexuality.

Nov 212012
 


Smitten Kitten is doing it big this year with multiple ways to save cash and bring some new vibes into your life!

**EARLY BIRDS IN-STORE: 7:00am-11:00am
Everything in the store is 10% off
Spend $20 and get a FREE vibrator (valued at $50!)
They’ll have hot coffee and fresh donuts for you and your friends.

**SLEEPY TURKEYS ONLINE: All day sale
10% entire online store
Spend $50 and get a FREE vibrator (valued at $50!)
+ FREE shipping!

Folks can pre-shop now at:  www.smittenkittenonline.com
And, check out the new live educator feature. Chat up all your shopping questions with one of our sex educators while you browse!

Nov 212012
 

On November 14th, I appeared on the radio show Seven Second Delay which broadcasts on WFMU. You can listen to the show here – it’s free, and they have several different options to stream or download. Check out the photos by John Dalton from the event as well, you’ll feel just like you were in the audience watching!

I was also thrilled to join Jaclyn Friedman for an episode of her new podcast, Fucking While Feminist. We discussed ‘’affaire Petraeus, why cheating violates consent, and what makes porn feminist. And for more of me and Jaclyn talking fucking, feminism, and porn, you should also check out her appearance on Sex Out Loud as well as both of us appearing on Melissa Harris Perry‘s show last summer.