Sep 242011
 


I am currently in a heterosexual relationship, and our sex life is pretty good. However, I can only achieve orgasm during oral sex. I am getting sick and tired of hearing my friends talk about how great their respective lovers are, and I am feeling like a freak. Can you offer any advice? 

You are absolutely not a freak! Your self-described “dilemma” is actually extremely common. Most women can achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation only or some combination of penetration and clit stimulation. And, from what I know, oral sex really does the trick for lots and lots of women. Yes, some women can come from penetration alone, however it’s a much lower percentage. My opinion is this: you are coming, and that’s a great thing. Remember, there are plenty of women who have never had an orgasm. Pat yourself and your partner on the back for a minute. If you’d like to experiment ways to come during intercourse, try touching yourself while your partner fucks you. Or, you can show him how to use his hand or a vibrator to stimulate your clit like he does with his mouth.

Sep 232011
 

I have had anal sex with many women. I always make sure my partner is relaxed, use my tongue and fingers, use lube, etc. I have turned many women who hated even the thought of anal sex into women who really enjoy it. If they don’t already know, I also make sure to educate them about how to clean the their asses. Here is the problem: it has been quite some time since I have had anal sex with a woman without it getting messy. It’s not that bad, and I always make sure the woman knows that it is okay — but I wouldn’t mind some cleaner encounters. I have an average size penis but above average stamina. I don’t know if either has anything to do with what has been going on, but I include it for completeness. Can you help me?

–Good Clean Fun

Well it sounds like you’ve been a model anal sex partner, and you deserve some good clean fun. Your cock size and stamina have nothing to do with your messy encounters. You did not specify what you tell your partners about cleaning their butts, and your advice in this area may be the problem. If someone buys a plastic bottle enema (like a Fleet brand enema), she should empty the contents of the bottle and rinse it thoroughly. Then she should fill it with plain warm water. A common mistake people make is to use this kind of enema right out of the box, but the bottle contains a laxative, and most people do not need a laxative. The bottle enema is like a douche and will clean the anal canal and lower rectum; for a deeper clean, she should opt for an enema bag, also with plain warm water only. Whichever she chooses, she should do her enema at least two hours before your anal sex date. This will give her body time to recover and to make sure that everything that was loosened up has flushed out of her butt.

Sep 222011
 


The Pin Up Bullet Vibe is a glittery, gorgeous bullet vibrator with three speeds that’s waterproof; it is 3.35” long and has a textured coating. The vibe comes in a sexy case adorned with authentic vintage pin-up art. Inside, you’ll also find Bombshell Orgasm Balm, a minty balm made of natural oils and ingredients. Dab a little on your clitoral hood, and the menthol in it creates a tingling sensation and increases circulation to the area to boost the arousal process. Two ‘N’ batteries are included (the vibrator takes one, so you have an extra). Carry it in your purse or luggage, leave it on the nightstand, and no one will know what’s inside! Choose from three different designs: Betty (a brunette in lingerie with an orange glitter vibe), Gigi (a redhead with a silver glitter vibe) or Ruby (a brunette with a red glitter vibe).

Sep 122011
 


I directed three new sex-ed shorts—on cunnilingus, fellatio, and the G-spot—for the fabulous feminist sex shop and site The Smitten Kitten. They star me, Dylan Ryan, and Danny Wylde and you can watch them for free here. I’m very proud of how they turned out, and can’t wait to hear what all of you think. In addition to some solid information, there is super hot sex—er, demonstrations—by Dylan and Danny. This was the first time these two had ever worked together, which is always a totally mystery going in. As it turns out, they have insane can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other chemistry. We shot so much good stuff that we had plenty left over. So, in addition to the sex ed shorts, you can purchase a full sex scene, “Dylan + Danny: Extra Credit,” on demand. Photos above are by Clare from The Smitten Kitten who was on set.

Sep 062011
 


I’m so excited that my new book, The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation will be out in October from Quiver Books. Yup, that means I have two books coming out in one month (the other one is Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica)! This is my third book for Quiver, which specializes in sex ed books with photos. I like to think of them as erotic educational coffee table books.

The publisher has original photography shot for each book it publishes, and I was especially excited to learn that famous second-generation pornographer (who I profiled in my Village Voice column years ago) Holly Randall was the photographer for this project! I even got to be on set one day, which was a ton of fun. Quiver’s books are marketed toward straight couples and do a brisk business at Barnes & Noble, so the photography reflects that: it’s softcore and pretty heteronormative.

When I wrote The Anal Sex Position Guide for them, I specifically told them that I would be discussing male anal pleasure and pegging (strap-on anal sex with female givers and male receivers), and I wanted there to be photos of both in the book. This was a departure from all past books, and seemed to be way out of their comfort zone, but they agreed to it. It made me so happy!

When we talked about the G-spot book, once again, I challenged them. If I am was going to write a book about the G-spot, I wanted to speak to lots of folks with G-spots, including women who have sex with women. So, I wanted my book to feature images of women having sex with men and with other women (they aren’t ready for people of other genders, trust me). While Quiver has published one book about lesbian sex, it has never done a book that depicts different sexual partnering side by side. Again, they agreed! I also got to pick the models for the woman/woman pairing, so I recommended Lexi Belle and India Summer, two women I have had the pleasure of directing who I know really enjoy having sex with women. I’m happy about how the book looks, and can’t wait to see it on the shelves.

You can pre-order it now from Amazon for 36% off the cover price.
I’m hitting the road on tour this fall, and you can see my schedule here.

Sep 012011
 

I was wondering as a graduating senior in American Studies, how I, a semi shy yet very assertive queer boy, could get involved in the gay male porn industry? I am really interested in the production aspect and also wondering what other sides there might be to this industry. I have no knowledge whatsoever but am very curious. I am thinking about moving to New York City next year so I was wondering if any of that happens in New York or is it all in California.

For the most part, people who devote themselves full time to the adult industry live and work in Southern (and less so, Northern) California. That’s where all the work seems to be. I am much more familiar with the straight and lesbian porn scenes, but I will give you a few tips: attend an industry event like a trade show or an awards show and introduce yourself around. Read up on directors, production companies, and their specialties. Get to know the players and the protocols. A good place to start is Gay Video News>

Aug 292011
 


I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude at the amazing people who’ve endorsed Take Me There. Wow, just wow.

Take Me There is a smokin’ hot sampling of sassy smart smut that took me where I’d never been before in print—this is the most gender-diverse erotica collection I’ve ever seen anywhere.”
—Susan Stryker, Ph.D. Director, Institute for LGBT Studies, University of Arizona

“Finally, a book that has something for everyone whose gender and sexual fantasies don’t fit into the usual boxes. I loved it. WOOF!!”
Buck Angel® Pioneering Filmmaker, Educator, and Advocate

“As someone who is androgynous-identified, it feels positively monumental to hold in my hands an erotica anthology where trans* desire is not the token, but the topic! In making our desires visible—within our own communities and beyond—our gender expressions, our fantasies, our very lives are made real. Take Me There brings us HERE.”
Jiz Lee, GenderQueer Porn Star

“There are multiple theories of desire out there; many histories of sexuality; lots of studies of sexual practices, but, until now, there were few accounts, fictional or otherwise of the multiple ways that queer people eroticize gender variant bodies. This collection is hot and steamy, boiling with new lust, bubbling with new languages of desire, new ways of naming the body, different modes of telling each other “I want you.” Ask what you need from this book, it will take you there. I promise.”
—Jack Halberstam, author of Female Masculinity

“Finally, a satisfying resource that more of us can offer, with a sly smile, when they ask us what exactly we *do* with one another.”
—Scott Turner Schofield, author of Two Truths and a Lie

Aug 242011
 

I was thrilled at the chance to be on The Deb Colitti Show, which airs on WOR NewsTalk Radio 710 in New York and on Hear Women Talk Radio Network. The experience exceeded my expectations. Deb and her producer are great examples of mainstream media folks who really listen. They are genuinely interested in the topic—in this case, feminist porn—and don’t let their own biases or pre-conceived ideas get in the way of a productive discussion. I had a wonderful time and I am so glad the show finally aired and is now available to listen to online. Her show regularly airs on WOR 710 on Saturdays at 6:00 pm EDT and on Here Women Talk Wednesdays at 1:00 pm EDT. You can listen to the show on Deb’s site, on WOR site, or download it from iTunes.

Aug 242011
 

When I first conceptualized The Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex, I wanted it to be truly advanced and reflect the content of the Advanced Anal Sex workshop that I teach. So I believed it should include two important components: anal pleasure with both men and women as receivers and anal fisting. I knew both could be controversial. Men receiving anal penetration usually shows up in pegging-specific porn, so it might surprise some viewers. And fisting…well, fisting opens up a pandora’s box when it comes to mainstream porn.

There is a lot of misinformation out there about fisting and porn, so I want to cover some basics before I delve into the specifics. Both vaginal fisting and anal fisting can be seen in GLBT, queer, kinky, and indie porn, which is mostly produced by independent directors and distributed by small companies. Mainstream porn companies rarely shoot vaginal or anal fisting. This censorship is self-imposed and comes straight from adult industry lawyers. Basically, fisting is on a list of consensual activities we (those of us who work for mainstream companies) can’t shoot along with piss play, enema play, and certain types of BDSM. Why don’t we shoot them?

The lawyers are trying to prevent companies from being indicted and successfully prosecuted for obscenity. Obscenity, as it is (nebulously) defined in the law is a huge topic, so let me point you to some readings on it. John Stagliano successfully fought his obscenity prosecution and won in 2010, but it cost him a ton of money and time and was dismissed based on a lot of legal technicalities rather than a ruling that the content was not obscene. Max Hardcore went to jail for obscenity in 2009 (his videos showed fisting, peeing, and vomiting). In 2002, Seymore Butts was successfully prosecuted for depictions of vaginal and anal fisting in a scene between Alisha Klass and Chloe in the movie Tampa Tushy Fest Part 1 (background here: (PBS/Frontline  and Violet Blue’s Tiny Nibbles). To be clear, fisting is not specified as obscene under the law. However, it did appear in a memo in the 80s from an LA D.A. as something that could trigger obscenity charges. While Seymore’s prosecution wasn’t entirely successful for the District Attorney (it ended with a plea bargain which favored Seymore), Max Harcore’s was, and both just reinforce the fears among the industry’s big companies that fisting is a potential danger zone.

So fisting is on a list of no-no’s. Ironically, some of the same companies that won’t shoot fisting do shoot things like: double vaginal penetration (two dicks in one vagina simultaneously), double anal penetration (two dicks in one ass simultaneously), and giant toys bigger than a person’s fist. But five fingers and the entire hand? Nope.

It’s arbitrary. It’s bizarre. It censors what I consider to be a radical, queer, and kinky activity. A sex act that doesn’t require a penis and is not intercourse-based (like the aforementioned double penetrations). One that can be done by folks of all genders and sexual orientations. One that has its roots in gay and lesbian sexuality. One that people practice and enjoy, and I happen to really love.

But I knew fisting was off the table because I work for Vivid Entertainment, a large mainstream company that is an easy target for the government.

When I shot the movie, I decided to shoot some additional footage. After we shot the “workshop” portion of the movie (where I give viewers a lesson on anatomy, hygiene, lube, toys, techniques, etc.), I shot a little bit of me talking about anal fisting. Then, when I shot the scene with Kylie Ireland and James Deen, I decided I would shoot a little extra. It seemed perfect. I mean, Kylie loves anal fisting. She does it in her personal life, she has orgasms from it, and she speaks articulately and enthusiastically about it on camera. During the scene, they got to five-fingers-but-not-quite-fisting. Black Dragon nitrile gloves and the Hitachi Magic Wand came along for the ride. A good time was had by all! I didn’t shoot the whole hand-chilada, because I, too, could be at risk of prosecution.

Here’s the deal: I’m burning 25 DVDs of my educational mini-feature on anal fisting. The first 25 people to order The Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex on my site will receive this Limited Edition DVD, hand signed and numbered by me. I know some folks might still be disappointed not to see anal fisting, but I hope my fans will appreciate that I’m still getting the information out there. So, order early, and it can be yours!

Part 2 of this blog, with more specifics about Kylie and James’ scene for the movie, coming later today.

Aug 242011
 

Aliza Shapiro—a wonderful activist, organizer, event producer, drag king, artist, and performer from Boston—recently suffered a stroke from a cerebral hemorrhage. If you’ve ever been to a Boston event about queers, drag, burlesque, gender, art, sex, or politics, chances are Aliza had a hand in it. I met her and her then-partner L.A. Teodosio what seems like a million years ago in Boston. I have participated in events with Aliza, seen her at countless others, and most recently loved re-connecting with her last fall at IDKE in Baltimore. In fact, I may have even written a story once about a character based on Aliza. As a self-employed queer, Aliza does not have the resources to support herself during what promises to be a long recovery. Her friends and loved ones have set up the Aliza’s Brain Trust to collect donations for her. So far the amount of love and support has been phenomenal, and I urge everyone to give what they can.

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